MelissaEM
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 01, 2005
Posts: 29
Location: Queens, New York
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 Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 4:42 pm Post subject: Hi... I'm new... |
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I'm in college, and it was during winter break that my mother and I discovered that I have AS. I am to be tested for an official diagnosis at the end of this month.
I found out what was up with me when I was looking at a webpage discussing the symptoms of autism and Asperger's. My younger half-sister (same dad, different mom) has a severe case of autism, and I noticed she and I had similar habits. So I casually suggested to Mom that maybe I had autism or AS. After she did some intense research, she told me that the profile for an Aspie reflected me to a near T. She even read the symptoms off to me, asking me whether I agreed or not. Pretty much everything sounded like me.
I was initially upset because I'm 19 years old, and I sincerely wish I could have found out sooner. My childhood was a waste because I couldn't make friends my own age, and people were always picking on me for being a "crybaby," being unusually smart, and just plain being different. I always wish I could go back and reclaim what should have been the best part of my life, but I know I can't.
Now... I'm more upset that I find more people who don't understand me than people who do. Not many people know about AS where I live, not even doctors. I can't make friends, I can't make conversation... I can't even talk in chat rooms online. I talk to my family members, but I long to have friends and make plans with them and talk with them like a "normal" person. I often feel very alone... and I cry a lot. I have a nasty temper, too, so I yell and scream without meaning to. This gets people mad at me, or scared of me, and this gets me more upset. I'm on meds for anxiety and depression, but they obviously don't help.
My mom kept pushing me to talk to other people with AS... so, being at a complete dead end, I've come here. No offense to anyone here-- I'm not trying to make this sound like my last resort. I'm just tired of dealing with people who can't deal with me, so I'm switching crowds, so to speak. I really hope being here can help me achieve things I wouldn't be able to by interacting with NT's. So... hi. |
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duncvis
Beer Bore
Joined: Sep 11, 2004
Age: 37
Posts: 2566
Location: The valleys of green and grey
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| Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 4:45 pm Post subject: |
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Hi Melissa, welcome to WrongPlanet! We're a pretty friendly bunch here, I hope you'll soon feel at home. 
Dunc
_________________
I'm usually smarter than this.
www.last.fm/user/nursethescreams <<my last.fm thingy
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ghotistix
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 03, 2005
Posts: 1186
Location: Massachusetts
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| Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 5:02 pm Post subject: |
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| Welcome to WrongPlanet Melissa! I'm in college too, so I know what you mean about getting along and relating with others. It can be a real pain. |
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Ghosthunter
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 20, 2005
Posts: 2473
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
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| Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 6:19 pm Post subject: AS/HFA and Genetics |
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[AS/HFA Genetically transferred?
MelissaEM
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 01, 2005
Posts: 5
Location: Queens, New York
Dad's side?
•My younger half-sister (same dad, different mom) has a severe case of autism, and I noticed she and I had similar habits.
Considerate Parents!
•After she did some intense research, she told me that the profile for an Aspie reflected me to a near T. She even read the symptoms off to me, asking me whether I agreed or not. Pretty much everything sounded like me.
•My childhood was a waste because I couldn't make friends my own age
•people were always picking on me for being a "crybaby"
•being unusually smart
•and just plain being different
•My mom kept pushing me to talk to other people with AS... so, being at a complete dead end, I've come here. No offense to anyone here-- I'm not trying to make this sound like my last resort. I'm just tired of dealing with people who can't deal with me, so I'm switching crowds, so to speak. I really hope being here can help me achieve things I wouldn't be able to by interacting with NT's. So... hi.
Results:
"I always wish I could go back and reclaim what should have been the best part of my life, but I know I can't. "
Awareness:
• I'm more upset that I find more people who don't understand me than people who do.
•Not many people know about AS where I live, not even doctors. I can't make friends, I can't make conversation
If so you did now!:
•... I can't even talk in chat rooms online.
