ToadOfSteel
unlovable
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 25
Posts: 6716
Location: New Jersey
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 Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:18 am Post subject: |
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| Declension wrote: | I think that your problem is that you don't have a healthy relationship between beliefs and identity. Your beliefs are not your identity. Beliefs are subject to revision.
What you're saying is that you don't want to be around someone who disagrees with you, in case they convince you that your beliefs are not true. That's a bad sign. You should always be trying to find out whether your beliefs are true. And you don't find that out by only being around people who agree with you.
Don't say, "As a Christian, I believe that the Christian claims are true." That's putting identity politics ahead of truth. Instead, you should say, "Since I believe that the Christian claims are true, I am a Christian." When you put it like that, what do you have to lose if someone convinces you that a Christian claim is false? It doesn't change who you are. |
My beliefs are an important part of who I am. If those beliefs are removed or disproven, i'm nothing but a fraud, unworthy of life for holding bad beliefs...
And honestly, my beliefs are all i have left now. I'm all alone in a world that hates me. If I'm turned against myself, the last bastion of hope dies.
Last edited by ToadOfSteel on Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:20 am; edited 1 time in total |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:19 am Post subject: |
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ToadofSteel, if you think that you're not worthy, women will agree.
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ToadOfSteel
unlovable
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 25
Posts: 6716
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:25 am Post subject: |
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| I just want to be as good of a person as I can possibly be, and I can't even do that... |
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Declension
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 21, 2012
Posts: 1652
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:28 am Post subject: |
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| ToadOfSteel wrote: | | If those beliefs are removed or disproven, i'm nothing but a fraud, unworthy of life for holding bad beliefs... |
Not true. Everyone in the world is wrong about something. I'm not in this thread to say that Christianity is false. I'm just saying that even if Christianity is false, it doesn't make you a bad person for believing it. Believing false things just isn't the sort of thing that makes you a bad person.
You need more self-respect, so that you feel confident in who you are apart from whatever beliefs you might have. If you respect yourself, then other people will respect you. If you love yourself, then other people will find it easy to love you as well. You shouldn't be looking for a good relationship with another person if you don't have a good relationship with yourself. |
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sgrannel
Just Vic
Joined: Feb 21, 2008
Posts: 2100
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 2:35 am Post subject: |
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I suppose any belief system can be taken too far and alienate people. The trick is to listen to what the other person has to say and not be an idiot about things. If women run the other way when you say you're religious, then could you demonstrate that you're reasonable and a good listener before you say anything about your religious preferences? Some characteristics that I would find attractive in women include good critical thinking skills and a healthy ability to tolerate a little gross humor. Not unquestioningly accepting the 6000 year old earth is a good start on the critical thinking skills, and liking South Park is healthy and doesn't translate into "wanna screw?". I could imagine that there are some women who would find these same traits attractive in men.
Even agnosticism can be taken too far!
http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s15e14-the-poor-kid
I'm white trash and I'm in trouble!
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A boy and a dog can be happy sitting down in the woods on a log
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boblol
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 05, 2012
Age: 30
Posts: 42
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 3:50 am Post subject: |
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| arent there whole big churches for liberal christians? methodists, modern catholics, episolians, quakers etc. |
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Zinnel
Velociraptor
Joined: Sep 03, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 404
Location: Missouri, USA
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:48 am Post subject: |
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Christianity, is not what is keeping you from finding someone
nor is the fact that you play video games
It's true people can be nit picky about those things
but if they are then they're not the people you want to date
I will say this, that your idea of wanting to share "just one aspect of my life" with a woman. Could be a reason your having so much trouble.
If you share just one aspect of your life with someone, their not going to feel that your being open about yourself. Now, I'm not saying just tell all your troubles to a women. I'm just saying that you shouldn't just focus on that one thing you think you have in common with a woman. Because eventualy they will think all you are is that "one aspect" of your self and they'll get bored because thats all they're seeing.
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keep an open mind but not so open your brain falls out |
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AScomposer13413
Complacent Composer
Joined: Feb 02, 2012
Posts: 2044
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:53 am Post subject: |
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| Zinnel wrote: | Christianity, is not what is keeping you from finding someone
nor is the fact that you play video games
It's true people can be nit picky about those things
but if they are then they're not the people you want to date
I will say this, that your idea of wanting to share "just one aspect of my life" with a woman. Could be a reason your having so much trouble.
If you share just one aspect of your life with someone, their not going to feel that your being open about yourself. Now, I'm not saying just tell all your troubles to a women. I'm just saying that you shouldn't just focus on that one thing you think you have in common with a woman. Because eventualy they will think all you are is that "one aspect" of your self and they'll get bored because thats all they're seeing. |
^ This! |
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ToadOfSteel
unlovable
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 25
Posts: 6716
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:45 am Post subject: |
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| Zinnel wrote: | Christianity, is not what is keeping you from finding someone
nor is the fact that you play video games
It's true people can be nit picky about those things
but if they are then they're not the people you want to date
I will say this, that your idea of wanting to share "just one aspect of my life" with a woman. Could be a reason your having so much trouble.
