| Rate the idea |
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68% |
[ 761 ] |
| Bad |
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1% |
[ 19 ] |
| Good and bad |
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7% |
[ 80 ] |
| I'm indifferent |
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10% |
[ 122 ] |
| Greentea's crazy! / Greentea's king! / Let see those results |
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11% |
[ 129 ] |
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| Total Votes : 1111 |
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postcards57
Sea Gull
Joined: Aug 08, 2011
Posts: 238
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 Posted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 12:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | Hikikamori wrote:
He can't just go up to you and say he wants to bang you. I don't think girls would like that.
If you are a girl and there's a guy who identifies as hetero he doesn't want to be "just friends".
I
Are you sure about this? It seems like there could be hetero guys that really are just interested in being friends. I knew some back in engineering school. Although now that I think about it, those guys were most likely Aspie...hmmm. |
I'm pretty much NT, with some autistic traits (which include trying to discover the rules of good social behaviour). Here's my take on it:
If one person of the opposite sex (or same, if gay or lesbian) asks you (and you alone) for coffee or to a movie, s/he is usually asking you out. If that person just wants to be friends, s/he usually won't ask you to be friends, ask you to go somewhere, or try to strike up a conversation with you alone. You wil just hang out together in groups, and there won't be a lot of one-on-one conversation.
NTs are taught to be indirect if they are interested in sex. It is seen to be disrespectful if you express interest in sex directly too early in a relationship. In fact, usually the word sex doesn't come up in the conversation until couples have been having sex for a while.
I'm not an expert on dating or male-female friendship, though, since I've been happily married for over 20 years. 
J. |
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Mysty
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2008
Age: 43
Posts: 1999
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| Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 4:20 pm Post subject: |
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| postcards57 wrote: | | Quote: | Hikikamori wrote:
He can't just go up to you and say he wants to bang you. I don't think girls would like that.
If you are a girl and there's a guy who identifies as hetero he doesn't want to be "just friends".
I
Are you sure about this? It seems like there could be hetero guys that really are just interested in being friends. I knew some back in engineering school. Although now that I think about it, those guys were most likely Aspie...hmmm. |
I'm pretty much NT, with some autistic traits (which include trying to discover the rules of good social behaviour). Here's my take on it:
If one person of the opposite sex (or same, if gay or lesbian) asks you (and you alone) for coffee or to a movie, s/he is usually asking you out. If that person just wants to be friends, s/he usually won't ask you to be friends, ask you to go somewhere, or try to strike up a conversation with you alone. You wil just hang out together in groups, and there won't be a lot of one-on-one conversation.
NTs are taught to be indirect if they are interested in sex. It is seen to be disrespectful if you express interest in sex directly too early in a relationship. In fact, usually the word sex doesn't come up in the conversation until couples have been having sex for a while.
I'm not an expert on dating or male-female friendship, though, since I've been happily married for over 20 years.
J. |
That fits with my experience with my guy friends. I can't vouch for what guys do when they are interested in someone as a date, as I've been married, well, nearly 20 years. But I can say, my male friends I've gotten to know in groups. I don't think I've ever made one on one plans with them. And the rare couple of cases of sharing a ride just me and a guy friend, both were after I'd known the guy quite a while, and one was the boyfriend of a female friend; both cases, totally clear on the boundaries.
_________________
not aspie, not NT, somewhere in between
Aspie Quiz: 110 Aspie, 103 Neurotypical.
Used to be more autistic than I am now. |
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Saturn
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 24, 2011
Posts: 317
Location: UK
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| Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 5:38 pm Post subject: |
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Does anyone else get frustrated reading about some of the so-called solutions to the so-called NT-AS disconnect?
I'm a little bit lacking on examples here, but what bothers me is some of these suggestions like for AS person to do or say certain things to their NT partner because those things will be interpreted positively by NT partner. For me, this misses the point. I want a genuine, authentic, intimate relationship with my partner. I find such suggestions somewhat offensive, belittling and hopeless. I mean, if you're not able to intimately connect with your partner, your not able to intimately connect with them. Following these behaviorist suggestions just highlights that fact at the same time as trying to get round it.
I tend to think that greater honesty on all sides offers a better way forward. |
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fraac
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: Mar 24, 2011
Posts: 1865
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| Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2012 5:50 am Post subject: |
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From another thread...
| pastafarian wrote: | | fraac wrote: | | You seem to have an emotional attachment to the idea that I can't have a functional top-down view of human nature. In this case I'm not sure that showing my working would help. |
I think you are right about that. It really bugs me. |
Okay, so with NTs you can have relationships and transmit information to them via touch, or you can use parables where the information sits as inert data in their head and is accessed indirectly by analogy, but if I want to do neither of those and just tell them stuff would it really be impossible? |
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no_added_sugar
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 04, 2011
Posts: 26
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| Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2012 9:19 am Post subject: |
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| ghostar wrote: | | Laddo wrote: | Question for NTs:
I have no special interests per se, but I do go through stages of watching entire series of TV shows back-to-back. Would you say that's a particularly non-NT thing to do or do some of you do this as well? |
I don't think many NTs do this but i definitely do! I am Aspie. |
NTs do this too. Especially those with a hectic work schedule. Myself and my ex (who is as NT as they come) would both find new series (or old that we missed when they were on TV) and blast through them over the weekend. I've watched things like Dexter, 24, Sons of Anarchy, The Mentalist... all episodes back to back only breaking for the loo and cooking meals. It's also a student thing I've found. Lots of the people I know at uni will have days where they'll watch a series for an entire day. |
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TruthTree
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 04, 2010
Posts: 58
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| Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:18 pm Post subject: |
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Question for Aspies please.
