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AScomposer13413
Complacent Composer
Joined: Feb 02, 2012
Posts: 2052
Location: Canada
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 Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 10:27 pm Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | The_Face_of_Boo wrote: | My theory is, that people usually lack confidence in things they aren't good with, or at least they haven't yet prove/convince themselves as being good at them.
You usually lack confidence in things you're bad at.
So even if you tried to talk with girls a lot before, and the results were always failure, failure, failure...then of course you would lack confidence in that field. |
That's just it. I've not really got a problem talking to girls. It's that when I realize they are stupid I become condescending. It's my subtle way of saying that "Even though I initiated contact with you, I wish for you to go away now since there is no point me talking to you.. go and beg drinks off of some one else". |
that is an interesting strategy for getting a girlfriend.
| rabbittss wrote: | | MCalavera wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | That is because those women are idiots.
They perpetuate the same vicious circles that entry level jobs do when they won't hire some one because 'They don't have enough experience'. The problem is when everyone wants some one with confidence, or some one with experience, it shuts the door on people who have neither and can't get either because no one will take a chance on them. |
They're not idiots just because it pisses you off. |
They piss me off, Therefore they are idiots. |
i am fairly certain that you have not been elected into an exalted position that gives you the power to determine which people are considered idiots.
Boo, having confidence in one area can lends a person to have social confidence overall - it's all about self-perception. being good at something and knowing itcan give a person confidence in social situations. if a person approaches social situations thinking that they are not worthy for whatever reason, they will come across as unconfident... but the knowledge that they kick serious ass at something can give them a confidence boost that other people notice. |
^ If that were the case though, all one would need to do is show how they rock at their special interest :/ |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21970
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 10:47 pm Post subject: |
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no, it's not a matter of demonstrating that you rock at a special interest. it's a matter of being confident in your self, which can arise from the knowledge that you are damn good at something.
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AScomposer13413
Complacent Composer
Joined: Feb 02, 2012
Posts: 2052
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 11:04 pm Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | no, it's not a matter of demonstrating that you rock at a special interest. it's a matter of being confident in your self, which can arise from the knowledge that you are damn good at something. |
I can't see where the distinction you're making lies because a special interest could easily be the thing that someone is good at, and in essence be the one thing that brings about that level of self-confidence that's needed to pursue relationships. |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21970
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 11:14 pm Post subject: |
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| AScomposer13413 wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | no, it's not a matter of demonstrating that you rock at a special interest. it's a matter of being confident in your self, which can arise from the knowledge that you are damn good at something. |
I can't see where the distinction you're making lies because a special interest could easily be the thing that someone is good at, and in essence be the one thing that brings about that level of self-confidence that's needed to pursue relationships. |
yes, exactly - you explained it perfectly!!! but you don't have to actually DO the special interest in front of the person, that's all.
interestingly, i love watching people do what they are very good at, and i like to hear experts speak extensive explanations of stuff i don't even understand. people sort of light up and they become magnetic and fascinating to me when engaged in areas like that. not everyone gets a thrill out of seeing an expert at work, but the glow of confidence that an expert can exhibit is an attractant.
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AScomposer13413
Complacent Composer
Joined: Feb 02, 2012
Posts: 2052
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 11:25 pm Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | AScomposer13413 wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | no, it's not a matter of demonstrating that you rock at a special interest. it's a matter of being confident in your self, which can arise from the knowledge that you are damn good at something. |
I can't see where the distinction you're making lies because a special interest could easily be the thing that someone is good at, and in essence be the one thing that brings about that level of self-confidence that's needed to pursue relationships. |
yes, exactly - you explained it perfectly!!! but you don't have to actually DO the special interest in front of the person, that's all.
interestingly, i love watching people do what they are very good at, and i like to hear experts speak extensive explanations of stuff i don't even understand. people sort of light up and they become magnetic and fascinating to me when engaged in areas like that. not everyone gets a thrill out of seeing an expert at work, but the glow of confidence that an expert can exhibit is an attractant. |
If I understand you correctly, hyperlexian (and you can correct me if i'm wrong or making insane generalizations), the best way to increase the amount of chances towards a relationship is to pretty much emulate the same amount of confidence one would have with a special interest - minus the interest itself, because most of the time it's not what you're talking about that draws people away - it's HOW you talk about it?? |
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rabbittss
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Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 11:49 pm Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: |
that is an interesting strategy for getting a girlfriend.
i am fairly certain that you have not been elected into an exalted position that gives you the power to determine which people are considered idiots.
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I wouldn't want the girls I'm talking about to be my girlfriend anyway. If we have nothing in common, we will never work out. Just cause she's female doesn't mean a thing.
I'm allowed to think a person is an idiot for any reason I want. I'm only speaking for myself here, In my opinion, it makes them idiots. |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21970
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 11:52 pm Post subject: |
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yeah - that is essentally it. you're speaking in more concrete terms than i can really visualise, but the gist looks correct.
it's like.... it turns out i am not too bad at hip-hop dancing for some absurd reason. i did well in my class today and i am feeling good about an upcoming group competition. so today i have been walking around doing my usual daily routine like i am a gift to all humanity because I CAN ROCK THAT STAGE AND I KNOW IT!!!!!
or similarly, i am pretty good with a set of tools, so when i think about how i can fix a toaster i come across LIKE I OWN IT.
it doesn't matter that i am not fixing a toaster or dancing right at this minute. if i think about how i am a skilled and talented person in general (and everyone has skills, seriously *everyone*), then it comes across to other people when i interact with them. if i forget that and think about how i can't catch a ball to save my life or how i always lose my friends because i am not good at reciprocation, people will sense that instead.
