aussiebloke
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 15, 2009
Age: 37
Posts: 3878
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 Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 6:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Mithos wrote: | | I can cheer ANYONE up, Even if they're depressed. Everyone says, "Matt, you make me laugh, How do you do it?!" I just shrug. xD |
You have not made me laugh, it must just be me I suppose.
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Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob |
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Sarah81
Toucan
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Posts: 256
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 4:25 am Post subject: Re: Depression and friends |
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| questor wrote: | There are several reasons why some people may not try to help you when you are depressed.
1. They may not realize you are depressed
2. As you have noted, they may think you are angry, perhaps at them, perhaps at someone else.
3. As noted, they may think you want to be alone to work things out.
4. They may not want to deal with the drama of your depression. Dealing with that can get them depressed and/or frustrated and angry, so they may want to keep their distance to protect themselves from your problems.
5. Sometimes depressed people use and dump on their friends and family (needy) when what they really need is professional help. A non-professional person can feel very overwhelmed when trying to help a depressed person, and may pull back to protect themselves.
6. Often a troubled, or depressed person just wants to dump on people without really acting on any advice their friends or relatives may give them. This makes the friends and relatives very frustrated and angry, and they will often back off from the person dumping on them--again to protect themselves.
Don't take this non-helping on their parts personally. If they think you were mad at them, it could be your facial expression. I have this problem myself. It is partly caused by the shape of my eye brows, so I have tried to shape them so I look less like I am angry when I frown.
If their not wanting to be helpful when you are depressed is not caused by them thinking you are angry, it is probably being caused by your dumping more on them than they can help you with, so you should seek professional help. |
This is pretty much what I would have replied myself; I will only elaborate on point 5. "Sometimes depressed people use and dump on their friends and family (needy) when what they really need is professional help. A non-professional person can feel very overwhelmed when trying to help a depressed person, and may pull back to protect themselves."
When I first developed my mental illness, but before diagnosis, most of my 'fair-weather' friends pulled back fairly quickly, and this was a hurtful lesson for me. One of these friends remained, a fairly naive girl who prided herself on being a supportive friend, and who had done half a social work degree. At first she was genuinely supportive about my depressed state. Then she started trying to 'fix' me. This lasted about a year - her trying to 'fix' me I think was quite damaging to both of us. Then I progressed through untreated mania and psychosis. I distinctly remember the day she tearfully 'gave up' trying to fix me and pleaded with me to go to the doctor. The thing is, it was SHE who wanted to try and solve all of my problems; I asked only for her friendship. After that she was completely burned out and only deigned to tolerate my company. I could have done without her trying to fix me, but I needed her genuine friendship during difficult times, since when I went to hospital there were none of my original friends in my time of need. What I'm trying to say is that perhaps in forming friendships with depressed people we need to realise that all we have to do is listen and be there, and it means a lot to them. Professional support is necessary to deal with the illness. If at first you are not happy with your professional, keep trying to find another one, because there are many good ones out there. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 7:32 pm Post subject: |
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does this thread make anyone else feel worse?
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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smudge
Your worst nightmare
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Joined: Sep 07, 2006
Age: 25
Posts: 2130
Location: London
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 7:37 pm Post subject: |
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| fraac wrote: | | You haven't learned how to manipulate people into caring about you yet. |
I like this, even though I don't agree. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 7:45 pm Post subject: |
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Maybe depressed people aren't trying to dump on everyones parade, its kind of hard to act happy when you feel like absolute crap. I guess this is why I feel people should be much more educated about mental illness especially how real it is, how painful it can be and how its not something we can just turn off.
and also that professional help is in short supply especially if your mental illness interferes with your ability to make income.
