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Spazzergasm
Who Fanatic
Joined: Sep 16, 2009
Age: 21
Posts: 4415
Location: Maine
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 Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 4:24 pm Post subject: Can an aspie's special interest be other people? |
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| Just wondering. I fare better, socially, than lots of AS peeps. But I also pay way more attention to how people interact with one another than NTs do. I'm really fascinated by how nonverbal language and stuff works. |
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TheygoMew
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 04, 2010
Posts: 1024
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 4:49 pm Post subject: |
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Yes. My interest is observing patterns in people, their social interactions, how to differentiate between a genuine person vs. a fake person, all the different methods of manipulation, how different groups form, trying to understand the idea of forming friendships based on similarities.
I have found that people form groups or cliques because they either genuinely like those people or because they found someone that they hate and wish to use their friends to bully that person.
It's such simple thinking that if you don't understand simplicity then you tend to complicate it by over-estimating the plot that is taking place and the people involved.
I've found that people like to surround themselves with people like them for their genuine friends and only let outsiders in if they could be of use rather than really bond with that person.
I tend not to judge on those terms or haven't for most of my life but up until recently I have found myself wishing to be around people more like me. So in a sense it's not really different from the rest of the people who want to be around others like them too.
It's easier for them because there are more people like them around to choose from. People like me tend to be loners and have had difficult child hoods to the point of lacking confidence and being able to trust people again in adulthood. |
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Spazzergasm
Who Fanatic
Joined: Sep 16, 2009
Age: 21
Posts: 4415
Location: Maine
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 4:53 pm Post subject: |
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You're right. A lot of it is simply... simple.
I notice those with AS forget how similar NTs can be to them.
Are you successful at socializing? |
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Joe90
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 24, 2010
Posts: 8233
Location: Great Britain
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 5:48 pm Post subject: |
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I'm obsessed with people, even though I don't like people in general (with the exception of family, friends, colleagues, and ect). I just don't like people in general, but even so, I still rather would be around people than on my own (I don't mind being on my own sometimes).
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Real gender: Female
From: East UK
Age: 23 |
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TheygoMew
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 04, 2010
Posts: 1024
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Spazzergasm wrote: | You're right. A lot of it is simply... simple.
I notice those with AS forget how similar NTs can be to them.
Are you successful at socializing? |
Currently yes.
Does this mean I have ton of friends. No.
I do have plenty of acquaintances.
I have made me work for me. It's still tougher than what others go through but I have found myself comfortable and okay with the fact that I will not be charming from the start but people eventually do get me later on.
Some people even do like me from the start because they are so used to feigned big smiles and knowing that people just want stuff from them.
My problem also used to be (and still is to a certain extent), Being a problem solver has prompted me to obsess over problems. The problem with that is, I was obsessing over negative opinions, other people's problem with me. Fixating on it to the point to where I withdrew anytime something happened that was a bad social situation. I observed someone else who clearly wasn't AS. That person wasn't really fitting someone else's criteria of friendship. The person didn't dwell on it and just moved on.
Yet another problem with AS. The problem repeats just like music looping, videos looping, games looping. That is enough to drive anyone into a shell. If a person who did not have AS suddenly had it for a week, I wonder what would become of that person. Would their friends still like them?
Anyhow, despite it all, I am learning to love myself as is. If the person I am trying to communicate with doesn't like how I speak, I don't care anymore. |
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Dae
Toucan
Joined: May 30, 2011
Posts: 262
Location: California...God Help Me
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| Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 7:11 pm Post subject: Can an aspie's special interest... |
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I hadn't really thought about it this way until now, but I do have tremendous interest in CULTURES. I'd guess that could count as being interested in people...though not necessarily individuals per se. As far as individuals are concerned, I tend to get intrigued by one person at a time because of reading or hearing something very specific about them and then I'll more-or-less 'research' them... such as finding whatever I could about Temple Grandin or getting hooked on 'Xena' when it was being aired and finding out what I could about Lucy Lawless. These little 'stargazings' happen for relatively short periods of time, have a lot of time spacing in between them, and are somewhat intense until my curiousity is 'satisfied'. Does that count...or does it just qualify me as a slightly crazed fan with a short attention span? lol
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Maje
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 21, 2010
Age: 32
Posts: 1987
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| Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 8:25 pm Post subject: |
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My interest is in general whats going on here while living here; everything from physics, chemistry, biology and the interactions between it all. The interaction between the air and the surroundings including everything that affect us. Manipulation is a complex affection, and yes I study the human race.
Manipulation can be a good thing, Im just glad Im capable of making the choice if I want to ride the wave or not.
The problem about this theme is that words are not sufficient to describe it. In conversations with other aspies though we know that we understand each other between the lines when talking about such stuff.
I have a social life, but I only feel understood by a few other aspies (family), and I also enjoy being alone. |
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CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 38
Posts: 87149
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.
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Maje
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 21, 2010
Age: 32
Posts: 1987
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| Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 10:06 pm Post subject: |
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| CockneyRebel wrote: | | My special interest is The Kinks and each of their individual characters. I identify with Mick Avory and his character type the most, because he's the original member that I'm the most like. |
affirmed!
I identify... to a degree. But of course, I dont understand a sh**!
