b9
whatever..
Joined: Aug 15, 2008
Posts: 8514
Location: australia
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 Posted: Thu May 13, 2010 11:03 am Post subject: |
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| Yasmine wrote: | | b9 you don't sound stupid... you shouldn't call yourself that. |
i do not care if i am stupid. it is other people who have labeled me as stupid. it is a concept that exists in their minds, and it means to them that i am disinclined to bother thinking philosophically or in any way that i am not interested in no matter how much social pressure is placed upon me to do so.
i am quite happy in my own little simple garden of experience and trivial contemplation.
i am happier to think about the lives of butterflies than to think about the state of global political affairs. that makes me simplistic and stupid in the minds of people who agonize over things that will also be dust in a million years.
| Quote: | | I agree. You sound wise and compassionate! |
i am not wise or compassionate. i dislike that my friend feels so bad about not being liked for his appearance because it seems to matter to him. i do not "feel his pain", but i merely see it, and i do not like the sight of it.
| bluerose wrote: | | b9 wrote: | | i have a friend ..... |
Well, you and your friend are both male. It's so much different when you're female, it's not even comparable. Women are capable of loving on personality alone, men aren't.
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are you a cupboard lesbian?
it seems you have dismissed me merely based on the fact that i am a male.
| bluerose wrote: | But that wouldn't even be an issue except I can't even get along with men on a casual basis because of my looks.
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ok you have pigeon holed me. i do not even wish to tell you that i do not care about looks because you will not believe me.
i can not see what is attractive or not, and i like someone for how they make my mind feel, and i would not really like you because you are prejudiced and you would never know you are wrong about me because you would never give a male a chance due to your preconceived notions about them (and i am not a typical person anyway, which makes it even more blind of you to dismiss me).
| bluerose wrote: | | They always treat me worse. So I can pretty much just assume that 50% of the population will DISLIKE me on sight, not just be neutral. |
so all males dislike you because you are ugly and all females may like you because they do not care?
it is not an assumption that you have. it is a presumption.
do not tar me with your brush of molten pitch simply because i am a male.
you do not know me and you can not tell how i am, given the scant fact that i am male.
bye to you and i hope you can forget your woes.
all beauty is temporary and every gorgeous girl will not be so in 60 years time.
60 years is less than a wink in evolutionary time.
you should not live your whole life and fit your entire expectations into a wink of time.
love is endless and beauty is fleeting and i can not think of anything more to say because i am wrong i guess. |
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Mudboy
Protector of the Mud
Joined: May 20, 2007
Posts: 1104
Location: Hiding in Plain Sight
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| Posted: Thu May 13, 2010 11:47 am Post subject: |
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| bluerose wrote: | | Women are capable of loving on personality alone, men aren't. |
That is not fair. Looks are not everything. I got harassed a lot by my friends and got confused looks from strangers because my last wife "was not pretty enough to match me". Good looks fade over time, then all that is left is personality. (I am now looking for wife #4, and looks are not a priority in when it comes to meeting her.)
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When I lose an obsession, I feel lost until I find another. |
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MissConstrue
~Meow Clawdius~
Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 19686
Location: Missouri
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| Posted: Thu May 13, 2010 3:23 pm Post subject: |
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| Mudboy wrote: | | bluerose wrote: | | Women are capable of loving on personality alone, men aren't. |
That is not fair. Looks are not everything. I got harassed a lot by my friends and got confused looks from strangers because my last wife "was not pretty enough to match me". |
Wow how sad...
I guess looks do matter... 
_________________
Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man.
-Thomas Paine
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Mudboy
Protector of the Mud
Joined: May 20, 2007
Posts: 1104
Location: Hiding in Plain Sight
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| Posted: Thu May 13, 2010 5:26 pm Post subject: |
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Not to everyone.
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When I lose an obsession, I feel lost until I find another. |
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Kenjuudo
fountainhead of inscrutable imbecilities
Joined: Mar 08, 2009
Age: 34
Posts: 2492
Location: Berlin, Germany
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| Posted: Thu May 13, 2010 8:15 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with Mudboy on this. Looks are not everything to every man. In general, generalizations suck.
A woman is beautiful to me if she has a beautiful personality as I define it, and I always spend time to find that out, no matter my initial visual impression.