Reality and Awareness:
•I long to have friends and make plans with them and talk with them like a "normal" person.
Societies Disfuntionalness:
• I'm on meds for anxiety and depression(....as Societies solution to everything, Hmmm?)]
Welcome to WrongPlanet.Net. I hope you fare well since YOU ARE
CHATTING ONLINE(and that is one of the points you made earlier).
There is no cure for Autistic Spectrum Disorders but you found the
right place to communicate, grow and understand. Your mom
is very courages and supportive, and I hope your sister is doing well.
•what form of autisim does she have? LFA? HFA? AS?
Autism is life long, see the "AS/HFA the difference" forum below
you while it is still there. Meds is all doctors think of, who supports
them? The Corporations or Patients. I hope not too much of your
childhood wasn't as bad. What were some of it's good points? |
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JayShaw
Hawk (Site Admin)
Joined: Oct 08, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 229
Location: Alexandria, Virginia (United States)
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| Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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Hi, Melissa. I share many of the feelings you have expressed about being alone and misunderstood by others. I didn't find out about Asperger's Syndrome until a few months ago, myself, and I wish I had known about it earlier, as well. The condition tied together so many seemingly unrelated aspects of my personality and behavior that it really surprised me when I was first told about it.
I know you said that you have difficulty talking in chat rooms, but give ours a try sometime this weekend. I'll be around most of the time, and if I'm there, I'll do my best to make sure you become engaged with the rest of the group. Welcome to WrongPlanet.net. |
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Postperson
The Daughter of Indifference
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Age: 56
Posts: 4314
Location: Uz
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| Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 6:39 pm Post subject: |
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If it makes you feel any better, I didn't get dx'ed until I was 42.
Welcome to the site. |
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MelissaEM
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 01, 2005
Posts: 29
Location: Queens, New York
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| Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 6:58 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you, all of you. 
To answer your questions, Ghosthunter: I am unsure of the nature of my sister's autism (it's not AS, though). My dad never really told me anything in-depth (we're not on speaking terms at this time).
As to the genetics thing: I'm pretty sure Dad has some level of autism himself, though he's too stubborn to admit he has problems to begin with. He told me that when he was a kid he was "like me"-- he was picked on, he kept to himself a lot, he didn't have many friends, and he says his mother was the same way. These days he has almost no friends. He has a problem with empathizing with people; if he yells or screams he claims he doesn't care how people at the receiving end feel... I think that's his way of saying he doesn't understand how they feel, and he won't admit it. He also has major attachments to objects; he's really into collectibles and stuff-- comics, action figures, dolls... it changes over the years, but God forbid if anyone loses something of his or breaks it. All hell breaks loose!
My mother's family, since hearing about my AS, have been checking themselves for signs of the syndrome, and some of them seem to match up (no diagnoses, official or otherwise, however). The theory is that I've been hit with a double whammy from both my parents. (Not sure if Mom has anything; as far as I know she's an NT.)
The good points of my childhood? Hmm... well, I guess I was sort of proud of being smarter than most of my classmates (even though I realized being smart meant paying dearly as far as my social life. It was a blessing and a curse). I was an independent thinker, and a deep one at that. I've done so much thinking in my life that I've already achieved spiritual peace; I know what's going to happen when I die (for the most part), and I know what my purpose is as a human being (though I have no clue what my purpose is as an individual... yet). Learning and discovering things, including things that would take others years to figure out, was the best part of my childhood. Knowing that I knew things lightyears ahead of others made me happy. ... Okay, I realize that sounds terribly conceited. But it's true! Still... I wish I could have had more friends, as well as the ability to keep them.
