Did your parents ever put you in a mental hospital?

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Phonic
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07 Aug 2011, 11:48 am

pekkla wrote:
I'm really scared, and need help. I'm the mom of a teenage boy with AS who puts holes in the wall when he gets really angry. We have some confrontations over his OCD behaviors. The worst thing that he does is scream "leave me alone" or "I will kill you" or put his fist into a wall. He has never hurt me, his sister, his dad, or our pets. He has never hurt himself. But when he gets angry and loud, especially at night, his dad threatens to call 911 to have him taken to the hospital. Last night he came very close to doing it after my son put another hole in the wall.

I am so scared for my son. He would be devasted if he were taken to the hospital. He knows he gets too angry and wishes he could control it. I don't think parents should call 911 on their kids unless they are a danger to themself or another person, or their pets. A hole in the wall is NOT a reason to call 911. I think my husband just wants to use the experience to punish our son. Also, my husband and I basically hate each other these days, and I think he is just angry all the time about his AS son. Any advice?


Putting people with AS into mental hospitals is a very very big NO, it's been proven to mess us up bad.


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07 Aug 2011, 11:54 am

Very troubling situation... I don't know what to say, as I would not want to be responsible for contributing to a mistake of any kind.

All I can do is offer an account if my youth, with regard to anger vs. violence, and hospitalization. I was locked up at age 9 for "being a threat to myself and those around me", as written by a psychiatrist who had misdiagnosed me as paranoid schizophrenic. It was later confirmed that I was no such thing, and in fact I was high-functioning autistic, which is absolutely not schizophrenia, nor does it pose any such same threats. What led to that, was an incident in elementary school, where I had been teased and bullied just a little more than I could take. I was raised never to fight nor hit anyone, as I'd go to Hell (family values based on religion), and I was to go to the teacher and tattle on anyone bullying me. So one day, I was soaked with milk that had been poured on my head, and bruised shins from being kicked by a bigger kid in the lunch room, and I went crying to the office at the school for help. The office lady said I needed to "grow up and face it". With that, I picked up an oak file drawer, and threw it at the window to get my point across, as I was completely ignored by those I trusted. But with less-than-good aim, I hit another lady with it, and hurt her. Police came, and I was expelled from that school. It was a true accident that I hit the lady, and I felt sick about it. That was all it took to make everyone scared of what I might do, despite the fact that I'd sooner die than hurt anyone or anything on purpose! So I spent 7 months in the mental ward at the UCLA hospital, with all kinds of experimental drugs for schizophrenia, and it was a disaster.

Needless to say, I learned a lesson at the expense of the office lady whom I feel guilty over hurting to this date; 35+ years later, and I have never done anything like that again. It is my thought, that your son is just going through issues, and he is venting anger by punching walls. If he has done that, and not tried to assault anyone, nor has he taken out anger on any living things, I'd say that he may have a threshold which stops him from being violent against people. I know I do.

Again, I'm not a doctor, and I don't want to cause things to get worse by giving mistaken or bad advice. With that said, I might suggest talking with your son, and asking him if, when he says "leave me alone!", does he mean that he just feels invaded and pushed from all sides, and needs a little space from being talked with or looked upon. If he has Asperger's or any level of autism, it could be that he just has no idea how to get some quiet time to think. I have a variety of special interests which I use not only for pleasure and passtime, but also for a haven in case of crisis. My wife is very understanding of this, and we have a system whereby I just have to say I need a few minutes to let things percolate and think, etc., and she will drop whatever the subject is, knowing that it will be discussed constructively later. And it always has worked well, thanks to her understanding and our cooperation and trust.

Just because someone punches a wall, or throws a glass, or whatever, doesn't necessarily mean they're on the way to violence. It's no guarantee one way or the other, but I would hope your son is in the situation I was in, and that the wall punching is a clear alternative to aggression against other people. It is generally a BAD idea to try to grab or restrain an Autistic who is out of control. It can cause the rant to escalate, or worse. Let him punch the hole... $10 of patching plaster and paint will fix that, and chances are he will want to do the job himself. (NOTE: If he has any history of abuse of animals, or of hurting other people (besides a situation like mine, perhaps), please be careful, and my advice above may not apply.

