heritage
Butterfly
Joined: Dec 28, 2011
Posts: 16
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 Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:10 am Post subject: How to Explain my AS Properly to Others |
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I was diagnosed about two months ago and continually see the traits in myself, but unfortunately there is still lingering self-doubt that maybe it's not true and it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I occasionally go and look up the symptoms again, to try to see if it's really true or not. Each time I do, I again believe that I have it. That many of the things that are said by people that also have it resonate deeply with me.
I want to tell everyone that I have known personally throughout my life about it, that maybe it could be an explanation for my distance, inability to connect. I have always felt that I have hurt people throughout my life for my disregard of their emotions. Being unable to be close but to a very few people.
I want to use my knowledge of the symptoms to strengthen myself, but I have trouble when I still feel that I cannot turn to anyone in my personal life to help me. I wish I knew someone else close to me that I could talk to about it, someone that might understand and be able to relate experiences with.
But how to explain it to strangers or acquaintances, or even friends? I have yet to even tell my best friend. |
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Alexender
Dodo bird
Joined: Jan 03, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 1194
Location: wrongplanet
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:15 am Post subject: |
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A scenario I have thought of (but have not used yet) is mention to a friend that my younger sister has aspergers, and tell him he should look it up. A week later or so ask if he has, if he has then tell him actually I have aspergers. I would not try to do this in a serious way, just like "oh you know how I said my sister has aspergers, actually I do".
And this is not mean to my sister. She is much younger than me and I don't live near her right now.
Two reasons I haven't tried it. 1. I don't know anyone my age where I am living. 2. I am not officially diagnosed. |
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seatyed
Hummingbird
Joined: Oct 20, 2011
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:56 am Post subject: |
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Hi Heritage
[But how to explain it to strangers or acquaintances, or even friends? I have yet to even tell my best friend.]
Aspergers just means that your brain functions more to one side of center, some people are in the center and others operate from the other side. We all function across the range, but we use mostly a narrow range. Being 'normal' just means that the majority operate in the centre range. You are not faulty if you have aspergers, in fact I believe aspergers have a more beneficial way of functioning.
Aspergers is only a label 'normal' medicos put on people who behave slightly different to them. They are always looking differences, in a way it is so that can label themselves - normal.
People with aspergers generally have greater self trust. They seem emotionally distant because there emotional needs are met from within oneself. And this is the only way they can be met. 'Normal' people generally lack self trust and are emotionally needy, they try (and fail) to have their emotional needs met by others - an impossibility.
Those with aspergers are taught that there is something wrong with them by people who thing naturally (but incorrectly) that the majority is right and therefore the minority is wrong. Parents naturally don't want anything to be 'wrong with their kids' and so look for what may be wrong!
Parents like 98% of people hav a deep belief "that there is something wrong with them", this 'something wrong' actually means - there is something wrong with them as a human being - that is, they are faulty as a human being. And so they try to find acceptance in safety in numbers, they try to fit the norm.
Those with aspergers do not have a problem, it is people without aspergers that have a problem with aspergers, they sense that people with aspergers are not emotionally needy and this scares them, for it makes them aware of how needed and lacking in self trust they are.
Think about yourself, do you really have a problem, or is it that others think you have a problem. Are you trying to live to standards that others deem correct.
Be proud of the way you are, utilize your self trust (even if you have learnt to bury or deny it), be proud that you have aspergers. Most geniuses have aspergers. Your best friend probably already accepts you the way you are, how does a label, change that. Say toyour friend "hey, guess what, I found out something really cool,I've got aspergers"
cheers
_________________
http://emotionalhealingsuccess.com
http://www.healyourcancer.org/ |
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kojot
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 18, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 95
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:03 am Post subject: |
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| seatyed wrote: | Hi Heritage
[But how to explain it to strangers or acquaintances, or even friends? I have yet to even tell my best friend.]
Aspergers just means that your brain functions more to one side of center, some people are in the center and others operate from the other side. We all function across the range, but we use mostly a narrow range. Being 'normal' just means that the majority operate in the centre range. You are not faulty if you have aspergers, in fact I believe aspergers have a more beneficial way of functioning.
Aspergers is only a label 'normal' medicos put on people who behave slightly different to them. They are always looking differences, in a way it is so that can label themselves - normal.
People with aspergers generally have greater self trust. They seem emotionally distant because there emotional needs are met from within oneself. And this is the only way they can be met. 'Normal' people generally lack self trust and are emotionally needy, they try (and fail) to have their emotional needs met by others - an impossibility.
Those with aspergers are taught that there is something wrong with them by people who thing naturally (but incorrectly) that the majority is right and therefore the minority is wrong. Parents naturally don't want anything to be 'wrong with their kids' and so look for what may be wrong!
