Verdandi
Miss Kitty Fantastico
Joined: Dec 08, 2010
Posts: 10197
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
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 Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 12:30 am Post subject: |
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| League_Girl wrote: |
Sometimes I will say things and it just comes right out as if it was a tic. I say it without thinking and right away i realize "oops" and it's embarrassing. But I move on quickly when no one is upset by it. I still say sorry if I knew it was rude like if I call someone fat. I used to have these slip ups all the time as a kid but occupational therapy helped. Now I do it a lot less. |
Yeah. I've done this. I never had any therapy to not do it, but over time I've cut down. I still do it every now and then, but I am significantly less likely to, say, reveal something humiliating about someone right in front of them. Which has happened. 
Probably reasonable to have learned something by 41... |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13500
Location: My house
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| Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 12:33 am Post subject: |
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| Kon wrote: | | Sometimes I tick off people but usually I make them laugh. It has to do with my obsessions. I'm usually the quietest person but sometimes I can over-talk about it or try to dominate the conversation and I can't stop myself and keep on going and going like the "Duracell Bunny". What's worse is I repeat myself many times (because I get excited) and/or I kind of forget that I already said it or I just get stuck or I talk too fast to make up for the little talking I usually do. It annoys some people. |
I do those things too. I am happy I make people laugh. Better than upsetting them. |
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NarcissusSavage
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 03, 2009
Age: 31
Posts: 657
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| Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 12:59 am Post subject: |
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I just don't concern myself with it.
If someone thinks I'm rude, that's fine with me. I don't need to weight my worth or personal value on the perceptions of others.
I very, very rarely appologize for anything. And never make excuses.
If I'm a jerk, that's A OK with me.
Has nothing to do with Aspergers.
Has everything to do with a self generated sense of self worth and complete disregard of outward opinions of self.
_________________
I am Ignostic.
Go ahead and define god, with universal acceptance of said definition.
I'll wait.
Maybe you are too?
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Kon
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 15, 2010
Posts: 728
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 1:21 am Post subject: |
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| NarcissusSavage wrote: | | If I'm a jerk, that's A OK with me....Has everything to do with a self generated sense of self worth and complete disregard of outward opinions of self. |
Doesn't your own opinion of yourself get depreciated when you believe you've been a jerk? I mean you must have some ideal that allows you to measure yourself against? I'm guessing being a jerk isn't that ideal. So when you are a jerk doesn't your self-worth go down because you have gone further away from your ideal? Just trying to understand. |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Rasta is about freedom and the living God
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Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 7998
Location: Babylon
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| Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 1:29 am Post subject: |
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| Kon wrote: | | NarcissusSavage wrote: | | If I'm a jerk, that's A OK with me....Has everything to do with a self generated sense of self worth and complete disregard of outward opinions of self. |
Doesn't your own opinion of yourself get depreciated when you believe you've been a jerk? I mean you must have some ideal that allows you to measure yourself against? I'm guessing being a jerk isn't that ideal. So when you are a jerk doesn't your self-worth go down because you have gone further away from your ideal? Just trying to understand. |
The thing is, everyone has moments when they are a jerk. It's not like it's exclusive to those with an ASD. I run into jerks day and night.
Sometimes you have to be a jerk just to keep people from running over you!
I don't try to be an intentional jerk and it pisses me off when others are jerks but at the end of the day, I realize it's part of life. Everyone, including me, is going to be a jerk from time to time, intentional or not. Sometimes you got to let these things go and not let them get to you even though I get annoyed myself. I admit to being too sensitive from time to time.
Still, I wish I could wave a magic wand and take all jerkiness out of the human race, myself included because it gets on my nerves as much as it does anyone. |
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 14837
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 1:33 am Post subject: |
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| Agree with the original poster. Some people are rude on purpose then pull it out. |
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Seph
Velociraptor
Joined: May 25, 2011
Posts: 406
Location: In a space station in orbit around Saturn
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| Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 1:54 am Post subject: |
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| wefunction wrote: | Well, Seph, I'm high-functioning so I don't really consider it a joke. Both my son and I have been classified as "very high functioning"... which... again... I cannot wait for the new DSM so all this "low/mid/high/very high" crap stops. It's very convoluted and confusing. None of these terms have absolute meaning. That will change.