I hope your situation works out for the best, and let us know how it's going.

Charles



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07 Aug 2011, 2:53 pm

Please try therapy and medication before putting someone in a mental hospital. My parents did it to me and I will never forgive them for it.


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pekkla
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07 Aug 2011, 3:06 pm

Thanks guys. I know in my heart that my son would not intentionally hurt anyone. He is a big person, obese really, and has been bullied ever since sixth grade because of it and his AS behavior, and had serious school anxiety last year because of it. He is on a low dose of Celexa, and I was hoping to find a new psychiatrist who would be smart enough to find the right dose of medication for him and treat his OCD and anger stuff IN THE CONTEXT OF HIS ASPERGERS DIAGNOSIS. But instead, the doctors we have seen seem more interested in testing him for psychosis, schizophrenia, bipolar, and other stuff. I have had repeated arguments with my husband over this. I recall reading many articles about autism where they describe people 50 years ago misdiagnosing autism spectrum conditions as things like psychosis, etc. They misdiagnosed them because they didn't have a clue about autism. I live in a town where a lot of smart academics live and p-ractice, but the people my son has seen--these so-called child/adolescent psychiatrists--don't have a clue about autism. Its so weird. They pretend to know. But even the most basic discussion--like when I ask whether his foot stomping is stimming--makes it clear they know nothing. They don't even knopw what stimming or perseverence is!! !! My clueless husband, who I think is a narcissist, pushes these tests because he does not like trouble of any kind. I just wants it to go away. He starts complaining about our son's birthparents. Yes, he is adopted (at birth), and adopting him was my idea. We have never had one of those conversations around OUR son, but I don't think he "feels the love" from hisdad anymore,not since he has gone through puberty, with all of ths stuff happening to him. We also have an adopted daughter, and I would get a divorce if I didn't feel that the additional disruption of their lives would only make things worse.

Anyway--sorry for the rant. Years ago, in another life almost, I used to be a lawyer. I'm self-diagnosed aspie too, and feel overwhelmed by this stuff, but I know that it would be wrong to allow my son to be taken to a mental hospital at this point. Wrong, wrong,wrong. I also know that I shouldn't be wiping his butt. Duh. Just looking for competent, nonjudgmental help seems next to impossible.



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07 Aug 2011, 4:05 pm

i used to see a red fog and not know what i'm doing (i'm female). i went to kickboxing classes and learned to control my rage by punching bags when i'm not angry and stopping when told. it actually helped me control my rage. and sometimes i'd think about things that did make me angry and hit the punching bag and then stop when the instructor said stop. it tought me self control and discipline.
but what works for one person may or may not work for another. ask a psychiatrist about that method of anger management BEFORE YOU USE IT. might work the other way around, i don't know. there are also anger management classes. or maybe you can tell him to think about things that made him angry and build his anger and then relax his muscles, take deep breaths and calm himself down.
or he can do all three. he needs to get a grip on that rage before ending up in jail. i almost ended up killing a stranger, but then he shouldn't have put his hands on me and sexualy harass me so you can't really say it's all my fault. couldn't say it was self defense, though, because him and his friend laughed and walked away after that and i came after them with that suitcase.... luckily the maniac went under the heavey suitcase and didn't take it on the temple... i swung hard.
hospitalizing him would probably make him much, much more angry. he'd feel helpless and that would fill him with rage. When i say he might end up in jail i mean after a long and sever provocation and abuse, which does seem to happen to aspie more than the average population.
there's yoga and all kinds of self relaxation methods.
by the way, it's a good thing for an aspie to learn krav maga so he doesn't turn into a victim.
maybe hypnosis can help with rage, too.



