Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26039
Location: Lancashire, UK
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 Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 11:12 am Post subject: |
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The main problem with 'directness' is avoiding it coming across as aggressive or predatory (some women can be like this) - that would scare most people away. Direct is great though.  |
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Luska
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 13, 2011
Posts: 160
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 11:25 am Post subject: Re: How do aspie aspie males show interest in a girl? |
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| Tequila wrote: | | Luska wrote: | | JUST BE DIRECT and tell him that you just want to hang out with him. |
Or directly through a very close friend - perhaps his friend will be cruder about it than you would like, but same difference.
Fortes fortuna adiuvat. |
Actually as someone who is in that siituation I would be so much happier if the girl just asked me directly. Too bad I have not seen her in a year when I put all the pieces together.
Tell a friend yes but go to him yourself. Don't worry about the if he's interested or not. 95% of the time I would find it sweet.But like the guy shes talking about I'm just not sure how to follow up because there is a lot of UNCERTATAINTY. If the girl just removed all the uncertainty then I wouldn't have had to spend years trying to calculate her motives.
Aspie guys are more likely to be extremely lonely people 9more than female Aspies). Just be direct and not aggressive and don't be so hard on him and you might make him happy forever. From experience I would have been a LOT happier if the girl in my situation just said so!
From scientific studies on male aspies, male aspies are less concerned about the sexual appeal of a woman (Just as long as you are not fat, bony, on drugs alcoholic, smoking, have criminal record etc.) or their race, religion, or cultural background, so you are very likely to have him. |
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GlendaGoodWitch
Hummingbird
Joined: Feb 24, 2012
Posts: 19
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 1:23 pm Post subject: |
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| Tequila wrote: | | Infoseeker wrote: | | Another reason he may not compliment the cookies is logic. |
Yup - plus he may not wish to say anything negative. It might be very difficult to get him to talk. Do you not have interests that you both have in common that you can discuss earnestly? |
Here' the thing:
We do not work together or are neigbors. I'm trying here, guys. And I appreciate your help.
Last edited by GlendaGoodWitch on Fri Mar 02, 2012 10:00 am; edited 1 time in total |
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DiabloDave363
Phoenix
Joined: May 17, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 647
Location: New England
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 2:08 pm Post subject: |
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lol i never show interest. im really nice and they fall for me!
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Who_Am_I
almost human
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 29
Posts: 10508
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 6:13 pm Post subject: |
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| GlendaGoodWitch wrote: | | jim_jones wrote: | | I would tell him you have one day to live and want sex NOW! |
That's just crass. I honestly care how to communicate with this man. |
So communicate about how you want his body. 
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Luska
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 13, 2011
Posts: 160
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 9:09 pm Post subject: |
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| GlendaGoodWitch wrote: |
What do I do? Just write a note with a batch of brownies this time that says:
"You are different, sweet and cute. I've enjoyed talking to you. Sometimes I like my work at the school; sometimes I loathe it. Seeing in the mornings is the best part of my day. I like you. That is why I bake for you. Maybe we could hang out some time. If not, that's ok too. Then I am just glad I made your morning, as most days work usually sucks and every now and then we all need a treat. "
Can you define uncertainty? Uncertainty as is "she likes me or is she just being friendly," "she will reject me or not," or both?
I'm trying here, guys. And I appreciate your help. |
From my personal experience and studies by psychologists, Aspie boys are more likely to be more accepting and much more loyal than NT boys. So even if he doesn't reply back to your note, just wait. He's actually just afraid to reply back because he might say something that might offend you or say something that might make him look like the autist he is deep down inside. Or just send him another! Deep down in his own world he is actually very happy because no one in his lifetime has probably said anything like that to him.
I mean I REALLY wish that the NT girl in my case just spilled out everything for me becase I would have a good idea of what she would want. I can't believe I only found out about how much this NT girl wanted me only 2 weeks ago after 6 years(!) because I was so clueless and everyone of her friends knew (I was trying to put the pieces in my head for years!). I really would like to return the favor to her but I have not seen her in more than a year. Someone cared about me that bad and I missed it completely. I have no friends and I feel depressed because I feel like I missed an opportunity i will not have in years to finally end my loneliness and inability to connect with anyone. I can't even connect with children or babies. I swear if she just asked me out directly I would never leave.
