DanRaccoon
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 14, 2012
Age: 25
Posts: 871
Location: England
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 Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 2:38 pm Post subject: |
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21 is still young. I'll be 24 in two weeks and still in the same boat as you but I've only been through a small portion of my life. There'll plenty of chance for you.
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Please, if you are a female don't PM, IM or contact me in anyway. This isn't a joke, I've just simply had enough of all of you.
http://www.youtube.com/user/DanRaccoon |
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AScomposer13413
Complacent Composer
Joined: Feb 02, 2012
Posts: 2049
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 2:57 pm Post subject: |
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| PastFixations wrote: | Don't act like you are hard done to because a girl hasn't found you yet. There are plenty of people in this position, both male and female.
This applies to any age group. If you truly want it to happen, then you need to think less about forming a relationship and more on forming friends of the type of girls you find interest in, even if they show no interest. You have to make your brain know that establishing communication will bring a response rather than staying quiet and telling yourself you can not communicate to them.
People that have sight or hearing difficulties can do it, so can you. |
^ This. |
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Silas
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 01, 2010
Posts: 43
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| Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 4:58 pm Post subject: |
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I didn't lose my virginity until 20, so don't worry abou that (I made up for lost time in my 20s lol). It will happen: you just want to make sure it is a good first experience.
Aspies tend to overanalyze things. Meeting a girl (or a guy) depends on two things
1. Interpersonal skills
2. Circumstance
#2 is easy to address. If you are having trouble meeting someone, join a club, get into meetup groups, take dancing lessons, go to a convention (I am a big gamer, so I love going to DragonCon, ComicCon, all those fun, geeky, conventions--great place to meet people). Universities have tons of clubs to join.
Do NOT try and meet someone in a bar or nightclub. That is almost always a waste of time. Women are defensive and often uncomfortable in those places (I would be too). They are loud, and communication is difficult.
Now #1 is a little trickier, especially for people with AS. Volumes have been written about this, but a few general rules are good to follow:
a) Avoid talking about yourself. Watch every time you start a sentence with "I"
b) Smile a lot
c) Try to use humor
d) Do NOT steer the conversation into topics such as relationships and dating.
Most importantly, stay CONFIDENT. People generally dislike people who are insecure and lack confidence. Be yourself, and the hell with anyone who doesn't like it. |
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PastFixations
One who will open the door.
Joined: Sep 22, 2011
Posts: 2697
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Tabasco
Emu Egg
Joined: Feb 13, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:23 am Post subject: |
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I like the old adage "There are plenty of fish in sea".
It could mean there many different kinds and types of fish. You might not have met the type of girls you reciprocate well or best with.
And the other adage. "No two girls are the same."
Just because she is type you don't normally want to go out with doesn't mean she isn't interested in some way.
Just my two cents |
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Mxzysptlik
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 15, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 99
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| Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 2:25 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm sort of this way as well. I get hit on by more guys than girls actually. Not being able to read body language means that I sometimes do things that other guys would not do and I get in trouble for it lol. Actually there is this girl in my English class that I did like. I actually got her number but I don't think she is actually interested in me. Part of me just wants to know what it feels like to date someone, but another part of me never thinks it's going to happen...with anyone I'll actually want to be with. I mostly feel bad about creeping her out with my weird behavior...I don't want her to think that she can't come to English lol. The upside is that I learned a lot about how to properly pursue a girl and I might be developing something of a technique. Honestly, keep trying I'm 21 years old, never had sex before but I'm not going to give up trying on women lol. One of these days someone crazy or desperate enough will go for my weird ass. I'm sad because I wanted so much more out of this, mostly because I've never had it, but happy because I learned so much...eventually you'll get it I imagine. |
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DreamLord
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Sep 23, 2011
Posts: 72
Location: Manchester, UK
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| Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 2:40 pm Post subject: |
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In my experience it is largely hopeless. I will not spout cliches or offer comfort that I cannot find a grounding for. The modern world is horrible, especially for aspies.
I can only offer the same useless advice that has been offered to me, meet more women and talk to them often. It works if you can get over the whole starting a conversation and going into public places and not just keeping your head down thing. |
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Jeffrey228
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 24, 2011
Posts: 152
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| Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:31 pm Post subject: |
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| DreamLord wrote: | In my experience it is largely hopeless. I will not spout cliches or offer comfort that I cannot find a grounding for. The modern world is horrible, especially for aspies.
I can only offer the same useless advice that has been offered to me, meet more women and talk to them often. It works if you can get over the whole starting a conversation and going into public places and not just keeping your head down thing. |
No kidding, I am almost 28 years old, and so far finding a girlfriend is mearly impossible, seeing how Nurotypicals are starting to over run most of the females here, and finding one is going to be hard due to my age is at the level only 30 year olds will be the choice, knowing the harsh Sex Laws are, no one under 28. |
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DreamLord
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Sep 23, 2011
Posts: 72
Location: Manchester, UK
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| Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:50 pm Post subject: |
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| Jeffrey228 wrote: | | DreamLord wrote: | In my experience it is largely hopeless. I will not spout cliches or offer comfort that I cannot find a grounding for. The modern world is horrible, especially for aspies.
