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Zabriski
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07 Dec 2011, 2:06 pm

Why do you think you bullied?

What do you do to avoid it?

Do you tell a teacher?

Have you ever got in a fight?



Sweetleaf
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07 Dec 2011, 2:08 pm

Well I think I've been bullied due to being different

I tried avoiding it by reading books and just trying to avoid the other kids, that just made them try harder to get a reaction and there was usually only so much I could take.

I tried telling teachers in the past, but that did not help since half the time the teachers were in on it.

I almost got in a fight, a couple times but not quite.


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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07 Dec 2011, 2:15 pm

The best thing you can do is tell people. Teachers, parents, principals. Get the word out that so and so is bothering you because if you don't tell people, they will turn around and say "I never knew that was happening. You never said anything." You don't want them telling you that. Sure, some of them might not have known, or it could just be an excuse. Just keep talking about it until something gets done. Do not try to hit or abuse the bully in any way unless you are defending yourself from bodily harm as this will only come back on you in a negative way, most of the time.
Most schools do have an anti bullying policy so look into yours.



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07 Dec 2011, 2:31 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
The best thing you can do is tell people. Teachers, parents, principals. Get the word out that so and so is bothering you because if you don't tell people, they will turn around and say "I never knew that was happening. You never said anything." You don't want them telling you that. Sure, some of them might not have known, or it could just be an excuse. Just keep talking about it until something gets done. Do not try to hit or abuse the bully in any way unless you are defending yourself from bodily harm as this will only come back on you in a negative way, most of the time.
Most schools do have an anti bullying policy so look into yours.


That does not always work, just saying........also if the bully attacks you, then you have every right to hit them back.


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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07 Dec 2011, 2:38 pm

That's self defense and I typed that it's okay if it's done in self defense, to keep from experiencing bodily harm. Abusing the bully in return doesn't work, either. It causes an escalation. Talking to the people around you, including authority figures can help tremendously. Go to the teacher, if you can't get them to help, talk to the parents. Get the parents to talk to the teacher. If that doesn't help, go to the principal. If the principal demands proof, get a recording of the bullying and let the principal see it.
See if you can get the principal to involve other students in moderating. This can really help. A lot of times, if the bully sees the other kids disapproval of what they are saying or doing, they will often stop. Bullies like being the center of attention and often bully others because it gets them positive attention from their peers. When they see themselves becoming unpopular because of it, it gives them motivation to stop doing it.



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07 Dec 2011, 3:00 pm

i've been bullied all my life since childhood. i look confused and younger than my age and awkward etc... i look vulnerable. i get bullied in places where no one else gets bullied sometimes. like not surrounded by the kind that picks on everyone...
i usually walk away, but had to defend myself several times. and once or twice lost my temper and got a rage attack, the kind when you see red and might not remeber what you did later. i hate bullies and never bullied anyone in my life. that's why i like animals better than people, because they only attack if you provoke them first and they don't bully without a reason.
i get bullied every way possible and when i was a child my parents said it's my fault because no one else got bullied beside me so it must be my fault. my mother said it's because i'm a coward.
i do believe all aspies should learn self defense, and how to control their rage, hand in hand with learning how to defend themselves. i have long, long since lost count of the times i've been bullied and bullies like to touch me because they know it's what bothering me the most. that can easily trigger a rage attack. every time i get bullied i'm afriad i'll lost my temper and sometimes that fear makes me freeze and i feel paralyzed.



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07 Dec 2011, 3:08 pm

Why do you think you bullied?

Are you trying to ask why did we bully people or why did we get bullied?

What do you do to avoid it?


I used to try and avoid some of them like in second grade, I would not sit at the lunch table around these boys from my class so I always sat at the other table with girls from my class where they didn't make fun of me. I also would sit at the front of the bus away from the 6th graders who bullied me. I also used to tell the teachers but sometimes they tell me to just ignore it, if it was them touching me or touching my stuff or throwing things at me, they would do something about it but unless it was verbal, "ignore it." I also would try and be normal as possible by trying to be like everyone else to get rid of things to bully me about. I even gave up watching Barney when I was nine. I found the show annoying when it first aired and then I learned to like it and then I had to learn to hate it again.

