Ingz
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 12, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 41
Location: Iceland
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 Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:35 am Post subject: Phone-calls |
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Umm, I don't really know why I'm writing this, but for some reason I felt the need to. This isn't really a question until the end.
Okay, so, I hate talking on the phone. I'm not sure why, but I do. If somebody calls me and it's short and straight forward, I'm okay with it. Although, I often don't register what's being said when I can't see the person. It's like, I can understand the words, but my brain doesn't really comprehend the words spoken to me... If that makes any sense at all. I'm not really good with words and explaining things.
The thing is, when my foster father calls me, I get really happy. I usually don't like it when people call me, but I get really happy when he calls. I don't understand why that is different.
He called me 27 minutes ago, my foster father, and I felt happy. Then I got really disappointed when he told me he meant to call somebody else, that he must have chosen the wrong contact from the contact list on his cell-phone.
I don't understand why I get happy when he calls me, and then I got disappointed when he didn't mean to call me. That is usually something I would like with other people. It's kind of a relief when other people call me by mistake. It means that I don't have to talk to them on the phone.
Does anybody else here have this problem with phone-calls? Or maybe a similar problem? And if anybody does, do you not have that problem with certain people you know?
_________________
Ingz.
I see weird things every day... It's called Normal.
The Broad Autism Phenotype Test: Autistic/BAP. You scored 106 aloof, 129 rigid and 115 pragmatic.
The AQ Test: Score: 41
The EQ Test: 13, The SQ Test: 99... Extreme Systemizing
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diniesaur
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 03, 2011
Posts: 639
Location: in the Ministry of Silly Walks
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| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:38 am Post subject: |
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| Maybe you feel comfortable enough with your foster father so that talking on the phone doesn't bother you, so you're feeling the normal reaction when someone you love calls you, which is happiness. You may not be as nervous when talking to him because you don't feel like you have to change your natural behaviors to impress him. Maybe you're just not as comfortable talking to other people as you are with him. |
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Ingz
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 12, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 41
Location: Iceland
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| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:57 am Post subject: |
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Yes, that is correct. I do feel comfortable talking to him and I can pretty much say what ever comes to my mind without him judging me.
He has told me quite a few times that he loves me no matter what. I wasn't able to tell him back. I felt guilty for not telling him that I love him too, so I started practicing in my head. It took a lot of work but I managed to do it once. I told him why I hadn't told him before and he told me that he never expected me to say it back. That he didn't care if I didn't love him back.
That also made me happy and made me more comfortable talking to him.
He is one of very few people that truly understands and he also acts to me like I do to him. I mean, except for the affection showing of course. He's truly honest to me back, and pretty much says what ever is on his mind to me too.
After observing him socializing with other people, I don't think he does that for everybody.
_________________
Ingz.
I see weird things every day... It's called Normal.
The Broad Autism Phenotype Test: Autistic/BAP. You scored 106 aloof, 129 rigid and 115 pragmatic.
The AQ Test: Score: 41
The EQ Test: 13, The SQ Test: 99... Extreme Systemizing
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justkillingtime
Toucan
Joined: Aug 13, 2011
Posts: 271
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| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 1:14 pm Post subject: phone-calls |
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I'm only comfortable talking on the phone with my daughter, which is a favorite thing for me to do.
This post seems to express your affection for him. It would be nice if he could see it. |
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Paulie_C
Sea Gull
Joined: Jan 05, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 246
Location: Birmingham, UK
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| Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 4:11 am Post subject: |
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| I really don't like phone calls either, my phone is permanently on silent so if I miss a call I can legitimately say "my phone was on silent". Answering calls puts me on the spot and I don't feel like I have enough time to articulate my thoughts so end up stuttering and sounding like an asshat. I MUCH prefer to put my thoughts down in the form of text (txts, emails etc), that way I have time to think about what I want to say and I can read over what I have typed to I know what I have typed is what I mean and there are no mistakes - you cannot do that in a real-time phone call. I even get nervous before I make phone calls because I cannot control the conversation. The turn based nature of text messages is a format I can be comfortable with. |
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BunnyMum
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 03, 2012
Posts: 59
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| Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 4:40 am Post subject: |
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I hate talking on the phone. If it rings I get my flatmate to answer it and if he's not home I might answer it... but usually I just let it ring till it stops.
I don't like small talk and people seem to ring just to make small talk a lot of the time.
I need to see things in writing to understand them fully. Otherwise it really is "in one ear and out the other" with me. When I hang up the phone I can't remember what was said to me.
I also feel that the phone is intrusive and I worry that I'm intruding on the other person by ringing them. At least with a text or email you can handle them when you're ready. Unlike the phone which is this horrible noisy device screaming, "Drop everything and answer me... NOW!"
I'm OK talking to my flatmate on the phone, but he's not a phone person either, so our phone calls are short and sweet and to the point... as all phone calls should be (but sadly aren't). |
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Ingz
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 12, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 41
Location: Iceland
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| Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 8:40 am Post subject: |
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| BunnyMum wrote: | I hate talking on the phone. If it rings I get my flatmate to answer it and if he's not home I might answer it... but usually I just let it ring till it stops.