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21970
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 11:58 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: |
that is an interesting strategy for getting a girlfriend.
i am fairly certain that you have not been elected into an exalted position that gives you the power to determine which people are considered idiots.
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I wouldn't want the girls I'm talking about to be my girlfriend anyway. If we have nothing in common, we will never work out. Just cause she's female doesn't mean a thing.
I'm allowed to think a person is an idiot for any reason I want. I'm only speaking for myself here, In my opinion, it makes them idiots. |
right, and the way you just expressed that people are idiots in your opinion makes perfect sense. it was how you phrased it as though it is an immutable fact and not just your opinion that gave me pause.
it is very hard to find people with common interests in a bar. you might want to try meeting people at an activity that you enjoy doing more than drinking and dancing, because that's pretty much all you are guaranteed to have in common with those females.
but are you really giving them a fair shot? it seems like it would be a very brief conversation for you to judge them so harshly. you really can't blame people for judging you quickly either, if that's the way you roll.
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rabbittss
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Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 12:13 am Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: |
that is an interesting strategy for getting a girlfriend.
i am fairly certain that you have not been elected into an exalted position that gives you the power to determine which people are considered idiots.
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I wouldn't want the girls I'm talking about to be my girlfriend anyway. If we have nothing in common, we will never work out. Just cause she's female doesn't mean a thing.
I'm allowed to think a person is an idiot for any reason I want. I'm only speaking for myself here, In my opinion, it makes them idiots. |
right, and the way you just expressed that people are idiots in your opinion makes perfect sense. it was how you phrased it as though it is an immutable fact and not just your opinion that gave me pause.
it is very hard to find people with common interests in a bar. you might want to try meeting people at an activity that you enjoy doing more than drinking and dancing, because that's pretty much all you are guaranteed to have in common with those females.
but are you really giving them a fair shot? it seems like it would be a very brief conversation for you to judge them so harshly. you really can't blame people for judging you quickly either, if that's the way you roll. |
I'm sorry for the confusion.
Well, that you see is the problem. The interests I have, and the places I frequent, Females don't go to, or if they do, I'm not interested in them. I'll admit that maybe I'm a tad superficial, but I also know that I can be. Basically speaking, some of the women who go to the places which I hang out, I'd rather chew my own leg off than go home with them.
But you are absolutely right, Bars are not a good place to meet women, but I live in a place where they are the only secular place to meet attractive women. I don't go to church, there are no non church related volunteer groups, My school is to far away for me to find girls at (nearly 1.45hours each way), so I'm left with a single book store, and a slew of coffee shops. The problem is, I always feel bad about interrupting them while they are doing homework (I live in a college town, for a college I don't attend, so that cuts me off from all the college related stuff). I might not be giving them a fair shot, but I like to be upfront about what they are getting. I'm a geek. I use big words, I quote movies, I collect toys. I'll drop in a star wars or Monty Python joke.. if she doesn't get it.. then I have no interest in her, just as I seriously doubt she would have any interest in me.
I'm used to being judged based on my appearance.. I swear if I was gay.. I'd be neck deep in sex and probably have scored a few European vacations and a free car or two. |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21970
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 12:19 am Post subject: |
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but you took issue on the forums when we talked about judging men according to things like "confidence". it's fair game really, because you're making a choice to judge other people on similarly shallow criteria in unintellectual contexts.
what are your interests? do you work as well as going to school?
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rabbittss
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| Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 12:35 am Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | but you took issue on the forums when we talked about judging men according to things like "confidence". it's fair game really, because you're making a choice to judge other people on similarly shallow criteria in unintellectual contexts.
what are your interests? do you work as well as going to school? |
All of my interests are geeky. I do not work, but I'm trying to fix that. |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21970
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 12:35 am Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | but you took issue on the forums when we talked about judging men according to things like "confidence". it's fair game really, because you're making a choice to judge other people on similarly shallow criteria in unintellectual contexts.
what are your interests? do you work as well as going to school? |
All of my interests are geeky. I do not work, but I'm trying to fix that. |
geeky girls exist. have you looked online?
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rabbittss
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| Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 12:40 am Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | but you took issue on the forums when we talked about judging men according to things like "confidence". it's fair game really, because you're making a choice to judge other people on similarly shallow criteria in unintellectual contexts.
what are your interests? do you work as well as going to school? |
All of my interests are geeky. I do not work, but I'm trying to fix that. |
geeky girls exist. have you looked online? |
Sure have. They exist. Just they don't exist in great abundance in my area. If I lived in another part of the country.. it would be a different story, I've found some extremely interesting young women to talk to.. they just live in California or New York.. Which doesn't really do me much good as I can't leave Georgia for another 4 years at a minimum. |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21970
Location: with bucephalus
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rabbittss
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| Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 12:45 am Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | why 4 years at minimum? |
School. I like my in state tuition and wish to keep it. I'm only 18 credits in.. so at least another 7 semesters.. which is almost 4 years.. |
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