The_Sleeper
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 01, 2012
Posts: 158
|
 Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 11:52 pm Post subject: |
 |
|
I watched this movie when i was young ( i was 5 ish) called the bad seed. It's about this little blonde girl thats a sociopath and goes around murdering people all the while giving this outward appearance of a perfect little girl, always polite and well behaved. Then she'd do something nasty like push someone down stairs.
After watching it, not long after, a relative died and as im watching everyone cry over it im sitting there and not feeling anything at all. That was the first moment that i realised that there was something wrong with me. Obviously im aspie but back then i was really fearful that i was a sociopath. Really fearful.
I then spent my whole childhood obsessed with not being selfish and feeling guilty for just how uncontrollably selfish i was. I was already really polite and well behaved but i think it drove me to extremes, it just made me very strict with myself and my own thoughts and behavior. The sad thing is, i was already nicer than 99% of people but because i didn't feel like i was nice naturally my guilt would drive me to make even more effort to be nice. I'd always blame myself for every horrible thing other people did to me and i'd just try harder to be a better person, i always just saw other peoples bad behavior towards me as being something i deserved. Sad that i never outgrew blaming myself for everything that goes wrong, i still feel that way.
That was how i knew there was something different with me and then i spent the rest of my childhood observing myself and trying to put my finger on it. I wasn't obsessed with it, just i knew it was there so i put it on the back burner with the intention of coming back to it when i had more information. I eventually worked it out when i was about 24-25, the thing that made it click was when someone said, "aspies have to understand intellectually what others understand instinctively". After i read that i knew without doubt, it just made everything click into place finally, although i admit i still had doubts until i got officially dxed.
I've never mentioned that fear about being a sociopath to anyone before, seems weird to type it out. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Lepidoptera
Sea Gull
Joined: May 10, 2008
Posts: 221
Location: Northern California
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:13 am Post subject: |
|
|
| The_Sleeper wrote: | | I've never mentioned that fear about being a sociopath to anyone before, seems weird to type it out. |
Kids believe things that aren't true because they don't have enough experience to determine what is true and what isn't. I made lots of social mistakes when I was a kid and I believed that I might go to jail when I got older because I wouldn't know all the rules and I might accidentally do illegal things without knowing any better. Seems silly to me now. |
|
| Back to top |
|
SammichEater
Now 30% Cooler
Joined: Mar 07, 2011
Age: 19
Posts: 3823
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:17 am Post subject: |
|
|
My mom told me about it.
Then I started researching it on the internet. It seemed to be the only explanation for my weirdness. |
|
| Back to top |
|
fragileclover
Velociraptor
Joined: May 22, 2009
Posts: 496
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:59 am Post subject: |
|
|
I always knew that I was different, however, I had never considered that there was an actual explanation for how I was, until a co-worker first suggested Asperger's several years ago. She was talking to me, and she stopped mid-sentence to ask if something was wrong with her hair. I had no idea what she was talking about or why she had asked, but when I inquired what she meant, she indicated that it appeared I had been staring at her hairline during the entire conversation. When asked, other co-workers agreed that I avoided eye contact during conversation; something I'd never consciously been aware of.
I never took her suggestion seriously, though, until a couple of years later when I was trying to find information online about hypersensitivity and overreaction to emotional stimuli. I stumbled across some articles on AS, and things just clicked.
I immediately bought several books on AS, and realized that much of what they said explained my differences.
_________________
Aspie Quiz: AS - 141/200, NT - 77/200 (Very likely an Aspie)
AQ: 34/50 (Aspie range)
EQ: 32 / SQ: 68 (Extreme Systemizing / AS or HFA)
Diagnosed with AS and Anxiety Disorder - NOS on 03/21/2012 |
|
| Back to top |
|
Wolfheart
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 2971
Location: Kent, England
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 8:28 am Post subject: |
|
|
I wasn't self diagnosed as I didn't have any understanding of what it was. I have had several counselors, psychologists, psychoanalysts, I was first diagnosed with 7 years ago by a couple of psychologists and I was later diagnosed at the largest mental health training institution in the UK.
Anyone can read about a misconception or form of Autism and decide that they want to fit the criteria, I had no idea what it was when I was diagnosed, however it's important that we realize some people will take a test and blatantly put answers that suit their identity at that time. The more information they acquire on it, the more they can fit their identity to be in correlation with the disorder, that's why it is important that people get a professional diagnosis, making presumptions and speculating isn't wrong but getting a professional diagnosis is the most important thing you can do, sometimes people can be misdiagnose themselves. |
|
| Back to top |
|
TalusJumper
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 14, 2011
Age: 47
Posts: 164
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 9:29 am Post subject: |
|
|
I didn't figure it out until our son grew older (about age 7) and started showing symptoms consistent with Aspergers. Then I realized how many symptoms I shared with him- it really stated making sense to me.
