oblivionpulled
Emu Egg
Joined: Nov 07, 2010
Posts: 3
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 Posted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 2:19 pm Post subject: |
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I have only recently begun to think about suicide.
I was a total optimist until I past middle age.
At this point I finally realized that I would never have friends, never have a partner, never be fully competent at my job, and never be able to retire with any dignity. My career and single most important accomplishment - my children - now adult and NT - reject me for my weirdness. My life is exhausting and meaningless.
Then I needed to have an operation with general anesthesia. When I awoke, I missed the oblivion of unconsciousness. I yearn for it at times. Suicide is a heavy thing to lay on children though and I love them deeply. |
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Craig28
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 03, 2010
Posts: 3258
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| Posted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 2:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Anybody who feels misunderstood is extremely likely to consider it. |
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Meow101
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 17, 2010
Posts: 1699
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 11:30 pm Post subject: |
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| oblivionpulled wrote: | I have only recently begun to think about suicide.
I was a total optimist until I past middle age.
At this point I finally realized that I would never have friends, never have a partner, never be fully competent at my job, and never be able to retire with any dignity. My career and single most important accomplishment - my children - now adult and NT - reject me for my weirdness. My life is exhausting and meaningless.
Then I needed to have an operation with general anesthesia. When I awoke, I missed the oblivion of unconsciousness. I yearn for it at times. Suicide is a heavy thing to lay on children though and I love them deeply. |
My kids are the only reason I haven't done it. This summer I came about a millimeter from it. I can't do it to them, ethically. So I'm here whether I like it or not, at least till they're all able to take care of themselves, and then who knows. I still might not be able to do that to them. I hate life, I hate the rejection I get from ppl, and most of all not understanding it and because I don't understand it I can't do jack sh*t about it. Every day I wish I could forget that I have that obligation and when I hear somebody dies I envy them. When things improve I don't trust them because they always turn to crap again. I don't do anything to people and they still treat me like I have the freaking plague. damn.
~Kate
_________________
Ce e amorul? E un lung
Prilej pentru durere,
Caci mii de lacrimi nu-i ajung
Si tot mai multe cere.
--Mihai Eminescu |
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auntblabby
Chief Assistant to the Assistant Chief
Joined: Feb 13, 2010
Posts: 18075
Location: the island of loveable toy humans
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| Posted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 11:59 pm Post subject: |
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| i used to have a running fantasy about suicide, i thought about all the most muss-and-fuss-free ways to do it so i could return to heaven. then it occured to me that i am here on earth for a reason, and that if i ditched this life too far before the natural end, then i would probably have to make it up sometime, and that terrifying thought caused my suicidal ideation to "lose the name of action." so i determined that i would get this life done and over with, never to return to it or anything like it, when it's all over. i will be in heaven in 2 or 3 decades, perhaps sooner, and once there will look backwards on this most recent lifetime as just another unpleasant memory, soon forgotten. until then, i will just stay here and be a thorn in the side of respectable normal people. that puts a smile on my face, the first such smile i've gotten from life in a long time. |
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SoulcakeDuck
Catoboros
Joined: Mar 04, 2009
Age: 27
Posts: 1708
Location: a bubble called Cognitive Entropy
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| Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 2:16 am Post subject: |
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| patrick6 wrote: | | I know that depression goes hand in hand with Aspergers, but I think that the depression is caused from Aspies feeling "different". I don't know if I am wrong though, that was the case for me anyways. |
Depression comes from thinking, and thinkers are smart. Therefore we are in our own league and misunderstood, misunderstood people have nobody to project their feelings and ideas on to and that makes you feel useless, when in fact we are very productive in our heads. We do not agree with how things are done there for we get cast aside and that leaves us feeling lonely and unwanted.
Being different is to be lonely, being lonely is to feel depressed, to be depressed is to think about then, now and when.
Good Night.
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I'm not here to enjoy life, I'm here to withstand it.
AAA
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MXH
TomCat
Joined: Jul 29, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 12450
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
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| Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 9:09 am Post subject: |
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| You thought too much for that reply. |
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oblivionpulled
Emu Egg
Joined: Nov 07, 2010
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 2:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Meow101 wrote: | | oblivionpulled wrote: | I have only recently begun to think about suicide.
I was a total optimist until I past middle age.
At this point I finally realized that I would never have friends, never have a partner, never be fully competent at my job, and never be able to retire with any dignity. My career and single most important accomplishment - my children - now adult and NT - reject me for my weirdness. My life is exhausting and meaningless.