Have you tried looking in a mirror and practicing different looks? If you spend the time practicing facial expressions and attempting to make your eyes look differently when they're looking at someone, you might be able to start controlling how you look at others. Watch how an actor looks at someone in a movie... how he looks, then looks away, then looks back and then looks away again. Decipher the pattern and then use it again in the mirror. Keep practicing until you think you can duplicate it without looking in the mirror.
The 12-step group being what it is, you might want to say that you're autistic and explain the trouble that you have with people misunderstanding you, even just from looking at people. Explain that you're trying a mirror trick that some crazy woman on the internet suggested and ask for their help and ideas on how to do things differently. You might get some good advice. If you can context it to say that your autism isn't a big thing, it's some little things that just make you different enough to make people exclude you, they might understand you better. I say this because this is a 12-step group. The rules about support, understanding and discretion could provide the security you'd need that others just wouldn't have in different situations. |
I hope you didn't take the phrase calling "high-functioning" a cruel joke as a personal insult. I didn't mean it as such. It was used to express frustration of trying to be functional when I know I'm not. The terms have never actually been in the DSM and aren't official designations. They're only used colloquially to destinguish from severe autism. I honestly don't see it changing in the new DSM. I actually see it worse when Asperger's gets merged.
I appreciate the advice with practicing faces in the mirror. I'll keep it in mind and try it in the future. Right now I just need to concentrate on getting past this depressive cycle I'm in... |
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Daryl_Blonder
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 473
Location: Salem, CT
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| Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 2:06 am Post subject: |
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Agree with the OP. It applies to not just things we say, but things we do too.
If you don't know what to say, don't say anything at all. When in doubt just be nice.
*****************************************************************************************************
Check out my IMDB page! |
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NarcissusSavage
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 03, 2009
Age: 31
Posts: 657
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| Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 2:24 am Post subject: |
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| Kon wrote: | | NarcissusSavage wrote: | | If I'm a jerk, that's A OK with me....Has everything to do with a self generated sense of self worth and complete disregard of outward opinions of self. |
Doesn't your own opinion of yourself get depreciated when you believe you've been a jerk? I mean you must have some ideal that allows you to measure yourself against? I'm guessing being a jerk isn't that ideal. So when you are a jerk doesn't your self-worth go down because you have gone further away from your ideal? Just trying to understand. |
Rephrased. "If I'm labeled a jerk, that's A OK with me."
Edit; But to answer your question. No, actually. I'm generally quite proud of myself when I believe I have been a jerk. It is a truely rare occasion that I stand up for myself, and if the consequence of doing so is being a jerk, it's overall still a possitive.
And on a side note, self image and self worth may be related, but are not the same. My self image may change over time, but that does not have to have an impact on my self worth. Even if I do something "bad" I don't have to have a decreased worth. This is an issue related to cognitive dissonance...I am comfortable existing in a dissonant state.
_________________
I am Ignostic.
Go ahead and define god, with universal acceptance of said definition.
I'll wait.
Maybe you are too?
Last edited by NarcissusSavage on Sat May 28, 2011 2:31 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Seph
Velociraptor
Joined: May 25, 2011
Posts: 406
Location: In a space station in orbit around Saturn
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| Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 2:26 am Post subject: |
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I'm emotionally triggered right now so, please, take this post in stride.
| Daryl_Blonder wrote: |
If you don't know what to say, don't say anything at all. |
I find this dehumanizing.
I've been essentially mute for 34 years and you're telling me to not say anything at all?
No... just no.
_________________
Why oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill? -Cypher, Matrix
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NarcissusSavage
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 03, 2009
Age: 31
Posts: 657
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| Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 2:36 am Post subject: |
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| Seph wrote: | I'm emotionally triggered right now so, please, take this post in stride.
| Daryl_Blonder wrote: |
If you don't know what to say, don't say anything at all. |
I find this dehumanizing.
I've been essentially mute for 34 years and you're telling me to not say anything at all?
