tronist
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 23, 2011
Posts: 308
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 Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 6:11 am Post subject: Where did you meet your significant other? |
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where did you meet your significant other, and what was the process that happened before you two started dating?
how many dates did you have before you decided to be a couple? or, did they just randomly ask you and you said yes because you liked them too? any tips of things that have worked for you in the past would be awesome to know, too  |
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 14837
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 6:46 am Post subject: |
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One through university and the other through work.
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www.aspergersgirl.com |
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Erisad
More like Erihappy, amirite?
Joined: Jul 06, 2010
Age: 23
Posts: 13040
Location: United States
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 8:06 am Post subject: |
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First - High school marching band.
Second - University.
Third - OkCupid.
Current - Via a friend and Facebook.  |
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RightGalaxy
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 22, 2008
Posts: 1483
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 8:35 am Post subject: |
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I ran an ad in the "personals" in the back of the PHILADELPHIA magazine. A LOT of freaks replied - OMG - you wouldn't believe how many of these guys had SERIOUS problems but only one - yes! - just one was normal. We agreed to meet at a swank, popular hotel in Philly for a brunch which was very nice after speaking on the phone twice. We did exchange photos by mail before meeting. After that our first actual date was at Great Adventure in New Jersey. We fell in love there. We were married a year and a half later. He wanted to tie the knot 6 months after we met but I got cold feet. We were both 32. We are together for almost 20 years. I honestly can't give you any tips because in reality there are none. Either you are going to connect or you won't. Maybe there are some tips like:
Never lie about anything - family, income, jobs, etc...
Clean yourself up a bit as well as your home. Dress to impress and tell them it's for them.
Care about them as a human being.
Pay your own way in the beginning.
Send little friendship notes.
It has to be mutual. You can't win over a person. (If you do, it's just temporary.)
Don't try to hang on to someone that's whishy-washy.
Don't be superficial - for example, I'm a germaphobe. My husband had a dental plan but had green tarter on his front teeth. I just politely asked him to go to the dentist and have that scraped off. He didn't even know that a dentist could do this. He couldn't remove it with a brush. At first he seemed embarrassed and a little offended but I explained that I have this done every 6 months. After it was done for him, he was very pleased at his brilliant smile. He thanked me. The kissing was a lot more pleasurable. The other problem he had would have required an outpatient surgery which he refused to do. Now, THIS has greatly affected my pleasure in bed to where there is not a lot for me. He has phimosis - a too short foreskin to where there is a bend when excited. There can be no penetration. I felt this
was no reason to let this wonderful human being go. It was a sacrifice but it's no real, big deal. I loved this man.
Sex is not a big issue in our relationship. It has never occured to me to look elsewhere. I never would. |
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myth
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 17, 2011
Age: 27
Posts: 707
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 9:01 am Post subject: |
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Besides boyfriends in highschool my only other partners have been aquired via discussions on mutual-interest internet forums. The first on a Yu-Gi-Oh! website as it was my special interest of the time and the second (current) through Wrong Planet.
They followed a similar pattern though the second moved faster than the first. Chat every day and play games together online. Then video/voice chat and phonecalls. Then in person visits then moving to the other person's location and marriage (reverse the order for #2 - marriage then immigration and moving).
That being the case, I don't think I'd really classify any "dates" as commonly defined. The first one I chatted with for 6 months before we admitted our feelings for eachother and we stayed long distance for years before I moved and we got married. The second made his feelings clear right away and we met irl within 2 months and married before the end of that same year.
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Non-NT something. Married to a diagnosed aspie.
Nothing is absolute. |
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blueroses
restless, but going nowhere
Joined: Feb 11, 2007
Age: 30
Posts: 1599
Location: Lancaster, PA
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 9:01 am Post subject: |
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I've met mine initially either in-person (via school, work and (once) at a meeting for an advocacy organization) or online. As far as meeting people online, I've only had success on sites not specifically geared towards dating, ie. like WrongPlanet. My experiences with actual dating sites, like OkCupid, have not been great.
For me, it seems like I meet people when I'm not actually looking. This is not because I'm lucky, but just because becoming friends with someone first and getting to know him over time is the only approach I've found that works for me. It often takes me a while to warm up to someone and feel comfortable around them; for me, blind dates or trying to randomly meet people at bars have never been things I've tried, but I'm pretty sure it would lead to disaster if I ever did. |
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myth
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 17, 2011
Age: 27
Posts: 707
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 9:06 am Post subject: |
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^ I agree with this. I know it's easier said than done but I've always advocated for not actively looking for a partner. That is why dating sites don't work imo. When they've got someone in mind as a partner, most people automatically start trying to act like who they think you want them to be. People on dating sites are rarely who they say they are.