Do you tell a teacher?

Yes

Have you ever got in a fight?

All the time and I used to get in trouble along with the bully and by 6th grade, it was me only. How it always works is when two kids fight, they both get in trouble and the staff and teachers don't care who started it. Unfair to the victim I know but if the victim defends themselves to a bully and the bully never touched them, the victim gets in trouble only. :(
By then I think the bullies had figured out they can still bully without getting into trouble, just do verbal bullying to provoke the victim and she will get into trouble, not them.



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07 Dec 2011, 3:30 pm

[Moved from General Autism Discussion to Social Skills and Making Friends]


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MrJosh
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07 Dec 2011, 4:14 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
Most schools do have an anti bullying policy so look into yours.


In my experience, an anti-bullying policy is a statement with very little, if any, follow through.

I was badly bullied and ultimately feel let down by the school and most of the staff to whom I spoke to about this, until I finally just stopped trying to stop it and instead attempted to just survive the school day, each and every day.



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07 Dec 2011, 4:32 pm

Why do you think you bullied?

I'm different. People attack anyone different. They think they're defending the herd or something. (I find differences interesting - that's just one of the ways I'm different. :wink: )

What do you do to avoid it?

Avoid people as much as possible. There are exceptions, people and places I consider generally safe, but with most people, I seem to send out invisible "Kick Me, Even When I'm Down" signals. If I ever had the money, I'd get me a cabin off in the forest. That would be tough, since I can't drive (I'm also legally blind), but it would be easier than coping with most people.

Do you tell a teacher?

When I was in school, I tried that. Occasionally, it even worked. Most of the time, they didn't care. Some of them joined in. One teacher told me I "ought to go to prison" because it would "toughen you {me} up". Overall, it didn't seem to do very much good. It didn't do poor Phoebe Prince much good, either. (Yes, I'm a bit obsessed with her case - the superintendent of her school system actually taught at my high school when I was there; he learned a lot about how to grind students face down into the mud.)

Have you ever got in a fight?

That depends on your definition of a fight. I've been pounded on enough times I lost count. Got shoved around, kicked, whatever else you can think of that doesn't quite land you in the hospital. One time, I got kicked by a bunch of girls :oops: , then when I was trying to block them from kicking me in the shin where they'd already hurt me badly, I swung my other leg up and it hit one of them. I almost got into huge trouble over that - until the vice principal got a look at the long, bloody furrow her boot toe had already plowed up my shin. He was the one pretty fair administrator there, so he admitted it looked like I'd actually been defending myself. (It helped that I didn't fight back generally, and people knew that. I wasn't tough enough to win anyway, so I figured, why tick them off worse?) That was the closest I ever got to "fighting back", and I wasn't really trying to fight back, just block them from doing worse damage.

The really stupid thing about that incident is that, although I can say intellectually that they attacked me, that I was just defending myself, and I wasn't even trying to hurt anyone, I still feel ashamed of the fact I could have hurt someone. I mean, I'd rather be that way than not care at all if I ever hurt anyone, but it does seem lame to feel guilt in a situation like that one. But, lame or not, that's what I feel. :oops:


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07 Dec 2011, 4:54 pm

I was bullied in high school. I never told anyone, but it was noticed -- I was refered to the school psychologist.

I never got into a fight. However, once, during a friendly hockey game, another player asked if I wanted to fight (he was the worst of them, he must have thought I had done something forbidden, holding or otherwise, I don't remember), and I dropped my stick defiantly, in acceptance. He went away cowardly. I was quite proud.