But I guess I'm not completely non-shallow (Should I use deep in this context?). Because if the woman I'm dating is sufficient "ugly" (even if she's beautiful to me, I still know the average male's expectations from this term), I tend to get second thoughts about bringing her to see my friends because I'm worried about their opinion. I'm of course ashamed of this duplex philosophy and eventually bring her regardless of what they might say. I suspect I've been conditioned into thinking like this by society and my environments over the years.
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When superficiality reigns your reality, you are already lost in the sea of normality. |
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randomgirl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 10, 2010
Posts: 58
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| Posted: Thu May 13, 2010 10:13 pm Post subject: |
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Every. Single. Person. On this planet is beautiful.
And anyone who believes differently needs to get an attitude adjustment.
I don't have any guy friends. I am married, but my husband was not attracted to my looks. He liked me for ME, the independent, compassionate, passionate, intense person that I am. With you (any of you), you do not need men to tell you that you are beautiful. You may think you do, but you do not. You desire it, which is a natural desire. But you do not need it. There are some real men in this world, indeed, who will see beauty in anything, but they are rare. I am not going to generalize about men either, since the majority of men who act so piggishly are doing so out of their own personal hurts, insecurities, and a general lack of knowing how to love, or knowing how to get their needs filled. That does not excuse men from abusing, hurting, or judging women. But don't live your life as though you are ugly just because of a lack of male attention. Male attention means nothing.
I am content with my small ring of girlfriends. I was before I met my hubby. I had never been even looked at, told I was beautiful or attractive, or any such thing by any men before him. He told me I was beautiful but it was not based on my outward appearance. It was based on me as a person. And that's how it should be. You can be, to the outside world, the ugliest most scary looking creature in the world, but be more beautiful than the most outwardly beautiful person. What is beauty anyway...really? Who ever said "oh a nose too big, buck teeth, eyes too far apart or together, a big forehead" are ugly? People are treated as though it is their fault they don't have perfectly proportioned faces and bodies. There is discrimination, and it is a shameful thing.
I no longer desire male friends. I only wanted their approval and to hear what I wanted to hear. I have since then learned that I can be confident in myself, and secure enough in myself, to know that I am beautiful no matter what. I do not need men to tell me, or to make me feel, that I am beautiful. I know that I am beautiful. That's it, end of story.
If you base your opinion of someone on their outward appearance, that means you are insecure and probably quite selfish.
Some of my best friends are not oil painting picture perfect people but they are the most beautiful people in the world to me. And I will defend them, and defend that point of view, until the day I die. |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 7610
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
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| Posted: Fri May 14, 2010 12:50 am Post subject: |
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I am reasonably attractive, but this has in fact been one of the most isolating features in my life. I have lost count of the times that I have been approached by others, because they were responding to the person that I appeared to be, based on my personal appearance. When I displayed humor, intelligence, or sensitivity, these same people lost interest. They wanted me to be an empty headed, attractive bimbo, without an original thought in my head. To hell with them! My SO loves me for who I am, not my looks. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
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Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner |
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 14841
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Fri May 14, 2010 1:27 am Post subject: |
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| randomgirl wrote: | Every. Single. Person. On this planet is beautiful.
And anyone who believes differently needs to get an attitude adjustment. |
I don't believe that. I believe some people are truly evil.
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www.aspergersgirl.com |
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randomgirl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 10, 2010
Posts: 58
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| Posted: Fri May 14, 2010 1:51 am Post subject: |
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They are only evil because they have turned on themselves, and are angry with the world.
Somewhere, inside of them, is some beauty. It is hidden, or has been extinguished. But it is there. And with the right treatment, it could be brought out again. But no one even wants to bother. |
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LKL
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 22, 2007
Age: 37
Posts: 5741
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| Posted: Fri May 14, 2010 2:47 am Post subject: |
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| I disagree - from what I've heard wrt. psychology, sociopaths are neurologically different than NTs as much as aspies are (though in a different way, of course). Some people just genuinely don't care about other human beings, and you can't fix that. |
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Postures
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 11, 2010
Age: 23
Posts: 852
Location: Polska Rzeczpospolita Ludowa
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| Posted: Fri May 14, 2010 11:30 am Post subject: |
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To OP: I think you aren't very approachable, at least to men, based on your posts. You seem to have a lot of hate and anger towards men. Maybe they can sense it and that's why they treat you badly. Also, I wouldn't be so quick to assume that just because a woman is nice to you to your face, she'll still continue being nice behind your back.
