LovebirdsFlying
Raven
Joined: Apr 22, 2011
Posts: 124
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 Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 9:00 pm Post subject: |
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| swbluto wrote: | | My life is a social mistake. |
Consider this a positive affirmation for you, if you need or want it. 
_________________
Your Aspie score: 135 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 83 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
AQ score 35 |
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jcq126
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 21, 2011
Posts: 87
Location: Montreal
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| Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 9:03 pm Post subject: |
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| Apparently tone is very important. I was at a restaurant last night and there was a table beside us that were being very loud so I looked over wondering what the hell was going on because it was obnoxious noise wise. Our waitress then said "oh those guys are getting married", with which I replied "The two dudes are marrying EACH OTHER?" and she said yes rudely and walked away and then my girlfriend and her friend said I sounded homophobic, but in reality I was just trying to clarify whether she meant they were both getting married (separately to different women and were celebrating) or marrying EACH OTHER. My sister is a lesbian and I am not homophobic at all. I was just trying to clarify damnit. |
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LovebirdsFlying
Raven
Joined: Apr 22, 2011
Posts: 124
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| Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:12 pm Post subject: |
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| jcq126 wrote: | | Apparently tone is very important. I was at a restaurant last night and there was a table beside us that were being very loud so I looked over wondering what the hell was going on because it was obnoxious noise wise. Our waitress then said "oh those guys are getting married", with which I replied "The two dudes are marrying EACH OTHER?" and she said yes rudely and walked away and then my girlfriend and her friend said I sounded homophobic, but in reality I was just trying to clarify whether she meant they were both getting married (separately to different women and were celebrating) or marrying EACH OTHER. My sister is a lesbian and I am not homophobic at all. I was just trying to clarify damnit. |
My husband, also a possible Aspie, has NO concept of tone of voice, and doesn't get it when people take offense at what he thinks are just innocent words.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 135 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 83 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
AQ score 35 |
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Dots
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 23, 2010
Age: 29
Posts: 938
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:45 pm Post subject: |
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I got invited to a small gathering for someone's birthday. I went because I genuinely like the person even though the idea of being stuck in a room with a group of people I didn't know made me wonder if I should have come up with an excuse not to go.
I declined alcohol. I was asked several times if I wanted a drink. Kept saying no. Then they all decided to put on fake tattoos. Again, I said no. This led to one of the girls declaring that I was no fun. She didn't seriously think poorly of me, but I didn't know that and took her seriously.
I shut up and spent the entire party afraid that everyone thought I was boring and no fun, and couldn't figure out how to connect with anyone. It didn't occur to me until later that I could have asked other people questions and tried to have a conversation rather than waiting for other people to talk to me.
_________________
Transgender. Call me 'he' please. I'm a guy.
Diagnosed Bipolar and Aspergers.
Free speech means the right to shout 'theatre' in a crowded fire.
--Abbie Hoffman |
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draelynn
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 25, 2011
Posts: 2304
Location: SE Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 11:37 pm Post subject: |
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In a family or friend gathering, it would be completely appropriate to send a thank you note or card to say the things you think you may have forgotten. It's an old and usually abandoned tradtion that most people still greatly appreciate. The added benefit is that many have an easier time expressing themselves better in writing. I would bring up or apologise for the things you think you said wrong - after all, unless they said something specifically, you may not be certain exactly what their reactions were and dredging it up just makes everyone uncomfortable.
Even if you are so-so in person, you can wow them by mail. Play to your strengths my friend! |
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Dots
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 23, 2010
Age: 29
Posts: 938
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 11:45 pm Post subject: |
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I actually sent a facebook message thank you to the host afterwards and in it apologized for being awkward. I was told I just seemed quiet. I also said that I hoped I didn't seem so unfun that she wouldn't want to hang out with me again, and she said not to worry about that. So it turned out ok, but I still feel like a social reject among all of the other people whom I still don't know, even after spending a night hanging around them.
_________________
Transgender. Call me 'he' please. I'm a guy.
Diagnosed Bipolar and Aspergers.
Free speech means the right to shout 'theatre' in a crowded fire.
