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Exhumed
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 05, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 157
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 Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 11:54 pm Post subject: |
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I'm six feet tall 115 pounds. I feel like I'm not usually aware of what I look like. When I look in the mirror, I think my body looks normal, but then when I have another person to compare to, I look soooo skinny.
I think I have a realistic idea of how I look, and how attractive I am though. I used to look and feel ugly, and I worked to improve my looks in various ways. Now the only thing I'm self-conscious about is my body, but I think I'll be satisfied eventually. I'm pretty satisfied with the way my face looks after accutane, a nose job, and removing some moles from my neck. |
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Kon
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 15, 2010
Posts: 728
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 12:25 am Post subject: |
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| OJani wrote: | | My arms and legs are really thin, except for my thighs (they show I like cycling)... |
I had very long arms (over 6'2" wingspan) even though I'm ~5'11". It made my arms look very thin. I was so self-conscious that I refused to wear short-sleeve shirts or t-shirts even in the summers. I didn't wear these until in late high-school/university after I got bigger due to strength training. To this day I don't wear shorts unless absolutely necessary (on the beach). I actually wore a cut-out sweat pants underneath my pants to make my legs look bigger. I think I've gotten better since taking Lexapro. Everything looks bigger. Unfortunately it hasn't done much for my other anxiety issues. |
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OJani
a brat
Joined: Feb 24, 2011
Age: 40
Posts: 2322
Location: Budapest, Hungary, Europe
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 8:56 am Post subject: |
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| Exhumed wrote: | I'm six feet tall 115 pounds. I feel like I'm not usually aware of what I look like. When I look in the mirror, I think my body looks normal, but then when I have another person to compare to, I look soooo skinny.
I think I have a realistic idea of how I look, and how attractive I am though. I used to look and feel ugly, and I worked to improve my looks in various ways. Now the only thing I'm self-conscious about is my body, but I think I'll be satisfied eventually. I'm pretty satisfied with the way my face looks after accutane, a nose job, and removing some moles from my neck. |
Have you considered putting on some weight? Or muscle. I mean, you look perfectly now, but it might be even better.  |
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BlondieGeek
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 13, 2011
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:12 am Post subject: Think focusing on details, obsessing over things, routines.. |
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I think you would know if you had body dysmorphic disorder, it consumes your life. It is all about being obsessed about flaws.
I have to complete a 4 hour grooming routine every day just to face the world. Not easy when I am also trying to juggle living on my own, going to college, housework AND a physical health condition where I need 12 hours sleep a day and any and all physical activity leaves me bedridden and in vast pain.
Since I was a kid, I've been adding to my list of cosmetic surgery to have as soon as is possible. I need to get a fairly well paid job to pay for it all. But I am unfortunate enough to also suffer with debilitating physical conditions, so am currently unable to work and am struggling to get through my education. My whole youth is going to be wasted in misery trying to hide from people. By the time I finally get it, I'll need anti-ageing surgery! My life feels like it is on full stop until I get it; I suck even more at socialising and keeping friends while I'm like this.
Until then, every day is hell for me. I feel trapped in a disgusting, faulty body. I would actually kill myself, but I'm too scared about other people having control over my body when I'm dead and seeing things I wouldn't let them normally, not the mention the lack of the daily grooming routine.
I just don't think that most people who suffer with it are mainly focused on their weight. There are other disorders that focus on that i.e. anorexia.
I see all my flaws are real and people have made hurtful comments about them before. But the majority of people don't. I am torn between if most people are just being polite or if the minority picked up on my weaknesses and used them to really hurt me. So now I make a point of never ever mentioning my insecurities just in case it draws peoples' attentions to them.
I am however aware that I probably sound really paranoid and irrational. Tis why I keep it a secret I even have it. Pain in the ass when people stay over.
So, yer I do think the two conditions could easily be connected. Think focusing on details, obsessing over things, routines, being sensitive to criticism, insecurity about socialising...
And hey, everyone who just has weight issues, it could be worse. At least you can do something about it. I can't just perform cosmetic surgery on myself. I used to be super skinny and now I'm fat because of my physical health (reduced mobility, so it is very hard consuming the <1,500 kcal diet every single day for the rest of my life that my dietitian says I need because of my limited physical activity). So I have little choice over that either. Seriously, your life could suck more. Not trying to compete... just trying to make you realise that you are most likely luckier than me.
Only 1-2% of the world are estimated to have it and although I admit people with autism probably do have a higher than average chance of developing it, I just find it hard to believe that everyone on this forum who thinks they do, does actually have it. |
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GoldCoinLover
Blue Jay
Joined: Sep 26, 2006
Age: 25
Posts: 92
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 12:01 pm Post subject: |
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I posted this in other areas of the forums, but feel its important to me so I will repeat it.
I heard the OCD aspect of aspergers and BDD goes hand in hand sometimes.