Some people interest me more than others, which is clear as I remember their names etc. Those who dont catch my interest at all (and Im sorry) are somehow unoriginal. It is comfortable for me to be around people who are completely one direction, >because its interesting<. |
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Malisha
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Dec 08, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 193
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| Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 10:17 pm Post subject: |
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I'm very AS and very interested in people. Most people conform very heavily to patterns that can be read, but when they deviate, I'm like a robot asked an impossible question, all blank stares and jerky arm movements. Ha!
I'm very interested in the way that things are like other things, and the ways in which they are different. This easily applies to human behavior. |
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Ai_Ling
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 16, 2010
Age: 24
Posts: 1831
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| Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 1:26 am Post subject: |
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Yes that is my special interest. Im convinced that aspies can have anything as a special interest no matter how NT it might seem. For me, this special interest is a mixed bag. I would have never done a lot of what I did, made huge mistakes and learned from those mistakes in the art of socialization if this wasnt my interest. If my interest was a subject I probably just would have hid in my room and had little to no friends and not improved my social skills. I've made a lot of progress in such a short time. I do attribute this interest to the reason why I have a good # of friends.
But the downside is that people cant be controlled. Aspies love to control, people are unpredictable and I tend to lose it when things dont go my way. Besides Im constantly hiding the creep/stalkerish factor being obsessed with a particular person is typically associated with. So I'm ashamed of it at the same time. This special interest requires a lot of personal control over myself or else the consequences can be quite bad. I am lucky I'm not a guy for some of the stuff I did in the past or else I might have been accused of stalking. Also because I pay too much attention to other people, I am very socially anxious yet I keep pushing myself into uncomfortable situations and making a fool of myself along the way. |
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livingsunset
Hummingbird
Joined: Jun 16, 2011
Posts: 18
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| Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 2:08 am Post subject: |
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| I believe so. I worked as a cashier for a store and I studied people and that is what made me love that job. |
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Maje
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 21, 2010
Age: 32
Posts: 1987
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| Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 7:05 am Post subject: |
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| Ai_Ling wrote: |
But the downside is that people cant be controlled. Aspies love to control, people are unpredictable and I tend to lose it when things dont go my way. |
Yeah they can.
See a concert. People know exactly when they are supposed to clap their hands etc., and they do it even if the music sucks, because the whole situation is crucial for how people react. They want a reason to act.
I have also tried to control people. And when it didnt work I understood that I did something wrong. I gradually stopped trying to control people because I longed for a closer connection. I started to listen to people, who sometimes disagreed with me (which was difficult to accept) and which were talking in the eternity about boring stuff. I really tried to adapt and I have been in an uncountable amount of impossible situations. I have had both a fan group and bully enemies.
The problem is that Im giving everything when I accept another persons point of view (when I think its superfluous to have a point of view to that at all) and involve myself in boring stuff and then it can happen, that people put me in a stupid light, because they then have it all their way. I understand them, they dont understand me. |
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analyser23
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 21, 2011
Posts: 433
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| Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 4:44 pm Post subject: |
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Mine most certainly is!!! I have studied other people my whole Life, done a degree in Cognitive Science (aritificial and biological intelligence), started a counselling degree, doing a life coaching diploma, and have a trillion books on self-help and human behaviour. I watch people whenever I am out. I used to go with friends and just sit in the car and watch people - I could do it for hours! When I have to socialise (urgh) I go straight to deep questions about how they tick and why they do the things that they do.
And yet, after all of this, I am still at a loss! I don't understand people and it frustrates me to no end  I have this intense drive to help people find happiness in their lives though. I just wish the World was a happy place!! |
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rinniepoos
Emu Egg
Joined: Oct 03, 2011
Age: 20
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 8:07 am Post subject: just a question... |
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hello everybody!!!  im new here and im so glad i found this site!! i have so so many questions but ill limit it to just one.
first off, just to stay on topic: i have found that if i was with at least one person that i felt comfortable around (like a close cousin or a best friend) then i could be my normal hyperactive self, even if i was surrounded by strangers. but if i was by myself, in a strange new environment, i wouldnt talk to anyone unless ABSOLUTELY necessary... its weird how that is.
okay im currently doing a BA in Psychology because i want to know more about.. umm well people? ive always been interested in why people do the things they do. its so good to read all these posts and agree to literally everything!!! this makes so much sense to me! thank you all for this.
but i have one question, and it almost pains me to ask it.. but can autistic people have fixations on other individuals? :s
when i was younger it used to confuse me because its like i was (for lack of a better term) 'obsessed' with a particular person!! i used to have things fixations on friends of mine :/
its never a sexual thing.. more like, i just want to please them and be around them all the time. for some reason just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach, and i feel so ashamed about it that it used to make me cry when i was little just coz i was confused. i knew that it was weird because none of my friends every felt like that with anything/anybody.
i guess im just really hoping theres others out there who understand what im going through? it makes me feel incredibly lonely just thinking about how different i am to others, although apparently you wouldnt see it from the outside. ive gotten used to hiding these things that make me so different.
my apologies for the long post, ive been wanting to ask this of someone for years now.
p.s. ive never been diagnosed with anything, but autism runs quite strong in the family. i have 2 brothers with aspergers and a niece, nephew and 3 cousins with adhd. my mum figured it was just safe to assume that i had something i guess.. |
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