Post 4439827 - (How does an aspie define the "reality of life"?)

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How does an aspie define the "reality of life"?

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cyberfox007
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: Aug 28, 2009
Posts: 271
Location: Soviet Canuckistan

Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 9:19 pm Post subject: How does an aspie define the "reality of life"?

Been working now for close to 2 months now and so far it has been a quantum shift in my reality and with it my perception of life changes too. I am getting used to the work environment alot. Some things i like and some i don't. It is like that in any working environment. I try to look pasted the flaws of my work place but i am reminded daily that it is not exactly a rose garden but it is what it is. I am fully aware that the world is not all sunshine and rainbows and i try my best to cope with the chaos that surrounds me but sometimes i feel like being an aspie its making look at reality though rose colored glasses and keeping me from the hard truths i should be aware of and i think this gonna make me not able to survive the real world. As i am just starting my career, the "reality of life" will hit me but i want to render it in my own way. I just hope i am cut out for the real world.

CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
Phoenix

Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 38
Posts: 87185
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.

Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 11:28 pm Post subject:

I've always seen the world as a scary place that's filled with unpredictable people. Much to my expectations, I was right when I've entered the work force at the age of 20. There are so many people in the world and anybody can do anything to me at any time. _________________ The darling, unworldly Mick Avory with hands like shovels, who wouldn't dare choose to hurt a soul: I'm the cuddly, adorable Kink. Sweet Peas: http://s76.photobucket.com/albums/j37/Cocknee/Kinks/Sweet%20Pea%20Smileys/ Other: http://www.mybrowsercash.com/

seatyed
Hummingbird

Joined: Oct 20, 2011
Posts: 22

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:19 am Post subject:

Hi cyberfox007 Everybody has difficulties/challenges in every day life and each success improves our ability and capabities. One way for you to see things differently, is to realize the rose colored reality is 'your' internal reality - it is how you feel about YOUR life (which is the art of living) your reality is more truthful and most people would give anything to feel like that. The harsher reality of the 'real' world is made up of all the individual realities of others and as they generally feel poorly inside, they add their flavor to the 'real' world. The key to living well (it seems you allready posses it but unsure of how to use it,) is know that it is all sunshine and rainbows but 98% of people simply don't see it. As they are in the vast majority, then they dictate the game of life and the rules. So you are play in their game and by their rules but realize just because they are in the majority, doesn't mean they are right. They are all trying to find truth inner peace. You are only young and you have it. For God's sake don't ever lose it. Cheers _________________ http://emotionalhealingsuccess.com http://www.healyourcancer.org/

IdahoRose
Imaginary Friend
Phoenix

Joined: Feb 25, 2007
Age: 22
Posts: 18651

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:33 am Post subject:

Even though I'm 21, I've never had a job before. I'm still naive in a lot of ways, and very sheltered too. The only way I've learned that the world is a bad place is from all those news and legal shows that my parents watch.

seatyed
Hummingbird

Joined: Oct 20, 2011
Posts: 22

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:50 am Post subject:

CockneyRebel wrote:

I've always seen the world as a scary place that's filled with unpredictable people. Much to my expectations, I was right when I've entered the work force at the age of 20. There are so many people in the world and anybody can do anything to me at any time.

Hi CockneyRebel
You are correct, You seem like you are very trusting and this is a wonderful quality, aspies have a great ability to self trust and this is because they place less meaning on things and events than others. The problem is that they may extend trust to everything and sadly it doesn't work in our society as most are people are distrustiing and therefore willing to take advantage of others.
You need to define trust and separate it in to internal trust and external trust. Keep your internal trust that is trust yourself. Use this trust to grow, develop and learn. And realise you do not have to trust anyone else, you only need to trust yourself. This doesn't mean that you have to distrust others, if they prove to you that they are worthy of distrust then distrust them.

So it is okay (essential) to trust your self but not okay to trust others (there are always exceptions of course). By not immediately trusting people, you have more time to evaluate them. When you immediately trust, then you can't evaluate effectively.