How can I tell the difference between:
a) When an AS person overloaded and needs to be left alone
b) When the AS person won't speak to me because he is angry with me?
Also, if the AS person is angry with me should I try to leave them alone or should I try to talk to him about it? |
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Moog
Pussycat
Joined: Feb 26, 2010
Age: 34
Posts: 17636
Location: Untied Kingdom
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| Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:24 pm Post subject: |
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| TruthTree wrote: | Question for Aspies please.
How can I tell the difference between:
a) When an AS person overloaded and needs to be left alone
b) When the AS person won't speak to me because he is angry with me?
Also, if the AS person is angry with me should I try to leave them alone or should I try to talk to him about it? |
Perhaps you could arrange some kind of signal system with the aspie or aspies in your life? Signs on a door perhaps
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fraac
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: Mar 24, 2011
Posts: 1865
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| Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:30 pm Post subject: |
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| TruthTree wrote: | Question for Aspies please.
How can I tell the difference between:
a) When an AS person overloaded and needs to be left alone
b) When the AS person won't speak to me because he is angry with me?
Also, if the AS person is angry with me should I try to leave them alone or should I try to talk to him about it? |
I can't speak for anyone else but for me the second one just wouldn't happen. |
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TruthTree
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 04, 2010
Posts: 58
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| Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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| fraac wrote: |
I can't speak for anyone else but for me the second one just wouldn't happen. |
I hope this is the case..
If you don't mind, can I ask you,
what you do when you are angry with someone?
| Moog wrote: |
Perhaps you could arrange some kind of signal system with the aspie or aspies in your life? Signs on a door perhaps
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Funny you should suggest that.
Once I made him a paper sign that said "can't talk to you right now" and asked him to put it up when he was overloaded, but it didn't work.
Maybe I didn't approach it correctly. |
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fraac
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: Mar 24, 2011
Posts: 1865
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| Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 5:29 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't get angry with people. I just react to whatever's happening at the time, I don't carry history into encounters. Not sure how common this is among aspies. |
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Saturn
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 24, 2011
Posts: 317
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 3:54 pm Post subject: |
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| TruthTree wrote: | Question for Aspies please.
How can I tell the difference between:
a) When an AS person overloaded and needs to be left alone
b) When the AS person won't speak to me because he is angry with me?
Also, if the AS person is angry with me should I try to leave them alone or should I try to talk to him about it? |
I would say: do what you want. Special treatment superimposed onto a situation I find patronising. |
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Moog
Pussycat
Joined: Feb 26, 2010
Age: 34
Posts: 17636
Location: Untied Kingdom
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| Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 4:20 pm Post subject: |
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| TruthTree wrote: | | Moog wrote: |
Perhaps you could arrange some kind of signal system with the aspie or aspies in your life? Signs on a door perhaps
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Funny you should suggest that.
Once I made him a paper sign that said "can't talk to you right now" and asked him to put it up when he was overloaded, but it didn't work.
Maybe I didn't approach it correctly. |
It would need to be something that your aspie sees the value in using, then prompting until it becomes something in habitual use.
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ghostar
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 21, 2011
Age: 33
Posts: 402
Location: Most likely work. Sigh.
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| Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 11:18 am Post subject: |
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| TruthTree wrote: | Question for Aspies please.
How can I tell the difference between:
a) When an AS person overloaded and needs to be left alone
b) When the AS person won't speak to me because he is angry with me?
Also, if the AS person is angry with me should I try to leave them alone or should I try to talk to him about it? |
When I am overloaded, my typically cheerful demeanor becomes very dark and irritable. Things that I normally love, i suddenly hate.
When i am angry with someone, I usually tell them. Since I can't tell when someone is angry, I never assume others can tell when I am angry. |
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CrazyCatLord
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 25, 2011
Posts: 2177
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| Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 12:19 am Post subject: |
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| TruthTree wrote: | Question for Aspies please.
How can I tell the difference between:
a) When an AS person overloaded and needs to be left alone
b) When the AS person won't speak to me because he is angry with me?
Also, if the AS person is angry with me should I try to leave them alone or should I try to talk to him about it? |
I appear kind of shell-shocked when I'm overloaded. Less responsive and a bit absent-minded, but at the same time panicky and trembling. Sometimes I hyperventilate. Sometimes I make clumsy, abrupt movements when I reach for a tissue (blowing my nose often helps me to stop hyperventilating) or compulsively adjust my glasses.
When I'm angry at someone, I try to avoid all contact with them. Permanently if possible. But in case they are sitting right next to me and I can't easily get away, I just sulk and have an argument with them in my head. I can't handle confrontations, so I just imagine the things I would say if I'd dare to open my mouth. Weird, I know. The difference between both situations is that I'm not agitated or panicking when I'm angry and appear more at ease, just really quiet and thoughtful. |
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jamieevren1210
Sherlock Holmes has Asperger's hands down
Joined: May 25, 2011
Age: 16
Posts: 2108
Location: Taipei, Taiwan
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| Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 12:26 am Post subject: |
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Question for nts
What do you do in your spare time? |
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