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07 Aug 2011, 4:37 pm

Is he getting help of an kind (psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist)? Because if he is you need to talk about this with his helper, and if he is not you need to get help for him ASAP. A lot of Aspies and Autistic people get violent. That can be controlled with therapy or meds. Threatening him with calling 911 is not going to help. You need professional help. And you should stop wipping him. You shoukd have a long time ago, but its never too late.



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07 Aug 2011, 10:20 pm

Jellybean wrote:
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My son's OCD behaviors include the typical handwashing and repetitive keyboard wiping, but the big one is his butt-wiping, if I can say this on this board. He makes me wipe him because he doesn't want to get bacteria on himself, then insists that I do it over and over again b/c its not perfect.


hmm... to be blunt but not rude, you REALLY need to stop this now. Just refuse to carry on. He'll go nuts, I know so did I when people stopped doing my OCD compulsions for me, but the only way to cure an OCD obsession is to learn to cope with it. I was diagnosed with severe OCD in my teens. I never had a butt wiping thing, but I do know that if my Mum had done half of the things I 'needed' her to do, I would never have got better. Sorry if that sounded rude I was not intending to be....


^^^THIS x 1000%.

And get your boy to a personal trainer for goodness sakes. Start him on a healthy diet and exercise regiment. His OCD tendencies and self confidence can only be addressed when he is physically healthy. Physical health will come with self confidence and many of his "isms" will start to fade. An obese person who sits around playing video games and watching videos is not in a good place in life even before adding Autism to the picture. You really answered your own question. Use logic here. Physical Health is the foundation of all good things. Your boy doesn't have it.



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07 Aug 2011, 10:31 pm

pekkla wrote:
My son's OCD behaviors include the typical handwashing and repetitive keyboard wiping, but the big one is his butt-wiping, if I can say this on this board. He makes me wipe him because he doesn't want to get bacteria on himself, then insists that I do it over and over again b/c its not perfect. People are horrified to hear of it. Its humiliating for me. I don't want to talk about it. I have described it to 3 doctors and each time I feel their eyes bearing down on me as if I'm an axe murderer.


If he is that afraid of germs, why don't you just get some latex gloves for him to use and leave them by the toilet next to the toilet paper. Its better then doing it yourself...


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08 Aug 2011, 1:11 am

kfisherx wrote:
And get your boy to a personal trainer for goodness sakes. Start him on a healthy diet and exercise regiment. His OCD tendencies and self confidence can only be addressed when he is physically healthy. Physical health will come with self confidence and many of his "isms" will start to fade. An obese person who sits around playing video games and watching videos is not in a good place in life even before adding Autism to the picture. You really answered your own question. Use logic here. Physical Health is the foundation of all good things. Your boy doesn't have it.
Uhm...

Okay, there's a bit of a misconception here; specifically, that obese=unhealthy. Yes, obesity is associated with bad health; but it's not an absolute thing.

You can be obese and be a physically active person who eats well and has no risk factors for obesity-related illness other than the number on the scale (with the exception being joint injury and wear-and-tear, which obese people are more vulnerable to).

If you look at the statistics, sure, fat people aren't as healthy. But that doesn't say a thing about any particular fat person; and it also doesn't mean that if you get thinner, that means you're getting healthier. It doesn't. Getting thinner is more of a side effect of getting healthier, if anything; and for some people, it's a side effect that's weak or even totally absent.

It's my opinion that fat people should not focus on getting thin; fat people should focus on getting or staying healthy. Good food, exercise you enjoy, and a general lowering of one's stress level is going to make you healthier even if you don't lose a single pound. Focusing on health first rather than weight has been shown to be a superior and longer-lasting approach to maintaining the health of overweight and obese people. And, ironically, it tends to result in longer-lasting weight loss, too.


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08 Aug 2011, 1:18 am

Callista wrote:
kfisherx wrote:
And get your boy to a personal trainer for goodness sakes. Start him on a healthy diet and exercise regiment. His OCD tendencies and self confidence can only be addressed when he is physically healthy. Physical health will come with self confidence and many of his "isms" will start to fade. An obese person who sits around playing video games and watching videos is not in a good place in life even before adding Autism to the picture. You really answered your own question. Use logic here. Physical Health is the foundation of all good things. Your boy doesn't have it.
Uhm...

