Lene
born to lurk
Joined: Nov 28, 2007
Posts: 3543
Location: East China Sea
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 Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 6:43 am Post subject: |
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| Grisha wrote: | | hale_bopp wrote: | Cheating is doing something involving others that your partner doesn't approve of behind their back.
It's really that simple. |
^This^
If it's something you wouldn't do if your partner was standing right there, it's cheating. |
Yep. No rule is iron-tight, but this is a pretty good guideline |
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MONKEY
Sunshine Groovetrip
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Age: 20
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Location: Stoke, England (sometimes :P)
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 6:44 am Post subject: |
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Anything more than a one-off drunken snog.
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HopeGrows
Nobody's Fool
Joined: Nov 06, 2009
Posts: 1565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 10:57 am Post subject: |
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| hale_bopp wrote: | | HopeGrows wrote: | | hale_bopp wrote: | | HopeGrows wrote: | | hale_bopp wrote: | Cheating is doing something involving others that your partner doesn't approve of behind their back.
It's really that simple. |
Umm, unless your partner is a controlling psycho who doesn't "approve" of any activity that might loosen his/her control, right? Sorry, I just think this definition is far too broad, and could lead to the abuse of someone inexperienced. |
I'm not talking about deranged lunatics. I'm talking about regular people. If it's a deranged lunatic, cheating is the least of that person's problems. |
That's the problem with deranged lunatics: they never admit who they really are. Instead, they are charming and smart and funny and attentive and romantic and flirty....so much so that you don't really mind accommodating their requests. By the time you've stopped doing everything they "disapprove" of, you've become completely isolated. Not a pretty picture, but something that can happen when inequity creeps into a relationship. |
They're still deranged lunatics. I'm not talking about them. |
Maybe I misunderstood you. I thought you were suggesting a definition of cheating that could be applied broadly. There are a broad range of psychological disorders that prompt dysfunctional, abusive behaviors toward partners (deranged lunatic and psychopath being only a few). IMO, there are far too many people who would take advantage of someone following your definition. If I didn't misunderstand you, then I guess we'll just agree to disagree.
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ToughDiamond
Phoenix
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Age: 60
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 11:58 am Post subject: |
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheating
Cheating constitutes doing anything, whether verbal or physical, that one would not do in front of their significant other. Such examples would include: expressing attraction to another person, talking, electronic communications, texting, data, kissing, making out, and sexual contact.[citation needed]
Many people consider cheating to be any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship, which may or may not include sexual monogamy. For example, in some polygamous relationships, the concepts of commitment and fidelity do not necessarily hinge on complete sexual or emotional monogamy. Whether polygamous or monogamous, the boundaries to which people agree vary widely, and sometimes these boundaries evolve within each relationship
Most of this has already been said here, and I agree with it. From the same page, the more general definition of cheating is:
breaking of rules to gain advantage in a competitive situation. The rules infringed may be explicit, or they may be from an unwritten code of conduct based on morality, ethics or custom, making the identification of cheating a subjective process.
I guess, for me, cheating in a relationship is when one partner does something behind the scenes that breaks their fidelity rules. If the do the same thing in view of their partner, it's not cheating, it's simply infidelity of one sort or another. Of course the suspect might claim they didn't understand what the rules meant in terms of their specific behaviour, and unless it can be shown that they have actively tried to hide what they were doing from, it could be impossible to know whether it was an innocent mistake or not. And in a new relationship, it might take a parter some time to get used to the significance of their new role in day-to-day terms.....they might declare undying love for you but not realise what that means, especially if they tend to love in a narcissistic way and have been partnerless for a long time, or partnered but with looser mutual expectations, which is what a lot of younger couples seem to opt for these days. They might simply not know themselves well enough to be immediately capable of keeping to the agreed contract, they might not be well-versed in their understanding of emotional infidelity and danger signs, they might misjudge their sexual vulnerability to others, be surprised when it goes further than they'd expected, and be afraid to 'fess up about their mistakes. That's rather less culpable than deliberate cheating, but I guess it's a form of cheating nonetheless.
I also believe that cheating can be done entirely in the mind - crushes on other people while in a supposedly monogamous relationship, thinking of others while having sex with a partner, indulging in amorous or sexual thoughts about somebody one found attractive, rather than nipping the idea in the bud, directing one's thoughts into more innocent avenues, and taking on board the idea that the mind may be wandering because of problems in the relationship, and redoubling one's efforts to sort that out. |
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DiabloDave363
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Age: 19
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| Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 1:05 pm Post subject: |
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any sort of intimate contact i consider cheating. hell, i get pissed off if theres even flirting or hand holding with someone else.
i dont think it's "healthy" for a relationship it just allows one party to go off from the other and lead to probable detachment.