I was very thin as a kid, parents were always trying to bulk me up. As a teenager I had no social life because I was addicted to an online game until I was 23. I started when I was 12. Through age 14-21, I gained 95 lbs. I lost it all, and got in pretty good shape, I lifted weights 5 days a week. It pains me becaause I know no one is perfect, but the loose skin bothers me. It's minor, but still. I Constantly look at myself in the mirrors, and compare myself to other guys (not in a gay way). If I gain any weight I freak out and go back onto a balanced diet of about 1800 calories a day and vigorous excerise. I never feel I look good enough. I don't want big muscles or anything, I just want to be more defined. Arms, shoulders, and back look good, but abodmen and chest are covered with skin, looks like fat and it bothers me. My bodyfat is 7-8%. My BMI is normal now, My waist is 33 inches...I was a 48. Maybe I should just be happy with what I already have. But its difficult. I recently saw a guy who lost 100 lbs, had more loose skin than me. Through hard work and sheer determination, he managed to get real defined abs, I always wanted that. What an inspiration. |
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GoldCoinLover
Blue Jay
Joined: Sep 26, 2006
Age: 25
Posts: 92
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 12:08 pm Post subject: Re: Think focusing on details, obsessing over things, routin |
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| BlondieGeek wrote: |
I see all my flaws are real and people have made hurtful comments about them before. But the majority of people don't. I am torn between if most people are just being polite or if the minority picked up on my weaknesses and used them to really hurt me. So now I make a point of never ever mentioning my insecurities just in case it draws peoples' attentions to them.
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I can really relate to this. I'm a member of an online gaming forum, where the people are really mean. Just incredibly cold.
Recently I started noticing alot of definition in the muscles (obliques I believe) that are attached to the side where the lower abdomen connects with the upper. Looks like a "v". Hard to explain in words. But, I took a picture and posted it there. I wasn't sure if it was a muscle; I wasn't always in good shape and not used to seeing new muscles. They said what the heck was wrong with me for posting that picture, no one wants to see it (I didn't expose anything...), and I had some type of deformity.
Later I posted on a weight loss support forum I had, and found out it was normal, a muscle most underwear models have.
(I wasn't in my underwear) |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13671
Location: My house
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 2:15 pm Post subject: |
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I've felt fat when I wasn't. I hear that is body dysmorphic but that is part of an eating disorder. I hated my boobs too and wanted smaller ones when I was 14. I used to be obsessed with my looks and I have hated my stretch marks and wish they go away. I have hated my smiles and the way I looked in photos. I would look fat in them and everyone else says I do not and even other aspies have said I don't look fat so it must be true then I wasn't but I still looked fat in them. I only liked the ones where I looked thin in them. Even when people tell me I was too skinny, I felt I was supposed to be fat so I starve myself even more to stay thin. But yet even if someone had the balls to say I was fat, I still would have starved myself even more to get thinner so that was a you can't win situation there. There are hardly any pictures of me from my teen years because I had hated the way I looked in them so I never liked having my picture taken. I looked fat in them was why.
But I wouldn't claim I had this disorder. From what I heard about it, it's where people feel incomplete like they want their arm cut off or leg or nose, something on their body so they feel complete. It's hard for them to get what they want because most doctors will not amputate their body part. But I don't think it means where someone thinks they are fat when they are not or where someone wants to be skinny like someone else or that they want bigger boobs or smaller ones. |
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Verdandi
Miss Kitty Fantastico
Joined: Dec 08, 2010
Posts: 10364
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 2:34 pm Post subject: |
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| That's bodily integrity identity disorder (BIID). |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13671
Location: My house
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 3:08 pm Post subject: |
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| Verdandi wrote: | | That's bodily integrity identity disorder (BIID). |
Weird, the documentary I watched was calling it body dysmorphia.  |
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draelynn
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 25, 2011
Posts: 2304
Location: SE Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 3:10 pm Post subject: |
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| Kon wrote: | I was 5'11" and about 150 lbs. I'm currently 170 lbs. I never wanted to be too huge but I was obsessed with this guy's physique:
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 I could get pretty obssessed with that guys physique too!
I have issues with age and weight - much of the time I do not recognise who I see in the mirror. My self image is stuck back in my teenage days even though I am long past them. I don't feel like my age or weight and it is always a shock when someone somehow points one or the other out.
