Post 4412911 - (Asexuality?)

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Asexuality?

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JesseCat
Sea Gull

Joined: Dec 27, 2011
Posts: 228

Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:10 am Post subject: Asexuality?

I don't know if this fits under the LGBT label, but it's worth a shot. Are there any other asexuals on the boards? How do you cope when people approach you with sexual advances? Do people look at you like you're an alien when you tell them your sexual orientation (or lack of)? Have you ever had anyone try to "change" your orientation and manipulate you into unwanted sex (especially if you're a woman)? I've known I was an asexual for quite some time. It's frustrating when culture and friendships and everything is pretty much based on sex and innuendo. If there are any other asexuals on the board-how do you cope? Do you have any experiences you would like to share? How do you deal with family and friends who incessantly ask questions such as "When are you going to get a boy/girl friend?" "Why are you still single?" "Are you gay/lesbian?" Again, I hope I'm posting this in the right forum, because as an AS whose also asexual, it's frustrating dealing with the majority of the population who make me feel as though I am some sort of alien or freak of nature. Hoping to generate some form of discussion about this topic.

nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Phoenix

Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9726
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont

Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 4:52 am Post subject:

I'm sort of on the asexuality spectrum. I am very interested in having a relationship with women but my asexuality is not liming me with them; I have a fairly high sex drive but I handle it myself & do not desire to have sex unless I'm in a relationship & my partner does or talks about wanting to & then I start wanting it due to OCD. I think my unique sexuality/asesuality should make me compatible with asexuals & sexuals who are wanting something more than just a sexual thing & are OK taking things slow in the very beginning. Unfortunately some members of the asexuality community don't consider me to be asexual due to me having a sex drive & me being OK with having sex in a relationship; lots of asexuals would prefer not to have sex at all & some see me as kind of a fake/poser; maybe their insecure with the idea of a guy having a sex drive but being OK without sex & they worry I'll get an erection while cuddling with them or something & then desire moire. The only people who ever approach me for sex are gay guys so I just tell them I'm straight. I don't talk about asexuality offline because I doubt most people in my area would know what it means & I don't think it should make any difference to them. _________________ For info about where I've been & what's up with me check this post~ http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5105431.html&highlight=#5105431

Knit
Butterfly

Joined: Jan 24, 2012
Posts: 11
Location: Berlin, Germany

Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 7:43 am Post subject:

nick007 wrote:

I'm sort of on the asexuality spectrum. I am very interested in having a relationship with women but my asexuality is not liming me with them; I have a fairly high sex drive but I handle it myself & do not desire to have sex unless I'm in a relationship & my partner does or talks about wanting to & then I start wanting it due to OCD. I think my unique sexuality/asesuality should make me compatible with asexuals & sexuals who are wanting something more than just a sexual thing & are OK taking things slow in the very beginning. Unfortunately some members of the asexuality community don't consider me to be asexual due to me having a sex drive & me being OK with having sex in a relationship; lots of asexuals would prefer not to have sex at all & some see me as kind of a fake/poser; maybe their insecure with the idea of a guy having a sex drive but being OK without sex & they worry I'll get an erection while cuddling with them or something & then desire moire. The only people who ever approach me for sex are gay guys so I just tell them I'm straight. I don't talk about asexuality offline because I doubt most people in my area would know what it means & I don't think it should make any difference to them.

I think you are what is called 'demi-sexual', and is on the asexual spectrum. There are many types of asexuals. If you haven't already, I recommend checking out the AVEN network, whis is a forum like this one for all those on the asexual spectrum.
I myself am a bi-romantic asexual. I am attracted to both men and women but do not wish to have sex with either.
Plus sex drive and sexual attraction are two different things. I have a sex drive, my hormones work just fine, but I will be very happy to never have to have sex for the rest of my life. Kinda makes it hard to find someone to be with, along with all my other quirks.

