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League_Girl
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27 May 2011, 3:21 pm

SammichEater wrote:
What do you mean? You're crazy. Having AS gives me every right to be rude. I go around being an ass and blame it on my AS all the time and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.



I hope you're being sarcastic.



SammichEater
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27 May 2011, 3:29 pm

League_Girl wrote:
SammichEater wrote:
What do you mean? You're crazy. Having AS gives me every right to be rude. I go around being an ass and blame it on my AS all the time and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.



I hope you're being sarcastic.


Yes, I was. I guess I probably should have put that in there.


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wefunction
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27 May 2011, 3:33 pm

League_Girl wrote:
SammichEater wrote:
What do you mean? You're crazy. Having AS gives me every right to be rude. I go around being an ass and blame it on my AS all the time and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.



I hope you're being sarcastic.


Why is it that I see you continually questioning people on whether or not they're being sarcastic and telling others not to tell jokes about things that aren't true (like the one who posted a radio commercial not everyone knew in the Random section) but you were very defensive when people didn't think your April Fools posts were funny? I see this as a bit of a contradiction. Either you think it's cool to joke around aspies or you don't. Which is it?



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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27 May 2011, 3:35 pm

leejosepho wrote:
My mother used to keep the receipts and keep them handy in case someone later actually needed a receipt and had asked, but then that just led to people giving things away rather than asking for the receipt ... and then my mother felt like a poor gift-giver.

Overall, I think it is best to just give something to someone either with or without the price and receipt and to then just disconnect oneself from any concern about what people do with those things that have just become their own.

That's great advice :)
Either that or gift cards. My family is going in that direction more and more, just buying gift cards for everyone and leaving it at that.
I was exchanging something at Wal Mart and watching the people in front of me who just had a baby shower. They were exchanging so many presents. I thought it would be easier on them just to get money instead of gifts.



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27 May 2011, 3:53 pm

wefunction wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
SammichEater wrote:
What do you mean? You're crazy. Having AS gives me every right to be rude. I go around being an ass and blame it on my AS all the time and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.



I hope you're being sarcastic.


Why is it that I see you continually questioning people on whether or not they're being sarcastic and telling others not to tell jokes about things that aren't true (like the one who posted a radio commercial not everyone knew in the Random section) but you were very defensive when people didn't think your April Fools posts were funny? I see this as a bit of a contradiction. Either you think it's cool to joke around aspies or you don't. Which is it?



I never told him he couldn't tell that joke. I told him I don't read his posts. So that is why I fell for it. He did ask if anyone listens to the night radio and he did mention how he always posts about wanting a woman or whatever I don't quite remember the details) and he just got mad at me just because I didn't remember him. So which is it for him? Am I dumb or playing dumb? It's people like him why I hate people in general because they seem to attack me for no reason when I did nothing wrong and then think I did stuff on purpose. My online friend just thinks it was a misunderstanding and it's about something small in the past. That is also why I used to get into fights with members in the past attacking them back because they attack me first. Now what do I do about it now? I report them now and I never speak to them again to avoid further conflicts. Problem solved.

But I have noticed since then I have replied to his threads in the past just this year and I just didn't take notice in his name.

And the reason why I was hoping sammich was being sarcastic was because what he said was disturbing so if it was sarcasm, it be a good thing because it meant he doesn't go out and do that. If he did, it be shame on him.



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27 May 2011, 4:06 pm

Absolutely!
I still do social mistakes, but once my mom tries to explain me what i did wrong, i can try to correct myself. When i do it is because i don't know i am doing something socially wrong.
I think using AS or whatever to be rude is stupid and lazy.


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wefunction
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27 May 2011, 4:09 pm

Sorry, League_Girl. I didn't realize there was such a history there. I feel like I pulled back a scab. I didn't mean to. It just struck me as odd... and now I know why. Sorry.

League_Girl wrote:
And the reason why I was hoping sammich was being sarcastic was because what he said was disturbing so if it was sarcasm, it be a good thing because it meant he doesn't go out and do that. If he did, it be shame on him.


I tend to assume the bizarre things are sarcasm. The humor is in going to the extreme.



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27 May 2011, 4:10 pm

wefunction wrote:
I come bearing hypothetical scenarios, please stay with me.