Then I needed to have an operation with general anesthesia. When I awoke, I missed the oblivion of unconsciousness. I yearn for it at times. Suicide is a heavy thing to lay on children though and I love them deeply. |
My kids are the only reason I haven't done it. This summer I came about a millimeter from it. I can't do it to them, ethically. So I'm here whether I like it or not, at least till they're all able to take care of themselves, and then who knows. I still might not be able to do that to them. I hate life, I hate the rejection I get from ppl, and most of all not understanding it and because I don't understand it I can't do jack sh*t about it. Every day I wish I could forget that I have that obligation and when I hear somebody dies I envy them. When things improve I don't trust them because they always turn to crap again. I don't do anything to people and they still treat me like I have the freaking plague. damn.
~Kate |
I have tried so very hard to analyze behavior - other's and mine - so I could figure out how to be a good mother and good friend, but there is something essential missing that I cannot figure out. People just know that I am not okay in some way. I feel okay when I can stay home alone, but I need to be employed until my kids are on their own (they are late teens). I hate to be a ward of the state :( |
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Moog
Pussycat
Joined: Feb 26, 2010
Age: 34
Posts: 17636
Location: Untied Kingdom
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| Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 3:24 pm Post subject: |
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I imagine so.
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Booyakasha
Forum Moderator
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Joined: Oct 07, 2009
Posts: 5292
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| Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 3:28 pm Post subject: |
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fleurdelily
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 04, 2011
Age: 46
Posts: 362
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| Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 1:39 am Post subject: |
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| I think about it every day. And I don't have children. That's the best thing I never did, is pass on this agonizing existence to another generation. Besides, my ancestors do not deserve the honor. So, I have a pet that I love, but other than that, there's not much keeping me here |
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auntblabby
Chief Assistant to the Assistant Chief
Joined: Feb 13, 2010
Posts: 18075
Location: the island of loveable toy humans
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| Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 3:17 am Post subject: |
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i have some more jejune thoughts/queries to air here on the special pages of WP-
does low-functioning=hermithood/high-functioning=successful NT emulation [for better or worse]?
does low-functioning=single incel virgin/high-functioning=happily randy and lucky party animal?
does low-functioning=poverty/high-functioning=upperclass mansions and toys?
does low-functioning=victim of compassionless higher-functioning bullies?
somebody please tell me that nikki bacharach is in heaven now, god rest her soul. - [click my purpleness, por favor  ] |
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Daryl_Blonder
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 473
Location: Salem, CT
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| Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 7:52 pm Post subject: |
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I don't doubt for one second that the rate of suicide attempts and completion among people with ASD is very high and has not been adequately addressed or acknowledged.
Even now, the specter of suicide is always there, as a potential way out.
I have tried three times seriously (the second time, when I was 18, I had to be "pumped out" and remained hospitalized for almost a week) and I'm only 29.
********************************************************************************************
Check out my IMDB page! |
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simon_says
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 21, 2011
Posts: 2443
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| Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 8:19 pm Post subject: |
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| I'd bet it's high. If depression is often comorbid (or whatever the term) with AS , then I don't see why not. Ive certainly considered it myself at times in my life, though never tried. But I think many people do. |
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Zokk
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 11, 2010
Age: 23
Posts: 941
Location: Santa Rosa, CA
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| Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 8:29 pm Post subject: |
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From everyhting I've read, I'd say risk of suicide in people with neurlogical disorders is significantly higher than in those without.
I have AS (and likely ADD) and I suffered from depression for a long time in my early to mid teens, but never to the point where I considered suicide. I guess I'm one of the outliers, sort of, in this community from everything I've read. I just held the idea in mind that tomorrow was a fresh start, another chance to do something I liked to do, and that was more than enough to keep me going.
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It takes a village to raise an idiot, but it only takes one idiot to raze a village. |
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auntblabby
Chief Assistant to the Assistant Chief
Joined: Feb 13, 2010
Posts: 18075
Location: the island of loveable toy humans
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| Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 3:27 am Post subject: |
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| Zokk wrote: | | From everyhting I've read, I'd say risk of suicide in people with neurlogical disorders is significantly higher than in those without. I have AS (and likely ADD) and I suffered from depression for a long time in my early to mid teens, but never to the point where I considered suicide. I guess I'm one of the outliers, sort of, in this community from everything I've read. I just held the idea in mind that tomorrow was a fresh start, another chance to do something I liked to do, and that was more than enough to keep me going. |
you are fortunate to have enough of the right stuff to survive. |
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