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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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 Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 12:14 am Post subject: |
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| abacacus wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | ^^^ if you have feelings for her, your best bet might be to wait until you are in safer legal territory. if you care for her now, you will likely still care for her in a year when she is legal. it's kind of messy right now and can get you into trouble. |
It's legal, Canada's legal age of consent is 18, but there is also an exception for age gaps of 5 years or less (assuming parental consent on the side of the younger partner), she will be 16 before I turn 21 (although I will be 20 before she's 16 =\).
edit:
Just noticed your location says Canada, so maybe you already knew all that (or maybe you know different?)  |
i didn't know your location. i'm a mod so i can find out, but we don't usually go poking around unless there is a reason.
how long have you known the girl for and how were you acquainted? where are her actual parents in all of this? those are just a couple of important things that are considered in statutory rape cases. also, if you parents are not pleased, then you may want to pay attention to that as they would be your biggest advocates aside from her parents.
(technically the age of consent is 12 if you're also 12 or 13 years old. FOR REAL  )
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abacacus
Rock 'N Roll Outlaw
Joined: Apr 16, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 3316
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| Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 12:27 am Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | abacacus wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | ^^^ if you have feelings for her, your best bet might be to wait until you are in safer legal territory. if you care for her now, you will likely still care for her in a year when she is legal. it's kind of messy right now and can get you into trouble. |
It's legal, Canada's legal age of consent is 18, but there is also an exception for age gaps of 5 years or less (assuming parental consent on the side of the younger partner), she will be 16 before I turn 21 (although I will be 20 before she's 16 =\).
edit:
Just noticed your location says Canada, so maybe you already knew all that (or maybe you know different?) |
i didn't know your location. i'm a mod so i can find out, but we don't usually go poking around unless there is a reason.
how long have you known the girl for and how were you acquainted? where are her actual parents in all of this? those are just a couple of important things that are considered in statutory rape cases. also, if you parents are not pleased, then you may want to pay attention to that as they would be your biggest advocates aside from her parents.
(technically the age of consent is 12 if you're also 12 or 13 years old. FOR REAL ) |
Nova Scotia-New Brunswick border (my houses driveway is the border marker) for location.
We first met 2 or 3 years ago (she was dating someone I knew at the time we decided to settle a few differences), then met again at a music festival summer before last. After that she added me on facebook and we talked occasionally, then a few months we started talking to each other more after another guy screwed her over badly (cheated on her, stole some things from her). A week ago (or a week ago yesterday depending on your time zone) I had to talk her down from suicide and after that she just kind of blurted out that she loved me (along with a litany of reasons why).
Her biological parents aren't in her life at all. Her father ran out, her mother abused her.
My parents have made it clear that while they disapprove they do understand (my mother is 7 or 8 years younger than my father). Their disapproval (while partly because of her age) is mainly based on other matters.
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 12:37 am Post subject: |
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| abacacus wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | abacacus wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | ^^^ if you have feelings for her, your best bet might be to wait until you are in safer legal territory. if you care for her now, you will likely still care for her in a year when she is legal. it's kind of messy right now and can get you into trouble. |
It's legal, Canada's legal age of consent is 18, but there is also an exception for age gaps of 5 years or less (assuming parental consent on the side of the younger partner), she will be 16 before I turn 21 (although I will be 20 before she's 16 =\).
edit:
Just noticed your location says Canada, so maybe you already knew all that (or maybe you know different?) |
i didn't know your location. i'm a mod so i can find out, but we don't usually go poking around unless there is a reason.
how long have you known the girl for and how were you acquainted? where are her actual parents in all of this? those are just a couple of important things that are considered in statutory rape cases. also, if you parents are not pleased, then you may want to pay attention to that as they would be your biggest advocates aside from her parents.
(technically the age of consent is 12 if you're also 12 or 13 years old. FOR REAL ) |
Nova Scotia-New Brunswick border (my houses driveway is the border marker) for location.
We first met 2 or 3 years ago (she was dating someone I knew at the time we decided to settle a few differences), then met again at a music festival summer before last. After that she added me on facebook and we talked occasionally, then a few months we started talking to each other more after another guy screwed her over badly (cheated on her, stole some things from her). A week ago (or a week ago yesterday depending on your time zone) I had to talk her down from suicide and after that she just kind of blurted out that she loved me (along with a litany of reasons why).
Her biological parents aren't in her life at all. Her father ran out, her mother abused her.
