| Living as an adult male virgin, unable to cope |
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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 27, 2009
Age: 50
Posts: 5007
Location: Houston, Texas
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 Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 11:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Heisenberg wrote: | | . . . Tequila: My friends have said the same thing, and I'm sure you're right. I used to think that "if I have to wait this long, I might as well wait for the right one". But I now realize that this is not going to happen just because I may or may not deserve it. |
That's kind of the zen of it all.  If it happens, when it happens, she and you will typically connect on small things you like about each other, and also reflecting appreciation back and forth. And it's more allowing it to happen, rather than trying to make it happen.
And your father probably needs to back off and stop pestering you. |
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Heisenberg
Butterfly
Joined: Feb 28, 2012
Age: 25
Posts: 14
Location: U.S.A.
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 8:43 am Post subject: |
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| I think I am just going to punish myself and disconnect from everyone else in my life. Nothing is ever going to change and the people on my life will never stop expecting me to be happy and live a normal life. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 9:31 am Post subject: |
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| Subotai wrote: | | simon_says wrote: | | You are at just the right age, imo, to start to learn some social skills. Going abroad is probably a good idea. Travel broadens the mind and provides you with a pretext for talking to fellow expatriots on a regular basis. It's a club of sorts. I would pursue that with everything you've got. |
Not to mention the fact that it's just plain easier to get sex when you are a foreigner abroad. |
I was in Europe for nearly 3 months and I didn't get laid once. Of course I'm an American, and I was there just after Bush had gotten re-elected.. so I was made to feel like crap almost the entire time. |
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MXH
TomCat
Joined: Jul 29, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 12694
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 9:36 am Post subject: |
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| Subotai wrote: | | simon_says wrote: | | You are at just the right age, imo, to start to learn some social skills. Going abroad is probably a good idea. Travel broadens the mind and provides you with a pretext for talking to fellow expatriots on a regular basis. It's a club of sorts. I would pursue that with everything you've got. |
Not to mention the fact that it's just plain easier to get sex when you are a foreigner abroad. |
Not really, considering ive been a foreigner all my life everywhere i go and lets just say ive had zero luck with women. |
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Lonermutant
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 18, 2005
Posts: 1748
Location: Namsos, Norway
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:05 am Post subject: |
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| Please just grow up!! Have you ever heard of internet porn?! Do as I do, stay content with that and forget dating. Don't you understand that it's because you grew up as immature that you can't get a girlfriend? |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14869
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:15 am Post subject: |
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| Lonermutant wrote: | | Please just grow up!! Have you ever heard of internet porn?! Do as I do, stay content with that and forget dating. Don't you understand that it's because you grew up as immature that you can't get a girlfriend? |
troll?
_________________
It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:21 am Post subject: |
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He's like that every time he replies to some one. He told aspies who didn't understand Math that they should all be Janitors.
I don't think it's immature to feel the urge to do the SOLE thing which all animals are meant to do. Procreate, repeatedly. Despite humanities lofty ideals, we are after all animals, and are beholden to the same impulse to mate and propagate as any other animal species. Granted we have the ability to control these impulses, it doesn't make it any easier or more pleasant when that control is imposed from outside rather than through self discipline. |
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Lonermutant
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 18, 2005
Posts: 1748
Location: Namsos, Norway
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:37 am Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | Lonermutant wrote: | | Please just grow up!! Have you ever heard of internet porn?! Do as I do, stay content with that and forget dating. Don't you understand that it's because you grew up as immature that you can't get a girlfriend? |
troll? |
Dating is only training for procreation.
I think that schools are too watered out these days when it comes to special education. |
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Heisenberg
Butterfly
Joined: Feb 28, 2012
Age: 25
Posts: 14
Location: U.S.A.
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:42 am Post subject: |
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I know I'm being a bit dramatic about all this but I literally have no one else to talk to about this. Even my therapist stated that he used to be a "ladies man" and can't understand why I suffer from my condition. It would be so easy to say that I am an a virgin because I am an aspie but that is obviously not the case since many aspies do end up getting married and having children.