The problem isn't your outside, it's your inside.
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...at play amidst the Strangeness and Charm. |
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tomboy4good
An Equal Opportunity Annoyer
Joined: Apr 15, 2008
Posts: 1608
Location: Irritating people everywhere
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| Posted: Fri May 14, 2010 9:05 pm Post subject: |
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Ya know? I have heard for a lifetime how "ugly" I am. I am not attractive to the majority of people (male or female). It's not so much physical, as it is my horrible personality. Those who think I'm attractive only have to interact with me for a short time, & then they're turned off/turn their anger on full tilt towards me because I am not what they expect me to be. This has happened to me more times than I can count, since I was old enough to have memories.
Some people go through life having tons of loving friends & family members. I am the complete opposite end of the scale where I have very few friends (of those, I would say most are little more than acquaintances) & my family despises me. I'm not sure if it's because under my female exterior is a logical male brain? I think that has something to do with it. I am always frustrated because I want to fix things/problems people have, not just listen to someone blather on & on about their problems & just be a supportive listener.
Not only have I heard I was ugly from my peers, but from my parents, & other people who knew me, & others who only observed my behavior. I conclude that I am indeed ugly as sin, as at the age of 48, I have relatively few friends. Of those, not one chooses to spend any time with me, not even a phone call unless they need something. The only one who chooses to spend time with me is my dog! He's the only one who doesn't judge me.
At work, I have been bullied by both male & female co-workers & my boss. No matter how hard I try to get along, my broken personality always gets in the way. Right now, I have once again alienated myself from the rest of the office staff. I have given up trying to have any kind of a relationship with anyone once I leave home. Is there a point to living? I'd like to think so, but with the way my life has been going for 48 years, it's been mostly hellish. I have no inner beauty, no value that I can find anywhere, & it's not just internal, but external as well. I am not irreplaceable. Anyone can do what I do, & could probably do it much better than me & most likely be less irritating!
_________________
If I do something right, no one remembers. If I do something
wrong, no one forgets.
Aspie Score: 173/200, NT score 31/200: very likely an Aspie
5/18/11: New Aspie test: 72/72
DX: Anxiety plus ADHD/Aspergers: inconclusive |
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bluerose
Sea Gull
Joined: Aug 10, 2009
Posts: 215
Location: The Baltics
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| Posted: Sun May 16, 2010 5:42 am Post subject: |
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| My attitude came after being treated a certain way or ignored, not before. And I don't let the attitude show definately, if anything I may be a bit too friendly with males to compensate, but most of the time in my daily life I don't pay attention to the issue at all. I'm always friendly, with everyone. Some women I know have remarked on that even. |
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 14841
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Sun May 16, 2010 8:34 pm Post subject: |
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| randomgirl wrote: | They are only evil because they have turned on themselves, and are angry with the world.
Somewhere, inside of them, is some beauty. It is hidden, or has been extinguished. But it is there. And with the right treatment, it could be brought out again. But no one even wants to bother. |
I don't agree with that either. Its not just what they choose in life, its their spiritual energy which determines it.
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www.aspergersgirl.com |
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matrixluver
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Oct 20, 2008
Posts: 177
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| Posted: Tue May 18, 2010 10:55 pm Post subject: This perspective has helped me |
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so many times. I'm not that attractive at all and I know it. I have had friends and acquaintances who are freakishly breathtaking physically, models, hit on by guys everywhere they go. And I haven't noticed that it made them any happier than I am. One gorgeous acquaintance gets dumped on and abused. Her guys find her attractive. And they also find lots of other women attractive, it doesn't make them worship her. She's just as likely to get dumped as I ever was with my mediocre looks. Another gorgeous acquaintance is a cutter, she loathes herself, she knows that most people see her physical beauty and don't take her seriously, she knows that there's a chance her husband will cheat with someone as beautiful as she is if he doesn't love HER, as in her personality and intellect and talent.
Look at any tabloid and you'll see women we are taught to idolize having failed relationships just like the rest of us. My intelligence has helped me to nearly triple my income over a period of 10 years in a field not known for skyrocketing salaries. One employer gave me an on the spot raise when I let them know I was considering another job offer. The next time I got a job offer I took it and the former employer was begging me to stay. I know for a FACT it was my job performance not my looks, because I don't have any looks to bargain with. Yes, some elements of society judge a person based on physical attractiveness but not all. |
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