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raisedbyignorance
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 29, 2009
Age: 29
Posts: 2024
Location: Indiana
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 Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:42 pm Post subject: NT rules on treating others? |
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Somehow I feel the golden rule "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" doesn't mean a thing to so many NTs I've encountered in my lifetime.
It seems like their golden rule is "if they rub you the wrong way, give them sh**" regardless of whether it was intentional or not. In fact I've had friends say to my face that they practically live on this principle.
I don't understand how people can claim to be good and yet live by such a principle, IMO. We're not talking about if a person tries to stab you or something that you should do nothing. I mean that they feel they have a right to attack others who don't say hello to them or make a mistake in counting. My aspieness for the most part has kept me from responding to those that wrong me but only due to my super slow response mechanism. Sometimes I don't feel like I forgive too much but rather people don't forgive more often then they should and then say I don't forgive enough.
Pure hypocrisy I guess.
Again it's become the cruel conundrum of people not caring if I get hurt but having a cow if I hurt them. I just don't get it at all. |
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ToughDiamond
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 16, 2008
Age: 60
Posts: 4751
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| Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 6:40 am Post subject: |
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| I think the "do as you would be done by" rule is flawed.......different people can have very different sensitivities to the same things. |
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i_wanna_blue
Within
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Joined: Aug 10, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 7714
Location: Alone
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| Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 7:47 am Post subject: |
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The main thing to understand is that people do the thing they feel or know they can get away with. Take this site for example. People post statements which if said directly to the face of a person or persons they would probably shun away from. They can get away with it and in certain areas or topics, people can use hate speech and mock, ridicule while in other (topics, areas) they would be reprimanded for doing so, and thus stay away from it. This is not an NT thing, it's a human thing.
Everybody does it. If you were 6ft7 and built like a rugby player do you think people would tell you stuff to your face? Probably not. People on the site are comfortable because they hide behind their screen and can make up any old nonsense in their arguments. This site is supposed to be NT-less or at least aspie controlled. Aspies do it here and thus are far from being guiltless and NT's supposedly do it in real life. It's the way the world works. People in general, but not all, whether they are autistic or not, really don't care about the feelings of someone they feel they can treat anyway and get away with it.
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And then there was one. |
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Digsy
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 19, 2011
Posts: 81
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| Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 8:28 am Post subject: |
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"do unto others as you would have them do unto you", this phrase does not mean you have to be nice to people, it clearly states to me that you should treat them equally.
So if someone backstabs you, then "you would have them do unto you" because you have had them do it unto you whether you wanted them to or not, so treat them equally.
Tit for tat so to speak. |
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SirLogiC
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 01, 2008
Posts: 350
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| Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 8:48 am Post subject: |
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| Digsy wrote: | "do unto others as you would have them do unto you", this phrase does not mean you have to be nice to people, it clearly states to me that you should treat them equally.
So if someone backstabs you, then "you would have them do unto you" because you have had them do it unto you whether you wanted them to or not, so treat them equally.
Tit for tat so to speak. |
I think there is a bit of a problem here in that people (in general) will undervalue their own actions, while overvalue others. Is a human cognitive bias. Of course the bias is in favour of the observer.
So as an example- person A takes a cookie that they know person B (their sibling) was saving to have later, which the cookies had been sorted via "sharing".
Person A sees it as just a cookie, it was B's fault for not eating it right away. Plus A really wanted one more cookie.
Person B sees it as a massive betrayal, A took the cookie which wasn't his and becomes extremely upset. A feels that taking B's drink is fair compensation.
A sees that as theft, because he had paid for the drink with his own money. A fight ensues.
Blow this up a bit and you get the gist of how half of wars get started 
"Normal" people do feel guilty about taking things from others. One thing to avoid that guilt is to have such a lop-sided idea of fair. The other is to devalue the target of bad actions such that doing bad things to them is "fair" (like how someone mean might tease a disabled person, or take a cookie from their younger sibling).
Of course there are the people that just like to bring others down, but that isn't "normal" either. |
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Digsy
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 19, 2011
Posts: 81
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| Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 9:16 am Post subject: |
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| SirLogiC wrote: | | Digsy wrote: | "do unto others as you would have them do unto you", this phrase does not mean you have to be nice to people, it clearly states to me that you should treat them equally.
So if someone backstabs you, then "you would have them do unto you" because you have had them do it unto you whether you wanted them to or not, so treat them equally.
Tit for tat so to speak. |
I think there is a bit of a problem here in that people (in general) will undervalue their own actions, while overvalue others. Is a human cognitive bias. Of course the bias is in favour of the observer.
So as an example- person A takes a cookie that they know person B (their sibling) was saving to have later, which the cookies had been sorted via "sharing".
Person A sees it as just a cookie, it was B's fault for not eating it right away. Plus A really wanted one more cookie.
Person B sees it as a massive betrayal, A took the cookie which wasn't his and becomes extremely upset. A feels that taking B's drink is fair compensation. (I think you meant this the other way around?)
A sees that as theft, because he had paid for the drink with his own money. A fight ensues.
Blow this up a bit and you get the gist of how half of wars get started
"Normal" people do feel guilty about taking things from others. One thing to avoid that guilt is to have such a lop-sided idea of fair. The other is to devalue the target of bad actions such that doing bad things to them is "fair" (like how someone mean might tease a disabled person, or take a cookie from their younger sibling).
Of course there are the people that just like to bring others down, but that isn't "normal" either. |
Personally I don't steal, but if A stole my cookie, next time around I would take my two cookies from his share as my compensation, and leave it to the priest to explain why A should pay back double. |
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ruveyn
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 22, 2008
Age: 76
Posts: 29275
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 11:29 am Post subject: |
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The correct version of the G.R. is
don't do unto others what you don't want them to do unto you.
ruveyn |
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Supernova008
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 11, 2011
Posts: 71
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| Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 12:03 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't get it. Aren't the Aspies supposed to be the ones who hold long grudges and want to take revenge for a long time, and the ones who are quite egocentric and don't care so much about other people? What is it with all these overtly emotional Aspies ? |
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