Auri
Hummingbird
Joined: Dec 29, 2009
Age: 18
Posts: 21
Location: Maryland
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 Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 3:14 pm Post subject: Is There Anyone Who DOESN'T Want To Have Kids? |
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I don't. I've grown up with the preconceived notion that I, as a woman, should want to have children and making do so my top priority in life. But lately I've realized that I don't want that at all. Don't get me wrong, I like kids--as long as I can hand them back to their parents when they get rowdy. Nothing irritates me more than a screaming child in a restaurant or such with parents who don't do anything to control their children. Yeah, I know; I was a young kid once too. However, you can't control what does and doesn't bother you, and screaming children with deadbeat parents definitely do bother me.
Aside from the obvious issues of dealing with temper tantrums, basically everything else about having and raising kids fails to appeal to me. First off, kids cost tons of money. Diapers, clothes, toys, medicine, food, school...I've come to understand that all of this and more can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. Another thing that I would much rather live without is being pregnant and giving birth. I'd rather not spend nine months throwing up, being kicked, and having to constantly monitor every seemingly inconsequential action. As for birth...gah. People have told me it's like pushing a bowling ball through a straw, which does NOT sounds fun. If I ever decide to have kids, I'm adopting.
The thing is, though, that I want to get married. But that's it. I want to be able to live a long, happy, relatively peaceful life with my husband without being responsible for several little lives. I feel that I can be happy and fulfilled without children--but people don't seem to understand. When I explain my feelings, they just smile benignly and say, "You're young, you'll change your mind!" It's beyond irritating. I know I'm young, but I can think for myself and form my own opinions. I hate it when people are so condescending just because I have an opinion that differs from theirs.
Now, don't get me wrong--I'm glad people have kids. I'm glad my MOM had them! I'd just like to see if there's any other girls or women out there like me who understand how I feel and the unfair pressure society puts on women to start families. (Sorry for the long post.) |
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Nan
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 02, 2006
Posts: 4357
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| Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 4:08 pm Post subject: |
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You sound like me.
I do have one child, who was unplanned. (I was using three kinds of birth control, all of which failed, so I chalk her up to fate.) There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids - I wish more people thought about it before they DID have kids. It's not like having a puppy. (Well, ok, in some respects it is, but in the bigger picture....) I'm glad she was here, it was worse than a bowling ball through a straw, and I wouldn't send her back for anything in the world.
The world has a serious overpopulation problem as it is. In "the old days" in some of the major religions one had to jump through numerous hoops just to get married. And the purpose at that time of being married was to have families. These days those religions are dieing, and the need for large families to help with the harvest (etc.) has gone the way of the dinosaurs.
Hoping you find someone with whom to share your life, regardless of the "status" you get to check off on any piece of paper, if that's what you truly want. Best wishes. |
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poopylungstuffing
Lolliwink Slayer
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 37
Posts: 7618
Location: Snapdragon Ridge
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Auri
Hummingbird
Joined: Dec 29, 2009
Age: 18
Posts: 21
Location: Maryland
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| Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 4:19 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the reply, it's awesome to hear from someone who understands my point of view. ^^
I agree wholeheartedly, the world is overpopulated. Instead of spending money on my own children, I could just not have them and instead spend the money donating to children who are already in the world and need help.
I see where you're coming from with the whole marriage thing. I was raised Catholic but I have recently begun doubting what my family and school taught me; as of now, I'm an agnostic theist. I've considered the possible redundancy of getting married if I myself have no faith in Catholicism or any other religion, but to me the idea of finding someone to spend the rest of my life with is not something I want to ruin by over-analyzing it. For me, marriage is one of the only social norms I'll follow. I know of a few married couples with no children by choice, so this is a valid option for me.
| Quote: | | I don't think i could handle having kids....luckily I can't anyway... |
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I don't think I could either. I just don't have the patience.
Last edited by Auri on Wed Dec 30, 2009 4:21 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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cyberscan
Naughty Autie
Joined: Apr 17, 2008
Posts: 1357
Location: Near Panama, City Florida
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| Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 6:05 pm Post subject: |
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I wouldn't want to bring a new life into this world in the condition that this world is currently in. However, I wouldn't mind adopting a child if I had the means to support him or her.