If you share just one aspect of your life with someone, their not going to feel that your being open about yourself. Now, I'm not saying just tell all your troubles to a women. I'm just saying that you shouldn't just focus on that one thing you think you have in common with a woman. Because eventualy they will think all you are is that "one aspect" of your self and they'll get bored because thats all they're seeing. |
But do other people really want to hear everything about the other parts of my life? Wouldn't the average woman just be bored by my love of video gaming, especially if I talk about it to her? |
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Fnord
Enigmatic Threadkilling Metasyntactic Variable
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 17810
Location: Stendec
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:59 am Post subject: |
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| ToadOfSteel wrote: | | ... i'm unlovable... |
There's your problem. Thinking of yourself as unlovable sets up a barrier to any expressions of love directed your way. As long as you believe that you are unlovable, you will either not notice any signs of romantic interest, or you will notice and consider such signs as insincere or manipulative.
Been there, done that, and got over it.
You can too. |
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nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9726
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:23 pm Post subject: |
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Your pretty liberal about religion so I don't get why you being Christian TOS would push none 1s away unless you kept bringing your religion up. You being Christian should not be an issue with non religious if you don't talk about it with them
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ValentineWiggin
Yup.
Joined: May 16, 2011
Posts: 4879
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:47 pm Post subject: |
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| ToadOfSteel wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | ToadOfSteel wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | ToadOfSteel wrote: | | As far as I can tell i am incompatible with the entire world... that's the only explanation as to why EVERYONE rejects me. Tim even you have has people accept you... |
do you see that by having criteria that excludes anybody at all.... you are rejecting them? i'm NOT saying that you should approach people that you find unattractive at all, but i think it would be good for you to understand that you are rejecting people too. |
And how is it healthy to get into a relationship where one person tries to change the other? I'm perfectly fine with someone with a different belief system, just not someone that's going to make me abandon a significant part of what makes me me... that's what the root of desperation is, isn't it? |
i'm not suggesting anyone should try to change anyone else. i am saying that if you respect each other's views and support each other, then changes may organically happen.
what is the worst that would happen if you date a non-christian? |
An agnostic? nothing bad at all. A militant athiest? I'm worried I'd lose my identity to her... |
Most atheists ARE agnostics. Just sayin'....
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"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
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ValentineWiggin
Yup.
Joined: May 16, 2011
Posts: 4879
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:49 pm Post subject: |
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| ToadOfSteel wrote: |
My beliefs are an important part of who I am. If those beliefs are removed or disproven, i'm nothing but a fraud, unworthy of life for holding bad beliefs...
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If you actively-avoid anything that might remove or disprove your beliefs, it sounds like you don't have the coping skills to deal with a relationship in the first place? There's an extreme fragility there.
_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest." |
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fraac
Tufted Titmouse
![]()
Joined: Mar 24, 2011
Posts: 1865
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:56 pm Post subject: |
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| You could recognise that beliefs are just filters so you don't have to process the whole world. They're artificial and with a biological purpose. Use them accordingly. |
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Zinnel
Velociraptor
Joined: Sep 03, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 404
Location: Missouri, USA
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:12 pm Post subject: |
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| ToadOfSteel wrote: | | Zinnel wrote: | Christianity, is not what is keeping you from finding someone
nor is the fact that you play video games
It's true people can be nit picky about those things
but if they are then they're not the people you want to date
I will say this, that your idea of wanting to share "just one aspect of my life" with a woman. Could be a reason your having so much trouble.
If you share just one aspect of your life with someone, their not going to feel that your being open about yourself. Now, I'm not saying just tell all your troubles to a women. I'm just saying that you shouldn't just focus on that one thing you think you have in common with a woman. Because eventualy they will think all you are is that "one aspect" of your self and they'll get bored because thats all they're seeing. |
But do other people really want to hear everything about the other parts of my life? Wouldn't the average woman just be bored by my love of video gaming, especially if I talk about it to her? |
Yeah, if its the only thing you talk about with her. Shoot I love video games, but even I get bored if thats all a girl wants to talk about. The point is not to focus on just one thing you have in common with someone but many things, you can talk about or have in common with. Never ask someone if "they like to play video games", ask them "want do they like to do in their spare time".
Not because you want to avoid the subject of video games, but instead its to see if theirs more interests you have in common, like movies, writing, hiking, shopping, playing D&D, bible school, tv shows, music, etc.
The more you have in common with someone the easier it is to keep a conversion going and keep it interesting to both involved. This is why its bad to just try and relate to someone on one subject or "one aspect" your self.
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