Ann2011
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 16, 2011
Posts: 1481
Location: Ontario, Canada
|
 Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 12:16 pm Post subject: Overwhelmed by People |
 |
|
I get overwhelmed by other people to the point of losing my own sense of self. I get so concerned with figuring out what others expect of me and what their experience is, that I lose my own sense of identity. It takes me hours to regroup and get centered again.
This is frustrating for me because I do have a strong identity - I just don't seem to be able to maintain it when I'm exposed to other people. Their personalities start to subsume mine and I feel I have to escape to be alone and to get back my to myself.
Has anyone else experienced this? |
|
| Back to top |
|
purchase
Phoenix
![]()
Joined: Feb 20, 2010
Age: 26
Posts: 2385
|
| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 1:00 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Yes. It used to be if I spent 24 hours with someone I couldn't be myself around I couldn't take it. Just like you describe.
Probably still that way actually but to a lesser degree. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Maje
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 21, 2010
Age: 32
Posts: 1987
|
| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 1:04 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Well yes all the time because I understand them and "the way they understand me", which is not how I am and since they dont try to understand me the way I understand them, I actually assist their presentation of themselves while being exposed to a wrong picture of myself which is unfair.
Im still trying to figure out how my own view would be when I would see them "my way" and dont try to see them the way they think themselves, because thats what they do to me. I make art of the impression of people because thats surely my own creativeness and makes me sense an own way of thinking, but its not shareable. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Ann2011
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 16, 2011
Posts: 1481
Location: Ontario, Canada
|
| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 2:10 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I get consumed with playing into their vision of themselves and their perceptions of me. It's like I'm hiding. I don't know why this happens. |
|
| Back to top |
|
purchase
Phoenix
![]()
Joined: Feb 20, 2010
Age: 26
Posts: 2385
|
| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 2:56 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| To be socially solvent and liked probably. For me anyway. But that leaves a person with no self. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Ann2011
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 16, 2011
Posts: 1481
Location: Ontario, Canada
|
| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 3:04 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I guess one has to strike a balance between spending time with others and spending time alone. It gets lonely, but I'd rather keep my sense of identity. |
|
| Back to top |
|
purchase
Phoenix
![]()
Joined: Feb 20, 2010
Age: 26
Posts: 2385
|
| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 3:35 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Well I've found when I'm lonely I've had enough time by myself and it's time to rejoin people. Maybe it's not the same for you though.
Yes a balance is good! |
|
| Back to top |
|
Maje
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 21, 2010
Age: 32
Posts: 1987
|
| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 3:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Its difficult to explain because its not an easy calculation, because I am not always like this and somebody else is not always like that. I dont really understand myself because it depends on everything how I happen to be in a situation, while some people can say easy stuff about themselves, like "if [insert event] happens, I always react [insert what you want]" I cant use these kinds of sentences and I also dont believe them when other people say them.
I have been in the position of giving and receiving in all kinds of situations and I have also experienced the feeling of hiding my personality, like you explain, and also the feeling of being run over by other personalities and also the feeling of running over other peoples personalities myself.
I guess because I often experience the same problem there is an unevenness.
My problem is that I often find myself in situations where I sustain an other persons needs for giving while Im only receiving and mostly wanting to get to an end of it. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Joe90
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 24, 2010
Posts: 8229
Location: Great Britain
|
| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 4:25 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I'm OK with people I know, but when I'm out in public and it's busy, I get overwhelmed by people I don't know.
_________________
Real gender: Female
From: East UK
Age: 23 |
|
| Back to top |
|
Ann2011
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 16, 2011
Posts: 1481
Location: Ontario, Canada
|
| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 6:30 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Maje wrote: | | while some people can say easy stuff about themselves, like "if [insert event] happens, I always react [insert what you want]" I cant use these kinds of sentences and I also dont believe them when other people say them. |
I can never say how I would react because I have no idea what my reaction might be until something actually happens. I try to avoid unpredictable situations because I may react badly. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Mummy_of_Peanut
Countess de Noir
Joined: Feb 21, 2011
Age: 40
Posts: 3474
Location: Bonnie Scotland
|
| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 4:51 am Post subject: |
|
|
| It's totally dependant on the other person. I could spend 24/7 with my husband and dad and life would be perfect. In the future, I hope my daughter will have that effect, but she's such a lot of work just now, that I'd be lying if I said I wanted to spend all my time with her. I can spend a fortnight with my mum, but need some time out from time to time to regain my energy. As for other people, including my best friend, a couple of hours tops (a few minutes for some) and I'm starting to feel drained, probably because I don't really feel able to just be myself. |
|
| Back to top |
|
whalewatcher
Blue Jay
Joined: Mar 14, 2011
Posts: 75
|
| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 5:49 am Post subject: |
|
|
Yes, I know exactly what you mean.
I'm starting to think that 'mindblindness' is connected to not having a strong enough sense of personal identity, or social self, to hold up well in social situations. Your sense of others is developed from how that sense of self engages with others.
I think the social self is a sort of mask, or puppet, that we either don't have or don't know how to use instinctively. |
|
| Back to top |
|
jmnixon95
Post-Phoenix
Joined: Dec 27, 2009
Age: 17
Posts: 20896
|
| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 7:48 am Post subject: |
|
|
I felt this frequently (as in, every day) when I was attending public school.
I mask many of my AS traits in public (and I do so quite well; occasional slip-ups, but not much attention is paid to them.)
Now that I'm at home, though, I haven't noticed it as much.
I'm still exposed to people and around people, but not for as long as I was before, and not for six or seven consecutive hours.
_________________
Books are a delicacy in Canada. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Maje
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 21, 2010
Age: 32
Posts: 1987
|
| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 1:23 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| whalewatcher wrote: |
I'm starting to think that 'mindblindness' is connected to not having a strong enough sense of personal identity, or social self, to hold up well in social situations. Your sense of others is developed from how that sense of self engages with others. |
I think it is rather overanalyzing than blindness. I think I give people too much attention, too much importance because I study their reasonings in detail, choosing if I want to connect or not. Im working on accepting everything from moment zero, cause if I see it positive thats what I am going to understand. Misunderstanding is normal, its how to deal with it that counts.
| whalewatcher wrote: |
I think the social self is a sort of mask, or puppet, that we either don't have or don't know how to use instinctively. |
I think the social self is sometimes this and sometimes that, and after that your sentence makes sense.
It is for me a matter of courage to accept people from moment zero, because they are might going to shut me out etc., but thats less likely actually. Its also for me a matter of courage to deal with being stupid sometimes, but Im working on accepting that I cant control the universe because Im just a piece of it, borrowing this body and the errors are possible here. Actually everything is always OK. |
|
| Back to top |
|
anneurysm
Who needs birds when you have Lena Dunham.
Joined: Mar 26, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 1881
Location: Barrie & Toronto, Canada
|
| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 7:23 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I feel that it is like controlling a puppet or hiding behind a mask for me. I find that while I can be social and act socially appropriate within the time I have allotted myself to socialise with people, I feel that this social period has a time limit, and after a while, I absolutely have to be alone, recharge, and be myself without having to impress anyone.
When I was younger, I could only stand social activities for an hour or less at a time, after which I'd hide from people. Now, depending on factors like adequate sleep and my physical health, I can be social from anywhere from half a day to 3-4 days. It's the reason I often hid in my room when I lived with roommates, in that when I came out of there and saw them, they began doing small talk with me while all my social energy had disappeared. It was exhausting.
_________________
It's gonna take a long time...it's gonna take it, but we'll make it one day. |
|
| Back to top |
|