Parents like 98% of people hav a deep belief "that there is something wrong with them", this 'something wrong' actually means - there is something wrong with them as a human being - that is, they are faulty as a human being. And so they try to find acceptance in safety in numbers, they try to fit the norm.
Those with aspergers do not have a problem, it is people without aspergers that have a problem with aspergers, they sense that people with aspergers are not emotionally needy and this scares them, for it makes them aware of how needed and lacking in self trust they are.
Think about yourself, do you really have a problem, or is it that others think you have a problem. Are you trying to live to standards that others deem correct.
Be proud of the way you are, utilize your self trust (even if you have learnt to bury or deny it), be proud that you have aspergers. Most geniuses have aspergers. Your best friend probably already accepts you the way you are, how does a label, change that. Say toyour friend "hey, guess what, I found out something really cool,I've got aspergers"
cheers |
That's very refreshing way to see things and I can see why it can be beneficial.
But with "Most geniuses have aspergers." you know what they say: extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
I actually bounce between "there is something wrong with me" and "there is something wrong with them" and "we're all f***d up" and "this world is s**t" 
but I really like the line "hey, guess what, I found out something really cool,I've got aspergers", just not sure if it would be received well. |
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NarcissusSavage
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 03, 2009
Age: 31
Posts: 656
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:43 am Post subject: |
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| Alexender wrote: | A scenario I have thought of (but have not used yet) is mention to a friend that my younger sister has aspergers, and tell him he should look it up. A week later or so ask if he has, if he has then tell him actually I have aspergers. I would not try to do this in a serious way, just like "oh you know how I said my sister has aspergers, actually I do".
And this is not mean to my sister. She is much younger than me and I don't live near her right now.
Two reasons I haven't tried it. 1. I don't know anyone my age where I am living. 2. I am not officially diagnosed. |
3. It's a lie?
Deceit is not the best way to reach out and make a connection with someone.
_________________
I am Ignostic.
Go ahead and define god, with universal acceptance of said definition.
I'll wait.
Maybe you are too?
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heritage
Butterfly
Joined: Dec 28, 2011
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:30 am Post subject: |
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this was all helpful, i just want so much for people to understand.
i'm not sure what's worse, to be very strong on the asperger's scale or in the middle. i know for the most part i interact all right, but i definitely have my moments and when i do they're strong. i feel that it's worse because i'm not consistent and that i can act well adapted. |
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Matt62
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 05, 2012
Age: 51
Posts: 1155
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:50 am Post subject: |
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For myself, starting with a falsehood, no matter how small, is a NO-GO.
I seldom lie, and I'm not going to start with something that is related directly to me. I only disclose to people who have a need to know. And its not official yet so that is also a non-starter.
Sincerely,
Matthew |
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heritage
Butterfly
Joined: Dec 28, 2011
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:59 am Post subject: |
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| Anyone have any recommendations on how to find other Aspie's locally? I'd love to find a fellow to go out to lunch or to coffee with. |
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anneurysm
Who needs birds when you have Lena Dunham.
Joined: Mar 26, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 1881
Location: Barrie & Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:42 pm Post subject: |
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| heritage wrote: | | Anyone have any recommendations on how to find other Aspie's locally? I'd love to find a fellow to go out to lunch or to coffee with. |
Try meetup.com and do a search for AS in your area. If you live near a big city, chances are they will have one.
_________________
It's gonna take a long time...it's gonna take it, but we'll make it one day. |
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heritage
Butterfly
Joined: Dec 28, 2011
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:29 pm Post subject: |
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unfortunately, there appears to be no groups in my area.  |
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Jtuk
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 22, 2012
Posts: 732
Location: Wales, UK
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:46 pm Post subject: |
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| heritage wrote: | this was all helpful, i just want so much for people to understand.
i'm not sure what's worse, to be very strong on the asperger's scale or in the middle. i know for the most part i interact all right, but i definitely have my moments and when i do they're strong. i feel that it's worse because i'm not consistent and that i can act well adapted. |
For the most part aspergers is a "mild" diagnosis. There are a few exceptions, but they are the exception and not the rule. 30 years ago, no one was being diagnosed with aspergers or even recognised as having a problem, yet these same people are now receiving the diagnosis later in life.
What makes the condition confusing is that everyone seems to have degrees of severity of their symptons, typically with a couple of extremely "strong" problem areas, but also positive mitigating capabilities in other areas. This pattern is different from person to person.
Be very careful of the perception you take away from this forum, different people are posting different problems, this is not the same person with a whole host of extremely severe issues.
You are probably a typical aspie. Don't beat yourself up about it or feel guilty for your concerns. This forum or an aspie support group is a good place to get some of your feelings off your chest. Sharing your diagnosis with everyone in your life might be counter productive.
Jason. |
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