Another good thing about my childhood was uncovering my obsession with cartoons. I've grown up with cartoons; they have been, are, and always will be, a major part of life. My first full sentence was a quote from Don Bluth's "An American Tail": "Release the secret weapon!" Now I draw cartoons and watch cartoons obsessively, critiquing the drawing style, artwork, voice acting, writing... especially the writing. That's another thing, I've always had a knack for writing. I'm thinking of getting into animation with my artistic skills and writing skills, but with all the CGI cartoons and anime these days, I may not do so. Ever since the "death" of hand-drawn animation, my true love, I feel that the only thing animation executives care about these days is eye candy-- nevermind if it's crap, what matters is that it looks good! That attitude sickens me... so, sadly, it seems I may have no future in animation. I've always wanted to be a children's author since kindergarten, so I might take that up instead.
Gosh, you see me rambling?   |
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Paula
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 16, 2005
Age: 52
Posts: 762
Location: San Diego Calif
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| Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 6:59 pm Post subject: |
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| Please go to the chat room Melissa. You won't regret it. It's a good place to be. |
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Ghosthunter
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 20, 2005
Posts: 2473
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
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| Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 8:22 pm Post subject: Melissa and her gifts and dreams, |
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MelissaEM
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 01, 2005
Posts: 6
Location: Queens, New York
•I was an independent thinker, and a deep one at that. I've done so much thinking in my life that I've already achieved spiritual peace
•I am unsure of the nature of my sister's autism (it's not AS, though)
......>There are key diffences in AS and HFA. AS people share similar
traits of obsessions, talking but not being able to be grapsped by
normal people, lack of eye contact issues an isolative and
social problems, But....the key diffences between Asperger's and
the Autism Spectrum Disorder is the fact that most HFA people
had early delays in Language (and other non-specified disorders)
related to learning by the age of 3-6(Sp:Ed). The topic is NVLD.
"Neurological Vactive Learning Disabilities" and a with most Asperger's
disgnosises have a terrifiic intellect but lack social skills mainly.
KEY WORD SEARCHES :
NLVD
ASPERGER'S
AUTISM
*Lars Perner also offers good insight in the diffences.
1)...Delayed Learning - LFA to HFA(Lower Form Autism, Higher Form A..)
2)...4-6 year old geniouses (Asperger's Syndrome)
©1944-2005 studiesBack to top
•What do you do for a job?
•Which of the categories applies to you?
Additional Data from: danlo
Butterfly
Joined: Mar 12, 2005
Posts: 9
Many times I've tried to explain on the chatrooms the difference between HFA and Aspergers, so I'm going to add on to Ghostman's post.
- Intellect is not a discerning factor.
- Delayed language learning is an indication of a deeper underlying difference in the language centers of the brain. This is the reason why 50% of HFA's are nonverbal. It is easier to type than speak verbally, but for different reasons.
- Self-help skills are also considered a factor, but mostly for LFA rather than HFA. I have self-help problems, but they're relatively light. Low intellect is commonly associated with delayed self-help skills.
In the chatroom, I heard a conversation between people who believe AS and HFA are the same thing, and a HFA becomes AS when they are older, as if a person just grows out of their HFA. Its like saying an AS will grow out of their autism and become neurotypical. Does your thinking change as you grow older, or do you simply develop ever more advanced routines? The term "delayed" is misleading, because its only an indicator rather than the cause.
Our needs are just different, and so are the ways we satisfy them. I enjoy socializing, but my socializing needs are quite different. Just being in the same room as someone satisfies this social need. While I have many conversations routines and abilities which may be employed, there is no drive to employ these to satisfy my needs. They are only employed when required by others to satisfy their needs.
The "autistic pole" as you put it, is not based on social ability. AS people might be just as bad at socializing as an HFA, but this brain difference which is indicated by delayed language skills is not shared by AS, hence the difference in the DSM-IV criteria.
Agreed, though this is another difference between AS and HFA, it is not the key difference as described by the DSM-IV. The DSM-IV ascribes the key difference as been "delayed" language skills, which is indicative of the underlying difference.
