CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 38
Posts: 87188
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.
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01001011
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 04, 2010
Posts: 826
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 Posted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 7:33 pm Post subject: |
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| holdingLight wrote: |
8. They're indifferent. They don't feel strongly emotionally about you one way or another--they work with you, live with you, or go to school with you, so they're around a lot, and they treat you civilly when you're there, maybe even nicely, or coldly, or whatever their default style is, and sure they've got complaints about you, and maybe at some point they'll see the need to raise them, but mainly they just want to keep going along with the more important things in their lives while you pay the other part of the rent, do your share of the work, or make sure to return their lab notebook if you borrow it. You're just someone who's there. They have a different relationship to you than does a complete stranger--say, they could argue passionately for or against something based on empathy for your experiences that they know more about, or based on attitudes of yours that they disagree with and that to them represent a larger ill cutting through many members of society (or maybe that's just me ^_^)--but words like "like" or "dislike" aren't great here. "Fond" or "annoyed" might be more appropriate, or perhaps both.
9. They don't know enough about you. They're in the same situation as the person in ( , but you haven't shared enough of your personal story with them for them to feel like they can identify with any aspect of your life or beliefs, and this makes them uneasy. They don't know what you do in your room all day, or where you go, and so their imagination might get the better of them. You don't communicate much--you're some sort of social deviant--so does that mean you're a stalker? A hacker? A potential shooter, filled with violent rage? Again, these ideas might be raised or intensified by friends of theirs who casually meet you and then bring to their attention how you're "weird" or "quiet" or "gave them this creepy look".
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ALL people I know seems to be in these two groups  Since nobody talk to me I have no idea of my problem  |
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Nikadee43
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Oct 16, 2011
Posts: 62
Location: Seattle
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:37 am Post subject: |
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I'm also concerned that people don't like me as much as I thought they did, and it's really bumming me out. I wish I didn't care what people thought of me, especially since most of the time I'd rather not be around them, but I guess I'm too dependent on validation from others. I really think i am a nice person; I never intend to hurt another or make them feel bad in any way. Many people have told me since I was young that they thought I was a b*tch when they first met me, or I seem intimidating because of my body language I guess. Maybe because I don't smile a lot either,and I'm somewhat stand-offish when I first get to know people. I still don't understand what makes me so "intimidating".
I learned the hard way that people I thought I was friends with didn't like me when they stopped returning my calls or avoided me when I saw them in public and I had no idea why. To my knowledge I had never done or said anything to them that would make them respond that way, and of course no one ever tells you the truth. Instead they're passive aggressive and are nice for the sake of being nice. I'm nervous now that I really may have done something offensive without knowing it, and that people may not view me as likable. I wish I knew what it was about me that turns people off, even if it's something I can't change. However, it certainly explains part of why I'm always losing touch with people. At the same time, I don't necessarily want to change who I am just to make people like me. |
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Mithos
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 22, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 685
Location: Ponyville, Equestria.
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 3:55 am Post subject: |
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Happens to me a lot.
_________________
{{Certified Coffeeholic.}}
I have Severe ADHD (Diagnosed), Tics and Mild OCD. [Fully Alert, Test Retaken.]
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Your Aspie score: 128 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 72 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie |
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muslimmetalhead
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 30, 2011
Posts: 1072
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:24 pm Post subject: |
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Ugh...yeah, like this one woman in like two of my classes is like this
-atheist Buddhist (talked in detail about it in drama class)
-wears "quirky" clothes and makeup
-hangs out with nerds
-lazy
but she NEVER talks to me.
And when she did, she gave me a glare |
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b9
whatever..
Joined: Aug 15, 2008
Posts: 8366
Location: australia
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:56 pm Post subject: |
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people generally do not like me and i could not care less.
their brains are in their heads and they have no control over the universe.
i can not be hurt by what a brain inside a skull thinks about me.
i provide very little information to others about who i am because i can not be bothered, and there maybe spot fires that erupt due to people's paranoia's about me, but they should know that if they did not exist, i would still be exactly the way i am.
life is like walking through a yard full of sheep who are all bleating away happily, and i am walking to a place beyond the stock yard, and i have no intentions of influencing what goes on in the yard, but the sheep all go beserk and injure themselves by running into fences and their eyes roll back and they believe fully that they are in danger when they have nothing to fear.
paranoia is like a fire in the mind that spreads wildly, and it can be set off with the mildest spark of suspicion in those who only trust what they have seen to be benign everyday in the past, and when they see something uncommon they can not adjust and they become almost superstitious.
when something out of the ordinary happens, people with livestock mentalities panic and get injured, and their injuries assuage their belief that the "oddity" was responsible.
i stay home. not because i do not want to cause problems, but because there is nothing that interests me outside of shopping. |
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aussiebloke
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 15, 2009
Age: 37
Posts: 3877
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:48 pm Post subject: |
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Autisitics are generally disliked so why fight it ?
Why work on it, do you realise how draining that would be ?
_________________
Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob |
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techstepscientist
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 16, 2011
Posts: 52
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| Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 10:22 am Post subject: |
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If the question were asked 10 years ago, I would of said something like 'i have many friends and i am hardly ever alone'. People may have asked 'how i was?' and in return i too 'would ask something about what is going on in their life?' (from when we last spoke), but i now realized that this does not mean they were friends, it means they are 'people who were around me'. I was alone then, as i am now.
The situation broke around 10 years ago, when I walked away from everyone due to being in a long depression (authority took away my only hobby). Afterwards, not a single person came or rang me to ask 'if i was OK?' Since then i have spoke to a few people superficially, but only because they were walking by me or added me on Facebook. It has never been the same, even with the people i would of classed as my 'best of friends'.
I am nearly 40 now, and have just realized that most NT do have decent ethics, most will talk behind your back, most will know something about you and not tell you (even if its false) and most will not miss you if you never contacted them again (unless you had something they wanted). On the other hand, i do care about other people, i feel terrible if i am not honest, i will stick up for you behind your back, i will reach out if they has been no contact and i feel abused when people do not treat me the same as i would treat them.
Thus i have learned that this 'small talk', such as how are you? is superficial and NT do not mean anything by it. It is a way of greasing the parts to make the conversation go easier. Nevertheless, while this small talk is easy for most NT, it is difficult and energy consuming for me (as an aspie), as it means keeping up, remembering certain details (to ask them next time), reflecting on back and future social events, in addition to getting through the actual social event. Due to this, the amount of energy i expand is far greater then they would ever imagine.
Last edited by techstepscientist on Wed Mar 07, 2012 2:30 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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enrico_dandolo
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 21, 2011
Posts: 866
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| Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:14 am Post subject: |
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I never think people like me, unless they give me a clear proof. The minimum necessary would be if that person were to talk to me and say something like: "I was thinking about what you said, and ..." Generally, there must be a proof that I exist to them even when I am not within their sight.
I would soooo like friendship contracts, sometimes! |
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