Scenario A:
Aspie is talking with NT 1 and NT 2. Aspie is making an effort to contribute to the discussion and not say anything too far from expectation or understanding. Unfortunately, NT 1 says something to Aspie that Aspie completely misses and just continues on with the discussion as if NT 1 never said anything at all. Both NT 1 and NT 2 think this is really obnoxious or weird of Aspie, and Aspie is completely unaware that it even happened. If Aspie ever has a chance to explain, Aspie would be able to apologize and explain that sometimes moments in a discussion are completely missed, it's unintentional and please don't ever take offense.

Scenario B:
Aspie is talking with NT 1 and NT 2. Aspie is distracted and not really making an effort to talk to either of these people because they are going off-topic so often and aren't even discussing Aspie's special interest. Aspie insists on bringing up the special interest as much as possible so that the three of them can discuss something interesting. NT 1 and NT 2 are not very happy and form a negative opinion about Aspie. When given the opportunity to explain the behavior, Aspie claimed that Aspergers makes it completely okay to behave this way.

In my opinion, Scenario A is acceptable and Scenario B is not. If I'm understanding the OP's context correctly, Scenario B would be the matching hypothetical for this topic, not Scenario A.


It depends on the level of functioning of the person with Asperger's. To me Scenario B is showing a lower level functioning than Scenario A. As someone who is effectively mute and encouraged to talk more in conversations by my NT coworker counterparts(...back when I was working...), I would probably look more like Scenario B as I participate more. What matters is when the person with Asperger's doesn't care and breaks rules even when s/he knows better. I personally feel that it's inappropriate to make blanket statements about what is and what isn't acceptable without regard to the person's functioning.

The scenario I pictured when I read the OP was with regard to the issue of "white lies."



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27 May 2011, 4:30 pm

I know what it is like. I go to school with students that the teachers favorite. They let them be bad and then say,"He can't help it he has autism." :evil: Really I have autism and I don't get away with stuff like that. :evil:


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27 May 2011, 5:24 pm

For a long time, I insulted people without realizing it and never really understood how once it was pointed out to me. It wasn't until my 30's that I got a handle on it. It was also then that I started pointing out rude comments to other people - not becasue they didn't know they were rude. most rude people do it on purpose after all. But other people rarely call them out on it unless it is a scathingly personal remark. I would nonchalantly just say 'wow, that was rude.' and the that person would either get flustered or go on the offensive and get ruder. Later, the other people in the group would AGAIN tell me I was rude for pointing it out... What? It's ok to call me out on it but not other people?

This one I do not get and probably never will. I'll still call people out on it. I do my best to just be the kind of person that I'd like to have as a friend. I take all these social rules as a suggestion... optional, according to the users needs.



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27 May 2011, 5:31 pm

A lady I used to work with liked to make little handmade Christmas cards for people. It was such a big deal to her that she'd take time out of her work schedule to put these together (as well as working through breaks and lunches and after work). These weren't any Etsy seller handmade card with raised scrapbook paper pieces, either. These were actual pieces of art done on a relatively small scale. When we had our Christmas party and she gave me mine, I said, "This is wonderful! You have a great little talent here!"

I meant it as a compliment because I was really impressed with the detailed work on something so small and precise, but that "little" made it condescending and insulting. And there was no walking it back.

There's a million things I know I could say today to help make it better... but I'd never say, "I have AS, I can't help it."



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27 May 2011, 5:52 pm

draelynn wrote:
For a long time, I insulted people without realizing it and never really understood how once it was pointed out to me. It wasn't until my 30's that I got a handle on it. It was also then that I started pointing out rude comments to other people - not becasue they didn't know they were rude. most rude people do it on purpose after all. But other people rarely call them out on it unless it is a scathingly personal remark. I would nonchalantly just say 'wow, that was rude.' and the that person would either get flustered or go on the offensive and get ruder. Later, the other people in the group would AGAIN tell me I was rude for pointing it out... What? It's ok to call me out on it but not other people?

This one I do not get and probably never will. I'll still call people out on it. I do my best to just be the kind of person that I'd like to have as a friend. I take all these social rules as a suggestion... optional, according to the users needs.