Hexagon
Snowy Owl

Joined: Jan 28, 2012
Age: 18
Posts: 138
Location: Bristol, UK

Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 7:49 am Post subject:

I'm asexual panromantic, I think. I find people aesthetically attractive, but not physically.

nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Phoenix

Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9726
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont

Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 8:05 am Post subject:

Knit wrote:

nick007 wrote:

I used AVEN for a while a few years ago & some there did not believe that guys could be asexual if they had sex drives. I don't think I'm demi-sexual because what I understand is that demi-sexuals don't have much of a drive or desire in the begging of a relationship but their drive & desire goes up as they get closer to their partner; they tend to have problems when in relationships with asexuals because the asexual would rather not have sex & the demi-sexual wants sex after a while. I don't want sex unless my partner does or talks about sexual stuff so my desire is dependent on my partner's desire instead of it depending on how close I get to my partner which is how it works for demi-sexuals
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For info about where I've been & what's up with me check this post~
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5105431.html&highlight=#5105431

Knit
Butterfly

Joined: Jan 24, 2012
Posts: 11
Location: Berlin, Germany

Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 3:09 pm Post subject:

nick007 wrote:

Knit wrote:

nick007 wrote:

My bad, please excuse the misdirection. I say that we are all what we are, and life would be very boring if we were all the same.

just-lou
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: Aug 07, 2010
Posts: 252
Location: Sydney, Australia.

Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 2:09 am Post subject:

I think there was another asex topic here before - looking that up might be insightful for you. Asexual here, too. Am everything-minority. My junk works just fine, but I'd actually rather it didn't, as I dislike everything about sexuality and would happily simply bypass the whole lot. And people can't even use the whole how-do-you-know-you-don't-want-it-if-you've-never-tried-it argument - because I have. Repeatedly, and in many ways. As you said, allowed people to push me into it because they wanted me. But can safely say I don't want it and am never likely to, these days. So, I don't find males, females or queers sexually attractive. I find people interesting and may want to get to be closer with them, but never in any way that involves our respective genitals. Generally, I am a VERY private person, so people know that asking me any kind of personal questions is not appropriate (and they'll only get a silly answer if they do ask) thus they've stopped asking me about my sexuality, my lack of partners, my views on the traditional biological family, etc. And as for handling sexual advances - being trans works wonders for that. People are less inclined to hit on you, or treat you as a stereotype of your plumbing, if they can't tell which binary gender you belong to in the first place.

jojobean
sacred clown
Phoenix

Joined: Aug 13, 2009
Posts: 3341
Location: In Georgia sipping a virgin pina' colada while the rest of the world is drunk

Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 9:35 pm Post subject:

I discovered recently after years of struggles with my sexuality that I am asexual. I now feel more content about it all. However when it comes to sexual advances, I just ignore them....sometimes it makes me feel better knowing that I am asexual when ppl do this because I have a reason not to reciprocate therefor in my mind nothing is required of me. However when ppl find out that I am asexual...they do look at me kinda weird, but when I tell them I been sexually abused, then they feel sorry for me. I dont know what is worse. My sexual abuse therapist wanted me to get in a sexual relationship again with someone so I could worth through my issues, but really I dont want to be sexual. I am much more confident knowing that I am asexual.... I was sexually active on/off during my teens-young adulthood and it never felt right, ever. I wish to have a romantic relationship someday that is asexual in nature. I like cuddles with a person I know well, beyond that just weirds me out. Sometimes I go to ASAN....they are a fun bunch. I do have a confession though...I love to flirt with hardcore gay guys cuz I know it will never happen as I am female...somehow it feels "safe" Jojo _________________ All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up. -James Baldwin

JesseCat
Sea Gull

Joined: Dec 27, 2011
Posts: 228

Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 12:55 am Post subject:

just-lou wrote:

So, I don't find males, females or queers sexually attractive. I find people interesting and may want to get to be closer with them, but never in any way that involves our respective genitals.

My sentiments exactly =) I experience no sexual arousal in my attraction to people. It's purely aesthetic admiration. Like admiring a pretty piece of artwork. If I begin to wonder about things of the sexual nature with that person, I then feel disgusted.

Caprice
Hummingbird

Joined: Feb 19, 2012
Posts: 23

Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:36 am Post subject:

I'm asexual, but I'm not prefectly sure which type yet. I can't see myself intimate with someone any time in the forseeable future, but that doesn't mean I would never, ever be in that situation. The idea doesn't disgust me, it's just not something I want right now.

kartesian
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: Sep 03, 2010
Posts: 3

Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 7:04 am Post subject:

I am asexual aromantic, so I dón seek any relationship beyond friendship, but I value friendship a lot.

