SyphonFilter
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 08, 2011
Posts: 2072
Location: Seattle, WA
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 Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 11:34 am Post subject: |
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| Every day I go out into the public I pretend to be NT. Sometimes I think I can pass off as NT, but I know I can't do it as long as I imagine I can. |
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nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9744
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont
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Verdandi
Miss Kitty Fantastico
Joined: Dec 08, 2010
Posts: 10207
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
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| Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 1:05 pm Post subject: |
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I swing between wondering why I think I'm autistic at all - usually because of an isolated incident that either just happened or I recall. I spend the rest of the time wondering if I am more autistic than I think I am because it's becoming more and more obvious to me how much I don't pick up in social interactions and how much I really have trouble predicting/understanding what other people might be thinking from their words and behavior.
So sometimes yes, sometimes no. |
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Digsy
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 19, 2011
Posts: 81
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| Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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I went 33 years trying to be NT, just to be matured on phrases like "your not normal", "you don't think right", and the like.
Not to mention the amount of times I've "stuck my foot in it", because I've been insensitive or unaware of what is happening outside of my bubble.
When I was diagnosed with ASD earlier this year and I knew very little about it other than the English hacker that the US is trying to extradite suffers from it.
After a few weeks of studying, it was clear why my psychiatrist came to that conclusion.
Now I don't really bother trying to be NT anymore, I let thing flow a littler more naturally. |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13525
Location: My house
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| Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 2:28 pm Post subject: |
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I have actually believed I had grown out of AS a few times and feel that way again. I was at Babycenter and then learned more things that offend and I feel cured now because I can actually tell now what would be offensive. But all it did was it got me more paranoid to talk to people because I had found out anything can offend people and you can't stop it. Only way to stop it is to not talk at all. I have also learned double meanings and now I always wonder if someone is implying this or that or thinking this or that. But I wonder if it could be an AS thing to misread between the lines because you think people are implying something they are not or assuming they are thinking Y when they said X. I realize everyone misreads between the lines but I wonder if it's possible an aspie can do it a lot more when they think they have learned to read between the lines. So anything you say to them, bam they take it the wrong way because they didn't take you literal. I have already probably made a fool of myself doing it already and my nurse told me someone was only trying to compliment me and I get defensive. I asked the person if they think people are bad parents if they don't breast feed because she was telling me I was a good mom because I breast feed. Guess where I learned that thinking at? Babycenter.
I noticed no one else at work has said anything about my baby nor what I do as a parent. 
Maybe I did blow it. Maybe the nurse was right. |
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SammichEater
Now 30% Cooler
Joined: Mar 07, 2011
Age: 19
Posts: 3823
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| Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 5:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Sometimes I have been very NT like. Other times, like today, I have no doubts that I'm an aspie. Although I wonder just how much of this is on a subconscious bias one way or another. |
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Verdandi
Miss Kitty Fantastico
Joined: Dec 08, 2010
Posts: 10207
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
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| Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 5:51 pm Post subject: |
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After today's therapy session, I am back to no doubts.
Also, the way I react to death pretty much seals the deal for me, at least this time. |
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trappedinhell
Phoenix
Joined: May 15, 2011
Age: 44
Posts: 570
Location: Scotland
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| Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 6:40 pm Post subject: |
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| I am the opposite - I don't want to be told I am NT. I really feel at home with Aspergers - it explains so much of my life. But I am not officially diagnosed. If someone says "no, you are NT" it means I don't fit in ANYWHERE. |
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Verdandi
Miss Kitty Fantastico
Joined: Dec 08, 2010
Posts: 10207
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
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| Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 6:50 pm Post subject: |
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| trappedinhell wrote: | | I am the opposite - I don't want to be told I am NT. I really feel at home with Aspergers - it explains so much of my life. But I am not officially diagnosed. If someone says "no, you are NT" it means I don't fit in ANYWHERE. |
I hate being told I'm NT or that my autism is invisible or that problems I really have aren't really present. If I am not autistic, then much of my life ceases to make any sense.