My parents have made it clear that while they disapprove they do understand (my mother is 7 or 8 years younger than my father). Their disapproval (while partly because of her age) is mainly based on other matters. |
is her father figure her legal guardian?
i have to be honest here. she sounds like a mess and needs therapy if she isn't already in it. no stable household environment, running with a fast crowd, promiscuity at a young age, suicidal depression... these signs point to her needing support from you as a friend and encouragement to get help from a counsellor. if i had to guess i would say she also isn't attending school regularly, but may be drinking and is into drugs (correct me if i'm wrong).
in a sense *you* are probably a father figure. you're a friend who rescued her and supported her when she needed it, and she has come to depend heavily on you for moral support. she's put you up on a pedestal as the older man who takes care of her. the best favour you can do for her is to be her friend and only her friend while encouraging her to be as healthy as possible in her choices.
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abacacus
Rock 'N Roll Outlaw
Joined: Apr 16, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 3316
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| Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 12:47 am Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: |
is her father figure her legal guardian?
i have to be honest here. she sounds like a mess and needs therapy if she isn't already in it. no stable household environment, running with a fast crowd, promiscuity at a young age, suicidal depression... these signs point to her needing support from you as a friend and encouragement to get help from a counsellor. if i had to guess i would say she also isn't attending school regularly, but may be drinking and is into drugs (correct me if i'm wrong).
in a sense *you* are probably a father figure. you're a friend who rescued her and supported her when she needed it, and she has come to depend heavily on you for moral support. she's put you up on a pedestal as the older man who takes care of her. the best favour you can do for her is to be her friend and only her friend while encouraging her to be as healthy as possible in her choices. |
Yes he is (for now, he also happens to be a drug dealer >.>)
She is indeed a mess, and therapy could be good for her. I have been slowly poking her in that direction for a while. She is a high school drop out (something else I have been poking her about, she's going back and finish high school if I have to drag her in there every day), and she does have some drug problems. She used to be a speed freak but now she just smokes a lot of weed (which isn't a problem IMO, she can and has stopped in the past), and she does drink on occasion but not often. In her words she just doesn't like how she feels when she's drunk most of the time.
I can't see me being much of a father figure to her honestly
All I've been up until a week ago was a friend who was there for her when she needed it. I make it a point not to interfere in her life most of the time (who she hangs out with, what she does in her spare time, that sort of thing). If she sees me as a father figure she's in trouble, it might not seem like it but I would DEFINITELY not be a good influence on her in that capacity
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 12:54 am Post subject: |
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| abacacus wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: |
is her father figure her legal guardian?
i have to be honest here. she sounds like a mess and needs therapy if she isn't already in it. no stable household environment, running with a fast crowd, promiscuity at a young age, suicidal depression... these signs point to her needing support from you as a friend and encouragement to get help from a counsellor. if i had to guess i would say she also isn't attending school regularly, but may be drinking and is into drugs (correct me if i'm wrong).
in a sense *you* are probably a father figure. you're a friend who rescued her and supported her when she needed it, and she has come to depend heavily on you for moral support. she's put you up on a pedestal as the older man who takes care of her. the best favour you can do for her is to be her friend and only her friend while encouraging her to be as healthy as possible in her choices. |
Yes he is (for now, he also happens to be a drug dealer >.>)
She is indeed a mess, and therapy could be good for her. I have been slowly poking her in that direction for a while. She is a high school drop out (something else I have been poking her about, she's going back and finish high school if I have to drag her in there every day), and she does have some drug problems. She used to be a speed freak but now she just smokes a lot of weed (which isn't a problem IMO, she can and has stopped in the past), and she does drink on occasion but not often. In her words she just doesn't like how she feels when she's drunk most of the time.
I can't see me being much of a father figure to her honestly
All I've been up until a week ago was a friend who was there for her when she needed it. I make it a point not to interfere in her life most of the time (who she hangs out with, what she does in her spare time, that sort of thing). If she sees me as a father figure she's in trouble, it might not seem like it but I would DEFINITELY not be a good influence on her in that capacity |
ok, so you can see i had her situation pegged. trust me on this one, she looks up to you. perhaps it's more like a little sister then. and if your behaviour is on similar lines to hers, you might want to think about what direction you're going in. but that's a whole other topic.
she is younger and impressionable and if you are not in a position to be a good influence on her then you might want to think twice about having a big role in her life (i.e. as a boyfriend). she could use guidance but if the guidance you can offer is on the same destructive road that she is already on, then i'd encourage her to seek help and allow her grow up a bit. she'll still be there in a year, in 2 years, in 5 years... but she'll be in less of a vulnerable position.
basically right now her best influences are a drug dealer "father figure" (how long before she ends up hooked on something and hooking for that guy?), friends of likely dubious characteristics... and YOU. make your choices wisely.
