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Mysty
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2008
Age: 43
Posts: 1999
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 Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 4:39 pm Post subject: |
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| ghostar wrote: | | TruthTree wrote: | Question for Aspies please.
How can I tell the difference between:
a) When an AS person overloaded and needs to be left alone
b) When the AS person won't speak to me because he is angry with me?
Also, if the AS person is angry with me should I try to leave them alone or should I try to talk to him about it? |
When I am overloaded, my typically cheerful demeanor becomes very dark and irritable. Things that I normally love, i suddenly hate.
When i am angry with someone, I usually tell them. Since I can't tell when someone is angry, I never assume others can tell when I am angry. |
Seems to me there's not a need to. Either way, give them space. If someone is angry, wait till they are ready to talk about it.
_________________
not aspie, not NT, somewhere in between
Aspie Quiz: 110 Aspie, 103 Neurotypical.
Used to be more autistic than I am now. |
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compass
Hummingbird
Joined: Jan 15, 2012
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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| TruthTree wrote: | Question for Aspies please.
How can I tell the difference between:
a) When an AS person overloaded and needs to be left alone
b) When the AS person won't speak to me because he is angry with me?
Also, if the AS person is angry with me should I try to leave them alone or should I try to talk to him about it? |
In my experience, NTs can't read my body signals any better than I can read theirs. So how would an NT tell the difference? By asking a direct question. And with me, it would by far be more likely to that I was overloaded than angry. I've rarely been angry with anyone, and when I have been I usually let them know it. I still get overloaded all the time, especially by crowds. |
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compass
Hummingbird
Joined: Jan 15, 2012
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 9:08 pm Post subject: |
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Question for NTs
Do you complain that Aspie's never admit that they are wrong?
My ex-wife and stepdaughter were what I would classify as alpha NTs. For example, stepD was student council president in high school. During our marriage, a common complaint from them about me was that I would "never admit that I was wrong." This confused me for years. I would readily admit an error whenever shown proof. Eventually, I made a serious effort to identify what was going on. Finally, I discovered that it was my opinions that were "wrong." For example, I like classical music but not pop. That was "wrong" since they liked pop music. How could I not like it?
This has bugged me ever since. How many people treat opinions and facts the same? How can an opinion be wrong? |
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Janissy
Phoenix
Joined: May 06, 2009
Age: 46
Posts: 4917
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| Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:54 pm Post subject: |
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| jamieevren1210 wrote: | Question for nts
What do you do in your spare time? |
I like to garden. When the weather is too cold and all my plants are hibernating I plan out what I will do the following Spring and also compost (which can be done any time of year) and have seedlings indoors. |
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Abbadackerygirl
Emu Egg
Joined: Jan 20, 2012
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2012 12:47 am Post subject: |
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| TruthTree wrote: | Question for Aspies please.
How can I tell the difference between:
a) When an AS person overloaded and needs to be left alone
b) When the AS person won't speak to me because he is angry with me?
Also, if the AS person is angry with me should I try to leave them alone or should I try to talk to him about it? |
When I am overloaded, I want to be left completely alone. No interaction with anyone. If I was mad at you, I would call someone else and complain about you, lol.
Although I have to say, the two can go hand in hand. You may have made me so mad that I am now on overload, grr! |
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Abbadackerygirl
Emu Egg
Joined: Jan 20, 2012
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2012 12:51 am Post subject: |
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I know I am an aspie, but I have a burning question for other aspies:
Do you find yourself correcting everyone? Even strangers? The worst one I have done was jump out of a car to correct the English of a begger's cardboard sign! Lol!
In other words, is this an aspie trait, or is it just a terrible quirk of mine? |
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Phonic
WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW!!!??
Joined: Apr 04, 2011
Age: 20
Posts: 1331
Location: The graveyard of discarded toy soldiers.
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| Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2012 6:37 pm Post subject: |
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| jamieevren1210 wrote: | Question for nts
What do you do in your spare time? |
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
And i have nothing but spare time, rather tragic arn't I?
_________________
'not only has he hacked his intellect away from his feelings, but he has smashed his feelings and his capacity for judgment into smithereens'. |
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fraac
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: Mar 24, 2011
Posts: 1865
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 6:04 pm Post subject: |
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| Oh! Here's one that gets me. If you recommend something to an NT, will they always assume you have an angle? There have been many times where I recognised something that a person would like and the simple act of giving or showing them it was made very complicated. I think Amelie had the right idea of helping NTs invisibly so they don't do the 'between the lines' misreading of your motives. Am I right about this? |
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dianthus
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 26, 2011
Posts: 726
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 10:35 pm Post subject: |
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Question for NTs...
What sort of signals do you interpret as someone wanting to discontinue interaction, to be left alone?
I am asking because people consistently keep trying to interact with me when I want them to go away. And I don't know what it is I'm doing that makes them continue trying to talk to me.