--Abbie Hoffman |
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daydreamer84
butterfly
Joined: Jul 09, 2009
Age: 28
Posts: 3291
Location: My own little world
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| Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 11:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Dots wrote: | | I actually sent a facebook message thank you to the host afterwards and in it apologized for being awkward. I was told I just seemed quiet. I also said that I hoped I didn't seem so unfun that she wouldn't want to hang out with me again, and she said not to worry about that. So it turned out ok, but I still feel like a social reject among all of the other people whom I still don't know, even after spending a night hanging around them. |
I know that feeling. I've stopped going to parties with my peers (or group outings with my peers) because I always felt like this when I did.................not that I went to so many to begin with............................... |
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Todesking
Suspected Cannibal
Joined: Apr 23, 2010
Age: 43
Posts: 3087
Location: Depew NY
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| Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 12:27 am Post subject: |
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Another bad supermarket experience for me was when I took 9 items in the 7 item or less isle when a lady behind me tapped me on the shoulder scarring the hell out of me. When I turned around she had this sour face on and asked me if I knew how to count then rolled her eyes at me so I said yeah one two.
On the one and two I popped her some birds giving her two middle fingers. My brother and his girlfriend just about died laughing but some guy that was behind her told me I should be ashamed of myself. I noticed a lot of people were giving me the stink eye so I guess I was being evil and did not notice it.
My brother always compares me to Frankenstein's monster when he throws the little girl into the river.
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There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die -Hunter S. Thompson
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13495
Location: My house
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| Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 12:49 am Post subject: Re: post a social mistake you're perseverating on |
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| Jacs wrote: | | daydreamer84 wrote: | | Chronos wrote: | | daydreamer84 wrote: | I have a bad after taste of a social occasion in my mouth right now (speaking figuratively). It was Passover , a major Jewish holiday (and I'm Jewish) tonight and I got together with family and family friends that I don’t see very often. I talked about my thesis and school to one person and did not ask her any questions about herself. I didn't talk to enough other people. I cringed when my stepmother touched me and moved away and I didn't thank her for dinner (although I did thank my dad). This keeps replaying like a stuck record in my head so I needed to get it out.
Does anyone else have social anxiety like this? It seems to happen whenever I attend a group social event like this. What social mistake are you perseverating on or what was your latest one? |
APPARENTLY I WAS TALKING TOO LOUD AT THE LAST SEDAR I WENT TO |
 I'm always talking too loud! I did this at a family dinner at a restaurant recently and was shushed very loudly by both my mom and aunt. |
Me too. I'm forever being told to 'keep it down'. The worse one was asking my mum, in very packed store and in a very loud voice, if these were the incontentance pads she wanted. We were buying them for an eldery relative and apparently she wasn't happy as my very loud comment made it sound like they were for her! |
I'm the same way and the funny story I can remember is when I saw my ex and we got bored so we deicded to drive to Kalispell, Montana and we stop at Wal Mart. I see The Little Mermaid two disc edition DVDs and I decided to talk about it. I go "Look (his name) The Little Mermaid" and I started telling him about how I loved that movie as a kid and had the doll and he goes "Just get it, I am not into it and you are making it sound like I wanted it and all these people are thinking I want the movie."
I don't remember how I phrased it but the way I said it made it sound like he wanted the movie unless it was his paranoia speaking. |
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VMSmith
a figment of my own imagination
Joined: Apr 18, 2011
Age: 21
Posts: 2676
Location: the old country
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| Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 2:40 am Post subject: |
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| the last time i was out for a drink with some people i'd just met and i had no money so i went to withdraw from an atm which i was told was across the street- and it was only it was 2-3 blocks down so i was out for half an hour with no explanation and they were left wondering where i was. i felt so guilty about making them wait. i wanted to applogise but i thought a thousand sorrys would annoy them and now i feel guilty about not applogising enough. then a couple of days ago i went to queer collective and i always feel so awkward when i go because i always feel like that with people and i never say anything much for the whole 2 hours because i never know if they'd mind me joining in or if i'd be interrupting. i'm terrible company and they're so nice... i don't think i'll go any more. |
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pensieve
President of Gallifrey
Joined: Nov 19, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 7449
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 2:52 am Post subject: |
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Meh, I really don't care. My sister looks down on me like I am some worm every time I say something. That's her problem. I do make many mistakes but it takes a lot to try to remember them and try not to make the same mistakes again. I have social mistakes amnesia right now. It's actually better than dwelling on them and getting depressed.
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My autism blog - http://latedx.wordpress.com
My completely random though usually about Doctor Who blog - http://alonsy.tumblr.com/ |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13495
Location: My house
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| Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 3:06 am Post subject: |
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I will never forget this one:
When I first got married, we were back at the house my parents rented for a few days and my husband and I were opening our wedding presents. My mom's parents hand us a gift that was from my mom's sister and her husband and daughter. The ones that never go to any family reunions or any family events that happened outside their state they live in. My dad told me it was because they are cheap. So I was surprised they still got us a gift even though they didn't come so I said "they may be cheap but they weren't cheap enough to not get us a wedding present" and everyone laughed.
