Zokk
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 11, 2010
Age: 23
Posts: 941
Location: Santa Rosa, CA
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 Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 10:38 pm Post subject: |
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I'm relatively attractive (so they say) and sociable but I just don't feel like expending all my energy on attracting and keeping a girlfriend until I feel like I've got the rest of my life sorted out. It's not that I'm asexual or anything, I'm just not interested in making the effort right now, when I've got a whole bunch of other things to juggle in the first place.
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It takes a village to raise an idiot, but it only takes one idiot to raze a village. |
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Rosewater
Butterfly
Joined: Jul 27, 2011
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 7:37 pm Post subject: |
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Nope. Of course, I'm only a teenager, so you have to take that into account
There were maybe two or three girls with whom I was very close and could have asked out if I had wanted to. But I didn't, because I could always find a fatal flaw in the relationship and that knowledge would dismiss any advantage I saw in dating them. It wouldn't be fair, I thought, to her or to me, for me to ask her out when I knew it would end and possibly why. So we would just dance on the edge of the friend zone, and I was OK with that.
But I always reserved a hope that some new light would be shed on our relationship or their personality so that my analytical brain would reconsider dating them. But that never happened, and the relationships would usually disintegrate within a year or two's time when the flaws were too obvious to ignore for us both.
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"I was a victim of accidents, as are we all" -Kurt Vonnegut
"The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think differently"-Friedrich Nietzsche |
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Fatal-Noogie
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 29, 2007
Age: 27
Posts: 908
Location: California coast, United States of America, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Cosmos
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| Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 5:56 pm Post subject: |
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Well if I knew why, I would already have a girlfriend by now. 
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Curiosity is the greatest virtue. |
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tomtoyou
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Aug 04, 2011
Posts: 28
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| Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 10:39 pm Post subject: |
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> push them away and run for the hills
> no more. |
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White-Rose-Tree
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 04, 2011
Posts: 69
Location: Virginia
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| Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 2:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Fatal-Noogie wrote: | | Well if I knew why, I would already have a girlfriend by now. |
Yep 
I'm 23 and have never had anything. Anything at all.
I'm not sure why. I go to a college where the "queer" students are basically one of the elite cliques, so it attracts a lot of openly LGBT people, and the student body has a female majority (Warren Wilson College in Asheville, NC), and I'm a member of several different student groups and have a fairly good-sized circle of friends/acquaintences (I mean, good-sized for a probable Aspie). I'm nice, friendly, and not unnattractive. But other girls treat me like I'm a pet hamster, they tell me about all their relationship troubles and cry on me and so on, but they seem to take it for granted that I have no interest myself, that I must be asexual. This seems to be a problem for a lot of people, just from reading through this thread.
This may be because I look and act rather goody-goody or childish, and because I won't be interested if they don't meet my standards (which I, personally, don't think are very high...). Also, if a girl DID flirt with me, I wouldn't notice, especially if they're emotional sinks (that's a friend's phrase) - they take advantage of a listener, go all dramatic all over the place, and might try to get close but by that time you're trying to get away because you're totally lost
I'm desperately lonely. But I want trustworthy, affectionate love in a relationship, which is what I can offer, which isn't what other girls seem to want...? They want all these idealized things (I know, they tell me all the time...) and newness and excitement, I think. Which I don't. I've met nice girls, who agree with me, but again, they don't show any interest. I've tried to flirt and tell a girl I like her before, but they've always misunderstood, totally not noticed, or been offended... |
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White-Rose-Tree
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 04, 2011
Posts: 69
Location: Virginia
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| Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 2:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Wow, that turned out really long and whiney... |
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Artros
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 646
Location: The Netherlands
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| Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 7:59 am Post subject: |
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| LuckyLeft wrote: | | I've made progress, by having legitimate female friends over the past year, but they didn't last. And besides, I don't think I was being myself completely. I did act a little 'odd' around them once we associate outside of classes sometimes. I would be around them and one, if not both, would ask, "Why do you do that?" "Do What?" I asked, and I still don't know what it was, because she didn't respond. Perhaps of me stopping talking in conversations and/or looking off into 'space', or some other eccentric behavior of mine. They also tried the "hooking me up with a female" process with one of the girls roommates, and I said I wasn't interested, because I wasn't attracted to her. The girl who offered it up got angry, and she was persistent about this past Valentine's Day. The girls tried to lie to her and said I liked her and I didn't. I'm thinking to myself, "I thought people ended this nonsense in high school! AAGH!" If I truthfully was being myself, a lot of the females wouldn't be attracted to me, because of my eccentric behavior patterns. I guess I'm decent looking enough to be in these situations, but that doesn't make it any better to cope with. |
That is so weird. I've had tons of female friends, but never did they try to hook me up with someone.
I've never had anything serious. I blame my environment. Economics is fun and all that, but you're not likely to meet people there who like quirky guys. I'm happy to have found a number of friends who like me. Also, I just don't go out in the wide world where you're supposed to meet all these girls everybody keeps talking about.