_________________
ADHD, inattentive type, not sure if I have AS |
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hisjen
Butterfly
Joined: Jan 23, 2012
Age: 34
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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| dianthus wrote: | Question for NTs...
What sort of signals do you interpret as someone wanting to discontinue interaction, to be left alone?
I am asking because people consistently keep trying to interact with me when I want them to go away. And I don't know what it is I'm doing that makes them continue trying to talk to me. |
I generally assume someone wants to be done talking to me when they fully turn away from me, but because of my curiosity I will ask them if I should go away.
My daughter and I came up with a plan, if I'm not "getting it" when she wants to be left alone she can say, leave me alone, I need a break or could you go away for a while? I need verbal cues as do many NTs out there, the more polite the better of course.
Jen |
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EtiamTempus
Butterfly
Joined: Jan 23, 2012
Age: 25
Posts: 17
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 5:14 pm Post subject: |
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| fraac wrote: | | Oh! Here's one that gets me. If you recommend something to an NT, will they always assume you have an angle? There have been many times where I recognised something that a person would like and the simple act of giving or showing them it was made very complicated. I think Amelie had the right idea of helping NTs invisibly so they don't do the 'between the lines' misreading of your motives. Am I right about this? |
As an NT, I don't always assume there's some kind of an angle if someone is giving me advice. Maybe there are other problems, like, maybe you were too abrupt, too assertive, or maybe someone wasn't looking for advice.
For example, someone tried to steal something from me and I got really scared. When I tried to tell my AS boyfriend about it, he was offering advice on what to do. I wasn't really looking for advice, I just wanted comfort. |
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CrazyCatLord
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 25, 2011
Posts: 2177
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| Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 3:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Abbadackerygirl wrote: | I know I am an aspie, but I have a burning question for other aspies:
Do you find yourself correcting everyone? Even strangers? The worst one I have done was jump out of a car to correct the English of a begger's cardboard sign! Lol!
In other words, is this an aspie trait, or is it just a terrible quirk of mine? |
That is definitely an aspie trait  |
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fraac
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: Mar 24, 2011
Posts: 1865
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| Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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| EtiamTempus wrote: | | fraac wrote: | | Oh! Here's one that gets me. If you recommend something to an NT, will they always assume you have an angle? There have been many times where I recognised something that a person would like and the simple act of giving or showing them it was made very complicated. I think Amelie had the right idea of helping NTs invisibly so they don't do the 'between the lines' misreading of your motives. Am I right about this? |
As an NT, I don't always assume there's some kind of an angle if someone is giving me advice. Maybe there are other problems, like, maybe you were too abrupt, too assertive, or maybe someone wasn't looking for advice.
For example, someone tried to steal something from me and I got really scared. When I tried to tell my AS boyfriend about it, he was offering advice on what to do. I wasn't really looking for advice, I just wanted comfort. |
I was recommending television (in the last example of many). This proves to be a weirdly difficult thing to do - they assume a motive other than 'based on observation this would make you happy'. |
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CrazyCatLord
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 25, 2011
Posts: 2177
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| Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 3:47 pm Post subject: |
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| EtiamTempus wrote: | | For example, someone tried to steal something from me and I got really scared. When I tried to tell my AS boyfriend about it, he was offering advice on what to do. I wasn't really looking for advice, I just wanted comfort. |
I guess that's how aspies comfort people I have often felt that I had to say something comforting, but I had no idea what. "I'm sorry" or "there, there" didn't seem to cut it, so I tried to say something useful and constructive instead.
Alas, that doesn't work when somebody tells me "my mother died yesterday". I mean, I can hardly say "well, perhaps you should make arrangements for her funeral then", even though that's very constructive advice. I always feel put on the spot when people tell me things like that. The first thought that pops into my head is "Why did he have to tell me that?!? What do I say now? I really don't want to have this conversation anymore. How can I end it?" I know that's totally unfair and I shouldn't make the misery of others about myself, but I can't help it. It's not even that I don't feel for other people, I just can't process it properly at that moment. That happens later when I'm alone. |
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nostromo
Honk-honk Hippo
Joined: Mar 13, 2010
Age: 45
Posts: 3205
Location: At Festively Plump
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| Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:35 am Post subject: |
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| dianthus wrote: | Question for NTs...
What sort of signals do you interpret as someone wanting to discontinue interaction, to be left alone?
I am asking because people consistently keep trying to interact with me when I want them to go away. And I don't know what it is I'm doing that makes them continue trying to talk to me. |
Not engaging in the conversation, not looking at the person, doing a task while the person is talking.
Theres a guy at work, who will come and talk to me about stuff, and he always knows things, so he will talk in depth about something like joining fibre optic cables, and it can be interesting, but after a while I have to get back to my work, so I start to do all those things I mentioned until eventually he's talking to my back while I type on my computer, he just doesn't pickup the non verbal signals.
I have resolved to telling him politely and gently that I have to stop talking and need to get on with my work. |
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