I don't like small talk and people seem to ring just to make small talk a lot of the time.
I need to see things in writing to understand them fully. Otherwise it really is "in one ear and out the other" with me. When I hang up the phone I can't remember what was said to me.
I also feel that the phone is intrusive and I worry that I'm intruding on the other person by ringing them. At least with a text or email you can handle them when you're ready. Unlike the phone which is this horrible noisy device screaming, "Drop everything and answer me... NOW!"
I'm OK talking to my flatmate on the phone, but he's not a phone person either, so our phone calls are short and sweet and to the point... as all phone calls should be (but sadly aren't). |
Yes, this is how I feel too. The phone ringing really bothers me because it demands that I pick up, like you said, NOW! Messages are better because of the same reasons you mentioned, but it bothers me to have to write on the phone. So, if I have to write long messages, that really, really annoys me. Emails are a lot better, and when I write emails, they usually end up being at least 1000 words because I don't know how to filter out the necessary info and only write that. Although, the problem with that is that I disassociate when writing an email and writing about the most traumatic from my past isn't a problem at all. I sometimes tend to write about too personal things to people that I would never talk about with them face to face. I may not be good at socializing and it's really hard for me just to be around people, but for some reason I still seek it.
My phone is usually on silent too, because of the same reason somebody else mentioned. The perfect excuse that isn't a lie at all. I can choose whether I pick up or not. I don't have a home-phone, so that's not a problem in my case. Although, it can be a little bit of a problem sometimes. Like, in cases when I have to make an appointment with a doctor. I had to get one on Monday, and I stopped by at mom's work so that she could make the call for me because I just couldn't do it.
But, do you guys think it's because of the Asperger?
Thing is, I have a problem with this. A friend of mine that has a mild case of Asperger is the same, but my best friend who has Asperger milder than mine, but still pretty noticeable when around her, I sometimes joke about having to use a chainsaw to separate her phone from her ear.
_________________
Ingz.
I see weird things every day... It's called Normal.
The Broad Autism Phenotype Test: Autistic/BAP. You scored 106 aloof, 129 rigid and 115 pragmatic.
The AQ Test: Score: 41
The EQ Test: 13, The SQ Test: 99... Extreme Systemizing
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Daryl_Blonder
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 473
Location: Salem, CT
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| Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 12:58 pm Post subject: |
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I hate the phone! Especially being the one to initiate phone calls. Because I always worry that the person on the receiving end is looking at the phone and saying, "Oh, not HIM..." because it seems like every time I see someone answer their phone they say that. And people most of the time don't answer their phone or call back. The telephone has been the source of a lot of stress for me and I could just as well live without it, in my personal life.
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Check out "Problem Child," my memoir of life with autism. |
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Kyra71
Raven
Joined: Feb 23, 2012
Posts: 117
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| Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2012 7:45 pm Post subject: |
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| I hate talking on the phone. I don't understand the point of chit-chat, and it feels like the conversation goes on forever, yet we talk about nothing important. And I'm just dying of boredom the whole time, waiting for the other person to finally end it and say goodbye. Because I don't want to be rude and cut them off :/ |
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CrazyStarlightRedux
Fake Kiwi
Joined: Jan 14, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1028
Location: Manchester, UK.
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| Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 3:59 pm Post subject: |
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I hate talking on the phone too...but it's due to not being able to concentrate on the conversation AND taking in the instructions.
At my work they understand this, so I am happy that some people can understand my scenario,
I am fine talking to people I know though, but I don't do it that often as you may know.  |
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zzmondo
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 19, 2012
Age: 19
Posts: 866
Location: Columbus, Ohio
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| Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 5:02 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm not that big of a fan on talking on the phone myself unless I know I need to. It's just that I feel so pressured to do and it makes me feel uncomfortable to take the first step but I'm working on coping with that. |
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MusicMama
Raven
Joined: Feb 24, 2012
Posts: 104
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 3:10 pm Post subject: |
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I also hate talking on the phone for the most part - always have! I do fine with good friends and some family members, but usually (looking back - haven't actually talked to anyone on the phone since suspecting AS) I end up yammering on about my interests and they don't talk much 
I hate calling people I don't know and I hate answering the phone when it's someone I don't know. I don't mind clients calling me because then they want information and I can give information without too many problems. I do tend to lose my place a lot when talking on the phone and I have more problems hearing tones of voice than with visual social cues - I've taught myself a fair number of the visual ones over the years - so that's an issue on the phone as well. |
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christinky
Emu Egg
Joined: Feb 28, 2012
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:38 am Post subject: hate talking on the phone |
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| i think a lot of introverts who are considered NT also hate talking on the phone, so its not unusual. seems males can get away with not talking on the phone more than females, because males are allowed to be the strong - silent type in our culture. but there's nothing odd about hating the phone or feeling it interupts- it does. |
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