SC_2010
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 18, 2010
Posts: 334
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 Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 8:58 pm Post subject: |
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| You never know what they will latch on to. I think exposure is the best thing you can do. Expose them to all different topics and see what sticks. Ultimately, they will pick. You probably won't understand why they pick that certain thing. |
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Circle989898
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 31, 2011
Posts: 1954
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| Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 9:50 pm Post subject: |
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Edited
Last edited by Circle989898 on Tue Nov 29, 2011 10:52 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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lovelyboy
Sea Gull
Joined: Jul 30, 2011
Posts: 241
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| Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 10:50 pm Post subject: |
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It isa ifficult ballance to strike...
I like your enthusiam and I can see that you really care about your son! The caring is the big thing that will help him make a success out of his life!
Regarding pressure...it sounds, I could be wrong, but that you might be interpreting your own fears for your son onto him?
Regarding struggling at school....in our case my son is clever enough to enjoy the work, but it's the social stressors that makes him hate school and I'm trying to help as much as I can, but this is really our big issue....and af caurse all the unpredictibillity exct...but the teachers can be of great help.
As he gets older, maybe ask the teacher to give you advice on how and what you can help your son with...
Don't try to hard....no matter what...he is still going to grow up and 'live will happen', regardless what.
With your interest in him, love and support and UNCONDITIONAL exceptance....even if he struggles accedemicly...he will become a confident young man!
_________________
Married to a great supportive hubby....
Little dd is very active and loving and addores his older brother! Little dude diagnosed with SID and APD.
Oldest son, 9yrs old, diagnosed with AS and anxiety and OCD traids
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14798
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 5:39 am Post subject: |
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| azurecrayon wrote: | keep in mind that not all autistics have special interests. or they may have special interests that are intense but very broad and could lead down a wide variety of paths. even an interest in the single subject of star wars could lead to space, robotics, movie production, set design, playwriting, etc.
rather than guiding him, try letting him guide you. ask him what HE wants to learn, where he wants to take the subject of interest. your son is 6, let him have time to develop those interests on his own. offer him experiences, but dont force them on him. your job is to show him the world so he can choose what he wants to do, not to tell him what to do.
i understand the pressure you feel tho. my SO and i have discussions already on how to steer special interests into career paths. but our autie is only 5, and like your son, his interests are thus far those of a 5 yr old boy =) best thing we do for our son now is to encourage him that the entire world is open to him and he can go down any path he chooses.... when he chooses. |
Not to mention a 5 year old probably really has no concept of working towards a career path...
_________________
It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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Kris30
Raven
Joined: Nov 14, 2011
Age: 32
Posts: 103
Location: Scotland
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| Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 10:46 am Post subject: |
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Hi, thanks all for continuing to post your good advice and experiences, means a lot!!  |
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PaintingDiva
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 28, 2011
Posts: 334
Location: Left coast aka Northern California
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| Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 12:03 pm Post subject: Your childhood issues + and being a parent |
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It sounds to me like you are trying very hard to create the childhood you wish you had when you were little, for your child. And you are smart enough to realize it isn't working very well with your kid. As in 'no more Spanish lessons please'....
Chill out and let the kid be a kid, don't take their interest in Star wars (?), and extrapolate it into lessons about exploring space etc. You maybe be inadvertently wrecking his/her childhood pleasures.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Your child will pick out his/her own special interests and if they turn out to be what you call 'useless' ones, so be it.
Take the child to museums, parks, train stations, tour factories, I don't know, just get the kid out in the world to observe. Are you home schooling? It sounds like you are.
You are trying to move the kid at warp speed....slow down, let the kid be a kid and find their own special interests on their own. You mean the best but it sounds like it is backfiring and you already know it or you would not have posted about it.
A quote about 'ghosts' lifted from someone's blog, couldn't find the direct quote, but this is what I am referring to:
| Quote: | Selma Fraiberg (author of The Magic Years a book about infant and toddler psychological development) first described the theory of "ghosts in the nursery."
The concept of ghosts in the nursery refers to the relationship between a parent's early, usually conflicted experiences of the parenting they received during their childhood and their own parenting style. Grounded in the psychoanalytic tradition, this concept suggests that parents may relate to their own children based on vague representations of the parenting that they received during their own childhood.
In other words, a parent's reaction to her child is often mediated by unresolved issues from her relationship with her own mother. |
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PaintingDiva
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 28, 2011
Posts: 334
Location: Left coast aka Northern California
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| Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 12:11 pm Post subject: You are not home schooling |
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P.S. I read the OP's first post, the kid goes to school...and homework, let the kid do their own homework, do not do it for him, do not supervise it. Maybe give him a time frame, like you have a snack when you get home, then you do your school work but other than that, leave it alone. Or you will end up with a kid who has no confidence in the ability to do homework on his own.
Do schools give too much homework these days? Well that is another post entirely, and a big issue in the USA....as in yes they do.
Good luck with your son, clearly you care very much about him and want the best for him and that is very, very important. He will know that too. |
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ASDMommyASDKid
Hobbit
Joined: Oct 28, 2011
Posts: 1059
Location: "It was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort."
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| Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 12:44 am Post subject: |
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Honestly, having normal interests for his age is actually a good sign. Mine doesn't, and that presents its own problems. His idea of trying to strike up a conversation with a child is to ask him math questions. An older boy once looked like he wanted to clock my son because he thought it meant my son thought he was stupid.
