minervx
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 14, 2011
Age: 21
Posts: 1101
Location: United States
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 Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:17 pm Post subject: expecting a certain reaction out of people & not getting |
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I'm sure many of us Aspies have been in a situation, where we say something and expect a certain powerful reaction from a person such as "That's hilarious!!" or "That's brilliant!" or "I totally agree!", but instead you get an anemic response or even silence, and you wonder if the person even listened to you.
Then later when we got home, we realized that what we said wasn't that funny, or brilliant, or accurate, and realize that the response (or lackthereof) was appropriate. It may have been witty but not THAT witty.
I myself sometimes need to be reminded that just because someone doesn't respond directly back to every thing you say means they ignored you. Likely, they heard what you said, but are either offended/disagree and are tactfully keeping quiet, or they aren't interested in talking about the subject, or you summed it up well and theres little more to add.
Sometimes I'm tempted to keep repeating the statement, but most of the time, I realize that they heard me. They just have nothing to say about it.
Who knows, maybe you might get a response later on. Sometimes people brush another's ideas off, but then think about them, and days or weeks later, you can have the other person express how you were correct.
So for those who have difficulty in this position, you're not alone.
Your thoughts on this subject? |
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postpaleo
Huh?
Joined: Feb 22, 2007
Age: 62
Posts: 3323
Location: North Mirage, Pennsyltucky
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| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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Comics "bomb" all the time on the stage. The good ones know how to drag that out for laughs.
I'm sure some of the more profound statements, that I have heard, where met with my blank looks. I know they were.
Someone said about dancers and falling. It isn't the fall, it's learning on how to get back up, gracefully. I use to be graceful, now I just laugh. Switch it around, if you like, depends on the person.  |
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minervx
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 14, 2011
Age: 21
Posts: 1101
Location: United States
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| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 11:00 pm Post subject: |
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| postpaleo wrote: | Comics "bomb" all the time on the stage. The good ones know how to drag that out for laughs.
I'm sure some of the more profound statements, that I have heard, where met with my blank looks. I know they were.
Someone said about dancers and falling. It isn't the fall, it's learning on how to get back up, gracefully. I use to be graceful, now I just laugh. Switch it around, if you like, depends on the person. |
yeah, exactly.
as long as most of the jokes are funny, some duds will be tolerated.
as long as the conversation is mostly good, then a few mistakes are okay. |
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MuchoMacho
Butterfly
Joined: Sep 03, 2011
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 3:42 pm Post subject: |
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I mean this in a constructive way, not to be rude or belittling. But you should definitely try and stop looking to others for approval. If you think you said something brilliant, enjoy the feeling regardless of who approves of it or agrees. Seeking approval from those around you is a sure-fire way to always be disappointed and potentially socially awkward.
I remember I had a friend of a friend in high school who any time he said something he thought was funny he would seek eye contact. If we were watching TV on a couch and something was funny on TV, he would look over lingering for eye contact. I just remember thinking how awkward it was to be around this guy. At first you make the eye contact and chuckle, but after a while it became a chore to constantly keep this guy's ego flattered. Eventually you just end up avoiding eye contact at all cost when ever he said anything. Needless to say I never made a strong friendship with this guy.
I'm not saying you're seeking of approval is as awkward as this example, I'm just saying that if you say something brilliant and seek no reaction from anyone it could make the comment in itself funnier/more brilliant/more accurate. |
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Nereid
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 06, 2011
Posts: 154
Location: San Francisco
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| Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 3:40 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah, I can relate. When people dont respond the way I expect, a little "uh oh" alarm sounds in my head. I realize that unless I recover quickly, the convo is quickly headed south. Unfortunately since I'm neither that witty or charming, this is often what happens. If someone doesn't get your humor, it might be best to switch topics if possible to something where you dont have to be funny, such as current events, science, etc. |
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Nereid
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 06, 2011
Posts: 154
Location: San Francisco
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| Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 1:36 am Post subject: |
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| Yeah, I can relate. When people dont respond the way I expect, a little "uh oh" alarm sounds in my head. I realize that unless I recover quickly, the convo is quickly headed south. Unfortunately since I'm neither that witty or charming, this is often what happens. If someone doesn't get your humor, it might be best to switch topics if possible to something where you dont have to be funny, such as current events, science, etc. |
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