I don't want anyone to take offense, and I was not directing this at anyone specific.....just pointing out some problems for discussion purposes.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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marshall
Under the whirlwind
Joined: Apr 15, 2007
Posts: 9212
Location: Western Michigan
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 11:41 am Post subject: |
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| Because people are selfish. |
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kestrel
Phoenix
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Joined: Jan 14, 2012
Posts: 574
Location: Ohio
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:04 pm Post subject: |
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I would ignore myself when I'm depressed, if it were possible. That's a confusing thought, but there it is.
I'm unpleasant when I'm depressed.
I'm often nervous, anxious and can take offense to random things when I'm depressed.
I unintentionally cause offense far more often when I'm depressed.
I am blunt and matter-of-fact, prone to wallowing in self-doubt, and have nothing positive to say when I'm depressed.
I tend to hate myself when I'm depressed, and the effect I have on others serves to magnify it.
I'd rather isolate myself in a little box somewhere out-of-the-way. I'm glad people ignore me when I'm depressed because the only consequence of the alternative is to worry that I might be making other people miserable, which doesn't help me feel better. |
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aussiebloke
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 15, 2009
Age: 37
Posts: 3878
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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| marshall wrote: | | Because people are selfish. |
Thats the truth I wish some one had taught me this as a child , why aren't we hearing this on "autism Tv"
"nobody cares about nobody"
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Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob |
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aussiebloke
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 15, 2009
Age: 37
Posts: 3878
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 6:19 pm Post subject: |
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| smudge wrote: | | fraac wrote: | | You haven't learned how to manipulate people into caring about you yet. |
I like this, even though I don't agree. |
Whats the point?
We are unloveable expect to our pets.
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Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob |
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archraphael
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jul 29, 2011
Posts: 174
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 7:30 pm Post subject: |
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True about fairweather friends. In high school i was so depressed for years, like the walking dead. What I really needed was a true friend and not people who went off on their own cool kids club.
People who really know how to help depressed people have been there and aren't the type who are high and mighty of themselves..
The diff between clinical and non clinical... Clinical is caused by chemistry... but is imo triggered by psychological like realizing you have a disability or the disability is causing you to not function ie ASD. Then the cycle of thoughts start like, "I'm not good enough to be alive because I'm not normal"
I am becoming depressed my self realizing I can't function in college like my peers, and that i didnt and dont have the life they have ie living on their own in an apt., getting life skills, etc. It is really sad because its talent and a life flushed down the drain. imo depression is a sign that you need to change your life but like the other mental illnesses it has the paradox effect of crippling your will to survive and function..
What I realized to pull me out of dep is not be too highly conscious of my self or actions or other peoples behavior ie RUMINATING... But conscious enough to plan and decide what to do next... in a positive attitude.. |
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herejezus
Hummingbird
Joined: Feb 26, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 20
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| Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:14 am Post subject: |
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| Negative people sucks energy. And if the positive vs. negative from a individu is out of balans, than we got a problem. |
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CrazyCatLord
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 25, 2011
Posts: 2177
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| Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 10:11 am Post subject: |
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Humans are selfish. Other people are merely assets for us, no matter how much we tell ourselves that we love them. In our minds, they exist to make us feel good. If they fail to do that, they are no longer worth bothering with.
We might make a weak attempt to fix them. Tell them to pull themselves together, to look at the bright side or whatever, all those hollow and pointless phrases that don't really help anybody. But when their depression persists, we decide that they're just buzzkills or energy-sucking vampires and keep our distance. We think that's fully justified. It's their own fault if they're always so morbid and negative.
And when they jump off a rooftop, we even have the gall to feel hurt. They did something to us, even if the car they landed on belonged to somebody else. They robbed us of their presence, us, the center of the universe. It's human nature. |
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namaste
Enigmatic Charismatically Odd
Joined: Apr 15, 2011
Posts: 1841
Location: Hindustan
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| Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 11:57 pm Post subject: |
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I had episodes of deep depression and without any support system at home my parents and sibling were non communicative and they were abusive
I remember during one such episode i was quite depressed and trying hard to concentrate in my college lessons. one of my classmate called me to her place and said why i act so depressed do i need sympathy from other people that is why i was acting like that.......believe me it hurt so badly.
