quirkyandlaughing
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 29, 2012
Posts: 39
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 Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:40 pm Post subject: Do you hate getting advice? |
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Hi all!
I'm newly diagnosed & am still trying to figure out which parts of me can be explained by Asperger's. I get really mad when people tell me what to do, but then I find myself doling out unsolicited advice all the time. Do any of you do that? Do you know if it's an Aspie thing?
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cathylynn
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 25, 2011
Posts: 2041
Location: northeastern US
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| Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:43 pm Post subject: |
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| i hate repeated advice. i'm smart enough to get it the first time. i only give advice when asked or if in an area where i'm an expert. |
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quirkyandlaughing
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 29, 2012
Posts: 39
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| Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:51 pm Post subject: |
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| cathylynn wrote: | | i only give advice when asked or if in an area where i'm an expert. |
That's my goal. Sometimes I bug myself!
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nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9744
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont
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| Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:53 pm Post subject: |
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It depends on the advic.e I HATE people giving me useless feel-good advice like cluiche sayings but I really like getting practical advice & I wish more people would. I also like giving practical advice but people sometimes get upset with me because they are just wanting to complain about something instead of wanting advice to deal with the problem.
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questor
Hermit
Joined: Apr 24, 2011
Posts: 1983
Location: Twilight Zone
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| Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 10:44 pm Post subject: Advice |
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Yes, I hate being given advice. It is usually given in a critical tone, that gets my back up, and it is often repeat advice--nagging. It is very rude to nag people. If I've heard it before, there is no need to repeat it. For reason's of my own, I have chosen not to follow the advice. Perhaps a good reason, or perhaps to be contrary, due to the critical tone of the advisor.
I do sometimes give advise, myself, but try not to do it too often. My mother used to ask my option or advice on things. I would answer her in a nice way--after all, she asked, why be rude in response? Then, my mother would usually do the opposite of what I advised, and would start a fight when I asked why she did that. I eventually realized what was going on, and started advising the opposite of what I thought she should do, so she took a different tack and started picking fights over my suggestions. Finally I got to the point of telling her to make up her own mind, and she got mad at that, too. I couldn't win, because for some reason, she always wanted to have fights. I hate constant fighting, but at the time I was financially unable to live on my own. My mother had mental health issues, but I still don't understand why she always wanted to have fights all the time. It made everyone around her miserable, and her, too. That was a terrible way to live.
My mother passed away in 2003, and since late 2005 I have lived alone, and don't see people often, so I rarely have to deal with fights any more. It's so peaceful living as a hermit.  I never want to live with other people again!
My advice to people on the spectrum who are having trouble dealing with other people, is: Become a hermit! |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13507
Location: My house
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 1:38 am Post subject: |
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No or else I wouldn't be talking to people.
I think lot of people hate getting advice and people get upset when they get the advice they didn't want to hear. |
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Amik
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2008
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 4:53 am Post subject: |
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It depends a lot on how the advice is given, what it's about and how useful it is.
I hate getting "advice" that is pretty much criticism masked as advice. If you're going to criticize, at least just come out and criticize. Don't pretend it's something else than criticism.
I hate unsolicitated advice about things that other people think I should do, but there is no need for and I clearly have no desire for. This is typically some stuff about my appearance or advice about how to act more female.
I hate when people give advice about things they know nothing about and makes no sense. Don't tell me I should go out and make some friends. If I knew how to do that I would, but with my AS it's easier said than done. Don't tell me I should exercise more and that will make my physical illnesses go away. It doesn't work that way.
I don't mind useful, genuine, well meant advice about things that I could use some guidance with. I've for example received useful advice about office politics, social rules, work related stuff etc. in the past and I appreciated it and didn't take it badly at all. I actually wouldn't mind getting more of this kind of advice. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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I really don't mind advice......I just hate it when it comes with the expectation that I follow the advice without question regardless of how I personally feel about how the advice applies or does not apply to me or whatever situation I'm in.
