Cad
Deinonychus
Joined: May 18, 2009
Posts: 365
Location: Away from the acids and alkaline hydroxides
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 Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 9:11 pm Post subject: Reading body language - good website |
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Hey guys,
I don't get on here regularly but I found a site by accident the other day, changingminds.org. It's about how to persuade people in business/sales...but it has a great section on what different body languages mean, and a section on speech. I suck at understanding subtle social cues and I've found it really helpful.
Cad |
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auntblabby
Chief Assistant to the Assistant Chief
Joined: Feb 13, 2010
Posts: 18077
Location: the island of loveable toy humans
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| Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 6:06 am Post subject: |
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thank you Cad, for that useful info  |
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Cogs
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 13, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 830
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| Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 9:52 am Post subject: |
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| Thanks, it has a lot of useful info. Does anyone else know of any other useful sites for learning/understanding body language? |
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Cad
Deinonychus
Joined: May 18, 2009
Posts: 365
Location: Away from the acids and alkaline hydroxides
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 12:57 am Post subject: |
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| auntblabby wrote: | | thank you Cad, for that useful info |
No problem |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14794
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 1:01 am Post subject: |
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Now if only I can actually pay attention to these things when interacting with people.....typically listening to what people are saying and responding along with all the other things going on in my mind and the stimming I typically do sometimes without realizing it keeps my brain pretty busy leaving little energy for noticing much body language, attempting to make eye contact, or trying to look like I am making eye contact without actually making eye contact.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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MarketAndChurch
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 04, 2011
Age: 26
Posts: 1826
Location: The Peoples Republic Of Portland
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 1:26 am Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | Now if only I can actually pay attention to these things when interacting with people.....typically listening to what people are saying and responding along with all the other things going on in my mind and the stimming I typically do sometimes without realizing it keeps my brain pretty busy leaving little energy for noticing much body language, attempting to make eye contact, or trying to look like I am making eye contact without actually making eye contact. |
thats my problem as well. i don't want to become just an encyclopedia of tips from self-help material, unless the aspie mind is that rigid, there's gotta be some way to learn this so that it comes more intuitively, so I'm in the moment & not overthinking every little thing.
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"Thou art weighed in the balances, and found wanting" - God |
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Luska
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 13, 2011
Posts: 160
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pat2rome
If I seem a little strange, that's because I am
Joined: Jun 30, 2009
Age: 23
Posts: 1818
Location: Georgia
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 11:45 am Post subject: Re: Reading body language - good website |
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| Cad wrote: | Hey guys,
I don't get on here regularly but I found a site by accident the other day, changingminds.org. It's about how to persuade people in business/sales...but it has a great section on what different body languages mean, and a section on speech. I suck at understanding subtle social cues and I've found it really helpful.
Cad |
I can second this: found this site last year. It is extremely helpful, very detailed. The best part about it is the emphasis on the context of signals and the reminders that "Hey, read these signals in clusters, not one at a time."
Here is another very helpful site: http://westsidetoastmasters.com/resources/book_of_body_language/toc.html
Same professional emphasis.
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I'm never gonna dance again, Aspie feet have got no rhythm. |
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Cad
Deinonychus
Joined: May 18, 2009
Posts: 365
Location: Away from the acids and alkaline hydroxides
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 5:16 pm Post subject: |
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Luska - I agree it'd make it more helpful. I do like it when they describe parts in detail on the site though e.g. someone is acting 'dominant' if they have their arms folded and stand with feet apart (which is how I usually stand because I never know what to do with my arms, and my legs are naturally like that...but now I can see that people may think I'm trying to be intimidating...)
Sweetleaf - I just read some of the basics e.g. what people do when they're being aggressive and can apply them because usually if people are talking about boring things (e.g. what happened at work today, what's on TV) I don't pay attention to what they're saying. What happens is I usually just watch how they move (I find hand movements interesting) and listen to what their voice sounds like or think about other things, which isn't because I'm ignorant but I can't help it...I just switch off if I'm not interested. With people I know or like I don't have to think about their body language to understand what they're conveying to me, because if I don't understand them I know them well enough to ask and my friends don't care if I specifically say 'are you angry/sad/happy' (btw 90% of my friends don't know I have AS but most think I'm odd)
The eye contact thing though...I hear you. Usually I just don't make it, simple. A trick I use if I'm outside is to wear sunglasses constantly that way no one knows where I'm looking (also my eyes are very sensitive to light). Otherwise they will notice my eyes darting all over the damn place and then people ask me if I'm nervous.
