Why do people assume you're guilty when you get upset?

Page 1 of 3 [ 44 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,205
Location: Pacific Northwest

28 Jun 2010, 11:12 pm

I heard that when you get upset when you get falsely accused, it means you did it. I don't even understand it because it sounds so stupid. Who in the right mind likes to be falsely accused of something they didn't do? So why would they not get all hostile or defensive about it?

Someone said in the friendship board in her post that people think she is guilty when she gets upset when she gets accused of things she didn't do and she doesn't see the logic in why would you get upset if you got caught when you did it. I made a guess and said maybe people get pissed off they got caught.

Does anyone else get upset when they get falsely accused?
I don't know if this is common in aspies or if this a personality thing for me. But for me when I get upset when I get falsely accused, it does not mean I did it. In fact when I do something and someone finds out about it, I do the opposite, I don't get upset.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,298
Location: Stalag 13

28 Jun 2010, 11:16 pm

I once knew a girl, who presumed that I was guilty, when upset. She hasn't phoned for weeks. We don't see each other, anymore. We're no longer friends. I have all this free time, to post on WP.


_________________
Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?


DandelionFireworks
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 May 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,011

29 Jun 2010, 12:30 am

In fact, everyone gets upset when falsely accused. However, there's a misconception that that isn't the case. Police, for instance, will play on this misconception-- accuse you, and then say that you must be guilty when you get upset. Freud, too-- it really upsets you when I say you lust after your mother? Well, then, it must be true!

But that's playing off of a misconception, same as the eye contact thing. A liar will actually make eye contact more than someone honest.

NTs are illogical and do not perceive the world in the way that would be most advantageous to them.


_________________
I'm using a non-verbal right now. I wish you could see it. --dyingofpoetry

NOT A DOCTOR


Pithlet
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jan 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 436

29 Jun 2010, 12:45 am

I always thought that misconception was stupid, too. I get pretty upset if I'm accused of something I didn't do, especially if it's something that should be obvious to anyone who knows me well, that I would never do. I can get pretty indignant about accusations. They're usually not even remotely fact based, and then my irritated reaction automatically pins the guilt card on me? I don't get it at all.



Dilbert
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,728
Location: 47°36'N 122°20'W

29 Jun 2010, 12:56 am

I don't think so. Yes someone may accuse you, and continue accusing you when you get upset, but they are just playing along to get to the truth.

Nothing is more important to a falsely accused than saying "I didn't do it" over and over and they are often upset in the process.

People that say things such as "everyone knows I couldn't do this!" or "ask so and so they know me!" or "I didn't do it, he did!" or "I have no idea what you are talking about" they are lying. The police are trained to recognize this.

More signs of lying:

Looking down and to the side when making a false statement.

Looking up at the ceiling while recalling events (stall tactic while their brains are trying to invent a plausible explanation)

Brushing the face with both hands (same as above)

Shaky legs

Hands crossed over the chest (tense body language)

Those are just a few. There's lots more. :)



Michael_Stuart
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jul 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 500

29 Jun 2010, 1:30 am

Dilbert wrote:
Looking up at the ceiling while recalling events (stall tactic while their brains are trying to invent a plausible explanation)


Well that's not good... I look at the ceiling all the time while recalling events.



Fatal-Noogie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,069
Location: California coast, United States of America, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Cosmos

29 Jun 2010, 1:50 am

League_Girl wrote:
I heard that when you get upset when you get falsely accused, it means you did it.
If you did it, it means you weren't falsely accused. :wink: (JK. I get your gist.)
DandelionFireworks wrote:
In fact, everyone gets upset when falsely accused.
That depends on what they're accused of. If one of my guy friends asked, "Did you sleep with my girlfriend? :x " I would
blush and say, "No, but I'm flattered by your misplaced confidence in my powers of seduction. :D "


_________________
Curiosity is the greatest virtue.


Fatal-Noogie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,069
Location: California coast, United States of America, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Cosmos

29 Jun 2010, 1:53 am

But I agree that the reasoning is screwy.

It reminds me of a conversation I had with my friends.
I told them about the thing I use. They said it's wrong for me to use it.
When I told them the reason's I use it, they said that because I justified it,
I must know it's wrong. :shameonyou:

They just might be right, but their argument itself makes no sense. :scratch:
If explaining the reasons for doing something causes that something to be bad,
then the logical conclusion is that we must keep our reasons for doing everything
secret, to avoid having those things become bad. It also means that
things done without reason are more good than things done for a reason
even if that reason is for a good end.

Then they all simultaneously realized I was the only one without a cigarette in their mouth, so we all dropped it. :roll:


_________________
Curiosity is the greatest virtue.


hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

29 Jun 2010, 2:02 am

I don't know but its annoying... people say things like "Why are you getting so upset and defensive if its not the truth" what they don't seem to realise is when people say something false about you its often more upsetting and angering.



bee33
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,280

29 Jun 2010, 3:18 am

I think Aspies tend to get more outraged at injustice, untruth, and being misunderstood, so our reaction when we are falsely accused might be more extreme.