Tomasu
A Wandering Pixie
Phoenix

Joined: Jun 20, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 3198
Location: West Yorkshire, England

Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 10:33 am Post subject:

Knit wrote:

I have a sex drive, my hormones work just fine, but I will be very happy to never have to have sex for the rest of my life. Kinda makes it hard to find someone to be with, along with all my other quirks.

^^ Greetings nick007 and JesseCat and Knit and everyone,

I do believe that I may feel very similar to Knit's happy description also. I believe that I have often wondered for a very large amount of time if I may be considered as asexual.^^ I believe that often within the past my self has wished to be within a happy relationship, yet I was very frightened to take part in sexy acts and I believe that I do not appear blessed with the urge to do so. ^^ I believe that I have become very confused within the past as I did not quite understand the reason for which, that within my society, sexy acts are a necessary condition for relationships. ^^ I believe that I have been blessed with a happy relationship when I was approximately fifteen years of age, and I perhaps wonder if my lady friend wished to end this relationship with me as I did not initiate any intimate acts. I do hope that I did not upset this lady.

^^ However, I believe that I may be very scary to humans, and none have attempted to initiate any form of intimate relationship with me after this time. Therefore, I am very sorry that I may not know how I may react in such a situation.

I am very sorry if this silly of me however.
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Phoenix

Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14794
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 12:32 pm Post subject:

Well I have found I could be Asexual, I am just not 100% certain.......but I've been just considering myself a straight female and have had sexual relationships, but have found sex does not really do anything for me. I mean yeah I can feel the physical pleasure but its like I am totally indifferent to it so I don't react. Also typically sex is not even whats on my mind when I look for guys to date I just figured that was what you do if you're straight and that i would get more used to it and enjoy it more. Well that turned out not to be the case, so I might very well be asexual.......but since I've came to this conclusion I have not had any advances from guys. If I do I'd probably just be open about it I mean no sense in trying to put on that act of being someone with a normal sex drive as that would be unfair to the guy and unfair to me when I end up yet again getting ditched cause they think it's weird or whatever. _________________ It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream.

TheHouseholdCat
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Mar 01, 2012
Posts: 667
Location: Berlin, Germany

Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2012 9:58 pm Post subject:

JesseCat wrote:

I've known I was an asexual for quite some time. It's frustrating when culture and friendships and everything is pretty much based on sex and innuendo.

This has bothered me throughout my teenage years and still does.

Hexagon wrote:

I'm asexual panromantic, I think. I find people aesthetically attractive, but not physically.

I have both. Most people I would find aesthetically attractive (like Jimmy Page), but some... It's difficult to explain. It's attraction that has no clear direction. If I think someone is sexually attractive, it doesn't mean I would see them as potential sexual partners, if that makes sense.

JesseCat wrote:

just-lou wrote:

So, I don't find males, females or queers sexually attractive. I find people interesting and may want to get to be closer with them, but never in any way that involves our respective genitals.

Arousal and thinking of making out with a person are not the same thing. You're not consciously aroused. But as for the other thing... Yeah, I don't like to think about that either. It seems wrong to me. ^^

Sweetleaf wrote:

Well I have found I could be Asexual, I am just not 100% certain.......but I've been just considering myself a straight female and have had sexual relationships, but have found sex does not really do anything for me. I mean yeah I can feel the physical pleasure but its like I am totally indifferent to it so I don't react. Also typically sex is not even whats on my mind when I look for guys to date I just figured that was what you do if you're straight and that i would get more used to it and enjoy it more.

Well that turned out not to be the case, so I might very well be asexual.......but since I've came to this conclusion I have not had any advances from guys. If I do I'd probably just be open about it I mean no sense in trying to put on that act of being someone with a normal sex drive as that would be unfair to the guy and unfair to me when I end up yet again getting ditched cause they think it's weird or whatever.

I think it's absurd that dating is about who you'll end up in bed with. OK, well, it depends, if may often not work out, but is that really the reason why people date? I think it's odd...

Then again, you wouldn't go on a date if you're not looking for a sexual partner.
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Magdalena
Sea Gull

Joined: Feb 07, 2012
Posts: 205
Location: United States

Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2012 11:07 pm Post subject:

I am sexual, but only when I am experiencing romantic attachment to the other person. _________________ Male-bodied pansexual and panromantic. Your Aspie score: 130 of 200 Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 90 of 200 You are very likely an Aspie EQ Score: 37/100 ("low empathy")

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