amyst
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Nov 29, 2009
Posts: 37
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 Posted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 9:41 pm Post subject: How do I not hate myself? |
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I hate myself because something I did years ago is dishonest to myself, not reflecting what my values are because of my fears.
I have been hating myself for years. I can't trust people who re different from me, or enjoy spending time with friends. I am also suspicious that other people hate me. I became incapable of developing ties with people.
I don't know how to not hate myself. |
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Tahitiii
Resident Whistle Blower
Joined: Jul 02, 2008
Age: 57
Posts: 2275
Location: USA
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| Posted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 9:55 pm Post subject: |
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| How old were you when you did the something? |
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Oregon
Deinonychus
Joined: Aug 30, 2009
Posts: 361
Location: Salem, OR
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| Posted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 10:38 pm Post subject: |
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Sometimes we do something stupid.. at times so stupid it changes our life. There is most likely no excuse for your actions, so don't make some up. But that is the past, you cannot change what happened.
But what you can control is who you are today. Put your old self behind you and start working to make a better future for yourself.. even if you have to fake it to start with. So start acting like someone who likes himself and is well liked. In time.. it just might come true.
_________________
The bigotry of the nonbeliever is for me nearly as funny as the bigotry of the believer.
~Albert Einstein |
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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 27, 2009
Age: 50
Posts: 5002
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 3:00 pm Post subject: |
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A person who you thought you could trust pressures or coerces you, and you're ambushed. Later on, you might think how you could have done something different. But at the time, you are caught off guard.
I read a part in Sarah Palin's book, and although I disagree with her on a number of policy issues, she does have excellent social skills. And even she was caught off guard! It was the night of the election or the day after, and she and Senator McCain must have known they were probably not going to win for the last week or so, and they were going to speak to their supporters for the last time. Basically, they were going to thank their supporters for all their hard work.
First off, the McCain people told Sarah she was not going to speak. That threw her off her rhythm. Then they told her she couldn't bring any of her family members up on stage even though Sen. McCain was. That was the far more serious issue, but she was kind of numb from the first issue (my read) that she didn't really see and feel this issue.
She should have said, 'No, I stand with my family. I go with my family, or I don't go up on stage at all.'
But she didn't. She was caught off guard. So, even someone with the excellent social skills of Sarah Palin went along when she should not have. |
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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 27, 2009
Age: 50
Posts: 5002
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 3:28 pm Post subject: |
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One skill to add to your repertoire are brief statements to take a pause.
'I'm going to need to think about that.'
[if necessary] 'Yeah, that's important enough, I'm going to need to think about that.'
[if necessary] 'This is too important to allow myself to be pressured or coerced. And as my friend, as someone who is my friend . . . '
And at that point someone who is a friend is going to back off and say 'no, no, no, you're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way.' And if they don't do that, they're either not a friend or they have major, major holes in their own social skills.
And what I mean by [if necessary] is that you may only need to say the first thing. Having the further repertoire is a way of continuing to take a pause, a way of reminding yourself that this is important, and like an experienced politician or business person, of feeling your way to what is important (right-brain primarily, assisted by the left-brain). And it is also communicating this with the other person.
And yes, you can walk away. You can physically put one foot in front of another and walk away. But that is surprisingly difficult when someone drags you into a messy argument. |
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