sartresue
Radical Aspergian
Joined: Dec 19, 2007
Posts: 6750
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism
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 Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 11:49 am Post subject: |
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There is a point to living if you are ugly topic
Some of us do not care! 
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Radical Aspergian
Awe-Tistic Whirlwind
Phuture Phounder of the Philosophy Phactory
NOT a believer of Mystic Woo-Woo |
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pinkbowtiepumps
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 17, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 574
Location: US
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| Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 1:19 pm Post subject: |
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Social standards are bullshit. Magazines and advertising agencies market beauty to sell more products. All it's doing is making the consumers insecure so they spend more, and thus, create more profit for these companies.
How do we respond to it though? With mental illness, with eating disorders, anxiety, depression. We're upset that we can't look like .5% of the population that looks like supermodels.
So honestly, you're a better person if you can see through all of these gimmicks. Love yourself exactly as you are, exactly as you were made. Dress in a way that you feel most confident about yourself, wear makeup if it makes you feel better (or don't! Whatever you're most comfortable with) and I guarantee you that this confidence will shine through. Others will recognize it and will appreciate you for loving yourself and for spreading positive energy, not for adhering to the percieved standards of what makes a woman beautiful.
I know I don't know you, but I can tell that you're beautiful. So f**k the standards. |
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randomgirl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 10, 2010
Posts: 58
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| Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 3:37 pm Post subject: |
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*claps in approval to pinkbowtiepumps* 
My point exactly. |
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a_lost_hero
Emu Egg
Joined: May 30, 2010
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Sun May 30, 2010 8:36 pm Post subject: |
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There's no way you've met EVERY guy.
Just as most of the guys you've met are typical of whatever backwards chauvanist ex-soviet state you're from, you're probably not - and THAT threatens them.
One or two of them might actually like you... but are hiding or avoiding those feelings by being nasty to you.
But overall, moving to a less chauvanist society COULD help, and yet you deny this as though you've lived everywhere. Bullshit.
I bet your problem is that you're an 'outsider'... too intelligent, too switched on, too clued up... almost everyone who treats you badly, especially your teachers, are JEALOUS. They want to see you fail! |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 7577
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
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| Posted: Mon May 31, 2010 2:20 am Post subject: |
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There's a lid for every pot...  
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Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner |
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ThatRedHairedGrrl
Phoenix
Joined: May 11, 2008
Posts: 1013
Location: Walking through a shopping mall listening to Half Japanese on headphones
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| Posted: Mon May 31, 2010 4:46 pm Post subject: |
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| Kenjuudo wrote: | I agree with Mudboy on this. Looks are not everything to every man. In general, generalizations suck.
A woman is beautiful to me if she has a beautiful personality as I define it, and I always spend time to find that out, no matter my initial visual impression.
But I guess I'm not completely non-shallow (Should I use deep in this context?). Because if the woman I'm dating is sufficient "ugly" (even if she's beautiful to me, I still know the average male's expectations from this term), I tend to get second thoughts about bringing her to see my friends because I'm worried about their opinion. I'm of course ashamed of this duplex philosophy and eventually bring her regardless of what they might say. I suspect I've been conditioned into thinking like this by society and my environments over the years. |
Your words I've put in bold are a description of an unfortunately not uncommon syndrome. I've come across numerous cases of a larger-than-average woman who'd found that while some guys seemed personally attracted and turned on sexually by her, they didn't want to be seen around with her by their friends and family. It's usually been younger guys who acted like this. I've noticed an alarming tendency these days for men under 25 to regard the ultra-thin model physique as 'normal' and anything over that as 'obese', 'chunky' or a 'heifer' (all terms I've seen used for women who were of perfectly normal build by the standards of twenty years ago). Sadly, young women of that age group pretty often concur. I think the media has a lot to answer for.
In response to the original posting...unfortunately, it has indeed been proven that people who aren't construed as 'attractive' do get a raw deal in life; not just in relationships, but being less favored in job interviews and the like. We live in an increasingly superficial society. The sad fact is that by the ever more exacting standards of the celebrity/advertising industry (what John Berger famously defined as 'taking away our love of ourselves as we are and selling it back to us for the price of the product'), most of us are 'ugly'.
That doesn't, however, mean there's nothing else to life. There's brains, creativity, being a decent human being and trying to make the world a better place...a whole bunch of other qualities that genuinely do matter. And there's not one person on this earth who doesn't have something to love about them. The more looks are valued, paradoxically, the more we need all that other stuff...and the more it's going to be appreciated by anyone who's gotten wise and realized that a pretty face and a hot body, on their own, don't add up to happy ever after.
This is just my take on things, and it may or may not help, but anyway...
