Howdy, would you call me an aspie?

confused · Butterfly Joined: Nov 14, 2006 Posts: 11

I'm 36, female, married and have a 4 year old daughter. I've always had social difficulties and been "odd." I had more problems in childhood in adolescense than I do now. Somethings like fitting in and so on matter more in school. I have researched AS in the past, but felt like other conditions, such as Social Anxiety Disorder or Avoidant Personality Disorder fit me better. But my 4 year old reminds me so much of how I used to be it's scary. I'm wondering if possibly we have mild AS. I should also mention that both me and my daughter have a hearing loss in one ear, which makes it hard to hear people in noisy situations such as on the bus or in a restaurant. That can also impact us socially of course.

As a child, I often felt like I was looking from the outside on everything going on around me without really being a part of it. Many social situations baffled me. For instance, I remember how confused I was when someone called me on the phone just to talk. I had no clue what to say. And people would comment on how quiet I was. I would say something like "I don't really have anything to say right now." I wasn't trying to be rude, but that's how it was taken I guess.

I remember doing some bizarre things as a child. I used to eat paper. I have no idea why. I remember sitting in a corner hiding from my mom so I could eat paper. I have no idea how long that lasted. I also would take thread or string and wrap it tightly around my fingers. Some type of stim thing, I guess. Also, don't remember how long I did that for or why.

As for obsessions, I read a lot. I know a bunch of Jeopardy-type trivia. I spend too much time on the Internet. But I never focused for very long on one subject.

The only other bizarre behavior I can think of is sometimes I say thing out loud that I don't mean to say. Almost like some kind of tic, but I don't think that's what it is. Usually, I'm by myself or in the car. It rarely occurs when I'm in public, and if it does, I don't shout or say things loudly. They usually make no sense, like I'll say "I hate chocolate," which isn't true. NO idea where that comes from, but I've done that since I was a kid.

I had no idea what I was "supposed" to wear, what music was cool, etc. I still don't, but now I don't care Smile

I never dated or had a boyfriend till I was almost 21. But I have a good relationship with my husband. We have been married over 10 years.

I have learned how to deal with normal social situations, though I still get nervous and probably seem strange at times. I still get that "outsider" feeling. But I've never been able to develop a career. Right now, I'm pretty happy as a stay-at-home mom. I used to work at the library as an assistant, will probably go back to doing that when my daughter gets a bit older. But it's always bugged me that I don't think I'm stupid, but if I was suddenly in the position where I had to support myself and my daughter, I couldn't do it.

Ok, this is getting long. Do you think I have AS, or am I just socially awkward? I guess now that I've found this site, I'm mainly curious. I don't really feel the need to get any sort of treatment at this stage of my life, though I'm sure some good social skills training would have helped me as a child. I'm mainly interested in helping my daughter.

Thanks for reading this.