paolo
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 13, 2006
Posts: 1299
Location: Italy
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 Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:05 pm Post subject: Love and/or lust |
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There are couples married or living together for which it is difficult to establish exactly where love begins or ends and lust is the only glue which keeps the couple together. To have love you must understand the other in his/her inner recesses, without pretending to middle in these recesses or to intrude in Other’s interiority or pretend to exact a change. This is particularly true between ASD and ASD and NTs.
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Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.
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Fnord
Enigmatic Threadkilling Metasyntactic Variable
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 18402
Location: Stendec
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| Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:10 pm Post subject: Re: Love and/or lust |
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| paolo wrote: | | There are couples married or living together for which it is difficult to establish exactly where love begins or ends and lust is the only glue which keeps the couple together. To have love you must understand the other in his/her inner recesses, without pretending to middle in these recesses or to intrude in Other’s interiority or pretend to exact a change. This is particularly true between ASD and ASD and NTs. |
So ... how are you and your wife getting along these days?
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DrS
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 08, 2010
Posts: 155
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| Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:17 pm Post subject: |
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| To have lust you must understand the other in his/her inner recesses too. Of course, lack of understanding can be aided with the judicious application of lube. The latter applies for love, too. |
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Radiofixr
Punished daily for being me and different
Joined: May 31, 2010
Posts: 1445
Location: PA
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| Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:44 pm Post subject: |
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Well I was burned by that concept recently-had deep feelings for a person,felt in love and just couldn't express it-put this person first before even myself and that person didn't feel the same and lusted and consummated that lust on a single encounter with another person 3 years younger and 70 pounds heavier after it was inferred the other person had a problem with age difference towards me. Still hurts!
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paolo
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 13, 2006
Posts: 1299
Location: Italy
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| Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:56 pm Post subject: |
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I have never had a wife, and presumably (I am seventyeight) I will never have one. Only now, a little late, I understand what the problems are. I ignored, until a few years ago, what ASD means. Now I have some utopic idea of how a love&lust relationship should be. I think that lust should never suffocate love and that most couples (ASD or NT or mixed) are founded on lust more than love. though I admit that lust often feeds a little of love or attachment (gratitude at least, if there is respect).
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Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.
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Fnord
Enigmatic Threadkilling Metasyntactic Variable
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 18402
Location: Stendec
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| Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:59 pm Post subject: |
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Has anyone else ever noticed that, just as the world's greatest "experts" on raising children have never had children of their own, the world's greatest "experts" on marital relationships have never been married?
Sorta like an auto mechanic who never owned a car ... or a male gynecologist ...  |
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paolo
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 13, 2006
Posts: 1299
Location: Italy
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| Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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| I didn't want to talk about marriages, but about stable relationships. In the past and now in large parts of the world marriages are arranged by families or other agencies. |
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paolo
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 13, 2006
Posts: 1299
Location: Italy
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DrS
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 08, 2010
Posts: 155
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| Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 9:23 pm Post subject: |
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| How many couples do you know who are only held together by lust? It doesn't seem like a very lasting glue. |
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Dae
Toucan
Joined: May 30, 2011
Posts: 262
Location: California...God Help Me
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| Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2011 5:44 pm Post subject: |
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Yet, lust without love/compassion IS what too many individuals do try to use for sustaining a relationship. Either they can't accurately define their own lust as lust (rather than as 'love) or they're unable to know the difference in the first place...and to know that long-term/life-term takes both: 'lust' to spark it and 'love' to create 'permanent' conjoining. btw, It seems a little funny how much emphasis is put on situations of 'lust-without-love', but not much discourse on 'love-without-lust'. Even in situations of 'love-without-lust', most often the result is the same: the partnering is disbanded at some point.
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Starr
PETTY CHIEF OFFICER
Joined: Sep 18, 2006
Posts: 4595
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 7:56 pm Post subject: |
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Paolo, how are you?
It is very good to see you are still posting your interesting thoughts and quesions here...I have seen several familar faces (well, avatars) and remembered some good conversations! 
Friendship and companionship I have seen in older couples sometimes. Maybe those qualities aremore important among the old. And support, and tenderness.
Perhaps these are aspects of love. |
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OliveOilMom
Queen of cans and jars
Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Posts: 6990
Location: Living in Faulkner's nightmare
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 10:48 pm Post subject: |
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And sometimes after a decade or two, or three, you just get comfortable together.
For some couples it's easier to just stay together after all those years rather than start over, especially when things aren't bad, there's just no "oomph".
Love isn't always passionate and it can have it's different depths over the years. What starts out as overpowering love, longing, desire to know every bit of each other burns down like a fire to a low flame and coals. It still gives warmth and you still need it, but it's not so intense that it's all you can think about. When the fire burns so hot and bright during the beginning, it can illuminate all those recesses and you can see everything without probing. Eventually, you know things you don't want to know, and because compromise is needed, you just ignore them. Sometimes one person has to ignore things, and sometimes the other person has to. It's a survival mechanism, and it doesn't negate love.
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Frances
I can be a little much sometimes. |
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