Now skip later to sending out thank you cards a month later I decided to share that in the card so I told her about it and said it to her. About three weeks later, I get a typed letter from her telling me she is sorry I was shocked at the gift and she couldn't believe how shocked they were when I said they were cheap but not cheap enough to not get us a wedding present. She said she was hurt by the comment and she hopes I have a happy marriage.
That was a hard lesson to learn and I learned after wards here never mention money when you write thank you cards. I also learned cheap was not what I thought it meant. Okay I grew up in a family that misuses words all the time and irony and I think most of them come from my dad. He says things like "cheap" and "dump" and I am sure there are many others I don't even know about. Even my own mother has said she is cheap because she shops in clearances and buys whats on sale and uses time share and stays at inexpensive hotels. I got told here she was using irony and I took it all literal.
I have been wondering lately if my mom was covering my ass when she asked me back at my wedding after I said that "And who taught you to say that Beth?" and I remember everyone looked at him and dad was denying he ever said it. I missed out on all that so now I am wondering if everyone was looking at him because he said the wrong thing to me and I picked it up and said it too. If they came to the wedding, I probably would have said to them "Wow you weren't cheap this time to not come" and I wonder if they still would have been offended by that comment? |
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Jacs
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 25, 2010
Posts: 340
Location: The Wood between the Worlds
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| Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 5:22 am Post subject: |
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| Dots wrote: | I got invited to a small gathering for someone's birthday. I went because I genuinely like the person even though the idea of being stuck in a room with a group of people I didn't know made me wonder if I should have come up with an excuse not to go.
I declined alcohol. I was asked several times if I wanted a drink. Kept saying no. Then they all decided to put on fake tattoos. Again, I said no. This led to one of the girls declaring that I was no fun. She didn't seriously think poorly of me, but I didn't know that and took her seriously.
I shut up and spent the entire party afraid that everyone thought I was boring and no fun, and couldn't figure out how to connect with anyone. It didn't occur to me until later that I could have asked other people questions and tried to have a conversation rather than waiting for other people to talk to me. |
I've been there may times and have found a way to get people to talk to me about one of my special interest. I'm lucky in that I love Soccer (along with at least half the population of England), so when I go to a gathering or party, I always wear a large pin with my favourite soccer teams crest on it. It's great people then see the pin and start on conversation with me on one of my special intertest topics!
I don't know what your interest are but may be you could wear a pin of my favourite band or even one of your favourite animal (I'm obessed with tree frogs at the mo), people will then notice and start a conversation with you on a topic you feel happy talking about.
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Dylexia, Dyspraxia, Anxiety, Depression and possible Aspergers ... that is all. |
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samuraiBSD
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 09, 2011
Age: 21
Posts: 74
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| Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 5:52 am Post subject: |
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| Yensid wrote: | I tried to order something this morning. The sales rep told me that they no longer provided that service, and that they haven't provided that service for a long time. She was laughing at me at the time. She seemed to be a little condescending about my mistake. It's been bugging me all day. I know it's not that important; it's just a minor thing, but my mind keeps on reminding me about it.
| samuraiBSD wrote: | | I didn't realize until later, when an adult student pointed it out to me, that what I'd said was pretty offensive. Turns out Sensei enjoyed a lot of my aspie traits, though, so it ended up being a non-issue. It still sticks with me, though. |
Is that really pretty offensive? It seems a bit blunt to me me, but not that offensive. |
I didn't think it was that bad, but according to the other students, that's kind of serious in a dojo environment. |
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Dots
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 23, 2010
Age: 29
Posts: 938
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 12:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Jacs wrote: |
I've been there may times and have found a way to get people to talk to me about one of my special interest. I'm lucky in that I love Soccer (along with at least half the population of England), so when I go to a gathering or party, I always wear a large pin with my favourite soccer teams crest on it. It's great people then see the pin and start on conversation with me on one of my special intertest topics!
I don't know what your interest are but may be you could wear a pin of my favourite band or even one of your favourite animal (I'm obessed with tree frogs at the mo), people will then notice and start a conversation with you on a topic you feel happy talking about. |
We were all music students and musical theatre is one of my special interests, so you'd think we would have talked music and things would have been ok, but we didn't. It's exam time and I guess they don't want to socially talk about what they're working so hard on in classes.
_________________
Transgender. Call me 'he' please. I'm a guy.
Diagnosed Bipolar and Aspergers.
Free speech means the right to shout 'theatre' in a crowded fire.
--Abbie Hoffman |
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