Did anyone actually enjoy school?

t55 · Tufted Titmouse Joined: May 26, 2009 Posts: 46

I'd like to explain this chronologically.

(starting times)
When I was young I thought of school as some kind of fun thing. I didn't know the purpose of walking around in circles or the whole seeming unimportant stuff. I was just playing and stuff, being relatively a recluse without much concern for the future.
I had no idea how to communicate with other people just too brag, this would become a massive flaw later, inexperienced with communication. Things went well and uneventfully, and I even recalled a time where I liked schooling and it's pointless homework.

Things were easy in these early,starting times. And I should have enjoyed it more when compared to the displeasure I was going to face.

(Pain times)
This is the part of my life where I experienced roughly 70-90% of the displeasure in my life (I'm 19) and It all started in 2nd grade perhaps 50% into it when my Mom deeming me a disabled child gave me some Ritalin. Now normally I would have just shrugged this small thing off. But there was a sense of control that was being taken away from me maybe a precieved mind control. And from this sense I managed to escalate the rebellion into something destructive. And with my limited experience with communication resulted in signifigant displeasure. I just remember rebelling to the point that I would refuse to do my homework, how I would refuse to do anything over these grudges, Maybe It's a tendancy for autistic people to be convinced of what they believe. If that was the case I was certainly an average.

Around this time I got my first video game console, (A 3DO) And I used that to compensate somewhat for the intense displeasure I was going to face soon.

From the bad grades came a low self-esteem, and somehow young kids can pick up on that, and they bullied me, I hated it. But thankfully I don't remember getting physically assaulted, so It never got that bad. however I never really felt secure. I always had a nagging feeling of "I'm not good enough for this family" and such. My rebellion made my academic accomplishments go to 0. And from that came hostility from my parents. Slowly I developed a deep displeasure for schooling. Partially from the precieved double standard in school which is described in this phrase "If they wanted to teach us, why do they manage to make the whole experience so shitty? Why do they insist they do things their way when it ruins us in the long run? To make education seem as something that must be boring?"

It wasn't totally unpleasant, I had a few friends. And they never gave me hardship. But I never could get past those feeling of insecurity that pervaded both the school world and the home world.

(disappointment times)
From my broken ambition in school, lack of friends, and increased redundancy on video games came something that made me feel bad. I was put into A special ed school system. And not one that is somehow "special" It could be described ad simply "easier" too easy in fact, I wasn't being challenged, But I had too many negative experiences with school to really complain "I liked it, why would I change it?"

I will admit, things did get easier for me during this time, and I legitimately liked it over the "pain times" and prehaps it was better for me. But the lack of academic achievement and internalized values of the schooling system caused me disappointment.
Disappointment that I have failed my mom's expectations. And disappointment that I was so far behind compared to other people.
Specifically my dad, Whom was so successful in his early days. When I was seeing some early photos of his youth, I could sense repressed negativity. Things went like this relatively uneventfully since I started, I went to high school on a curriculum equivalent of a 3-5th grader. And that was shameful. Yet I endured.

It was just 2-3 years of the same thing easy classes, that didn't take advantage of my talents. A lazy jaded person, whom didn't want to change it, and fear of the future. I didn't learn that much. But I should take note that anything was better than the pain times.
By this time I was so dependent on computer-video games that I didn't really do anything else besides. Whenever I would do homework it took my around 2-3 hours to get through minimal work due to repressed feeling about school.
I remember being told a omen from my mom that I wouldn't pass school on my senior year. And in a way, I wanted to stay because I wasn't learning that much. But I passed, and after school came another phase in my life.

(isolation times)
After graduation I fell into a trap where I would be playing video games day after day. At first I thought I wouldn't fall into it but I did.
Do you know the Japanese phenomena in japan called Hikikomori? That could describe me perfectly. I had few friends. And the friends I did spend time with didn't feel all that beneficial to me. Every day I would die a little bit inside, and I didn't do anything to fix it.
I was absolutely terrified of going to college because it would cost me money. And I was just well. scared. I could go out, but I didn't really have a purpose to do it. Other than to get food.
I lost a year of my life to this inactivity, I thought it wouldn't happen. But it did.

Hey, at least I got around 9000 Gamerscore for my Xbox360 account!

(fixing times)
I went to Oregon from nevada to my asian family members, and thing seem to be improving, at first there was fear, and depression from the disappointment and shame from earlier. I felt like damaged goods, like a person who has missed out on an important part of my development. I hanged out with some of my brother's friends, and this one event at a public swimming pool changed me.
He talked about ineffective use of time (remember hikikomori phase?) and a stressing of fundamentals. I listened, and I answered some shameful questions about my past academic failures. But it was for the better. Before I went to college, I was scared. (again the shame) And I couldn't do anything, if it wasn't for my family members to push me into a decision to do something I could have spent some more time in the hikikomori phase.

Then I went to college (without much of a plan) and I can say it was far different from what I expected (perhaps from relationship with instructor?)
While in a way I'm not learning as much as I would like to. At least it is void of the shame and negativity of the past.
And from my subtle ingrained optimism. I started to identify my physiology and problems, and making solutions.
I especially like my uncle, he is one of the few people I enjoy a lot talking to. He introduced me to some audiotapes on accelerated learning, and time manadgement. And all that other stuff. I listened internalized. (but really didn't act that much) on the information.
And I have a real sense of progress in my life.

I still have some repressed negativity toward schooling. But I'm much better here than if I was to stay in nevada.

*And please excuse the sloppy grammar I'm too lazy to fix all of that, just try and make sense of it the best you can.
*Alot of what you guys have said about schooling seems strangely like what I wanted, knowledge. Not some stupid grade.