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Marsian
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 21, 2009
Age: 35
Posts: 300
Location: East Ldn, UK
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| Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 6:46 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm, yeah, I kinda understand! I'm asexual and find the concept of anything getting inside me disgusting. I'm also phobic of going to the doctors. On top of that I can't tolerate a hectic living environment so the chances of me having kids are pretty non-existent. Although it's weird because part of me almost feels that I want to but I just know that I couldn't handle it. It's one of those things. You have to do what you feel comfortable with and so long as you can find a partner who's happy not to have kids and you're both happy with the decision I don't see why it should be a problem  |
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Auri
Hummingbird
Joined: Dec 29, 2009
Age: 18
Posts: 21
Location: Maryland
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| Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 10:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I wouldn't want to bring a new life into this world in the condition that this world is currently in. However, I wouldn't mind adopting a child if I had the means to support him or her. |
Exactly. That's another reason I feel the way I do. The world is in no state to raise more children. Famine, war...
| Quote: | | Hmm, yeah, I kinda understand! I'm asexual and find the concept of anything getting inside me disgusting. I'm also phobic of going to the doctors. On top of that I can't tolerate a hectic living environment so the chances of me having kids are pretty non-existent. Although it's weird because part of me almost feels that I want to but I just know that I couldn't handle it. It's one of those things. You have to do what you feel comfortable with and so long as you can find a partner who's happy not to have kids and you're both happy with the decision I don't see why it should be a problem |
I have a similar distaste towards the idea of something inside me. I don't want to become a baby machine and have my body mutilated. I hate doctors, too. xD |
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Meadow
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 04, 2009
Posts: 2067
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| Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 11:46 pm Post subject: |
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| I wanted very much to be a mother and have children I could love and nurture but I couldn't handle the sort of intimacy it would take to have one. I grieved about it for a long time but am over all that now. My biological clock has since fizzled out. |
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Auri
Hummingbird
Joined: Dec 29, 2009
Age: 18
Posts: 21
Location: Maryland
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| Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 12:01 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Adoption costs money, have a high income if you do want kids or else you will be childless for life. |
Really? I didn't know it costs money to adopt a child. That seems wrong to me--kids shouldn't be a "product" for sale. :/
| Quote: | | I wanted very much to be a mother and have children I could love and nurture but I couldn't handle the sort of intimacy it would take to have one. I grieved about it for a long time but am over all that now. My biological clock has since fizzled out. |
I'm sorry about that. I can't understand how you must've felt, but my sister lost her husband a few years ago due to a car accident and she hasn't dated again since, so I think she's given up on having children of her own. I think that was something she always wanted. But even though she had that taken away from her, she teaches kindergarten and touches the life of a child everyday. I think that works for her. |
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Meadow
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 04, 2009
Posts: 2067
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| Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 12:13 am Post subject: |
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| Auri wrote: | | I'm sorry about that. I can't understand how you must've felt, but my sister lost her husband a few years ago due to a car accident and she hasn't dated again since, so I think she's given up on having children of her own. I think that was something she always wanted. But even though she had that taken away from her, she teaches kindergarten and touches the life of a child everyday. I think that works for her. |
I'm sure that helps your sister a lot. I worked with preschool children as a teacher's aid but it was short lived. I was only nineteen and too challenged by life at the time but I 'really' loved working with children and enjoy child portraiture as well. It's been a long time since I've even been around children and miss that. Now I love and nurture my kitties and have to be contented with that, and I am. Thank you Auri. |
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Meadow
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 04, 2009
Posts: 2067
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| Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 12:20 am Post subject: |
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| Sorry my post was sort of the opposite of what you were wanting to talk about. |
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Auri
Hummingbird
Joined: Dec 29, 2009
Age: 18
Posts: 21
Location: Maryland
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| Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 12:38 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I'm sure that helps your sister a lot. I worked with preschool children as a teacher's aid but it was short lived. I was only nineteen and too challenged by life at the time but I 'really' loved working with children and enjoy child portraiture as well. It's been a long time since I've even been around children and miss that. Now I love and nurture my kitties and have to be contented with that, and I am. Thank you Auri. |
It really does, though she's a bit too proud to admit it, ha. And a life with cats sounds good to me ^^ I can't wait to become an aunt (courtesy of my recently married brother). I love kids--when they're not my responsibility, heh.
| Quote: | | Sorry my post was sort of the opposite of what you were wanting to talk about. |
Don't worry about it ^^; It's always nice to see things from another person's point of view. |
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SamwiseGamgee
Miss Chanandler Bong
Joined: Jan 19, 2009
Age: 25
Posts: 1387
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 4:11 am Post subject: |
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Theoretically I've always wanted kids (hell, I've had names for my future girl and twin boys since I was like 10  ), but realistically I really don't. In my opinion, the state the world is in is only getting worse, there's no way we need more children to add to overpopulation, and all the responsibility attached to raising people is not something I'm keen on, nor the pain of childbirth. I'm well aware that I'm still young and might change my mind, but I feel strongly about adoption if I reach that point.
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tweety_fan
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 03, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 3571
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| Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 5:54 am Post subject: |
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As for me I don't want kids. If I change my mind in the future I will adopt.
But right now I don't want kids of my own for these reasons:
1. I haven't moved out of my parents house yet.
2. I don't have a well paying job
3. I don't have the patience to raise kids.
And it is annoying when you say u don't want kids and people say " you will change your mind"
Seriously do they think they have a crystal ball or something?
Or did someone die and appoint them Executor of the moral compass?
Nothing wrong with having kids and raising them (properly),
nothing wrong with being childless either.
I just wish people wouldn't get so condescending because others went down the opposite path. |
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