_________________
Scores- Aspie score: AS-130, NT-75 You are very likely an Aspie
AQ-43, EQ-14
Actual dx: PDD-NOS |
|
| Back to top |
|
Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14798
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 12:29 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Wolfheart wrote: | I wasn't self diagnosed as I didn't have any understanding of what it was. I have had several counselors, psychologists, psychoanalysts, I was first diagnosed with 7 years ago by a couple of psychologists and I was later diagnosed at the largest mental health training institution in the UK.
Anyone can read about a misconception or form of Autism and decide that they want to fit the criteria, I had no idea what it was when I was diagnosed, however it's important that we realize some people will take a test and blatantly put answers that suit their identity at that time. The more information they acquire on it, the more they can fit their identity to be in correlation with the disorder, that's why it is important that people get a professional diagnosis, making presumptions and speculating isn't wrong but getting a professional diagnosis is the most important thing you can do, sometimes people can be misdiagnose themselves. |
Sometimes professionals can misdiagnose as well, also not everyone can afford to get a professional diagnoses......Also, I did not self diagnose myself with AS because I 'want' to fit the criteria it was more like I've had some issues ever since I can remember with social interaction, I've always had sensory issues like normal light being too bright and things like that. The eye contact thing was kind of a give away ect. So basically the symptoms seemed to somewhat explain a lot of difficulties I had more so then any other disorder that exists from birth so that is how I came to the conclusion.
And why exactly is getting a professional diagnoses the most important thing one can do? all it would do for me is allow me to get on disability if even that(though I also have anxiety, PTSD and Depression) other then that it would not make much difference.
_________________
It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
|
| Back to top |
|
EXPECIALLY
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 21, 2011
Age: 29
Posts: 700
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 12:35 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| goodwitchy wrote: | | Edit to add: Not only have I always known I was different (I guess I became aware of this around 3rd grade), but as an adult, people have called me weird/odd to my face. The most recent was an instructor who gave an 8 student class on business writing and communication. She told me privately that my thought process is very odd. |
Similar...I've always felt alien, but not that weird outward, still people have told me that I was weird as far back as I can remember, usually other girls. I've been called "out there" even when I feel relatively normal. People either decide that they love it or hate it about me, but it hasn't caused me to be unable to make friends.
Also have been told by teachers and social workers similar things about my thought process and cryptic comments about "the way my mind works", never asked for clarification because I didn't know if they thought I was brilliant or, erm, NOT SO BRIGHT.
_________________
AD/HD BAP.
HDTV...
Whatever. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Alexender
Dodo bird
Joined: Jan 03, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 1194
Location: wrongplanet
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 12:52 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Wolfheart wrote: | I wasn't self diagnosed as I didn't have any understanding of what it was. I have had several counselors, psychologists, psychoanalysts, I was first diagnosed with 7 years ago by a couple of psychologists and I was later diagnosed at the largest mental health training institution in the UK.
Anyone can read about a misconception or form of Autism and decide that they want to fit the criteria, I had no idea what it was when I was diagnosed, however it's important that we realize some people will take a test and blatantly put answers that suit their identity at that time. The more information they acquire on it, the more they can fit their identity to be in correlation with the disorder, that's why it is important that people get a professional diagnosis, making presumptions and speculating isn't wrong but getting a professional diagnosis is the most important thing you can do, sometimes people can be misdiagnose themselves. |
My grandma is looking into getting me diagnosed but I don't see what this has to do with the topic. |
|
| Back to top |
|
goodwitchy
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 29, 2011
Posts: 785
Location: Interplanetary
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:17 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| EXPECIALLY wrote: | Similar...I've always felt alien, but not that weird outward, still people have told me that I was weird as far back as I can remember, usually other girls. I've been called "out there" even when I feel relatively normal. People either decide that they love it or hate it about me, but it hasn't caused me to be unable to make friends.
Also have been told by teachers and social workers similar things about my thought process and cryptic comments about "the way my mind works", never asked for clarification because I didn't know if they thought I was brilliant or, erm, NOT SO BRIGHT. |
Yes, and it's been disheartening when I do come out of my shell and think I'm being normal only to be called "weird". I never asked anyone for clarification on "weird" or "odd" either.
I recently got my high school transcripts. My intelligence level was in the normal range. IQ score in 1983 was 109. I did well in most of my classes, yet I almost failed Trigonometry and Driver's Education.... I stink at math, but oddly I loved Logic and Chemistry classes, even though they were hard 
From your posts I've read, you seem like a very nice and intelligent person to me.
_________________
Aspie score: 161 of 200
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 38 of 200
Autistic/BAP -123 aloof, 124 rigid and 108 pragmatic
Autism Spectrum quotient: 41, Empathy Quotient: 19
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Mayel
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 31, 2011
Posts: 427
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:36 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I first heard about AS when a friend told me about it and we talked a little about it. Somehow I connected it with savant skills which I didn't have so I didn't think it fit with my being.
It was only when I tried to understand my father's behavior (he had to retire and I was worried if he could cope with it) that I refound AS and researched anything I could about it. At first I looked at very different conditions as to understand my father and avoid conflicts or problems but AS fitted so much better than anything I've ever read before ( I already had thought about this issue and tried to search for an answer for much longer but not only for my father, I also searched to understand myself and why I'm so different).
