pree10shun
daydreamer
Joined: May 30, 2011
Posts: 1659
Location: Everywhere
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 Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 12:56 am Post subject: Reaction to a hug? |
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What happens when you get a hug?
I feel like they are trying to squeeze the air out of me. I am only comfortable hugging my mother for only a few seconds.
What about you? |
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LawsOfIllusion
Butterfly
Joined: Apr 09, 2011
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 1:11 am Post subject: |
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| I hug my daughter when she wants one or needs one and my husband for the same, but I really don't like hugs. Touchy feely people freak me out. It really feels smothering to me. I tense up so much when people hug me. It is just too much. I can't really explain the feeling well it just feels not nice. When I am hugged I close my eyes or look the other way and feel like pushing the person away. The only exception to this is my daughter and husband. They are the only two people I want to be close with, or really can be close with. |
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Kon
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 15, 2010
Posts: 728
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 1:26 am Post subject: |
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| I feel like they're invading my private space, without my permission. And unless they're having sex with me and I'm attracted to them, they're not invited. |
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Natty_Boh
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 25, 2010
Age: 32
Posts: 756
Location: Baltimore County
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 1:34 am Post subject: |
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My 6th grade teacher once tried to hug me (unexpectedly)...once. I reacted like a trapped animal, just trying to get away. There wasn't any thought to it, it wasn't anything I could control, only apologize for afterwards - I have no idea what she thought.  I don't fling myself halfway across the room to escape now; but I'm still not thrilled about hugs. Friendly-acquaintance half-hugs, I can deal with, but that's about the extent of it except with family.
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MollyTroubletail
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 22, 2010
Posts: 674
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 2:02 am Post subject: |
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| I don't want to hurt peoples' feelings or alienate them, so I swallow my discomfort and pretend to hug them back enthusiastically. When they swoop down upon me like pterodactyls with arms spread, I resist the urge to duck. |
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johnsmcjohn
ad hominem
Joined: Jun 02, 2011
Posts: 1213
Location: Las Vegas
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 2:03 am Post subject: |
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Unless the hug comes from my mother, or an unbelievably attractive woman, I can't stand being touched. Even handshakes make me cringe.
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rai
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 05, 2011
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 2:09 am Post subject: |
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Very good topic.
For a long time I was extremely awkward with hugs. I've gotten better with them, but I'm still not comfortable with nearly any of them. For years if somebody hugged me I'd stand still and not lift my arms to hug back; I'd look like a plank just standing there. I just feel like it's not normal to encompass the body of another human being so closely for everyday occasions. I feel like it's an invasion of personal space. I'm not saying that in reality it is, but that's just how I feel about it. Now that I'm older and have more experience I've gotten a little bit better. I will reluctantly hug back (for example, during the holidays when I have to see a lot of family members). I do a quick little hug with my arms. For some reason I have to have my hands closed in a fist and only touch my arms to the body of the person that I'm hugging. I absolutely do NOT like the feeling of having my entire hand touch another persons body.
For whatever reason, the idea of just hugging somebody makes me uncomfortable. As does the idea of someone nicely touching their hand on my arm (for example). I can't stand being touched by touchy-feely people, it absolutely makes my skin crawl and makes me want to run off. But I could go off about that for a few paragraphs not relating to hugs, so I won't.  |
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Wooster
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 18, 2011
Age: 46
Posts: 136
Location: here
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 2:13 am Post subject: |
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| LawsOfIllusion wrote: | | I hug my daughter when she wants one or needs one and my husband for the same, but I really don't like hugs. Touchy feely people freak me out. It really feels smothering to me. I tense up so much when people hug me. It is just too much. I can't really explain the feeling well it just feels not nice. When I am hugged I close my eyes or look the other way and feel like pushing the person away. The only exception to this is my daughter and husband. They are the only two people I want to be close with, or really can be close with. |
Same here.
I nearly faint when my mother in-law hugs me (which is of course the only situation I encounter from time to time that I can't just step out of / away from) - and until recently my own mother knew better - but she's taken to hugging me too and I really don't like it - I don't know whether it's just old age or she's seeing me close with my wife and son so thinks the "issue" is gone.
I've been like that since a tiny child - is just the way I've always been.
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Tantricbadass
Blue Jay
Joined: May 24, 2011
Posts: 88
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 4:07 am Post subject: |
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| I refuse hugs from people I don't like.I feel sorta over stimulated when I get hugged.I do wanna hug people sometimes.I do kinda fantasize about snuggling with people.I sleep with a body pillow and stuffed animal.I do like the squeeze hugs though.My uncles used to hug me and squeeze my shoulders really tightly when I was really bad sensitive.That was when I flinched when people walked up to me.I think him doing that made me grow close to him.He squeeze hugs me I get angry. |
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Tantricbadass
Blue Jay
Joined: May 24, 2011
Posts: 88
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 4:08 am Post subject: |
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| I refuse hugs from people I don't like.I feel sorta over stimulated when I get hugged.I do wanna hug people sometimes.I do kinda fantasize about snuggling with people.I sleep with a body pillow and stuffed animal.I do like the squeeze hugs though.My uncles used to hug me and squeeze my shoulders really tightly when I was younger and had really bad AS.That was when I flinched when people walked up to me.I think him doing that made me grow close to him.He squeeze hugs me when I get angry. |
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ToughDiamond
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 16, 2008
Age: 60
Posts: 4751
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 5:54 am Post subject: |
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| I often feel the need to be hugged but when it happens it's usually too much of a shock and I react as if I didn't want it to happen. I can't see it as a trivial thing like a lot of people do. |
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samsa
Toucan
Joined: Nov 06, 2010
Posts: 282
Location: Canberra, Australia
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 6:39 am Post subject: |
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I like hugs from close friends, but I hate them from more distant friends.
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keira
Still not a morning person
Joined: Feb 17, 2011
Age: 29
Posts: 4302
Location: misplaced
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 6:51 am Post subject: |
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| Kon wrote: | | I feel like they're invading my private space, without my permission. And unless they're having sex with me and I'm attracted to them, they're not invited. |
^^^ That's how I feel about hugs.
The usual scenario when someone hugs me without me asking for a hug is something like:
me: "Oh! OK. You can let go now!"
the hugger: "But I'm giving you a hug! It'll make you feel better!"
me: "E eh.. thanks... i guess... but seriously! Let go!"
I find it very uncomfortable and awkward  |
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Cornflake
Rattles when shaken
Joined: Oct 31, 2010
Posts: 30460
Location: Hertfordshire, UK
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 7:11 am Post subject: |
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What happens when I get a hug?
It's much too personal and I go into a near panic; I go as stiff as a board and kind-of back away internally (if that makes any sense - I 'compact' and feel very small).
I notice way too many things about the 'hugger' for comfort and that only makes it all worse. It's like the sensory input control has been turned up to maximum sensitivity and there's a massive roaring input of data.
If a hug is launched unexpectedly then I flinch away from it, but if it's advertised well enough in advance I've learned to control the flinching and endure it.
Can't be much fun for the hugger though, hugging an ironing board.
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Claradoon
Supporting Member
Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Age: 62
Posts: 2445
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 7:17 am Post subject: |
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Hugs are ok from intimates and children. Otherwise, yuck. I can think of two alternatives:
(1) if somebody's coming at you with arms extended, grab their hands, smile and say something;
(2) if it's too late to grab their hands, get your hands up and grab their shoulders, smile etc.
Both of these should buy you some space. Of course, there's always the "Don't Touch Me" dance but that takes so much energy.
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