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"Grunge? Isn't that some gross shade of greenish orange?" |
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LKL
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 22, 2007
Age: 37
Posts: 5695
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| Posted: Mon May 31, 2010 8:06 pm Post subject: |
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| This is the place where being a geek is an advantage: if you have some interest or curiosity to focus on rather than relationships with other people, your personal appearance becomes less important. Photons don't care what you look like. |
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petitesouris
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 14, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 366
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| Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 5:56 pm Post subject: |
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| i am a visual insult and this makes me miserable, but it is not like i have ever considered taking my life over it. that is kind of extreme. |
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BokeKaeru
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 23, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 670
Location: Boston, MA
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| Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 11:14 pm Post subject: |
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I can say from experience that life can be worth living as a woman that the mainstream culture would consider "ugly."
I've got a couple facial deformities and, depending on how you count it, 7 or 8 scars. Yeah, it's sucked sometimes, but I still like being me as I am more than I want to be anybody or anything else. The best way I've ever seen put went, "Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you." Admittedly, the person who wrote that and the character who spoke it were both male, but I still find that it holds true for me. If someone stares at me, I stare back. I speak up whenever possible, even if it brings attention to my face and the way I speak, because the more I do, the more people get used to it. If someone gives me guff, I know that I can be more civil to them than they can bring themselves to be to me, or, alternately, if I so chose, I could wipe the floor with them in an argument, even with a speech impediment.
What's more, I've made a life worth living for myself. I graduated from a good college with honors, and am attending (and already winning awards in) law school on nearly a full scholarship. I've held a number of jobs and, on my own merits, done well at most of them. I'm getting internship work in the area of my special interest, and making connections in the places I need to in order to eventually succeed in doing what I care about. I live on my own, and have two adorable cats. I have friends who I see every weekend if not more. I'd like to think that, as long as I don't screw it all up, things will only continue to get better.
To be fair, I am a repulsed asexual, and wavering on whether I'm romantic or not. I actually benefit from looking as I do as far as avoiding being hit on goes, I get the sense. That being said, I see it like this - "a person who accepts me as I come" is written into my definition of the sort of person I want to spend my time with, whether as a friend or a love interest. If I find that person for a relationship at some point, great. If I don't, at least most of the assholes of the world will sort themselves out for me before I have to spend time dealing with them, just by how they react to me. No one so shallow as to decide whether they want to be around me based on my appearance is a person I want in my life.
It's not inherently easy to be a person who doesn't fit the societal idea of attractiveness, but it's possible to be comfortable with it eventually, and even to make it work for you. I hope it works out for you. |
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Greenmouse
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 30, 2010
Age: 25
Posts: 167
Location: Quebec, Canada
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| Posted: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Is there a point to live anyway? |
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OneStepBeyond
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 20, 2010
Posts: 11309
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| Posted: Mon Jun 28, 2010 4:50 pm Post subject: |
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| i'm fugly aand boring, lord help me |
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cranberry
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 29, 2010
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2010 2:20 pm Post subject: |
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| My mother used to tell me "there is no such thing as an ugly woman, just a lazy one." |
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happymusic
ninja
Joined: Feb 11, 2010
Posts: 3156
Location: still in ninja land
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| Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2010 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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| cranberry wrote: | | My mother used to tell me "there is no such thing as an ugly woman, just a lazy one." |
Come to think of it, I've never known an outright ugly woman, but I have known some lazy ones. The ones who have made themselves seem ugly just do it through their personalities and actions, not their looks. |
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patrick1995
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 25, 2012
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 10:21 pm Post subject: |
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Bluerose i agree with you completely, you see past all of this bullshit everyone else cant and dont understand and for that i respect you greatly. Most people dont understand that if you are a ugly person (be you male or female) you are basically ignored by everyone. in society your atractiveness contributes a great deal to your social status so if you are ugly not many people will want to be around you. Bluerose there are some people who dontcare about how you dress or how pretty you are. i know how you feel when you say that nobody likes you sexually because thats exactly how i feel but i dont know what its like to be a female but for a male its really hard not to think about sex everyday because thats almost the only thing we think about but it shoudnt be important there is more to life than sex or boyfriends or girlfriends. can you post a picture so we can confirm that you a re ugly? i will honestly tell you if you are or not
patrick |
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LKL
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 22, 2007
Age: 37
Posts: 5695
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 11:56 pm Post subject: |
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| cranberry wrote: | | My mother used to tell me "there is no such thing as an ugly woman, just a lazy one." |
That makes it sound as though women have some sort of social responsibility to beautify themselves.
'There's no such thing as an ugly man, just a lazy one.'
Or, if you're an MRA who believes that women objectify men based on money,
'There's no such thing as a poor man, just a lazy one.' |
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