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07 Dec 2011, 7:33 pm

I used to be bullied, but I'm not bullied anymore because I'm in college and college students are much less likely to be idiots than high school/middle school/elementary school students. These people have all given you good advice, and I won't repeat it, but I want to say that unless the teacher is bullying you too or not stopping the students, the best thing you can do is deal with it in these various ways until college. If the teacher is in on it, tell your parents (assuming they are non-abusive) and threaten to sue.



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07 Dec 2011, 7:45 pm

Why was I bullied? Because I was/am socially inept (bullied well into my adult years).

What do you do to avoid it? I avoid the bullies, then & now.

Do you tell a teacher? Didn't matter. The teachers didn't care. I used to also have a bully tell the teacher that I was harassing & bullying her, & I was the one who got into trouble. My bully physically hit me in class, but told the teacher I hit her. Telling on a bully can backfire too.

Have you ever got in a fight? Yes, many times. I had no choice but to stand up for myself as there was no one else who would defend me. Who wants to get their but kicked for protecting the freak? No one I know.


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07 Dec 2011, 8:48 pm

Why do you think you bullied?
The bullies could sense weakness in me. That's why most people are bullied
I was weird,over-sensitive and had poor social skills. That is considered an obvious weakness

What do you do to avoid it? When I was really young I tried to run away from school and I would hide in the bathroom.
When I was in high school I enjoyed art. I don't anymore because I probably have post traumatic stress now.

Do you tell a teacher? Several times but my teachers would tell me this "Nobody likes a snitch" or "stop complaining so much". There was no use in telling them anything because they could give a s**t less. They were bullies too.

Have you ever got in a fight? Most of the bullies that physically harmed me were male athletes that were twice my size.
I had no chance in a fight if I defended myself. I would just get beaten up by those bastards. I really cant fight good anyway.



Last edited by artrat on 07 Dec 2011, 8:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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07 Dec 2011, 8:49 pm

MrJosh wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
Most schools do have an anti bullying policy so look into yours.


In my experience, an anti-bullying policy is a statement with very little, if any, follow through.

I was badly bullied and ultimately feel let down by the school and most of the staff to whom I spoke to about this, until I finally just stopped trying to stop it and instead attempted to just survive the school day, each and every day.

I hear ya!

Unfortunately, schools can fail to provide safe, effective environments for students to pursue their education. I had to tough it out, too. By the time I made it to high school, I was harrassed only a little but I didn't have any real friends and was utterly miserable in school whick can be just as demoralizing as being bullied everyday.



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07 Dec 2011, 9:39 pm

I have always felt more of an outsider than a bully victim, except maybe in sports to older players and you were usually able to get your revenge within the confines of the game. I was bigger and tougher looking than I probably was and that alone probably saved me a lot of grief.

You have to make yourself less of a target, which admittedly is not always an easy thing to do. Hang in groups, get to know one of the teachers on a first name basis, and work on giving off a strong vibe that you're not a victim are some ways that can help prevent, but not end bullying- at least in school.

The important thing to realize is that it isn't you and let it affect you and how you feel about yourself. It's them. Bullying is all about using others to provide an artificial sense of power and entitlement. They're probably victims of bullying somewhere else in their lives. It works that way for some reason.

I wouldn't hide because that just tells them that they have won over you. Telling teachers was usually frowned upon back when I was in school and I am not sure how that has changed. If it gets bad enough and you feel in danger then you should inform adults. Maybe take the position that you don't feel safe and secure enough to do your work at the best of your abilities since the school hasn't provided a safe environment. That veiled threat should be enough to get them to act since it makes them liable if something should happen.

I have gotten into fights before. Usually the strongest and toughest win fights, despite what you've seen in some feel good movie. There aren't rules in fighting and you have to be willing to do what needs to be done and willing to suffer the consequences of your actions. Fighting is about causing enough pain to make them mentally quit. You have to ask yourself if it is worth it because you lose the position of being in the right when punches are thrown.

Like I said, the most important thing in bullying is how it makes you feel about yourself. They may be bigger or have the numbers on you, but you don't have to let them have the power over how you feel about yourself.