Cheers
_________________
http://emotionalhealingsuccess.com
http://www.healyourcancer.org/

CyclopsSummers
tunnel visionary
Phoenix

Joined: Jun 22, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 1902

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 4:50 pm Post subject:

It's a bit of a "glass half full/half empty" thing. See, you aknowledge that the world is not all sunshine and roses, but at the same time you acknowledge that there ARE many sweet things that are worth cherishing, and worth fighting for and worth living for. So you can turn it around and say to yourself: "The world is kind of a cloudy, gloomy place, BUT there are always some rays of sunshine poking through the clouds". Sometimes, I like to look at the world through rose-tinted glasses as well. Times like those, I just want to be an optimist because that feels so good. But if I get to carried away on that cloud of optimism, reality will eventually drag me right back to the ground. If I get too optimistic, I will end up disappointed, because life and the world simply don't just bend themselves to fit the ideals inside your head. Sometimes, to achieve those ideals, you have to go through some valleys, endure some things that are very unpleasant, perhaps even put up a fight or struggle for it. To use your example of the work environment, I can recognise that. The places where I've worked so far had their upsides and downsides, too. But I was there every day to deliver work the best I knew how, getting better at it every day, before leaving to seek out the next thing. Nobody is 'cut out' for the 'real world' before entering it. You end up cutting out yourself. Carving at the rough piece of marble you are, bit by bit, scuplting yourself continuously. Until they day you draw your last breath really. You're never finished. That on-going process is life. Furthermore I want to say I sometimes also feel the way CockneyRebel describes... Colleagues, and people anywhere, can sometimes be nasty, both overtly and covertly. I'm still young and haven't experienced this enough to have built a fully adequate defence against it, but since recent years, I take it as it comes. _________________ clarity of thought before rashness of action

MrXxx
Moderator/Enigmatus Paradoxius
Phoenix

Joined: May 12, 2010
Posts: 5678
Location: New England

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 5:32 pm Post subject:

Before we finally learn differently: However we see it. Our perspective IS reality to us. Any other perspective is wrong. Don't argue with me. I'm right. Seriously. That's my take on it in a nutshell. _________________ MrXxx is taking a long sabbatical, and no longer moderating.

CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
Phoenix

Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 38
Posts: 87185
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 8:12 pm Post subject:

seatyed wrote:

CockneyRebel wrote:

Thank you for your message. I've read it a few times and I'm going to follow your advice. You have good advice to give and I thank you. Smile

_________________
The darling, unworldly Mick Avory with hands like shovels, who wouldn't dare choose to hurt a soul: I'm the cuddly, adorable Kink. Sweet Peas: http://s76.photobucket.com/albums/j37/Cocknee/Kinks/Sweet%20Pea%20Smileys/ Other: http://www.mybrowsercash.com/

godoftruemercy
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: Sep 20, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 296

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:43 pm Post subject:

The reality is that the universe owes you nothing.

AspieOtaku
Leader of the Otaku Legion
Phoenix

Joined: Feb 18, 2012
Age: 30
Posts: 5887
Location: Mountain View, California, United States

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 4:07 am Post subject:

The world is always a cruel unusual and unforgiving place. Everyone views you as an outsider and not as a human being. If you are down and hurt nobody is around to help you and will ignore you or if you ask someone for help that person will say "not my problem" and walk away. Apathy hatred and ignorance seems to be dominant among the populous of today's society. At least that's how I see it I guess to sum it all up a strange, unusual and unforgiving place where it is everyone for themselves.

AliTatt
Raven
Raven

Joined: Jan 30, 2012
Posts: 124
Location: Ontario Canada

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 8:31 pm Post subject:

Reality of life: Work is scarce and hard to get You need an education or experience to get anywhere Love is rare and hard to find That sums up the last 2 years xD I worked in fast food for 17 months, before I left the country and have been unemployed since. I'm not in any kind of schooling (so sad), while my boyfriend has work and Uni most of the week, with Sundays off most of the time. Sucks but it's the truth. And you learn not to be over-trusting fast, and even faster learn not to trust at all. I knew amazing people when I worked and went to school, but was taken advantage of SO often because I trusted too much. Now I'm multiple hundred dollars less that I'll never get back from "friends" over the years that could be going towards my visa to stay here. Oh well, life goes on. If it's meant to be, it'll work out. If not, pack up your bags of the past and put them in storage, move on. Note: I WAS an optimist until real life hit me _________________ Absolutely and truly in love <33 ~http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp4364334.html - intro to me (: ~ Your Aspie score: 158 of 200 Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 56 of 200 You are very likely an Aspie

seatyed
Hummingbird

Joined: Oct 20, 2011
Posts: 22

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 8:51 pm Post subject:

The world can be a cruel and horrible place and it can also be beautiful and full of wonder. It is what it is, which is neutral, how we perceive it and react to it, is our own responsibility and CHOICE. Life is a learning experience, mistakes and hard lessons are wonderful opportunities, they are challenges that have the greatest leverage for growth. Relationships (any communication between people) is difficult for most and more so for aspies, not because there is anything wrong with you, but because you sense (to different degrees) the illusion or fakeness of the communication. Non aspies communicate from slightly outside themselves, that is they build a facade of who they are and this feels like it is just in front of their face, and aspies communicate from deeper inside, more from truth and who they really are. Though most may be unaware of this. Optimism. truth and beauty are at your core, as in all people, but aspies live closer to it, that is, non aspies have moved farther away from their core and yet they all seek later in life to get more in touch with it, but sadly keep moving away from it. Think about this - if everyone was an aspie, would the world be a much better place? Cheers _________________ http://emotionalhealingsuccess.com http://www.healyourcancer.org/

CyclopsSummers
tunnel visionary
Phoenix

Joined: Jun 22, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 1902

Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 4:18 am Post subject:

seatyed wrote:

The world can be a cruel and horrible place and it can also be beautiful and full of wonder. It is what it is, which is neutral, how we perceive it and react to it, is our own responsibility and CHOICE.

Life is a learning experience, mistakes and hard lessons are wonderful opportunities, they are challenges that have the greatest leverage for growth.

Relationships (any communication between people) is difficult for most and more so for aspies, not because there is anything wrong with you, but because you sense (to different degrees) the illusion or fakeness of the communication. Non aspies communicate from slightly outside themselves, that is they build a facade of who they are and this feels like it is just in front of their face, and aspies communicate from deeper inside, more from truth and who they really are. Though most may be unaware of this.

Optimism. truth and beauty are at your core, as in all people, but aspies live closer to it, that is, non aspies have moved farther away from their core and yet they all seek later in life to get more in touch with it, but sadly keep moving away from it.

Think about this - if everyone was an aspie, would the world be a much better place?
Cheers

The question is probably directed at cyberfox, but my answer to it would be: it wouldn't be better, it wouldn't be worse.

While I, too, strive to give a positive turn to autism and make the most of it, I'm not convinced that the often perceived bafflement among autistics concerning dishonesty, injustice, lying and the sort, stems from being more in touch with optimism, truth, and beauty as you phrase it. Rather, I would think that it's related to a clumsiness, an inadeptness at 'diluting' the truth if you will. But not just truth from an objective point of view, but also subjective. I've learned that people sometimes say one thing when they mean another NOT to actively deceive another person, but also to cushion their words, to embellish them, to maintain a certain social harmony WITHOUT trying to do harm, but in fact with the intention of doing good. This is also a thing that I still have trouble picking up on sometimes. It certainly was difficult to understand when I was a child.

There are still many people who aren't autistic who are honest-to-goodness sincere, have a great sense of justice, will maintain their own integrity even in the face of possible scorn and rejection by other people. And on the negative side, there are non-autistics who are gullible, easily misled.

I, too, have had to learn to say one thing when I mean another, to put up a front. To bring it back to the topic of employment and working, I find myself in a position similar to that of AliTatt. I've a poor education and little work experience. When I was applying for jobs four years ago, even one year ago, I was usually honest in everything. Honest in how I composed my resumé, honest in how I constructed my letters of application, honest in my job interviews. Sometimes to my detriment, I'm sorry to say. I'd be looking the interviewer in the eye and say something that amounted to "Well, I'm honestly not that experienced... There's probably someone better... But on the plus side, I'm willing to learn", "My weakness is in my social skills", and "I only want to do this job for a limited amount of time before planning to enroll in higher education". All of the above is honest, but they're also real killers of any hope for attaining that job. So in a relatively recent development, I've learned to bend the truth. I've learned to bend my words to sound like whichever job I'm applying for is exactly the job I want right then, right there. I've learned to emphasize my positive traits, and to completely neglect to mention my negative points- and if any weak points are brought up, I stress that I will work on improving on those points.

It is a game. It is a charade. I used to think that honesty would cut it, that it would see me through everything. But you can't be a lion in a world of snakes. When I tell people in a job interview in all honesty what I can do, what I can't do, where I want to be three years from now... they won't pick me. Because they're primarily thinking about making a profit, and they know they can find a better candidate. And the one they take after turning me down, will probably have feigned being exactly that better candidate.
_________________
clarity of thought before rashness of action

seatyed
Hummingbird

Joined: Oct 20, 2011
Posts: 22

Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 4:30 am Post subject:

Quote:

It is a game. It is a charade. I used to think that honesty would cut it, that it would see me through everything. But you can't be a lion in a world of snakes.

You hit the nail on the head.
_________________
http://emotionalhealingsuccess.com
http://www.healyourcancer.org/

Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Phoenix

Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 12:09 pm Post subject:

Life sucks and then you die, seems to be a pretty basic summary of the reality of life. _________________ It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream.

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