And yes, I am quite familiar with internet porn, it is the only temporary comfort I have along with alcohol, video games, and old movies/tv shows :-b |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14869
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:44 am Post subject: |
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| Lonermutant wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | Lonermutant wrote: | | Please just grow up!! Have you ever heard of internet porn?! Do as I do, stay content with that and forget dating. Don't you understand that it's because you grew up as immature that you can't get a girlfriend? |
troll? |
Dating is only training for procreation.
I think that schools are too watered out these days when it comes to special education. |
I think the OP had some valid concerns and difficulties, and never saw anything indicating they need to 'grow up.' and one could easily say relying on porn to get of is childish and indicates the need to grow up I personally don't really care though I know adults sometimes watch porn I just don't because watching two other people have sex kinda bores me. Also not everyone who dates pro-creates, I would kind of like a relationship but I don't want kids.
Also schools do suck, don't see what this has to do with the issue at hand though....and maybe your not a troll, the grow up part just kinda seemed a bit trollish.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14869
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:46 am Post subject: |
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| Heisenberg wrote: | I know I'm being a bit dramatic about all this but I literally have no one else to talk to about this. Even my therapist stated that he used to be a "ladies man" and can't understand why I suffer from my condition. It would be so easy to say that I am an a virgin because I am an aspie but that is obviously not the case since many aspies do end up getting married and having children.
And yes, I am quite familiar with internet porn, it is the only temporary comfort I have along with alcohol, video games, and old movies/tv shows :-b |
Well do you want to get married and have children?
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Posts: 14856
Location: A beautiful vector among many
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:47 am Post subject: |
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One bit of advice: that travel career and being married are almost mutually exclusive. Most guys I know who are married who have any degree of travel in their jobs are harped on about it if it gets too thick.
That said - I think you're suffering from what a lot of people in our day and age, even earlier are. You were fed a bunch of manure through childhood about what life is, what it should be, what you should be able to expect, the idea that you'll get everything you want in life by being a good guy, doing the right thing, 'earning' it, etc.. There's something to that in the work world to an extent but the L&D world is way more complicated.
It sounds like more than anything you have a psychological weight around your shoulders about 'never having been'; I do hope that changes in your near future and I say it for this reason - its very difficult to let go of the need for sex when you still have a very over-embellished sense of what you're missing. When it does happen you'll likely have a moment of existential panic like "What??? This is all it is?????" and at that moment I think you'll likely realize just how profoundly different you are, that NT's wouldn't even bother with it if the barriers were as high to them as they were to many aspies, and while its heartbreaking in one sense as in - you lose your virginity and the movie doesn't end there, you feel just as if not even more hollow than you did before if its not someone you're in a relationship with, there's also the upside that you'll likely start completely resizing your whole reality and the scope of the motivations people have around you, what's ultimately worth what, etc. etc. |
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noname_ever
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Posts: 500
Location: Indiana
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:48 am Post subject: |
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| Heisenberg wrote: | I know I'm being a bit dramatic about all this but I literally have no one else to talk to about this. Even my therapist stated that he used to be a "ladies man" and can't understand why I suffer from my condition. It would be so easy to say that I am an a virgin because I am an aspie but that is obviously not the case since many aspies do end up getting married and having children.
And yes, I am quite familiar with internet porn, it is the only temporary comfort I have along with alcohol, video games, and old movies/tv shows :-b |
If you have money, a fleshlight is worth the price. |
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MXH
TomCat
Joined: Jul 29, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 12694
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 11:00 am Post subject: |
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| Yall do know for some people its not about satisfying themselves, right? |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 11:07 am Post subject: |
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| MXH wrote: | | Yall do know for some people its not about satisfying themselves, right? |
A lot of people on here don't seem to understand that. Just as a lot of people on here don't seem to understand it isn't simply about wanting a friend either. It's between the two. You want a companion, partner, friend, and a lover. or at least I do. |
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