Post 3909356 - How can I regain hope? (How can I regain hope?)

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Cormorant
Hummingbird

Joined: Dec 04, 2009
Age: 41
Posts: 22
Location: Rhode Island

Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 9:51 am Post subject: How can I regain hope?

I wonder if someone has been in a similar state and has any advice. I am feeling hopeless about ever having friends or a relationship. I haven't always felt hopeless. I have spent many years learning social skills (I know I come across less stiff and formal in person than in writing), worked on my physical appearance, have a job, have taken classes, tried hobbies. I don't think the effort has been wasted because I am much better able to function in the world but none of it has worked as far as having intimate relationships. I am 39 now and keep thinking about this 90 year old man I met through work who told me how he has lived alone in the house he built for the last 50 years. That means he was 40, just about my age. Many of my relatives have lived into their 90s, esp. us women, so I might have another 50 years alone. I think I would feel better if I had something else to try, but for the first time in my life, I just don't have and ideas.

Daryl_Blonder
Velociraptor

Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 32
Posts: 473
Location: Salem, CT

Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 10:13 am Post subject:

Do you have a special interest? If so, go for it. Don't worry about other people. The reality is, you may not find someone. But you don't have to be unhappy! There's so much to see and do in life. I suggest finding an ASD support group. You may or may not meet a significant other, but you can find people who have had the same issues as you, when you're not likely to find them anywhere else. An advantage of ASD is that we don't require other people to be happy. But we do get lonely sometimes, and it can be hard to go it alone. My special interest is roads and exploring. The possibilities are inifinite. If I can't find someone who doesn't appreciate me for who I am... well, it's their loss, not mine. ******************************************************************************************************************************************** Check out my IMDB page!

purchase
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Feb 20, 2010
Age: 27
Posts: 2385

Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 10:34 am Post subject:

Agreed with Daryl on all counts, except: I DO think you can have the intimate relationship you seek, and by carrying out those steps. People WILL see your worth. Put all your heart into the things that you love, things being the key word, because as it happens people aren't readily available to stuff love into, for anybody, but when you have created a THING with all your love that radiates this love people will come to it. I know it is hard to have hope and I can only imagine the toll that fourteen years longer than I've gone through what you've gone through has taken on you. But a couple of my favorite quotations give me hope: What's past is prologue They can because they think they can

Cormorant
Hummingbird

Joined: Dec 04, 2009
Age: 41
Posts: 22
Location: Rhode Island

Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 10:57 am Post subject:

Thank you both for your replies. I do have interests and hobbies, and can spend a lot of time happily alone. I have a good relationship with my sister and am thankful for a lot in my life. I think one problem over the last year or two is that I have really lost hope that I will change. I have always had severe social problems fitting in but I had so many external reasons for them -Moving every couple months to a year, being home-schooled in isolation by a mother who herself has a very hard time connecting with anyone (almost everyone in my family has issues this way to some degree). So for many years, I felt that as I worked out problems created from my upbringing, I would be able to connect with people more. So I feel I have chiseled off tons of crap and am not finding what I was hoping for. I do think I will pull myself out of this funk and keep trying (with more realistic expectations) but it is very hard. Seriously, if you are born with little social ability, why do you have to be born with the desire! I am in in Rhode Island and don't know what groups there are around here.