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Non-NT something. Married to a diagnosed aspie.
Nothing is absolute. |
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mv
Protector of the Realm
Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 3131
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 9:11 am Post subject: |
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Long term relationship before marriage: bar
Now ex-husband: bar
I had a terrible time on dating sites. I just don't think the blind date route is right for me, it takes me too long to get comfortable in someone's presence. And, I also ran into people who lied, and that threw me for such a loop. Guess I'm just naive (and selected against, since I *don't* lie).
I would love to develop a new avenue for meeting people more organically! Oh, to be back in college (but this time, in a co-ed school)! |
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blueroses
restless, but going nowhere
Joined: Feb 11, 2007
Age: 30
Posts: 1599
Location: Lancaster, PA
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 9:12 am Post subject: |
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| mv wrote: | | I would love to develop a new avenue for meeting people more organically! Oh, to be back in college (but this time, in a co-ed school)! |
Have you ever tried doing volunteer work for a cause or organization you're really passionate about? Just a thought. |
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mv
Protector of the Realm
Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 3131
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 9:31 am Post subject: |
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| blueroses wrote: | | mv wrote: | | I would love to develop a new avenue for meeting people more organically! Oh, to be back in college (but this time, in a co-ed school)! |
Have you ever tried doing volunteer work for a cause or organization you're really passionate about? Just a thought. |
It's a great idea, and one I'd love to explore when I have more disposable time. I have a full time job and two kids, so all of my "free" time is devoted to my needed "alone time". But once my kids need me less, I have a lot of ideas. |
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piroflip
Deinonychus
Joined: Aug 21, 2008
Age: 40
Posts: 352
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 9:33 am Post subject: |
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I met her here.
First PMs, then email, then a chat line, then web cams, then................................lol. |
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Teredia
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 13, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 621
Location: N.T. Australia
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 9:38 am Post subject: |
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my current boyfriend and I are still just dating at the moment. while we have known eachother 3 months. n been dating a month, we met through his best friend, which is one of my university best mates.
we are begining to fall in love with eachother but as we both agreed at the start dating for 2 aspies is a hard process that requires a lot of patience. |
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Az29
Sea Gull
Joined: Nov 10, 2011
Posts: 235
Location: Cambs, UK
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 9:49 am Post subject: |
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I met my husband online, I posted an ad looking for friends(can't even remember where) and he responded. We emailed every day for a few weeks, then he started calling and about a month after first contact we were talking for about 4 hours every night on the phone and we constantly texted during the day whilst I was at work.
After 3 months we met and from then on every weekend he came and stayed at my house,after we'd known each other for 6 months he proposed, that same year I moved 300 miles away to live with him, exactly a year after moving in we got married and our daughter was born the following summer.
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This is bat country!
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ghostar
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 21, 2011
Age: 33
Posts: 402
Location: Most likely work. Sigh.
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 10:28 am Post subject: |
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I met my current boyfriend (we have only been dating a few months at this point) 8 years ago while I was a graduate student. I interviewed him for a research position in my laboratory. He got the position and we worked together for a year.
We never dated then and he moved far away with his then-girlfriend for the interim time of 7ish years. He moved back to town five months ago and surprised me by asking me out to drinks. I had no idea he was interested until one too many Guinness' and ...  . Let's just say it turned out to be a really great night.
About a week after our first encounter, he asked me if I was sleeping with anyone else and I laughed out loud and said "are you kidding?! I can't even think about anyone else!" Since that conversation, we have been bf/gf.
Anyway, he is uber-NT so we have to verbally communicate about feelings frequently which I hate but it is necessary for me, not him. He automatically knows how I feel somehow...it seems like sorcery to me! lol |
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nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9737
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 12:04 pm Post subject: |
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1st was on Comedy Central's forums. We had lots of weird things in common & we were just online friends for a while & she eventually told me she had feelings for me & I realized I had feelings for her.
I found my 2nd one by making a post here in this section asking about how I could find a companion. I was asking for advice but instead she replied about how she was wanting the same things & I sort of joking asked if she would be interested; she was. We chatted a lot for like a week & then we were a couple.
Only advice/tips I really have is to post a lot on forums about it & maybe you'll luck/fluke out & someone would be intrested. Nothing else has ever worked for me
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For info about where I've been & what's up with me check this post~
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5105431.html&highlight=#5105431 |
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