A good quote:
[ Does your thinking change as you grow older, or do you simply develop ever more advanced routines? ]-Danlo on as/hfa and adults
•I wish I could have had more friends, as well as the ability to keep them.
......>
This I feel is lifelong unless they understand your strengths and
weakness. That is not as common as it should be. I share that
similar trait and I am a "High Function Autistic Person" and a
adult.
• Learning and discovering things, including things that would take others years to figure out, was the best part of my childhood
......>
This is a terrific gift, don't waste it. The gift of perception is very good
in artistic, and creative tasks.
•I draw cartoons and watch cartoons obsessively
......>
This would be inevitable. Go with it regardless or what others think
of your style. It is a reflection of your inner-self and no one can
be there but you.
•critiquing the drawing style, artwork, voice acting, writing
.......>
This is how it I-Physically will sometimes manifest.
•writing. That's another thing, I've always had a knack for writing
.......>
This is how it I-Physically will sometimes manifest.
•I'm thinking of getting into animation with my artistic skills and writing skills
"but with all the CGI cartoons and anime these days, I may not do so"....>
=nevermind if it's crap, what matters is that it looks good!
That attitude sickens me... so, sadly, it seems I may have
no future in animation.
......>
That is not always the case. You have to plan it, sketch it, draw it,
script it, then comes the computer. Go with your heart on this skill.]
Dear Melissa,
The situation with autism is something you will have to learn to live
with. Let it bring out your best gifts.
Sincerely,
Ghost Hunter |
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ElfMan
Forum Moderator
Joined: Dec 17, 2004
Posts: 557
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 8:52 pm Post subject: |
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WELCOME Mellisa M
I am not offended about WrongPlanet being a last resort for you. I feel the same way! I can communicate here in ways I don't get to out there so it helps with confidence too.
I am so glad that your mum is behind you with this. That is great! And your dad sounds just like mine. We do not talk either, and I don't mind if we never do. He is a classic HFA although not diagnosed.
Ghost Hunter. I just wanted to comment on your way you bullet the posts. It really helps me get to the depth of things. And I think it also helps people feel heared in a way that is meaningful for them. Well done mate. I really like your post although I do not respond to all of them. That goes for alot of peoples posts actually.
I understand most of what you say, but I've got to let you know that the only time what you write confuses me is when you split a sentence in half with a return part way through.
For example when you are writing
something and one sentence
is split
like this.
This tends you make what I have read in the previous line disapear from my head and I need to re-read and re-read to get it to stay.
I hope I have made sence without being offencive GhostHunter
ElfMan |
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Ghosthunter
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 20, 2005
Posts: 2473
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
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| Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 10:45 pm Post subject: Thank You, Elfman! |
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I have taken my transcription critism's to
my creative heart and this is why I am working
on a different tactic in posting. The bullets was
one of them. |
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magic
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 02, 2004
Posts: 1144
Location: US; male, 34
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| Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 12:26 am Post subject: Re: Hi... I'm new... |
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| MelissaEM wrote: | | [S]o, being at a complete dead end, I've come here. No offense to anyone here-- I'm not trying to make this sound like my last resort. I'm just tired of dealing with people who can't deal with me, so I'm switching crowds, so to speak. I really hope being here can help me achieve things I wouldn't be able to by interacting with NT's. So... hi. |
Hi, Melissa, I hope that you find friends here. For me Wrong Planet was also the "last resort", which I tried without much hope. It turned out to be one of the best moves in my life. |
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Scoots5012
Senior Member
Joined: Jul 02, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 2353
Location: Cedar Falls/Waterloo Iowa
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| Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 2:48 am Post subject: Re: Hi... I'm new... |
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| MelissaEM wrote: | | I was initially upset because I'm 19 years old, and I sincerely wish I could have found out sooner. My childhood was a waste because I couldn't make friends my own age, and people were always picking on me for being a "crybaby," being unusually smart, and just plain being different. I always wish I could go back and reclaim what should have been the best part of my life, but I know I can't. |
Welcome to the boards! I can read this and smile when I do because I could have wrote it myself. But for me I didn't find out I had AS until last summer when I was 24 1/2.