No... just no. |
I agree. No one ever "Knows what to say". What does that statement even mean? It's rhetoric. Garbage recycled by parents without original thought in an attempt to socially bandaid thier childrens communication missteps. It's rediculous too, without making mistakes and just remaining silent, you will not learn or grow, your opinions and contributions will remain unheard.
_________________
I am Ignostic.
Go ahead and define god, with universal acceptance of said definition.
I'll wait.
Maybe you are too?
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Verdandi
Miss Kitty Fantastico
Joined: Dec 08, 2010
Posts: 10197
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
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| Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 3:44 am Post subject: |
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| Daryl_Blonder wrote: | Agree with the OP. It applies to not just things we say, but things we do too.
If you don't know what to say, don't say anything at all. When in doubt just be nice. |
Oh, if only it were that simple.
Not about using it to excuse rudeness. I mean knowing something is rude to begin with, or knowing how to be nice.
I like what I heard when I was majoring in music: If you make a mistake, make it loud.
I also agree with Seph's and NarcissusSavage's replies to this.
| NarcissusSavage wrote: | I just don't concern myself with it.
If someone thinks I'm rude, that's fine with me. I don't need to weight my worth or personal value on the perceptions of others.
I very, very rarely appologize for anything. And never make excuses.
If I'm a jerk, that's A OK with me.
Has nothing to do with Aspergers.
Has everything to do with a self generated sense of self worth and complete disregard of outward opinions of self. |
When I choose not to be rude, relying on my accumulated decades of lessons in this topic, I don't do it out of weighting my worth or personal value on the perceptions of others. There are really two factors that go into this:
1) I don't see the point of unnecessarily antagonizing or hurting other people. What do I get out of hurting someone else's feelings or deliberately offending them? In most social situations, nothing but more stress for me.
2) I don't see the point of taking actions that are contrary to my intended goals, or make those goals harder to achieve.
But outward opinions of self? Oh, if I cared about that I think my life would have gone a bit differently. Often I'm downright oblivious to those. |
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MyWorld
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 13, 2008
Posts: 320
Location: I'm in ur kitchenz, eatin ur foodz
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| Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 4:09 am Post subject: Re: "I have Asperger's" is no excuse. |
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| Dark_Lord_2008 wrote: | | "I have Asperger's" is no excuse. If a kid says something rude to you, you tell them why it was rude and why they shouldn't do that. If an adult does the same, and you rebuff them, and they just say "I have Asperger's, so I do that," then you tell them to go f**k themselves. If they say "oh, sorry..." then you accept their apology. People with Asperger's can learn social skills and not be a jerk. People can overcome it through effort and practice, so using it to excuse as*hole behavior is bullshit. |
As much as I don't like some of your posts, I have to agree with you on this one. |
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swbluto
System architect and nanobot commander
Joined: Feb 27, 2011
Age: 26
Posts: 2899
Location: In the Andes, counting the stars and wondering if one of them is home to another civilization
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| Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 11:21 am Post subject: |
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But I'm usually rude to people because I want to and I'm trying to get diagnosed so that I can excuse it on a whim. You're telling me I legitimately can't? Fvck you.
Sorry, that's my AS.  |
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Maje
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 21, 2010
Age: 32
Posts: 1987
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| Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 12:03 pm Post subject: Re: "I have Asperger's" is no excuse. |
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| Dark_Lord_2008 wrote: | | "I have Asperger's" is no excuse. If a kid says something rude to you, you tell them why it was rude and why they shouldn't do that. If an adult does the same, and you rebuff them, and they just say "I have Asperger's, so I do that," then you tell them to go f**k themselves. |
And with that strike the problem is solved...(lol) Who has a problem here?
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If they say "oh, sorry..." then you accept their apology.
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"Im so sorry" (sugar voice) and Dark_Lord_2008 is happy again.... wow thats easy!
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People with Asperger's can learn social skills and not be a jerk. People can overcome it through effort and practice, so using it to excuse as*hole behavior is bullshit. |
My as*hole behavior is your narrow perception and therefore your problem. If I would explain to you why I do things wrong in your eyes, you would not feel offended anymore, but typically it takes a lot of effort explaining the other way of seing things, and so the Aspergers excuse would be ok for me. |
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