Career interests have plenty of time to present, and they can shift and change with a lot of frequency. Five years old is not the time to sweat it! I understand the worry, believe me! if you look hard and over analyze, which I think parents of spectrum kids are apt to do, you can find even more worries than you need to have. I do the same.
Like the other poster said, just expose him to things, and don't push too hard. You can't force a special interest, anyway. He'll choose his own special interest when one strikes his fancy. When he does, believe me, you won't have to push.
Don't ruin the time you have with him by pushing. Enjoy him and let him enjoy you. The interpersonal stuff is important, especially for spectrum kids, so you don't even have to feel like your are slacking, while you are having fun! |
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Kris30
Raven
Joined: Nov 14, 2011
Age: 32
Posts: 103
Location: Scotland
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| Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 7:37 am Post subject: |
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i've heard a lot of complaints from parents over here about the volume of homework too, but at the moment my sons is really just light reading. However at weekends he gets a paragraph of 3 or 4 words repeated in a random order and you have to time him for 3 attempts. He doesn't like this at all, so i just fill in an rough estimate for each.
With regards to maths, he gets really upset in class when he's learning new maths and he has been given a corner of the room to go to when things get on top of him, which he calls his "office". As far as i am aware this only occurs during maths. I thought by teaching him at home ahead of schedule in a less stressful environment would actually reduce his stress in class. I've now dropped the maths and will leave it to the people who know best, i.e. his teacher! It's such an enigma because has talks about maths all the time.
As for the other stuff, space etc, i will just leave it and answer his questions as and when they crop up. I asked him last night what he would like to learn about the world and said "dinosaurs" and "dolphins". Two subjects I know nothing about, so i'll get some kids books on both and it will be fun bedtime reading for us both! I realise from from those answers that he is too inquisitive not to develop interests with genuine prospects on his own. The love and support route you all mention is no doubt best. He's actually very popular in school and has lots of friends, though he dictates and they follow his lead. Again, you're all right and life happens and you just have to be there when it counts! I do fund and participate in his typical childhood interests.
A lot of you don't seem to like the fact that I teach him Spanish, but i've been teaching him for 3 years and it seems such a waste to stop. He doesn't get as stressed with Spainsh as he does with Maths, but like Maths he loves to put what he knows into practise. At a friends house recently he took great delight in the correcting an older boy on his Spanish. He is actually really good at it and i've always thought giving a child bilingual skills a wonderful gift. I understand that giving him lessons is flawed, but what if I get a childrens dvd and just play it in the background from time to time? Maybe that would reinforce what he knows and allow him to learn at his leisure? At that age he's bound to pick it up without necessarily having to pay attention.
Reading through the posts I see many of you through your experience simply know better than me and this thread has been genuinely helpful! |
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monkees4va
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 03, 2008
Posts: 397
Location: scotland! ^.^
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| Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 12:11 pm Post subject: |
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If your son has a special interest, he will go out of his way to learn everything he can about it. But having one doesn't necessarily mean he is garenteed to be a genius in that sector.
From personal experience my interest was dinosaurs and insects. I could tell you anything about any kind of dinosaur or insect at the age of 7. I would watch programmes, read encyclopedias and spend my days at the library to learn what little scraps of knowledge I could find. I even chose palentology as a career when I finished Primary school. Now? I still have an interest, and remember those days fondly. I'm not obsessed anymore however, and have forgotten most of the facts and figures. I like to write and study the human psyche now, which fortunately is a career option.
My point is, don't try and force your son to think of his future at the age of 6. He doesn't know what he wants to do himself yet. Let him enjoy his childhood without repeatedly laying the stress of adulthood on his back. He shouldn't be thinking of his job options and paychecks yet, he should be blowing snot bubbles and playing tig with the other kids. You're only young once.
_________________
I'm a girl people!
"Do or do not; there is no try." -Yoda
Your Aspie score: 157 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 65 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie |
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DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9295
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 1:27 pm Post subject: |
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On the Spanish, it's not goping to hurt anything if there is ONE subject you force your child to learn after school, simply because it is important to you. Just keep it - and it's importance - in it's proper place. Plenty of parents send their kids to weekly religion classes, or sign them up for piano, and so on, because it is something the parent values, and kids are usually accepting of that if it isn't too much or overwhelming. Keep it as fun and light as possible and let him know why you are teaching it. If the resistance gets super strong, or it becomes an item of unecessary stress - then reevaluate.
I taught my son all sorts of things he didn't ask to learn, simply because the openings to do so were there. As long as it is "mostly" the child leading, it works out OK.
And little ones with good math sense have a surprising affinity for and joy in simple algebra. Not a bad thing.
Just always be mindful against becoming one of those "race to nowhere" parents. That would backfire. Yes, you probably were taking it all too far - and you sensed that well enough to feel the need to start this thread and ask the question. So maybe you should listen to your own instincts - what your heart instead of your head - tells you more often.
_________________
Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
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Think of the greening of my name as an emeritus thing; I used to be a moderator but am retired and have no authority to act |
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ASDMommyASDKid
Hobbit
Joined: Oct 28, 2011
Posts: 1059
Location: "It was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort."
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| Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:08 pm Post subject: |
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| An added note about homework: Where I am, parental interference is required by the school. The first day of school, I got a note saying that the students were expected to have parental help until A work was achieved, and that the expectation was that was what was needed to be turned in. |
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