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Teredia
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 13, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 621
Location: N.T. Australia
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 Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:48 am Post subject: AS boyfriend wont show public affections |
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Recently i just sort of un-officially started dating a guy. I have known he has AS from the start and of course he knows I have AS.
I am 2 years older than him and am thus a lot more mature. 99% of the time we are together in public and he really wants to Kiss me but he wont cause of some sort of (in my oppinion) "Stupid aspie embarressment" or something.
I know and understand I used to be like this once before but learnt I had to get over it if i wanted a relationship.
Also he keeps treating me like an NT girl cause thats all he's ever dated in the past.
I have tried to confront him about these issues and all we do is fight and argue. He has to always be right.
Lately one of our best friends that we share decided to step in as mediator. She found that even though he really likes me, he "wont stick around and wait for me to 'get' him"
I get him perfectly fine... hes a countrol freak just like my father...
I hate my father, but ive given this guy a chance.
I suppose theres nothing more i can do. He cant just live and let live, he has to be right all the time. Also he's Prince Charming until everything stops going his way. I as an AS female cant keep complying to his controling nature, even though i really like him in return....
Is there anyway around this? like so i can talk to him in a simple manner without him getting confused and angry at me for issues that he is at fault over. I suppose i dont really mind him not wanting to kiss me in public, but everything else is getting too much for me cause i am getting very sick over it.
I want to keep him as a friend I can already see a relationship wont work, but How do i stop things going from bad to worse now?
And should I just break up with him? |
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Wolfheart
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 2971
Location: Kent, England
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| Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 7:05 am Post subject: |
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| I think you should try to get him to come to a mutual agreement or a compromise first before taking any action. If he isn't willing to build a mutual understanding and realize your needs for communication and public affection, I think maybe working around the communication difficulties and misunderstandings will be the biggest difficulty for both of you and that will require you both coming to an understanding or sacrifice. You should also know the limits and be more assertive towards him instead of passive, if you really think that he isn't going to make a compromise or take action to do what is best for you or your relationship with him, you should move on. |
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Teredia
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 13, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 621
Location: N.T. Australia
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| Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 8:22 am Post subject: |
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| Wolfheart wrote: | | I think you should try to get him to come to a mutual agreement or a compromise first before taking any action. If he isn't willing to build a mutual understanding and realize your needs for communication and public affection, I think maybe working around the communication difficulties and misunderstandings will be the biggest difficulty for both of you and that will require you both coming to an understanding or sacrifice. You should also know the limits and be more assertive towards him instead of passive, if you really think that he isn't going to make a compromise or take action to do what is best for you or your relationship with him, you should move on. |
aah hello Wolfheart.
just seriously frustrated i suppose.
Yeah I suppose i kind of answered my own Questions. Thing is his limits change from day to day. (just like my fathers). I don't know whether he's coming or going. Like I can see things with a clear mind things are not going to work out. I saw it from the start, but thought I'd see where things go. We both agreed to that.
Now i feel so bad cause he gave me a really exspensive item n I feel that he may think Bad of me if i end things now.
I just dont want to continue the arguements, were better friends than lovers.
I just hope the Damage isnt done already.
But thanks Wolfheart.
PS i recently had a smal growl on one of Jaedee's older posts...  Wasnt aimed at you - Just frustration.   |
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Wolfheart
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 2971
Location: Kent, England
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| Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 9:01 am Post subject: |
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| Teredia wrote: |
Yeah I suppose i kind of answered my own Questions. Thing is his limits change from day to day. (just like my fathers). I don't know whether he's coming or going. Like I can see things with a clear mind things are not going to work out. I saw it from the start, but thought I'd see where things go. We both agreed to that.
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I guess you're right, only you know what is best for you and know the best type of action to take for your own health and happiness. Everyone misplaces their judgement or trust at some point, don't blame yourself and try to take come away from it positively.
| Teredia wrote: | | PS i recently had a smal growl on one of Jaedee's older posts... Mad Wasnt aimed at you - Just frustration. Shocked Confused |
No worries, I understand you must be going through a difficult and stressful time. |
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Asp-Z
Clockwork Planet
Joined: Dec 07, 2009
Posts: 11016
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| Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2012 5:59 am Post subject: |
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I went out with another Aspie and our relationship was just like yours, OP. All we did is argue, and she always had to be right. It didn't end well.
I suggest you just stay friends, it's probably for the best. Find someone who you're properly compatible with. |
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Matt62
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 05, 2012
Age: 51
Posts: 1163
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2012 3:09 pm Post subject: |
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One thing is always going to be true in our lives, as males (Not as AS or ASD People, either)women WILL NOT lose an argument to you. It isn't going to happen. Besides, NT women don't argue to make a point or be correct, they want to vent anger or other emotions.
Someone told me the only solution to this problem is just two words long:
YES DEAR.
I think he is on to something!
Don't get sucked into arguing with women, its a lose-lose scenario.
Sincerely,
Matt |
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EtiamTempus
Butterfly
Joined: Jan 23, 2012
Age: 25
Posts: 17
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 5:13 pm Post subject: |
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Hello there.
I am a neurotypical female dating an Aspie male. One thing I realized really quickly is that I need to be very clear in what I want. But there is one theme I have noticed with your posts. You have made it quite clear that you are not fond of your father. I'm sure you have your reasons. If he consistently reminds you of your father then it may be, a red flag. Studies have showing that being around people that cause you so much stress can work a number on your mental, and sometimes even physical health (such as loosing sleep over said issue).
Futhermore, other studies have shown that being a control freak can be a very dominate trait with Aspies, as well as the need to have their way all the time. I'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time. When you have to consider loosing someone you're rather fond of, it's not very fun. 
I hope you've been given some insight by myself and other members of the forum. Maybe you can work things out.
Good luck. |
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