Even if it's embarrassing to ask, in the long term he will be extremely loyal to you. Studies show that Aspies are usually much more happier than their NT partner in the relationship.
Internally - theAspie loves their partner more than their partner imagines.
Externally - it might look like the NT is struggling because Aspies have a very difficult time verbalizing thoughts or properly expressing emotion and are always stuck in their own world.
Last edited by Luska on Tue Feb 28, 2012 5:03 am; edited 1 time in total |
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AspieOtaku
Leader of the Otaku Legion
Joined: Feb 18, 2012
Age: 30
Posts: 5874
Location: Mountain View, California, United States
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:36 am Post subject: |
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I look at them a lot then get a little talkative when i feel safe enough to talk to them but usually after they talk to me first otherwise I just freeze up and look away real quick 95% I usually get real shy unless I have an alcoholic beverage in the equation but usually I don't talk unless they talk to me and want to be around me more then it gets more mutual. If the girl has similar interests or is doing something i find interested in then i will talk about that I don't flirt otherwise unless the girl flirts first.  I'm awkward like that. |
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tronist
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 23, 2011
Posts: 308
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 3:58 am Post subject: |
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i think the best thing to do is to tell him directly that it would be cool if you could hang out sometime, or do something together maybe.
or just tell him you are attracted to him.
either way, you need to be blunt / direct (in a nice way, obviously  ) if you want to make any progress, IMO. |
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GlendaGoodWitch
Hummingbird
Joined: Feb 24, 2012
Posts: 19
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:10 pm Post subject: |
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I saw my aspie crush this morning, and as usual he smiled, waved and said hi, how are you. I responded in kind and tossed in a how are you for the first time. Knowing how difficult it is for him to talk to me and what a risk he takes by doing even the smallest things like wave or smile makes me like him that much more. I apprecaite every little risk he takes on me ...
Am planning on baking something next week with a 2nd note ... |
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JNathanK
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 29, 2010
Age: 26
Posts: 1092
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 1:38 pm Post subject: |
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...breathe heavily and state at them from a distance
Nah, just kidding. That doesn't work. I need to get better at having the balls to give compliments at the right time. |
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jagatai
Idiot
Joined: Feb 22, 2010
Age: 48
Posts: 1312
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:06 pm Post subject: |
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It seems pretty clear that he appreciates the attention and very well might like things to go further.
When I was younger, I tended to try to spend as much time as I could near whomever I had a crush on. But as I've gotten older, I find I try to keep away from them because it's just too painful and also because I feel that any woman who is friendly toward me must be being friendly just out of her nature, not because she has any specific interest in me. I have too often made the mistake of assuming a friendly comment meant more than just that. By staying away, I tend to make less of a fool of myself.
Giving cookies is definitly a good gesture, but I suspect it's going to take a whole lot more to help him understand how you feel. A few years back a woman did a few things (cookies played a role) which, I now suspect were her attempts to encourage me. I took a long time in making a move and by then I think she gave up on me. At any rate, she didn't respond to my statement that I wanted to see her more often.
I think suggesting that you two have coffee or lunch together, making a specific and unequivocal date at the time you ask him, would go a long way toward building a true friendship with him. He would probably appreciate it if you lead the way, but kept the pace a bit slow so he has time to adjust to any advancement of the relationship.
Good luck
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Asp-Z
Clockwork Planet
Joined: Dec 07, 2009
Posts: 11016
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 4:18 pm Post subject: |
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When Aspies are interested in a member of the opposite sex, their genetic differences cause green antenna to sprout from their foreheads which send out a high frequency mating signal - the other party's response to this will determine compatibility.
Orrr... We just, you know, do all the normal s**t like looking nervous when we talk to you... |
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aussiebloke
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 15, 2009
Age: 36
Posts: 3871
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:49 pm Post subject: |
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They don't if they had a brain.
Why would you want a GF when theirs porn?
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26039
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:50 pm Post subject: |
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| aussiebloke wrote: | | Why would you want a GF when theirs porn? |
Porn can't cook you awesome dinners. |
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aussiebloke
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 15, 2009
Age: 36
Posts: 3871
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:51 pm Post subject: |
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| Tequila wrote: | | aussiebloke wrote: | | Why would you want a GF when theirs porn? |
Porn can't cook you awesome dinners. |
I can cook my own dinners thank you.
Why would you want to creep a women out 
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