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Ria1989
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 19, 2011
Posts: 336
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:28 pm Post subject: |
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| DiabloDave363 wrote: | any sort of intimate contact i consider cheating. hell, i get pissed off if theres even flirting or hand holding with someone else.
i dont think it's "healthy" for a relationship it just allows one party to go off from the other and lead to probable detachment. |
Yeah, I find flirting disrespectful. I think it's healthier form than physically touching someone else, but I think the intention to stray is still there. At least it opens up more doors to cheating if you're giving off vibes to other people that you're available.
I think I'm more extreme though, which probably isn't realistic in many relationships. |
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Erisad
More like Erihappy, amirite?
Joined: Jul 06, 2010
Age: 23
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Location: United States
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 3:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Grisha wrote: | | hale_bopp wrote: | Cheating is doing something involving others that your partner doesn't approve of behind their back.
It's really that simple. |
^This^
If it's something you wouldn't do if your partner was standing right there, it's cheating. |
Eeeeyup.  |
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simon_says
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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I have pretty specific rules for my own behavior. If I even think Ive flirted a bit too much, I'll tell my partner jokingly just to burn my ships. I do it to put an addtional check on my own behavior.
People who think they'll never cheat are at just as much risk as anyone else. Possibly more. |
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Shadewraith
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Age: 27
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 5:32 pm Post subject: |
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Like many people have said, it depends on the person. It also depends on what the person considers as "intimate". Aside from sexual contact, I consider quite a few things intimate. Even cuddling or holding hands, to me, is something that only a couple should do. I'm also a very insecure person, so I probably have a lower threshold for what I consider an intimate to be.
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ValentineWiggin
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:21 pm Post subject: |
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Whether you'd do it in front of your partner is irrelevant-
there are open relationships wherein a condition is that the specifics are not to be revealed to the other partner, for instance,
and those (usually emotionally-abusive) who openly-flaunt their infidelity in order to hurt partners.
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AspieOtaku
Leader of the Otaku Legion
Joined: Feb 18, 2012
Age: 30
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Location: Mountain View, California, United States
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 4:18 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't mind if my partner hugs or hangs out with other guys (whenever I am with someone), But when they get to groping not paying any attention to me and kissing something is definitly up because I can sense the signs of loss of interest or infidelity. Of course if she is having sex with someone else she is cheating. If it was one of those open relationship couple scenarios and its with bot partners consent then thats a grey area lol. |
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DiabloDave363
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Age: 19
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 8:02 pm Post subject: |
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| AspieOtaku wrote: | | I don't mind if my partner hugs or hangs out with other guys (whenever I am with someone), But when they get to groping not paying any attention to me and kissing something is definitly up because I can sense the signs of loss of interest or infidelity. Of course if she is having sex with someone else she is cheating. If it was one of those open relationship couple scenarios and its with bot partners consent then thats a grey area lol. |
hugging and hangouts r ok but anything more is like... no imo
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minervx
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 8:06 pm Post subject: |
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the definition of "cheating" is exclusive to and depends on each individual relationship.
for two people who mutually agree to an open relationship, one night stands with other people are fine.
whether pornography is cheating, especially depends on what the two people in the relationship expect from each other.
there can be debate about whether flirting or kissing is cheating, but it is completely wrong, whatever semantic you attach to it, in an exclusive relationship. |
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DiabloDave363
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Age: 19
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 8:19 pm Post subject: |
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| minervx wrote: | the definition of "cheating" is exclusive to and depends on each individual relationship.
for two people who mutually agree to an open relationship, one night stands with other people are fine.
whether pornography is cheating, especially depends on what the two people in the relationship expect from each other.
there can be debate about whether flirting or kissing is cheating, but it is completely wrong, whatever semantic you attach to it, in an exclusive relationship. |
yea in my relationships, kissing, flirting, or anything else like that is bad. porn has never been looked down upon in any of my relationships though.
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myth
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 8:26 am Post subject: |
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| ValentineWiggin wrote: | Whether you'd do it in front of your partner is irrelevant-
there are open relationships wherein a condition is that the specifics are not to be revealed to the other partner, for instance,
and those (usually emotionally-abusive) who openly-flaunt their infidelity in order to hurt partners. |
It may not be relevant in all situations but I don't think that makes it irrelevant since it does apply to many if not most relationship dynamics.
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