I was in the car listening to White Zombie while the hubby and kidling went in to the store. I had it up loud - singing along. This kid - maybe 20 if he was lucky - was standing there next to my car with his jaw - literally - hanging open. I turned it down, thinking that was the issue - and said 'What?" He flatly states 'I didn't know old people listened to that kind of music."  Here I am... looking around for 'old people'... It kinda wrecked me for a few weeks. I just cannot see it. |
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Verdandi
Miss Kitty Fantastico
Joined: Dec 08, 2010
Posts: 10364
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 5:14 pm Post subject: |
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| League_Girl wrote: | | Verdandi wrote: | | That's bodily integrity identity disorder (BIID). |
Weird, the documentary I watched was calling it body dysmorphia. |
It might fall under the category of body dysmorphia, but body dysmorphia covers a wide range of possibilities. |
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Verdandi
Miss Kitty Fantastico
Joined: Dec 08, 2010
Posts: 10364
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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| draelynn wrote: | | Kon wrote: | I was 5'11" and about 150 lbs. I'm currently 170 lbs. I never wanted to be too huge but I was obsessed with this guy's physique:
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I could get pretty obssessed with that guys physique too!
I have issues with age and weight - much of the time I do not recognise who I see in the mirror. My self image is stuck back in my teenage days even though I am long past them. I don't feel like my age or weight and it is always a shock when someone somehow points one or the other out.
I was in the car listening to White Zombie while the hubby and kidling went in to the store. I had it up loud - singing along. This kid - maybe 20 if he was lucky - was standing there next to my car with his jaw - literally - hanging open. I turned it down, thinking that was the issue - and said 'What?" He flatly states 'I didn't know old people listened to that kind of music." Here I am... looking around for 'old people'... It kinda wrecked me for a few weeks. I just cannot see it. |
So was this kid even born when White Zombie was a band? |
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draelynn
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 25, 2011
Posts: 2304
Location: SE Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 7:43 pm Post subject: |
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[quote="Verdandi"] | draelynn wrote: |
So was this kid even born when White Zombie was a band? |
In diapers maybe... I even told him - "This band is fifteen years old. I was 20 when this song came out." He was unphased. Apparently I have crossed into the Michael Bolton age group or something... I'll need to look for the 'over forty' category on iTunes I suppose... |
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Kon
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 15, 2010
Posts: 728
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 8:52 pm Post subject: |
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| draelynn wrote: | | I don't feel like my age or weight and it is always a shock when someone somehow points one or the other out. |
I know what you mean. Hell, I still try to compare my physique to 20 year olds because I keep thinking I'm still at that age. Having the emotional maturity of a 20 year old (if that) doesn't help. Even with people my age, I feel like they're my seniors, because when I'm not in front of a mirror, I forget. What makes matters worse is they also treat me like a kid because I'm pretty socially immature, at least with formal social stuff. About 50% of my conversations are about sex or training/nutrition. |
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pensieve
President of Gallifrey
Joined: Nov 19, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 7452
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 9:08 pm Post subject: Re: Body dysmorphic disorder |
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| Moog wrote: | | Phillip_J_Fry wrote: | Does anyone think there is a corollary with Asperger's? I was very thin as a child and my parents always commented that I was "skinny." Being the literal soul that I am, I think I took that literally, and now, even though I am 6' tall and 200 lbs ( I do around 200 knuckle pushups a day), I still feel thin. I look at my arms and they look like sticks, then I look in the mirror, and I am decently built, not sickly at all.
Has anyone else felt this way? I know body dysmorphic disorder is usually thought of in the "I think I'm fat (but I look like Nicole Ritchie)" sense. But I really think there could be a connection with my Asperger's syndrome here. |
Yes. I see there being a link between autism - alexithymia - poor interoceptive awareness - body dysmorphia
Basically, autistic people often have a distant relationship with or disconnection from their body
alexithymia is about having poor awareness of your emotions
low interoceptive awareness is about having a poor sense of your physical body
http://www.rhul.ac.uk/psychology/news/newsarticles/morethanmeetsthemirrorillusiontestlinksdifficultysensinginternalcueswithdistortedbody-image.aspx
I'm interested because I've been Body Dysmorphic in the past.
Something that helps is meditation, particularly meditations on the body such as body sweeping http://www.archive.org/download/VipassanaBodyScanMeditation/GuidedMeditationBodySweep.mp3 |
Hmm, interesting. I think I very aware of my internal body states. I can feel when I am becoming slightly ill and how to avoid getting worse. My eating habits are centered around how this food/drink will make me feel.
This awareness comes at a price though. People think I am a hypochondriac. But I find it fascinating that react in the way that I do.
That said there are moments when my body feels numb. Usually it's when I hand flap and my arm feels like it is made of dough. I could even hit my hand against the table and not feel it. This is mostly always after a sensory or emotional overload.
As for body image I do think I have big thighs or that my body just isn't symmetrical. My feet are flat and one bone in my toe, the 1st metatarsal is quite painful. But I think this is a genuine health issue. I have to put a special solution on my toe nails to battle athlete's foot too. Oh and my head has this weird shape.
But as long as I am 55kg or slightly under, my hair is flat and my stomach doesn't stick out too much I'm fine with it.
_________________
My autism blog - http://latedx.wordpress.com
My completely random though usually about Doctor Who blog - http://alonsy.tumblr.com/ |
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