hanyo
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 01, 2011
Posts: 3461
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 Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 9:16 am Post subject: |
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I don't want or need friends any more.
When I was younger I might have wanted some but everyone hated me and I didn't know how to make friends.
In sixth grade a teacher wrote in a report about me "SHE IS A LONER" in huge letters and underlined multiple times. It's not like I had a choice. That was the same year the school counselor told me it was my fault that people treated me the way they did because of the way I acted. |
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infinitenull
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 01, 2012
Posts: 466
Location: Home in the desert
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 9:16 am Post subject: |
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I actually tend not to worry too much about close friendships much..
I am happy to network for professional reasons, and I tend to seek out communities/friends for special interests (like I hang out with car people in person for car-based events... but I do not talk to those people unless it is about cars)
Online however fills most of my need for friends... I am fine with the barrier that thousands of miles provide when interacting with others and find that my bods with internet people are pretty strong...
However in all of those cases (work, special interests, and online friends) I rarely even talk to them outside of the common medium that connects us...
For example, its possible that some day I'll consider someone here on this forum a very close friend, but I doubt that I'll ever communicate with any of you on IM programs, or other forums, etc... much less so: RL for that matter!
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er um... w.. eh... y.. you cant hear me um like.................. stammer on the internet ha ha ha  |
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LogiC
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 11, 2012
Posts: 36
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 9:19 am Post subject: |
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The lack of empathy thing, it means social empathy. If you see someone get hurt, just like most people, you may want to help. I've heard aspies may be more likely to help since they don't see the reason why you would politely ignore someone in distress.
Social empathy means things like asking how someone's weekend was, telling them how yours was. Saying hello each day you meet them. When they say something you inquire in the correct way. Little things like that. Aspies don't seem to get this whole small talk business though, and that is the lack of social empathy. |
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EXPECIALLY
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 21, 2011
Age: 29
Posts: 700
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 9:25 am Post subject: |
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Some people on the spectrum are actually more extroverted than I am as an NT so there's no rule about introversion, necessarily.
The thing is though, so many Aspies live in their own world. That's the same issue I have, it isn't like I don't enjoy people sometimes but I really have to come out of "my world" to engage with them and for me being in my world is just normal. It's how I learn, how I focus, I don't do as well in school when I come out of my world to socialize. It's hard to shift the focus and go back into my natural mode.
Some people are able to be in their own world and socialize at the same time, I think I've done this in the past but I'm not so good at it now.
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AD/HD BAP.
HDTV...
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WorldsEdge
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 14, 2009
Age: 49
Posts: 385
Location: Massachusetts
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 9:51 am Post subject: Re: Do aspies want friends or not? |
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| CaptainTrips222 wrote: | | I kinda (REALLY) wish researchers would point out that not all aspies are apathetic to friendship. |
Has this topic been researched? I'd be interested in reading the studies if you've got some links. tia.
Personally, I certainly wouldn't mind some friends, but I've thrown in the towel on trying to have any. It just seems like a wasted effort.
Plus at this point in my life I suspect there's an element of "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" going on. I've lived like I live for so long now I'm not sure I could easily hop off one path and onto another.
Meaning if -- for some bizarre reason -- somebody tried to make friends with me, w/the overtures coming from them, I'm honestly not sure how I would respond. There's probably a very good chance inertia would beat out my interest in having friends, and I'd not do much to make starting or maintaining a friendship worth their while. 'Course this all purely hypothetical. Hasn't happened, and I wouldn't bet it ever will.
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"The man who has fed the chicken every day throughout its life at last wrings its neck instead, showing that more refined views as to the uniformity of nature would have been useful to the chicken." — Bertrand Russell |
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Taybot97
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 23, 2012
Posts: 186
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 10:10 am Post subject: |
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| Of course I want friends. People I can trust and talk to, enjoy being around. I just don't happen to really have any. I have "friends" who I do like more than most but don't really connect with them. They are just there so I don't get too long or singled out as too weird. I've never had somebody who I would call friend because to me friend means more than to most NTs. The closest I have now lives halfway across the world. |
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pokerface
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 22, 2011
Age: 46
Posts: 600
Location: The Netherlands
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 10:50 am Post subject: |
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My need for soicial contacts has never been high. I am happiest when I am on my own because people scare the living daylights out of me. I don't always understand why people are doing the the things they do and how I am supposed to react to it all. The name 'Wrong planet' is very well chosen because that's how I feel most of the time, like I have landed on an unknown and very alien planet.
Last edited by pokerface on Fri Mar 09, 2012 10:58 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26056
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 10:57 am Post subject: |
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| This all depends on the individual. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 10:57 am Post subject: |
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I like having friends..trouble is I end up getting ostracized by most people...to the extent I am afraid of that happening even with current friends even though there is no reason they'd do that.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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pokerface
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 22, 2011
Age: 46
Posts: 600
Location: The Netherlands
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 11:01 am Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | I like having friends..trouble is I end up getting ostracized by most people...to the extent I am afraid of that happening even with current friends even though there is no reason they'd do that. |
Why do you get ostracized? You seem like nice person and I find you picture very endearing. |
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CaptainTrips222
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 31, 2009
Age: 31
Posts: 3021
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 11:05 am Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | I like having friends..trouble is I end up getting ostracized by most people...to the extent I am afraid of that happening even with current friends even though there is no reason they'd do that. |
Not to be a jerk about it, but people don't seem to need a reason to turn their back on someone. That's not what you wanted to hear, but I've learned that people are so unpredictable and irrational, even the strongest of friendships can suddenly fizzle. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 11:08 am Post subject: |
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| pokerface wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | I like having friends..trouble is I end up getting ostracized by most people...to the extent I am afraid of that happening even with current friends even though there is no reason they'd do that. |
Why do you get ostracized? You seem like nice person and I find you picture very endearing. |
Not sure entirely.....I just seem to piss people off and get taken advantage of a lot and I guess some people wish I would just shut up and pretend to be happy even if I'm feeling quite miserable or go away.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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MakaylaTheAspie
Zodai's girl
Joined: Jun 22, 2011
Age: 16
Posts: 12822
Location: Aus den USA
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 11:09 am Post subject: |
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Correction: I want people I enjoy being around to be my friends, not the occasional "Hey, how's it goin'? Good. Bye".
It gets old after awhile. 
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 11:11 am Post subject: |
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| CaptainTrips222 wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | I like having friends..trouble is I end up getting ostracized by most people...to the extent I am afraid of that happening even with current friends even though there is no reason they'd do that. |
Not to be a jerk about it, but people don't seem to need a reason to turn their back on someone. That's not what you wanted to hear, but I've learned that people are so unpredictable and irrational, even the strongest of friendships can suddenly fizzle. |
True, humans can be quite irrational creatures.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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Cogs
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 13, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 830
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| Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 11:45 am Post subject: |
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| EXPECIALLY wrote: |
The thing is though, so many Aspies live in their own world. That's the same issue I have, it isn't like I don't enjoy people sometimes but I really have to come out of "my world" to engage with them and for me being in my world is just normal. It's how I learn, how I focus, I don't do as well in school when I come out of my world to socialize. It's hard to shift the focus and go back into my natural mode.
Some people are able to be in their own world and socialize at the same time, I think I've done this in the past but I'm not so good at it now. |
Could someone please clarify what this 'own world' concept is? And how is it different from NT? Thanks |
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