Frieslander
sin free lard
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Joined: Jan 08, 2011
Age: 42
Posts: 2735
Location: Michigan, USA
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 Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 8:40 am Post subject: talking to parents--whether ASD or not |
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| When talking to my dad and telling him of my efforts to find a job, he often says, "We appreciate your doing that" when I would rather he say "It's good that your do that". Am I splitting hairs? Why don't I want to hear him say what he DOES say? |
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goodwitchy
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 29, 2011
Posts: 785
Location: Interplanetary
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 9:40 am Post subject: |
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Just my opinion:
The first implies expectation (i.e.; that's normal and expected). It could be a slightly Narcissistic response. As if he is saying, "I've been the bread-winner and your extra income would be appreciated" - it centers the conversation around him.
The second would imply that he is proud of you, and you are taking steps to advance yourself and become financially independent.
Edit to add: my mom is Narcissistic. Impossible to please.
Edit to add 2: I'm sorry if I inadvertently killed your thread. It happens quite a bit 
_________________
Aspie score: 161 of 200
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 38 of 200
Autistic/BAP -123 aloof, 124 rigid and 108 pragmatic
Autism Spectrum quotient: 41, Empathy Quotient: 19
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AspieAshley
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 16, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 174
Location: Bloomington, MN
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| Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2012 12:12 pm Post subject: |
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"We appreciate that" might be encouraging you to look for the benefit of your parents rather than because it's the right thing to do in general. It's weird the subtle messages people can send with their choice of words, not just the "main" message.
By the way, I'm quite familar with idoms but I've never heard the "splitting hairs" one before. What do you mean by it?
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Letting go is not a skill--it's the lazy way out. The real skill is having the courage to stand up for yourself and demand justice.
I'm not mentally ill--the world is!
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Frieslander
sin free lard
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Joined: Jan 08, 2011
Age: 42
Posts: 2735
Location: Michigan, USA
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| Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2012 11:55 am Post subject: |
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| AspieAshley wrote: | "We appreciate that" might be encouraging you to look for the benefit of your parents rather than because it's the right thing to do in general. It's weird the subtle messages people can send with their choice of words, not just the "main" message.
By the way, I'm quite familar with idoms but I've never heard the "splitting hairs" one before. What do you mean by it? |
To me, "splitting hairs" is doing something unnecessary and overly parsing words.
Thanks for the reply. |
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