I think the expectation is that when someone is falsely accused they will remain calm because they know they didn't do it, so they'll just shrug and figure it will get sorted out (not that that always happens even with NTs -- of course it's upsetting to be falsely accused of something). Whereas reacting in an extreme way is associated with extreme anxiety at having been caught and therefore makes the person look guilty. I'm sure everyone knows the phrase "I think the lady doth protest too much" (from Hamlet) , which implies that someone who gets overly upset at accusations being made against her, and loudly protests her innocence, must have something to hide.

I know that I don't interpret it that way myself, and that I get more upset at being falsely accused, which I find completely galling, than being caught for something I actually did.

I remember talking to someone and saying that when I see two people having an argument in public I always feel that the person who is angrier and louder is probably right, but I was told by my friend that it's just the opposite. It wouldn't be the case if I was the one having the argument, but apparently that's how it is with NTs.

(Also, a person who goes into histrionics can be seen as deliberately manipulating the situation to deflect attention from her guilt.)



Creature
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jun 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 94
Location: Netherlands

29 Jun 2010, 3:23 am

I get upset when falsely accused. I think people think it's a sign of feeling guilty over what you've done.


_________________
I might make some spelling mistakes as English is not my native language.


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,205
Location: Pacific Northwest

29 Jun 2010, 11:45 am

Dilbert wrote:
I don't think so. Yes someone may accuse you, and continue accusing you when you get upset, but they are just playing along to get to the truth.

Nothing is more important to a falsely accused than saying "I didn't do it" over and over and they are often upset in the process.

People that say things such as "everyone knows I couldn't do this!" or "ask so and so they know me!" or "I didn't do it, he did!" or "I have no idea what you are talking about" they are lying. The police are trained to recognize this.

More signs of lying:

Looking down and to the side when making a false statement.

Looking up at the ceiling while recalling events (stall tactic while their brains are trying to invent a plausible explanation)

Brushing the face with both hands (same as above)

Shaky legs

Hands crossed over the chest (tense body language)

Those are just a few. There's lots more. :)


I have said "I don't know what you are talking about" and wasn't lying. People have accused me of things before and I get all confused and then upset when they won't tell me what they are talking about.

So everything you said, I disagree it always means someone is lying.

Someone could be shaking because they are scared and scared they are going to get falsely accused and charged for a crime they didn't commit.

Maybe I have my own style of communication.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,205
Location: Pacific Northwest

29 Jun 2010, 11:48 am

What I don't understand is if everyone gets upset when falsely accused, then why would they assume someone else is guilty if they get upset as well? Are they that blind? Or do we just act more extreme as bee33 said?

This makes me hate people even more and want to stay away from them.



Kiseki
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,604
Location: Osaka JP

29 Jun 2010, 11:50 am

bee33 wrote:
I think Aspies tend to get more outraged at injustice, untruth, and being misunderstood, so our reaction when we are falsely accused might be more extreme.

I think the expectation is that when someone is falsely accused they will remain calm because they know they didn't do it, so they'll just shrug and figure it will get sorted out (not that that always happens even with NTs -- of course it's upsetting to be falsely accused of something). Whereas reacting in an extreme way is associated with extreme anxiety at having been caught and therefore makes the person look guilty. I'm sure everyone knows the phrase "I think the lady doth protest too much" (from Hamlet) , which implies that someone who gets overly upset at accusations being made against her, and loudly protests her innocence, must have something to hide.

I know that I don't interpret it that way myself, and that I get more upset at being falsely accused, which I find completely galling, than being caught for something I actually did.

I remember talking to someone and saying that when I see two people having an argument in public I always feel that the person who is angrier and louder is probably right, but I was told by my friend that it's just the opposite. It wouldn't be the case if I was the one having the argument, but apparently that's how it is with NTs.

(Also, a person who goes into histrionics can be seen as deliberately manipulating the situation to deflect attention from her guilt.)


Yes, this is very true. I myself go berserk when injustice has been served. My emotions become out of control when even SIMPLE injustices occur.



bee33
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,280

29 Jun 2010, 12:47 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I have said "I don't know what you are talking about" and wasn't lying. People have accused me of things before and I get all confused and then upset when they won't tell me what they are talking about.
Yes! That happens to me and it's caused me some big problems. "Everybody" knows what terrible thing I did, and I have no idea what they're talking about or what it is that I'm being accused of. But the more I try to ask, the more contemptuous people become, like I'm a criminal who was caught red-handed and in spite of my crime being obvious to everyone, I insist on proclaiming my innocence.

I have been run out of an organization where I was a volunteer because of this, and also out of a group of friends, and I still don't know what I was accused of or what I supposedly did. But the more I protested the worse it got, until everyone was disgusted with me.



Mudboy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 May 2007
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,441
Location: Hiding in plain sight

29 Jun 2010, 1:29 pm

I have been assumed to be guilty simply because I got accused and was not able to "look innocent enough". No amount of logic or proof could change their minds.


_________________
When I lose an obsession, I feel lost until I find another.
Aspie score: 155 of 200
NT score: 49 of 200