Okay, there's a bit of a misconception here; specifically, that obese=unhealthy. Yes, obesity is associated with bad health; but it's not an absolute thing.

You can be obese and be a physically active person who eats well and has no risk factors for obesity-related illness other than the number on the scale (with the exception being joint injury and wear-and-tear, which obese people are more vulnerable to).

If you look at the statistics, sure, fat people aren't as healthy. But that doesn't say a thing about any particular fat person; and it also doesn't mean that if you get thinner, that means you're getting healthier. It doesn't. Getting thinner is more of a side effect of getting healthier, if anything; and for some people, it's a side effect that's weak or even totally absent.

It's my opinion that fat people should not focus on getting thin; fat people should focus on getting or staying healthy. Good food, exercise you enjoy, and a general lowering of one's stress level is going to make you healthier even if you don't lose a single pound. Focusing on health first rather than weight has been shown to be a superior and longer-lasting approach to maintaining the health of overweight and obese people. And, ironically, it tends to result in longer-lasting weight loss, too.


+1


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08 Aug 2011, 2:56 am

Hi
I agree with the latex gloves idea. My son, although not OCD, does find some things about his body gross him out (such as butt-wiping and proper tooth-brushing). It seems "too hard to do it properly", and he has tantrums about brushing his own teeth and wants me to do it for him. He does struggle with some motor co-ordination, so that can also be an issue.
I think that it is important for your teenage son to gain independence in self-care; he will feel less trapped by his headspace and realise that there are OK ways to deal with these anxieties.

On the mental hospital front, I agree that it is not a good idea and best avoided if at all possible.
I spent some time in hospital as a teenager, due to withdrawal rather than acting out.
Unfortunately my ASD was not identified. It was decided that I was depressed, and that my shutdown/breakdown was a migraine. Hmmm.
People can be very blind.

The experience fortified my resolve to resist the intervention of others; I was sufficiently self-aware to learn that if I behaved "too weird" then people would lock me up. I did not want to be locked up with a bunch of crazies, and have people prying at me, so my weirdness was driven underground. This was not a good outcome, as it delayed the development of the skills I needed to deal with my ASD. However, my strategy of dont-make-trouble did prevent me from being trapped in an institution that did not have an understanding of ASD.

What would have been useful to me during that time is low-pressure company. Not therapy or analysis, which I was incapable of engaging with. In fact, the harder others pushed, the more closed I became. I needed time to develop, to relax, to recover from bullying etc, to learn how to think in words, and so on.

As a parent, I suggest that you cut yourselves some slack and try to take the pressure off your situation however you can. Traditional psychological therapy may not be what is best, as it pushes into a person's headspace (if you can see what I mean), and this can be quite traumatic for a person with ASD. Make sure you take breaks from caring for your children. Make sure you talk to friends who just listen, and not direct you with too-much-advice. Identify what reassures your son, and experiment with sounds, textures and smells.

In stressful family situations, the first thing to depart is fun.
Try to have some fun. I know that this seems impossible sometimes, but it really can help to release stress.
In turn, this relaxes the mind and body and new pathways become clear.

Good luck.



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08 Aug 2011, 9:19 am

Callista wrote:
kfisherx wrote:
And get your boy to a personal trainer for goodness sakes. Start him on a healthy diet and exercise regiment. His OCD tendencies and self confidence can only be addressed when he is physically healthy. Physical health will come with self confidence and many of his "isms" will start to fade. An obese person who sits around playing video games and watching videos is not in a good place in life even before adding Autism to the picture. You really answered your own question. Use logic here. Physical Health is the foundation of all good things. Your boy doesn't have it.
Uhm...

Okay, there's a bit of a misconception here; specifically, that obese=unhealthy. Yes, obesity is associated with bad health; but it's not an absolute thing.

You can be obese and be a physically active person who eats well and has no risk factors for obesity-related illness other than the number on the scale (with the exception being joint injury and wear-and-tear, which obese people are more vulnerable to)..


