pinkbowtiepumps
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 17, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 574
Location: US
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 Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 12:56 am Post subject: How do you feel certain about your sexuality? |
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Just asking: is there a definite feeling, or are you always wondering despite finding a label for yourself?
For example, I think I'm asexual, but I'm not 100% certain. There are moments where I ask, "am I really?" It just feels like this gray fog where nothing makes sense... there is no clear answer for me, and I am not sure if there is a way in which I can find an answer. Is anyone else this way? |
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Fatal-Noogie
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 29, 2007
Age: 27
Posts: 908
Location: California coast, United States of America, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Cosmos
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 1:22 am Post subject: |
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I know how I feel. — I'm just not allowed to admit it.
If I say I feel aroused in the presence of a woman, she'd probably think I'm a creep or a pervert.
If I tell my male friends I have crush on a hot woman for non-sexual reasons (which I sometimes do), they act like I'm really weird.
The result is that I have sexual interests: I just can't ever talk about them because somehow I always loose.
I used to wonder if I was slightly bi-sexual.
Then I realized that no matter how sexy a man looks to me, I don't want his dick near me. And that was that.
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nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9726
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 1:29 am Post subject: |
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I haven't been sure of my sexuality either. I thought I was straight when I hit puberty because I found women attractive & not guys but lots of my classmates insisted I was gay. I also felt I was born the wrong sex because I related to girls better than guys & had more women friends which was only a few before I hit puberty. I got in a relationship 8 years ago & I quit desiring sex when things got more serious & I had a mental breakdown after things feel part between us & I started taking psych meds that had side-effects of decreasing my drive. I had no interest in sex partly because of my lack of drive & because I kind of blamed sexuality for some of the problems with the relationship & other things. I heard about asexuality & I was sure I was for a while. I questioned if I could be gay some after a bit because gay guys are the only people interested in me & my personality is NOT masculine. I also felt I might be a lesbian in a man;s body some. I sorted some stuff out sense but now I think I'm a borderline asexual because I would be willing to have sex in a serious relationship for my partner's sake & I think I might would enjoy it but never having it wouldn't bother me either & I don't want it outside of a relationship. The asexual community is no longer accepting of me thou; I posted about it in the "aspies feel like they are asexual" post in this section. I guess i know what I am at the moment but it might could change depending.
I'm not sure how others feel certain about their sexuality/asexuality. I sort of guess & question as things in my life or my mind change. I don't conform to any stereotype
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For info about where I've been & what's up with me check this post~
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Descartes
Cogito Ergo Sum
Joined: Apr 09, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 5998
Location: Arlington, Texas
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 4:18 am Post subject: |
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Looking at pictures of naked women does nothing for me. Looking at pictures of naked men, however, does. I have no interest in f***ing women, only in f***ing other men. Taking all those things into consideration, I think I can be pretty certain that I am 100% gay.
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kittylover
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: May 24, 2008
Posts: 178
Location: Orange County, California
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 4:44 am Post subject: |
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I'm rather confused about my sexuality. Growing up, I was always attracted to girls/women and never boys/men. This is true even though I secretly wished I could be a woman myself.
However, since starting taking female hormones for a few years, I've noticed sometimes that I wish I could cuddle with some of my male friends. Like, I'll be sitting near them at dinner or something, and get a feeling like i want to cuddle up next to them and kiss them.
My sexual fantasies are now often being with a guy, with me as a woman.
It's strange, because cross-gender hormones ought not to change sexual orientation. After all, gay people wouldn't exist if the type of hormone were the determining factor. |
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jcanico
Butterfly
Joined: May 02, 2011
Posts: 11
Location: UK
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 5:50 am Post subject: |
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I dont try to find a label for myself. There isnt one that fits.
I'm happy with not haveing a sterotypical label but i know it causes problems for other people who want to fit me
into a sterotypical box about my sexuality.
I dont try to force my sexuality to conform to rules.
It would be nice if people could accept me as i am but then we'd be in a perfect world and the worlds not perfect. |
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pinkbowtiepumps
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 17, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 574
Location: US
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 10:48 am Post subject: |
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This is all interesting, I love reading what people have to say.
Kittylover, your instance is a perfect example of how things can change. I do think sexuality is fluid and changes over time, which is why I'm hesitant to put a label on myself. But I feel like figuring out what I'm interested in will make things a lot easier.