But I often feel like having an explanation is too good to be true, and since I feel normal to myself most of the time, it's sometimes so easy to start convincing myself that the explanation is wrong. It never lasts, but the worst anxiety I've had over the past several months was over this.
And it's not a matter of whether or not I want to be autistic - I am autistic, I don't have a choice in the matter. I just like knowing why my life has been the way it is. It is so much better than the suicidally depressed self-loathing of even 15 months ago in which I constantly flagellated my psyche for "failing to live up to my potential." Knowing that I am autistic has meant not wanting to kill myself, taking pleasure in things, and having the energy to do some of the things I want to do. |
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trappedinhell
Phoenix
Joined: May 15, 2011
Age: 44
Posts: 570
Location: Scotland
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| Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 7:23 pm Post subject: |
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| Verdandi wrote: | | I just like knowing why my life has been the way it is. It is so much better than the suicidally depressed self-loathing of even 15 months ago in which I constantly flagellated my psyche for "failing to live up to my potential." Knowing that I am autistic has meant not wanting to kill myself, taking pleasure in things, and having the energy to do some of the things I want to do. |
Yes! And recognizing my condition also means recognizing the NT condition. I now understand why NTs behave in ways that appear cruel and heartless. They cannot help it. It used to really depress me that all the intelligent people I know all use their intelligence for socializing, and seem to not notice the serious issues in the world round them. I thought they were heartless. But now I see that they cannot help prioritizing socializing just like I cannot help prioritizing analyzing.
Similarly, when a girl loses interest in me, despite my treating her like a goddess, and returns to someone who treats her like dirt, I recognize that she is just hard wired to seek out other people who like to socialize. I do not have to hit my head against that brick wall any more.
This has saved me from severe depression. And best of all I have found my tribe. |
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BassMan_720
Toucan
Joined: Nov 06, 2010
Age: 54
Posts: 287
Location: UK
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| Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 8:26 pm Post subject: |
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I managed to go 51 years without knowing anything about AS or realising that I was different. I've, therefore, never tried to be NT.
I have had a reasonably successful life. My AS is a pain only in the domestic environment. |
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aspie48
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 20, 2011
Posts: 1286
Location: up s**t creek with a fan as a paddle
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| Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 8:44 pm Post subject: |
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pretending ur normal is a coping strategy 
_________________
I've been through windows, doors, tv's, and chairs
But I never let go, And I pulled out most of their hair
I've mellowed a lot since then
So it takes two seconds
For me to knock the hell right out of you-Hank Williams |
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swbluto
System architect and nanobot commander
Joined: Feb 27, 2011
Age: 26
Posts: 2899
Location: In the Andes, counting the stars and wondering if one of them is home to another civilization
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| Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 8:53 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm in the "unsure stage", but I'm really hoping that I'm really just a NT hypochondriac with fixable "social skills" and/or possible "verbal memory problems". However, if I were forced to choose between being an aspie or being a schizophrenic, I think I'd prefer being an aspie and if I were really originally "NT", it seems that I'm becoming a schizophrenic so maybe I shouldn't hope to be an NT... |
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Cassia
Toucan
Joined: Jun 29, 2009
Posts: 267
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| Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 11:49 pm Post subject: |
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I am confused about how autistic and how non-autistic I am and appear. I'm not sure I delude myself. I just can't see clearly where I fit.
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Now convinced that I'm a bit autistic, but still unsure if I'd qualify for a diagnosis, since it causes me few problems. Apparently people who are familiar with the autism spectrum can readily spot that I'm a bit autistic, though. |
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marshall
Under the whirlwind
Joined: Apr 15, 2007
Posts: 9248
Location: Western Michigan
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| Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 2:53 am Post subject: |
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| I honestly have no idea. Even if you take out my "autistic" symptoms I feel decidedly "not normal" in other ways. |
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