Solvejg
i wear a fez now, fez's are cool
Joined: Mar 03, 2011
Posts: 6180
Location: gallifrey
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 Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 8:32 pm Post subject: Control and submission. |
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Do you prefer to be the more dominant person in the relationship? The person who romances the other person, calls the other person, organises dates?
Or do you like being the submissive person who goes with the flow and lets your partner make the decisions like what you will do on a date?
Or do you like it being evenly matched relationship wise? sometimes one person does something and the next time the other person does, ect? |
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ghostar
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 21, 2011
Age: 33
Posts: 402
Location: Most likely work. Sigh.
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| Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 8:59 pm Post subject: |
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In romantic relationships, I like to be materially equal meaning that I like to pay for our outings half the time.
With regard to planning the outings, I prefer my partner to do the planning. This limits me to dating NT guys since other Aspies are likely to have hermit tendencies just like me.
Sexually, I like a be evenly matched on the dominance issue. I like to lead occasionally but enjoy being led also.
How about you, Solvejg?
(I am a female btw.) |
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Titangeek
Thinker of thoughts
Joined: Aug 23, 2010
Age: 19
Posts: 7651
Location: somewhere in the vicinity of betelgeuse
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| Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 10:47 pm Post subject: |
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Having never been in a relationship I can only guess. But I would have to say it would probably vary depending on the situation.
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- Bruce Lee |
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CrazyCatLord
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 25, 2011
Posts: 2177
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| Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 10:48 pm Post subject: |
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| That depends. I'm naturally submissive, probably because it's less likely to disappoint people if one simply follows instructions. But in online relationships, in places like Second Life for example, I always end up being the dominant partner. Submissives are usually very clear about how they want to be treated, and I've found that it's much easier to serve another person by dominating them according to their fantasies. I hope that makes sense. |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 11:16 pm Post subject: |
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i have tended to be dominant, but one time it was mutual and that turned out best. sort of like an unchoreographed dance that somehow flowed.
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Nim
Depersonalized Aspie
Joined: Sep 08, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 3510
Location: Away
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 12:08 am Post subject: |
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This thread will switch forums pretty fast I think. 
I started to write this paragraph but deleted it because it made me think. Truth is I'm really unsure what I want. I think I'd prefer someone who knew what they wanted... rather than someone who expected me to give it to them.... because I won't.
I think what hyper said holds a lot of how I'd feel a good relationship would go. |
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cozysweater
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 06, 2011
Posts: 570
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 12:24 am Post subject: |
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| What I want in a relationship is entirely dependent on where I'm at emotionally. When I'm feeling insecure or directionless I'm more submissive but when I'm feeling more confident, I turn into Ms. Bossy-Pants. I'm in a Bossy-Pants phase right now and what I want is an equal who enjoys my company and respects my boundaries. (and vice versa) |
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Who_Am_I
almost human
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 29
Posts: 10528
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 1:37 am Post subject: |
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Evenly matched. I hate the idea of one person controlling another.
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Kjas
Onçinha
Joined: Feb 27, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 4897
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 2:24 am Post subject: |
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When you word it like that, then I'd have to say I'm guilty of submissive on all 3 counts.
I never think of it that way, and I don't think of it as "control". I think of it more as, he leads and makes decisions etc, and I choose to follow or not (as the case may be! I always have the option of refusing). Admittedly I don't usually use my "veto" power without a decent reason because this seems to work for me, things just flow and I feel much more comfortable this way.
The one time someone wanted me to be "equal", that didn't work, for him and especially not for me. The relationship became very abusive.
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Last edited by Kjas on Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:12 am; edited 3 times in total |
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Boxman108
"Oh...it's just a box."
Joined: Jan 03, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 1392
Location: NH
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 3:16 am Post subject: |
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Either equal or submissive. Don't think I could ever be dominant in any way without feeling like an ass.
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Subotai
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 25, 2010
Posts: 1036
Location: 日本
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:13 am Post subject: |
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| Balanced is my choice. |
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AspieOtaku
Leader of the Otaku Legion
Joined: Feb 18, 2012
Age: 30
Posts: 5893
Location: Mountain View, California, United States
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:37 am Post subject: |
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I prefer even ground for the most part. Although I tend to be submissive to women Im weird like that.
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curlyfry
come out from among them and be ye curly
Joined: Jun 14, 2010
Age: 43
Posts: 1491
Location: Latitude : 45.373. Longitude : -84.955
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 8:14 am Post subject: |
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| cozysweater wrote: | | What I want in a relationship is entirely dependent on where I'm at emotionally. When I'm feeling insecure or directionless I'm more submissive but when I'm feeling more confident, I turn into Ms. Bossy-Pants. I'm in a Bossy-Pants phase right now and what I want is an equal who enjoys my company and respects my boundaries. (and vice versa) |
I like this statement but I'm rarely submissive and if I seem that way sometimes it's a facade because I don't care for conflict so I just make the person think they have control. But it would be nice to have someone who did know the boundaries as in when I say I don't like something or don't want to try something. When it could actually be beneficial. I just don't want to get out of my comfort zone is really the reason and I've probably hurt others by quickly disregarding their suggestions. |
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26045
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 9:42 am Post subject: |
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| It depends. There's a difference between being submissive and having control and a say and being submissive and having no control or say. The latter is dangerous. |
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leviathans
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 13, 2011
Posts: 160
Location: Canada, Qc
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:52 am Post subject: |
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Submissive ^-^
but evenly-matched is nice too.
But not dominant! I really don't want that! One of my biggest fear is that girls will see me as their prince and they will want me to be the dominant/leading one. |
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