Yeah, uh.... Not really. According to all the research in pubmed it really is absolute... BUT that said, this kiddo sits around all day long playing WoW or watching DVDs. So NOT an active person. And you don't get to be obese by eating whole foods. I dare you to get fat eating broccolli. Look. I have been there and done that and nutrition/heatlh matters are one of the special interest pursuits over the past years. Aa a bodybuilder, I know first hand how even 20 lbs can make a huge difference in how a person feels and performs. Anyone who is carrying enough weight to be qualified as obese has a foundational issue to deal with for their mental issues. IOW, their mental issues will be magnified until this foundational issue is addressed.



Last edited by kfisherx on 08 Aug 2011, 4:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Callista
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08 Aug 2011, 4:29 pm

OK, lemme put it this way.

I am obese. Since I was a teenager and until about three years ago, I've gained about five pounds per year. If you do the math, that means fifty calories per day consumed over the amount expended--not exactly a binge.

I walk five miles a day and I can keep up with anyone on a hike. I don't have a car because I ride my bike everywhere I go. I even find it hard to sit still for a long time--I don't watch TV (or even have a TV) largely because it means I have to sit and do nothing while I'm staring at the screen.

I eat a lot of fruit and vegetables, mostly frozen, and not very much meat. I don't eat greasy food because I don't like it. I've had the same one-pound box of sugar in my cupboard for the past two years, where it's congealed into a lump I have to chop bits from in the few times I eat any. Same with salt and butter.

I don't have any obesity-related health problems. My blood sugar is normal, my blood pressure is normal. I have a heart arrhythmia that I was born with, but no weight-related problems.

There are an awful lot of people like me, and I think it's pretty presumptuous of you to think that because I've got a big butt, I must necessarily be unhealthy, and must get thin before I can be happy.

By the way... this isn't some kind of radical view. It's pretty mainstream, actually. It's just that people won't accept that fat people can get healthy without worrying about getting thin. Apparently, the existence of our fat butts offends them or something.
http://www.ars.usda.gov/is/AR/archive/mar06/health0306.htm


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kfisherx
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08 Aug 2011, 4:42 pm

Callista wrote:
OK, lemme put it this way.

I am obese. Since I was a teenager and until about three years ago, I've gained about five pounds per year. If you do the math, that means fifty calories per day consumed over the amount expended--not exactly a binge....


Yeah, I figured because only obese people ever argue that being obese is healthy. Science says otherwise. PERIOD.

Now that said, there are some people with a lot of extra weight who are extremely more healthy, in some ways, than thinner people. I would put an obese NFL lineman's health against some of the smaller geeky persons in my lab. So it isn't as black/white (or as personal) as you seem to be taking this. I am taking much more data than just one word "obese" from OPs message. Please read the part where she talks about what he does all day. I fail to see exercise as a major part of this kid's life in the data given. An obese person who spends most of his day on his butt doing video games or watching TV is going to suffer from mental health issues of some sort. Hell, even a non obese person who doesn't exercise is going to suffer compared to a person that does exercise. Physical exercise and movement is a HUGE component of our healthy mental selves.

If you want to discuss your personal reasons for being overweight and your health objectively with me, I can do that in PM. I am a certified as a trainer and have helped numerous people over the years with this sort of stuff. It simply is not relevant to this thread IMHO.



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10 Aug 2011, 7:05 am

I think it was a mental hospital....I stayed there for about 1-2 weeks. I remember having a small room. That might have been where my aspergers was diagnosed but I could be wrong.



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10 Aug 2011, 8:31 am

pekkla wrote:
I'm the mom of a teenage boy with AS who puts holes in the wall when he gets really angry.


There's some very serious good advice on the pages above, but my first thought was teach your son how to repair these holes (and make him repair them) once he's calmed down. May be once he's repaired a few, to a very high standard, he may be disinclined to punch them.

Come to that, what are your walls made of that someone can punch a hole in them??
Try that in my house and the only thing you'll break is your hand/knuckles.


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