Sometimes I wish people would call me out on my rude behavior but the problem is when they do, I get defensive and never want to speak to them again fearing I might say the wrong thing again and have another conflict.

People are usually not nice about it when they call you out because they assume you did it on purpose. But yet the ones who knows me tells me that is not socially appropriate and that is something you don't say. I like that call out better.


I call people out on their rude behavior if I know them, I wouldn't do it to a stranger or to someone who has a bad temper or who isn't nice to me.

Why do people not like being called out? I dunno but if it was done in a mean way, I can understand but if it was done in a civil way, I don't understand.



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27 May 2011, 5:57 pm

YoshiPikachu wrote:
I know what it is like. I go to school with students that the teachers favorite. They let them be bad and then say,"He can't help it he has autism." :evil: Really I have autism and I don't get away with stuff like that. :evil:



I think they should be trying to teach them some skills and how to behave and how to handle things.



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27 May 2011, 6:06 pm

Being an immigrant is a perfect excuse for not understanding a foreign nations social graces.


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Last edited by Phonic on 27 May 2011, 6:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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27 May 2011, 6:07 pm

Seph wrote:
wefunction wrote:
I come bearing hypothetical scenarios, please stay with me.

Scenario A:
Aspie is talking with NT 1 and NT 2. Aspie is making an effort to contribute to the discussion and not say anything too far from expectation or understanding. Unfortunately, NT 1 says something to Aspie that Aspie completely misses and just continues on with the discussion as if NT 1 never said anything at all. Both NT 1 and NT 2 think this is really obnoxious or weird of Aspie, and Aspie is completely unaware that it even happened. If Aspie ever has a chance to explain, Aspie would be able to apologize and explain that sometimes moments in a discussion are completely missed, it's unintentional and please don't ever take offense.

Scenario B:
Aspie is talking with NT 1 and NT 2. Aspie is distracted and not really making an effort to talk to either of these people because they are going off-topic so often and aren't even discussing Aspie's special interest. Aspie insists on bringing up the special interest as much as possible so that the three of them can discuss something interesting. NT 1 and NT 2 are not very happy and form a negative opinion about Aspie. When given the opportunity to explain the behavior, Aspie claimed that Aspergers makes it completely okay to behave this way.

In my opinion, Scenario A is acceptable and Scenario B is not. If I'm understanding the OP's context correctly, Scenario B would be the matching hypothetical for this topic, not Scenario A.


It depends on the level of functioning of the person with Asperger's. To me Scenario B is showing a lower level functioning than Scenario A. As someone who is effectively mute and encouraged to talk more in conversations by my NT coworker counterparts(...back when I was working...), I would probably look more like Scenario B as I participate more. What matters is when the person with Asperger's doesn't care and breaks rules even when s/he knows better. I personally feel that it's inappropriate to make blanket statements about what is and what isn't acceptable without regard to the person's functioning.

The scenario I pictured when I read the OP was with regard to the issue of "white lies."



I interpreted the OP as aspies who are intentionally rude or don't even care if something is considered rude so they do it anyway and say it's their AS. Same as aspies who refuse to try and work on stuff like trying to not talk about their obsessions so much and trying hard to stay on topic.

Okay in scenario B if the aspie didn't know they were breaking the conversation social rules, all they can do is go "oh sorry" but if they thought their behavior was okay, it is using it as an excuse. But they aren't using it as an excuse if they go "oh sorry" and then explain that they were trying to have a conversation with them and they didn't realize they were getting irritated with them. That is how I saw scenario B. I saw it as the aspie thinking their behavior was acceptable and okay because of their AS than apologizing for it. I saw it as the aspie does not want to work on it.



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27 May 2011, 6:09 pm

wefunction wrote:
Sorry, League_Girl. I didn't realize there was such a history there. I feel like I pulled back a scab. I didn't mean to. It just struck me as odd... and now I know why. Sorry.

League_Girl wrote:
And the reason why I was hoping sammich was being sarcastic was because what he said was disturbing so if it was sarcasm, it be a good thing because it meant he doesn't go out and do that. If he did, it be shame on him.


I tend to assume the bizarre things are sarcasm. The humor is in going to the extreme.



Thanks and good advice but I always want to be sure. I always hope it's sarcasm. Same as when people say something is an excuse for something, I assume they are using irony.