MarketAndChurch - I found it helped more from the point of view that I know what body language NOT to do so NTs won't think I'm being intimidating or aggressive or nervous (strange because I'm physically not very intimidating at all). |
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MarketAndChurch
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 04, 2011
Age: 26
Posts: 1826
Location: The Peoples Republic Of Portland
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 1:48 am Post subject: |
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| Cad wrote: | Luska - I agree it'd make it more helpful. I do like it when they describe parts in detail on the site though e.g. someone is acting 'dominant' if they have their arms folded and stand with feet apart (which is how I usually stand because I never know what to do with my arms, and my legs are naturally like that...but now I can see that people may think I'm trying to be intimidating...)
Sweetleaf - I just read some of the basics e.g. what people do when they're being aggressive and can apply them because usually if people are talking about boring things (e.g. what happened at work today, what's on TV) I don't pay attention to what they're saying. What happens is I usually just watch how they move (I find hand movements interesting) and listen to what their voice sounds like or think about other things, which isn't because I'm ignorant but I can't help it...I just switch off if I'm not interested. With people I know or like I don't have to think about their body language to understand what they're conveying to me, because if I don't understand them I know them well enough to ask and my friends don't care if I specifically say 'are you angry/sad/happy' (btw 90% of my friends don't know I have AS but most think I'm odd)
The eye contact thing though...I hear you. Usually I just don't make it, simple. A trick I use if I'm outside is to wear sunglasses constantly that way no one knows where I'm looking (also my eyes are very sensitive to light). Otherwise they will notice my eyes darting all over the damn place and then people ask me if I'm nervous.
MarketAndChurch - I found it helped more from the point of view that I know what body language NOT to do so NTs won't think I'm being intimidating or aggressive or nervous (strange because I'm physically not very intimidating at all). |
no its good stuff to know, every little bit helps/counts and I'd rather know then not. I would love to have someone for a week video me though so I can see myself, the ideal would be a mirror right next to you at all times to catch even the most subtle feedback you may be sending someone. great links though!
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Cad
Deinonychus
Joined: May 18, 2009
Posts: 365
Location: Away from the acids and alkaline hydroxides
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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| MarketAndChurch wrote: |
no its good stuff to know, every little bit helps/counts and I'd rather know then not. I would love to have someone for a week video me though so I can see myself, the ideal would be a mirror right next to you at all times to catch even the most subtle feedback you may be sending someone. great links though! |
That'd be useful. I also checked out pat2rome's link, it's pretty good too |
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skribble
Blue Jay
Joined: Oct 17, 2007
Posts: 78
Location: Singapore
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:10 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the link
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Cogs
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 13, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 830
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:59 am Post subject: |
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| Cad wrote: | | The eye contact thing though...I hear you. Usually I just don't make it, simple. A trick I use if I'm outside is to wear sunglasses constantly that way no one knows where I'm looking (also my eyes are very sensitive to light). Otherwise they will notice my eyes darting all over the damn place and then people ask me if I'm nervous. |
I feel most comfortable in my sunglasses for the same reason. I can look wherever I like and no one will know (and also reduces light). |
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Cad
Deinonychus
Joined: May 18, 2009
Posts: 365
Location: Away from the acids and alkaline hydroxides
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 6:20 am Post subject: |
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| Once I got a pair f sunnies I couldn't live without them. |
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lilbuddah
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 10, 2011
Posts: 331
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 1:18 pm Post subject: |
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| http://www.social-engineer.org/ I use this site for social help. It's tricky to master but turns conversation into a quantifiable science which, if most people on this site are like me, should be incredibly interesting and useful. I'd heavily recommend buying their book too. |
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