Even i feel depressed person needs someone to help them and listen to them. But there is point beyond which we cant help them like when they mention that they feel suicidal, when they take help of alcohol to suppress their pain.
When i was reading tarot for people i used to get lot of depressed people mostly their extra martial affair was not working out, or they were involved in some wrong thing which was not working out and though we advice them good things they are adamant to carry the bad activity.
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The only thing right in this wrong world is
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opal
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 23, 2007
Posts: 918
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 5:25 am Post subject: |
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| I try to help people who are down, and I have had some pretty serious depression myself. But at some point I just have to say" This person is not doing anything to remedy their situation, and is sucking the joy and confidence out of my life" Maybe that sounds selfish but charity begins at home. If you're making my depression worse, I 'll only put up with you for so long. |
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pinksunflower
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 24, 2012
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:53 pm Post subject: Re: Why do people ignore you when you're depressed? |
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| Nikadee43 wrote: | (mostly a rant)
When it's so very obvious that something is wrong. So wrong that you can't hide it even just a little. Instead of someone (who supposedly considers you a friend or close acquaintance) saying "Hey, you look down. Do you want to talk about anything?" they act like you're not there and avoid you at all costs. They don't include you in conversations unless you speak first, they don't invite you anywhere. The easiest answer would probably be that most people assume you want to be left alone, but I feel that is an unsafe/cop-out assumption. Especially if the person never actually says they want to be left alone. Even the people that know I've been having a hard time because of AS haven't followed up with me to see how things are going.
I guess if I noticed a friend in need, I would at least let them know that I am available to them and am aware that they're hurting and am open to being there for them if they need it. I HAVE done this whenever I'm actually able to pick up on it. I am far from being an emotional person, and half the time don't know what to say to someone when they are feeling sad, but I know that I want to be able to help in some way. I wouldn't isolate them and ignore them whenever they were around. It's funny, when I've gotten depressed in the past, people have said they thought I was mad at them personally because I wasn't speaking or was very short with them, even though I acted the same way around everyone else, not just them. This may make some people that are depressed feel bad or guilty, but I honestly think it's self-centered of people to assume it's all about them, especially without even asking or paying close enough attention to a person's behavior to conclude such a thing. If a person is depressed, isn't it obvious that speaking normally and socializing isn't easy? That maybe we don't express our feelings because it hurts to or because we don't even know what or why we're feeling this way? Or maybe even we're too embarrassed to talk about it. Why is it when that when it comes to issues like this, all of a sudden your friends aren't your friends anymore?
I'll admit that majority of the time I'm depressed, I do want to be alone; but sometimes, I also want someone, just one person to come in my room and just talk to me. Ask me what the problem is and try to help or understand me. Just one person that seems like they truly care about what's happening to me. Maybe most of the time I won't feel like talking or hanging out (typical of depression, right?), but it doesn't mean you shouldn't think to ask. It doesn't mean that I don't want to be asked either. It's as if my depression is offensive to people. Like people think I'm bringing them and everyone else down by feeling this way, even though I can't help it. I think it's safe to say no one wants to be depressed. It's involuntary. So why not, at the very least, let people know that even if they think everything else in their life is falling apart, they still have people they can count on. |
I hope the rant made you feel a bit better. It's always good to let off steam when it needs to be done.
On the other hand, if your depression isn't going away or getting better, go see your doctor. Tell them how you're sleeping, eating, thinking and feeling overall. If your doctor terms you as depressed, he'll prescribe you something. AND you can ask him to refer you to other outside sources to help you in your recovery.
People ignore what they don't understand. My dad ignored the fact that my daughter is autistic for a long time. My family and friends ignored me when I was going through severe depressive moods as a teenager. I actually had a friend of mine say 'I don't want to be around you, you're too depressing'.
Well, 'friend'. I totally ditched and avoided her since then. |
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