And as I immersed myself in learning about AS, I suddenly recognized that I, indeed, was very similar to my father. I always refused this claim made by many people since I saw that my father was different, he was considered odd and seemingly not respected but patronized....and I didn't wanted to accept that this is actually something that I experience, too, and that I had similar behaviors, as well. This would have me realize in all clarity that people probably thought very similar about me as they did about my father....frankly, even I did copy their attitude.
Although I already had looked and tried to search for something to could explain my way of being, I hadn't found anything that could explain myself so well and it was only by accident and even a hint of reluctance that I came to conclude that it could be AS or at least something very similar to AS.
And there were and still are many people who tell me that I'm weird, who reject me...etc., but I always didn't understand why and always refused it....e.g. I didn't understand how they could say I had no emotions or am like a robot..I knew that I had emotions, and I used them but somehow that wasn't recognized by others...so I just thought people wanted to make me angry and I didn't think that it was the actual way I came across to many. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Matt62
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 05, 2012
Age: 51
Posts: 1156
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 2:28 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I used to worry about being a sociopath, too. But schizoid fit a bit better, but not exactly. I'm 99.99% sure, but trying to get official word on it.
Sincerely,
Matthew |
|
| Back to top |
|
Todesking
Suspected Cannibal
Joined: Apr 23, 2010
Age: 43
Posts: 3087
Location: Depew NY
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 2:58 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I watched a show called the Doctors. They talked about the autism spectrum on that episode, when they spoke about Asperger's syndrome it sounded like they were describing me. Funny thing is I never watch that show so it was just by chance I watched that day. After the show I went to WrongPlanet because it was mentioned on the show. At wrong planet I took some personality tests and was shocked to see the all apointed to autistic so I contacted Autism Services of Western New York found a neuro-psychologist and got tested. I was diagnosed with Aspergers August 10th, 2010.
_________________
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die -Hunter S. Thompson
|
|
| Back to top |
|
MindWithoutWalls
Aspie-Dyke
Joined: Oct 26, 2011
Posts: 1377
Location: In the Workshop, with the Toolbox
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 4:13 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I knew a bit about autism generally, and Asperger's specifically, from TV shows, including one that featured Temple Grandin. I don't remember if I thought much about it in relation to me, though. I probably dismissed such thoughts quickly, because I'd grown up believing I was just weird, emotionally oversensitive, and irritating, with no excuse for myself. Also, I knew I had fibromyalgia, so any sensitivities to sounds, touch, light, or whatever, I attributed to that. (I now wonder if fibromyalgia and autism are related.) I don't think I could've allowed myself to think I had any legitimate reason for anything my fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, and PTSD couldn't account for.
Then, late last spring or early in the summer, my younger sister, who's a nurse, brought up the idea that mild autism might explain my father's difficulties and odd characteristics. She's a nurse, a parent who knows parents of autistic kids, and an avid reader who independently furthered her own education on the subject. That discussion was enough to finally allow me consider the idea that such an explanation might also apply to me.
After that, I found more info on http://www.autism-help.org. After the internet, then I hit the books. Eventually, I found Wrong Planet and various online tests. Each step has gotten me more convinced, though I still await a proper assessment to confirm it. I've blogged about my process, and this has helped me deal with it.
I still want to know for sure, one way or the other. Until professional diagnosis (or lack thereof, if it's done right and proves I'm not on the spectrum), I still feel I'm in a state of Limbo, just guessing about myself. I don't like to say I'm self-diagnosed. If I turn out to be wrong, I'll feel stupid and embarrassed. So, I maintain the profile status on Wrong Planet of not knowing if I have it or not.
_________________
The world is a classroom for a mind without walls.
Loitering is encouraged at The Wayshelter: http://wayshelter.com
Visit the Asperger's / Autism Toolbox: http://wayshelter.com/autasptoolbox.htm |
|
| Back to top |
|
faerie_queene87
Snowy Owl
Joined: Sep 28, 2011
Posts: 162
Location: the TARDIS
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 5:18 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I can't say I'm self-dx, because I don't really know anyone with AS to compare with, so I don't really know whether I really fit in the spectrum. However, I do show many traits that are consistent with AS behavior and I like reading threads in WP because I relate many of the issues discussed here. I'm looking for a dx now.
I have known about low-functioning autism for a very long time. I suppose I was told about it because I couldn't figure out why the twin sister of a classmate of mine was attending a different school and never joined our parties and such. I also knew from movies and documentaries that there were some kids that were brilliant in school but had a hard time socializing and I related very much to them. I started researching on the subject only a few months ago, when a person posted a thread about AS on the PostSecret community forum, speaking about sarcasm, and it sort of clicked.
_________________
At age 24, 4 months and 10 days I was officially told: "Congratulations! You are an Aspie".
Now I write about it --> http://happilyclueless.tumblr.com |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