Reading what you wrote about you your dad it seems very likely he was/is an aspie, in fact some of it seems like it was pulled off the ASPAR website.
_________________
I live my life to prove wrong those who said I couldn't make it in life... |
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RadioHead
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Oct 05, 2004
Posts: 69
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| Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 5:49 am Post subject: |
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Hi, welcome to wrongplanet. Nice to see we have got another member!
| Quote: | | nevermind if it's crap, what matters is that it looks good! That attitude sickens me |
I am also very tired of this sort of shallowness. It seems like its everywhere nowadays. Even I have discovered certain close friends of mine to have such an attitude. But I need to comment on one thing. First off, while hand drawn animation might no longer be "marketable", that does not mean that, as a medium for artistic expression, it is no longer valid. Hand drawn animation has not 'died'. To hell with what animation executives think. The businessmen has always oppressed the artists.
Second, you seem to be saying that anime and computer animation is responsible for the "death" of classic animation, and that they are 'inferor' forms of expression compared to classic animation(as in anime and CGI are just eye candy). I assure you that looks are not all there is to anime.
To me, there is no such thing as an 'inferior' form of media. Again, money is the cause of the problem. All the businessmen are scrambling to make a quick buck. You will be absolutely right to say that mainstream anime and CGI animation is generally vapid. This is because what is popular usually gets dumbed down so as not to strain the feeble intelliect of consumerist sheep (ie. catering to the lowest common denominator). However, the medium, the style, is not at fault. Anime and CGI are both styles of artistic expression that are just as valid classic animation; what matters is the meaning, the content and substance behind the medium. In short, don't blame the medium, blame the idiots who do not put it to good use, which I feel is the problem with such forms of new media. As a moderate fan of anime, I scincerely hope that you can give anime a chance, and I will reconmmend several "progressive anime" titles such as Akira and Grave of the Fireflies.
I feel that you and I have got a lot in common. At the end of the day, both of us can agree that the important thing is what is being said, not how it is said. I am also quite good at writing (don't worry, I am probably rambling as well ). Also, I have a passion for art, although lately I have been questioning the extent of my visual and artistic abilities. Since you are an artist, I hope that I will be able to learn from your expertise!
I will fully support you in your endeavors to make good quality animation with depth and sophistry. I also hope to do this, but with anime and CG animation. Good luck! |
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MelissaEM
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 01, 2005
Posts: 29
Location: Queens, New York
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| Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2005 10:55 am Post subject: |
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| Ghosthunter wrote: | nevermind if it's crap, what matters is that it looks good!
That attitude sickens me... so, sadly, it seems I may have
no future in animation.
......>
That is not always the case. You have to plan it, sketch it, draw it,
script it, then comes the computer. |
That is very true... but computer animation itself is so cheap to make that even the most pitiful artists and writers can make a cartoon with it.
RadioHead: Your comments are also true-- it's not the medium, it's the people who use it. I don't necessarily see CGI and anime as inferior, but I can often mistake the animation itself to be at fault because it's so cheap to make CGI; and even cheaper to import anime, dub it, and censor it; therefore, the quality of work put into those things can vary greatly, and compared to, for example, a Warner Brothers short, CGI and anime can seem inferior. (I hope you understood what I meant by that.) I actually do like a few anime titles, though I do not keep up with them: DragonballZ, Sailor Moon, Revolutionary Girl Utena... and Pokemon. (I like Team Rocket, what can I say?) Not exactly a unique list, I know... truth is, I'm clueless about other good shows in the anime genre. I will have a look at your reccomendations, though, as I have heard of both and heard nothing but good things about them (didn't look at them before because no one actually said to me "check these out!", y'know?).
Thanks for making me feel welcome, everyone! |
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