I can only offer the same useless advice that has been offered to me, meet more women and talk to them often. It works if you can get over the whole starting a conversation and going into public places and not just keeping your head down thing. |
No kidding, I am almost 28 years old, and so far finding a girlfriend is mearly impossible, seeing how Nurotypicals are starting to over run most of the females here, and finding one is going to be hard due to my age is at the level only 30 year olds will be the choice, knowing the harsh Sex Laws are, no one under 28. |
Thats worth a thread in itself. Even the dating site here. I gave up on registering when I saw the statistic of about 4000 male members and about 1500 female members. I may still give it a shot, I am apretty boy and I have nothing else to do. |
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CrazyStarlightRedux
Fake Kiwi
Joined: Jan 14, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1028
Location: Manchester, UK.
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| Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 6:06 pm Post subject: Re: 21 years old and hopeless???? |
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| HellRazzer7878 wrote: | | Well I am 21 and still a virgin. I am an average looking guy, in decent shape but for some reason I am just too strange and cannot hold conversations with women. They really do not understand me. How do other Aspies cope with this, and how do you talk to women? |
I don't see how Virginity comes into being hopeless but I doubt you are hopeless just because some girls won't look your way.
I get that too but when I see most of the girls around my area I'm like "Well...they want a kid at 19 and live off the Government", not that they are all like that, but when you see flaws in others you can see the goodness in yourself.
You're probably a romantic at heart, think of love as something to share and whatnot...which is a good trait to have!
Next time someone rejects you or you like a girl but she isn't interested, think of how it wouldn't work anyway and move on from that and see what you could give to a "lucky" girl!  |
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Wonzling
Hummingbird
Joined: Aug 31, 2011
Age: 35
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:41 am Post subject: |
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I'm 33 now and I was a virg... errr... "inexperienced" until 28. I had several girlfriends between 13 and 20 but none of them were ready for sex themselves.
The problem with sex is that it seems much more important than it is as long as you can't get it. Sex is fun but meeting interesting people is much better - because doing stuff with interesting people is fun, regardless of what you do exactly  |
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MR20
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 27, 2010
Posts: 897
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| Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:52 am Post subject: |
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| Silas wrote: | I didn't lose my virginity until 20, so don't worry abou that (I made up for lost time in my 20s lol). It will happen: you just want to make sure it is a good first experience.
Aspies tend to overanalyze things. Meeting a girl (or a guy) depends on two things
1. Interpersonal skills
2. Circumstance
#2 is easy to address. If you are having trouble meeting someone, join a club, get into meetup groups, take dancing lessons, go to a convention (I am a big gamer, so I love going to DragonCon, ComicCon, all those fun, geeky, conventions--great place to meet people). Universities have tons of clubs to join.
Do NOT try and meet someone in a bar or nightclub. That is almost always a waste of time. Women are defensive and often uncomfortable in those places (I would be too). They are loud, and communication is difficult.
Now #1 is a little trickier, especially for people with AS. Volumes have been written about this, but a few general rules are good to follow:
a) Avoid talking about yourself. Watch every time you start a sentence with "I"
b) Smile a lot
c) Try to use humor
d) Do NOT steer the conversation into topics such as relationships and dating.
Most importantly, stay CONFIDENT. People generally dislike people who are insecure and lack confidence. Be yourself, and the hell with anyone who doesn't like it. |
Well f**k them. This is what you so called "confident" people say to justify being selfish, arrogant, and cocky. You're nothing but assholes, trying to use and sleep with anything that isn't nailed down. |
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MR20
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 27, 2010
Posts: 897
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| Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:56 am Post subject: |
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| tronist wrote: | CONFIDENCE! thats the most important thing i think.
if you arent confident, you will repel most girls.
if you ARE confident, you will attract girls. |
Well f**k most girls then.
I won't change myself into a selfish arrogant prick just to impress women. |
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AScomposer13413
Complacent Composer
Joined: Feb 02, 2012
Posts: 2049
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 10:38 am Post subject: |
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| MR20 wrote: | | Silas wrote: | I didn't lose my virginity until 20, so don't worry abou that (I made up for lost time in my 20s lol). It will happen: you just want to make sure it is a good first experience.
Aspies tend to overanalyze things. Meeting a girl (or a guy) depends on two things
1. Interpersonal skills
2. Circumstance
#2 is easy to address. If you are having trouble meeting someone, join a club, get into meetup groups, take dancing lessons, go to a convention (I am a big gamer, so I love going to DragonCon, ComicCon, all those fun, geeky, conventions--great place to meet people). Universities have tons of clubs to join.
Do NOT try and meet someone in a bar or nightclub. That is almost always a waste of time. Women are defensive and often uncomfortable in those places (I would be too). They are loud, and communication is difficult.
Now #1 is a little trickier, especially for people with AS. Volumes have been written about this, but a few general rules are good to follow:
a) Avoid talking about yourself. Watch every time you start a sentence with "I"
b) Smile a lot
c) Try to use humor
d) Do NOT steer the conversation into topics such as relationships and dating.
Most importantly, stay CONFIDENT. People generally dislike people who are insecure and lack confidence. Be yourself, and the hell with anyone who doesn't like it. |
Well f**k them. This is what you so called "confident" people say to justify being selfish, arrogant, and cocky. You're nothing but assholes, trying to use and sleep with anything that isn't nailed down. |
I fail to see how trying to build up the courage to talk to someone you're attracted to automatically makes them selfish, arrogant, and cocky by default  |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Posts: 14839
Location: A beautiful vector among many
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| Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 10:59 am Post subject: |
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| Problem is you're 21, people are still pretty stupid at that age. Things will get better as you get older. As for losing your 'v card' its not really as big an achievement as it sounds. Lost mine at 20 and it was probably..... nine years until next time I had any activity again? I think relationship success is really what matters and people are just too closed-minded at your age don't trip over it too much. |
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