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abacacus
Rock 'N Roll Outlaw
Joined: Apr 16, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 3316
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| Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 12:57 am Post subject: |
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I will do some more thinking about this and what has been said. No need to rush in to it and end up hurting her more, she's had enough pain in her life.
Thanks for the advice.
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A shot gun blast into the face of deceit
You'll gain your just reward.
We'll not rest until the purge is complete
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 12:59 am Post subject: |
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| abacacus wrote: | I will do some more thinking about this and what has been said. No need to rush in to it and end up hurting her more, she's had enough pain in her life.
Thanks for the advice. |
no, thank YOU for listening to my preaching. i can be a little heavy on that, i appreciate that you didn't get too annoyed.
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abacacus
Rock 'N Roll Outlaw
Joined: Apr 16, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 3316
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| Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 1:03 am Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | abacacus wrote: | I will do some more thinking about this and what has been said. No need to rush in to it and end up hurting her more, she's had enough pain in her life.
Thanks for the advice. |
no, thank YOU for listening to my preaching. i can be a little heavy on that, i appreciate that you didn't get too annoyed. |
Why would anyone get annoyed if they ask for advice and get it?
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A shot gun blast into the face of deceit
You'll gain your just reward.
We'll not rest until the purge is complete
You will reap what you've sown. |
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AliTatt
Raven
Joined: Jan 30, 2012
Posts: 124
Location: Ontario Canada
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| Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2012 4:13 am Post subject: |
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I've always related better to children and my teachers than my own peer group o.o but age-wise for dating, I took into account the 4-year gap between my parents. I've dated guys as much as 2-3 years younger than me, and my current boyfriend (who I wish to marry) is 8.5 months (roughly) younger than me and I think it's cool  I was always used to being the oldest age-wise, but the youngest maturity-wise. My little brother always had the "first child" position xD (though that was in part from my stunted early development).
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Lonermutant
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 18, 2005
Posts: 1727
Location: Namsos, Norway
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| Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2012 7:43 am Post subject: |
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| I had an online girlfriend who was 18 when I was 30, but I quickly discovered she had to be a scam. |
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DiabloDave363
Phoenix
Joined: May 17, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 647
Location: New England
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| Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:05 pm Post subject: |
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My last two relationships have had an age gap of 2 years (me being the older one). But my school always groups the freshmen and juniors together so thats really how it works. but many of the girls ive been sexual with have been older than me.
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Joe90
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 24, 2010
Posts: 8249
Location: Great Britain
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| Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 2:16 pm Post subject: |
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I tend to go after men who are a lot older than me. I don't think I even fancy anyone in their 30s - most men are in their 40s, 50s and 60s. Young men with baseball caps on driving about in convertables doesn't seem to turn me on. I like middle-aged men with beer bellies and greyesh-black hair. That is why I like bus-drivers.
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Dilbert
Will work for love
Joined: Mar 30, 2009
Age: 39
Posts: 1728
Location: 47°36'N 122°20'W
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| Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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Ooooooo!
I'd like an age gap relationship please. Ummm a hot 25yo would be juuuust fine.  |
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Suspie
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 07, 2012
Posts: 429
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| Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 8:59 pm Post subject: |
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I have always had friends who were either much younger or much older than me. I love the company of people in their eighties. I have always dated men who were younger than me and on occasion I have considered dating someone much older, though I thought it would be very sad if they died from old age.
I am currently spending some time with a man 20 years younger than me. We started hanging out recently so it is not a relationship at the moment, though everybody seems to be assuming it is. I am in my fourties, he is in his twenties.
PS: As a newly self diagnosed Aspie, I am amazed at how I see myself in so many posts on WP and it is amazing how now there is an explanation that sums up all my "oddities". |
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CrinklyCrustacean
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 23, 2009
Posts: 1223
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| Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 4:35 am Post subject: |
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| abacacus wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | abacacus wrote: | I will do some more thinking about this and what has been said. No need to rush in to it and end up hurting her more, she's had enough pain in her life.
Thanks for the advice. |
no, thank YOU for listening to my preaching. i can be a little heavy on that, i appreciate that you didn't get too annoyed. |
Why would anyone get annoyed if they ask for advice and get it? |
Sometimes people don't like the blunt, honest truth even when they ask for it. |
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