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NicoleG
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth
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| Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2012 12:32 am Post subject: |
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| nick007 wrote: | | It depends on the advic.e I HATE people giving me useless feel-good advice like cluiche sayings but I really like getting practical advice & I wish more people would. I also like giving practical advice but people sometimes get upset with me because they are just wanting to complain about something instead of wanting advice to deal with the problem. |
I run into this a lot as well. For me, at least, I think it's that instead of simply empathizing I tend to want to try and solve their problem for them. I obviously care, and I want things to be better for the other person, but I forget that most people out there either aren't looking for solutions or are just wanting to work through their emotions. I've been a really good ear at times, but I have to remember to keep my mouth shut more often than not, otherwise I'll end up confusing the person more than helping them.
Likewise, I've been very frustrated sometimes being on the receiving end. I've been very upset emotionally and all I wanted was answers and to be able to work through it logically so that it made sense. People around me were overly caring, but absolutely no help, and I think it's because all they wanted to offer was that empathetic ear. I've had to learn to not come off as emotional if what I'm wanting is a logical conversation about a situation, or else most people think I just want to vent. |
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dianthus
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 26, 2011
Posts: 726
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| Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2012 1:58 am Post subject: |
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I hate getting advice, unless I've specifically asked for it. I don't mind if they are just giving information. Like if I mentioned to someone I needed new tires for my car, and they suggested a good tire shop, or recommended a type of tire, that's useful information, and I would appreciate that. But if it sounds like they are saying "you SHOULD go to this tire shop and buy this brand of tire because I know better than you" that pisses me off. It's a fine line.
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ADHD, inattentive type, not sure if I have AS |
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Amik
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2008
Posts: 742
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| Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2012 10:48 am Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | I really don't mind advice......I just hate it when it comes with the expectation that I follow the advice without question regardless of how I personally feel about how the advice applies or does not apply to me or whatever situation I'm in. |
I feel that way too. Giving advice is one thing, but almost insisting on someone following it crosses the line. I hate when people try to pressure me into following their advice and don't care how I feel about it or whether it really applies to the situation I'm in. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2012 12:14 pm Post subject: |
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| Amik wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | I really don't mind advice......I just hate it when it comes with the expectation that I follow the advice without question regardless of how I personally feel about how the advice applies or does not apply to me or whatever situation I'm in. |
I feel that way too. Giving advice is one thing, but almost insisting on someone following it crosses the line. I hate when people try to pressure me into following their advice and don't care how I feel about it or whether it really applies to the situation I'm in. |
Yeah that usually pisses me off because, then people try and tell me I'm doing something wrong or not trying hard enough if I don't or cannot follow all the advice given. I mean I just don't know what to do in those situations other then try and explain I do really appreciate the advice and attempt to help.......but it either does not apply to my situation, is too overwhelming to try at the moment, or has been tried before and did not work. Then people tell my I'm just being difficult and pretty much deserve the situation I am in then because I won't obediently accept every last bit of advice.
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Kalika
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 26, 2011
Age: 34
Posts: 153
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| Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 2:40 pm Post subject: |
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| It depends on the situation and how helpful the advice actually is - for example, I've always had problems with dry skin on my hands, and telling me to "stop scratching and it will go away" is NOT helpful in the slightest. |
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faerie_queene87
Snowy Owl
Joined: Sep 28, 2011
Posts: 162
Location: the TARDIS
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| Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 3:43 pm Post subject: |
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I tend to be a bit too enthusiastic in giving advice 
I also like getting advice (even unsolicited) if it is very practical and clear (step by step is better, if applicable). Sometimes I might feel hurt or offended in the first place but then if it is clear enough to put it into practice I might feel grateful in the end. If it is vague and refers only to a final outcome with no how-to, I am likely to find it frustrating.
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minervx
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 14, 2011
Age: 21
Posts: 1101
Location: United States
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| Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 5:23 pm Post subject: |
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| i love getting advice. as long as its not given in a condescending or rude way |
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