I think I may be asexual because I feel indifferent to images of reproductive parts, both male and female, as in, not turned on at all. I'd rather cuddle and kiss than have sex - be silly, and be in good company.
The thing is, would this still make me asexual? Aaaah this is all so tricky. I wish people could just exist and live without feeling the need to classify everything. :/ |
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jrjones9933
Phoenix
Joined: May 14, 2011
Posts: 777
Location: Rrrrr...
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 11:13 am Post subject: |
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I feel comfortable with ambiguity and complexity, and the need to put people into rigid categories strikes me an aspect of the type of "them and us" tribalism which causes so much harm in the world. I reluctantly use categories for people if given no reasonable alternative, since few people want to open their minds, and I seem to have cultivated resentment by trying to "help" them open their minds. I just try to keep my mind open to the possibility that things will change, and refresh my evaluations at every opportunity.
I feel attracted to lots of women, but only a few men. Sometimes it even lasts beyond talking to them for a few hours!
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Zen
Phoenix
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Joined: Nov 11, 2010
Posts: 1868
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 2:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Descartes wrote: | | Looking at pictures of naked women does nothing for me. Looking at pictures of naked men, however, does. I have no interest in f***ing women, only in f***ing other men. Taking all those things into consideration, I think I can be pretty certain that I am 100% gay. |
Ditto. 
Anyway, is it important to have a label? I say just go with the flow. You don't have to feel any pressure to define anything. |
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kittie
Phoenix
Joined: May 11, 2011
Posts: 661
Location: UK.
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 2:50 pm Post subject: |
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Because I feel completely sick at the thought of a naked guy, but naked women turn me on.
But as I can romantically like both genders (as in, I could very happily have a romantic relationship with an asexual guy), I often doubt whether I'm actually gay. =S
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nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9726
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 4:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Zen wrote: | | Descartes wrote: | | Looking at pictures of naked women does nothing for me. Looking at pictures of naked men, however, does. I have no interest in f***ing women, only in f***ing other men. Taking all those things into consideration, I think I can be pretty certain that I am 100% gay. |
Ditto.
Anyway, is it important to have a label? I say just go with the flow. You don't have to feel any pressure to define anything. |
I don't worry about my label much because I believe labels are used to help explain/define certain aspect of myself. I do NOT try to conform to any label. You need to focus on understanding yourself & the label part isn't required as long as you can explain it to yourself
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For info about where I've been & what's up with me check this post~
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puddingmouse
cheesecake demolisher
Joined: Apr 25, 2010
Age: 26
Posts: 7028
Location: Mega City 3
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 6:02 pm Post subject: |
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I've always liked both but identified with neither...
...well sometimes I've liked neither, as well.
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TheHouseholdCat
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 01, 2012
Posts: 667
Location: Berlin, Germany
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 5:40 pm Post subject: |
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I think all labels for sexuality are social constructs. I, um, I stopped worrying. I don't need to be sure of anything. If it feels right, it's fine for me. 
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EXPANDED CIRCLE OF FIFTHS
"It's how they see things. It's a way of bringing class to an environment, and I say that pejoratively because, obviously, good music is good music however it's created, however it's motivated." - Thomas Newman |
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Thom_Fuleri
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 08, 2010
Posts: 800
Location: Leicestershire, UK
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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I didn't have any sexual interest until I was 18, at which point I started looking for the right girl as the concept of homosexuality had never really been clear to me. Took me a while to figure it out. But how do I know? Simple - I am attracted to guys. Girls, however, I struggle to even remember unless I know them for other reasons (eg. work colleagues).
The fact I've been involved with a few dozen men and zero women is compelling evidence, too. |
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AstroGeek
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 29, 2011
Age: 19
Posts: 1477
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 9:01 pm Post subject: |
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| I had some confusion because I did have a few crushes on girls as a preteen and even when I was 15. But it was more that I liked their personality and admired their appearance in much the way one might admire a beautiful painting. The fact that I was always trying to find porn with hot guys while I really couldn't care less about the women should have given me a clue. Eventually I got over the knee-jerk reaction of shock and (dare I say) disgust and realized that gay porn was far more arousing. The fact that I enjoyed looking at other guys in the changing room should really have been a hint too. Not to mention the giant crush I had on a guy but refused to acknowledge until after accepting that I was gay... |
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