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"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant. " -Socrates
AQ: 40/50
EQ: 17/50
SQ: 72/80 (Extreme Synthesiser)
Aspie test: about 150/200 Aspie, about 40/200 NT |
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LostUndergrad9090
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 30, 2011
Age: 172
Posts: 892
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| Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 8:21 am Post subject: |
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| You don't have to worry about cheating. It is usually always the guy that cheats. So your bound to f**k this relationship up if you ever have one. lol on a side note. I have had a girlfriend it lasted a little over 1.5 years. We aren't together sooo yeah. We got a long great. I think I had the most fun when I was with her. Still do. |
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hans66
Toucan
Joined: Jul 04, 2010
Age: 46
Posts: 297
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| Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 12:34 am Post subject: |
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- Autism. I think eastern Dutch women are very picky;
- Stigmatization of autism. "Autistics cannot have a relationship. They lack creating an emotional connection, may have sexual issues. What do they offer to women?";
- Shyness;
- Bad at reading body languages;
- Strange behaviour;
- "Autistic" accent, monotonous speech is one of it;
- Age. I am almost 45;
- No romantic successes in the past;
- Having visited a prostitute or having let an escort come;
- Lack of emathy;
- Less social;
- Pickiness of women;
- Having to compete against NT men.
That is what I can think of. People with those traits but having a girlfriend or being married, had some luck on the past.
I know I have positive traits which may attract women, but they are only visible if the woman knows me very well. It may take some efforts for the woman to come that far. I don't know if it is worth the time for her to know me. |
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magicbus
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 24, 2011
Posts: 44
Location: Sphinx, USA
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| Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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Simple. I'm in high school, and I have a very bad social reputation. I've completely changed my appearance, approach, and way of thinking, but people still think I'm the same awkward freak I've always been. The cliques are the main reason I won't have a boyfriend until college.
Every single guy I've ever asked out has rejected me for that reason.
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"Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world." |
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swbluto
System architect and nanobot commander
Joined: Feb 27, 2011
Age: 26
Posts: 2899
Location: In the Andes, counting the stars and wondering if one of them is home to another civilization
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| Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 5:10 pm Post subject: |
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| magicbus wrote: | Simple. I'm in high school, and I have a very bad social reputation. I've completely changed my appearance, approach, and way of thinking, but people still think I'm the same awkward freak I've always been. The cliques are the main reason I won't have a boyfriend until college.
Every single guy I've ever asked out has rejected me for that reason. |
Most guys don't care about your reputation. But, if you act like an awkward freak, then that will tend to scare the attractive guys away. (The attractive guys have better options and they know it. The less attractive guys, meh, who cares about them? lol) |
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anna-banana
indifferent peapod
Joined: Aug 31, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 6740
Location: Europe
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| Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Tequila wrote: |
Problem with Internet dating sites is that there are a lot of dim people, a lot of possessive crazies and bloodsuckers, a lot of single mothers and an awful lot of women suffering from trust issues ("looking for an HONEST man" is a favourite). Most times, one will be rejected in any case. I found Internet dating to be far more stress than it was ever worth. |
internet dating is a laugh. some of those profiles are just pure gold, you've summed them up quite well, and the guys aren't much more varied either. I have yet to meet any successful couples who had met via one of those sites, although I keep hearing that they exist  urban myth?
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not a bug - a feature.
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swbluto
System architect and nanobot commander
Joined: Feb 27, 2011
Age: 26
Posts: 2899
Location: In the Andes, counting the stars and wondering if one of them is home to another civilization
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| Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 5:25 pm Post subject: |
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| anna-banana wrote: | | Tequila wrote: |
Problem with Internet dating sites is that there are a lot of dim people, a lot of possessive crazies and bloodsuckers, a lot of single mothers and an awful lot of women suffering from trust issues ("looking for an HONEST man" is a favourite). Most times, one will be rejected in any case. I found Internet dating to be far more stress than it was ever worth. |
internet dating is a laugh. some of those profiles are just pure gold, you've summed them up quite well, and the guys aren't much more varied either. I have yet to meet any successful couples who had met via one of those sites, although I keep hearing that they exist urban myth? |
I personally know of five such couples who met online, but they met through social networking and/or an online game instead of a dedicated dating site. There's one exception who's my cousin who met through eharmony.com and he's happily married. |
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9308
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
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| Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 6:41 pm Post subject: |
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| anna-banana wrote: | | Tequila wrote: |
Problem with Internet dating sites is that there are a lot of dim people, a lot of possessive crazies and bloodsuckers, a lot of single mothers and an awful lot of women suffering from trust issues ("looking for an HONEST man" is a favourite). Most times, one will be rejected in any case. I found Internet dating to be far more stress than it was ever worth. |
internet dating is a laugh. some of those profiles are just pure gold, you've summed them up quite well, and the guys aren't much more varied either. I have yet to meet any successful couples who had met via one of those sites, although I keep hearing that they exist urban myth? |
They exist on the internet. |
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shadowmage
Hummingbird
Joined: Jul 29, 2011
Posts: 24
Location: British Columba
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| Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 8:56 pm Post subject: |
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| I lack social skills. |
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