Solvejg
i wear a fez now, fez's are cool
Joined: Mar 03, 2011
Posts: 6180
Location: gallifrey
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 Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 12:23 am Post subject: |
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I stare. I had it drilled into me as a child to look at people when they talk to you. One of my things in my diagnosis is "too intense gaze". I stare but I don't actually look at eyes and stare at peoples noses.
It doesn't help that I forget to blink when really excited and talking about a special interest.
It was a shock to me when I realised after a few weeks of dating my boyfriend what colour his eyes are. |
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mackieG13
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 08, 2012
Posts: 41
Location: Illinois, USA
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| Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 8:25 am Post subject: |
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Eye contact used to be a huge problem for me, but my mother intervened when I was young, and now I don't have much of a problem, it's just staring.
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The cake is a lie. |
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resonate
Butterfly
Joined: Dec 31, 2011
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 11:45 pm Post subject: they have contacts for that... |
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I overcame the eye contact thing by wearing irlen contact lenses... When just wearing my regular glasses though, I cant maintain eye contact still.
I honestly thought irlen lenses were BS for years... but now I rely on them heavily. |
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Declension
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 21, 2012
Posts: 1654
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| Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 11:52 pm Post subject: |
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I was only diagnosed quite recently. Before I was diagnosed, I honestly had no idea that I was bad at eye contact! It had just never occurred to me. But as soon as I learned that it was a common symptom, I started to notice that in fact, I avoid eye contact with others far more than they do with me.
Now that I am more conscious of my own eye contact, I make more of an effort. It doesn't feel "natural" for me to look people in the eyes, but I do it anyway. The one exception is when I am talking about something quite personal or embarrassing (e.g. if I am talking about my Asperger's). Then I find it more difficult to make eye contact. But that is a normal thing, I think. |
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Selena
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 10, 2012
Posts: 63
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| Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 8:02 pm Post subject: |
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| Most of the time I have no problem with eye contact. However, if someone seems hostile, or if I have witnessed them doing unkind things, I have a hard time looking at them. Also sometimes if I feel very tired, depressed or stressed out, I forget to make eye contact in brief conversations, something I know makes me seem brusque or rude. |
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Arlie
Butterfly
Joined: Sep 12, 2011
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 7:34 am Post subject: |
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I used to not make much eye contact, not because I wasn’t sure how to but I felt like the other person could see right onto me and felt really exposed and uncomfortable when I did. I knew it seemed a bit irrational because body language and facial expressions give things away and I can’t hide things just by not making eye contact, and you can miss out on some of the other person’s non-verbal clues.
I could, and still can, make good eye contact when lying and found it easy, which apparently lots of people naturally wouldn’t.
I had a close family friend help me overcome it because in her culture eye contact is very important. She encourages my siblings who are NTs but a little on the shy side to make eye contact too.
I guess it took a while to get there but at the same time it felt quite sudden when I did. I'm not sure if it would have been something I could gradually overcome on my own or if I did need someone to gently help me.
I’ve noticed there is still one person that I can’t make eye contact with at all, but that’s someone I feel uneasy with generally.
Also if I’m having to really think about what I’m saying or I have to try hard to get the jumble in my head out into understandable English I find it much easier to look away. |
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GumbyLives
Phoenix
Joined: May 31, 2010
Age: 52
Posts: 768
Location: LV-426
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| Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 11:41 pm Post subject: |
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When I was young I had a really hard time with eye contact, but I pushed myself to learn to do it because it really bugs people when we don't (makes us look weird, dishonest, whatever). I got better at it, but it was still painful for many years. These days it doesn't usually bother me, but I love being around other aspies because I can relax.
_________________
I would rather have my liver pecked out by a giant crow than spend a day at the mall. But I'd pay money to see a giant crow eat a mall.
Your Aspie score: 155 of 200 * Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 49 of 200 * You are very likely an Aspie |
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GumbyLives
Phoenix
Joined: May 31, 2010
Age: 52
Posts: 768
Location: LV-426
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| Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 11:42 pm Post subject: |
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When I was young I had a really hard time with eye contact, but I pushed myself to learn to do it because it really bugs people when we don't (makes us look weird, dishonest, whatever). I got better at it, but it was still painful for many years. These days it doesn't usually bother me, but I love being around other aspies because I can relax.
_________________
I would rather have my liver pecked out by a giant crow than spend a day at the mall. But I'd pay money to see a giant crow eat a mall.
Your Aspie score: 155 of 200 * Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 49 of 200 * You are very likely an Aspie |
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ebec11
If only I could fly...
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 7029
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
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| Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 12:40 am Post subject: |
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Eye contact is one of the few things I haven't mastered yet, especially when I'm excited, nervous, upset, or otherwise not able to focus on everything I'm supposed to be doing.
I want to fix it for nervous the most, since I want job interviews and other nerve-wracking things to go better. And eye contact does help. |
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Pook
Velociraptor
Joined: Aug 07, 2008
Posts: 412
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| Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:15 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry no good advice to give as I pretty much suck at it  Mine has seriously deteriorated over the years sad to say. |
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Kiseki
I just ran out of Band-Aids
Joined: May 30, 2010
Age: 33
Posts: 1604
Location: Osaka JP
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| Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2012 4:30 am Post subject: |
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I have no real problem with it, but I stare, especially if I find someone interesting-looking. Sometimes I seem to forget that people are people and not artwork.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 161 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 55 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie |
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kritie
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 11, 2012
Posts: 35
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:42 am Post subject: |
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| My therapist (who is also an MD) gave me a great suggestion that has helped a lot. Just glance at the person's forehead when you or they get to the end of a sentence. It usually seems to be enough to make them feel that eye contact connection and is still short enough to keep me from getting overloaded. It takes a bit of practice but it's doable. |
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Neoninja
Butterfly
Joined: Mar 02, 2012
Posts: 14
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:37 am Post subject: |
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| I got a weird thing with eyecontact...It's how I gauge emotions and personalities. If someone is calm and I'm calm I can make eyecontact no problem even if it is someone I just met. But if it's someone I don't like or I feel is judging me looking making eyecontact makes me feel like I'm giving them unhinder access to my soul. If it's a girl, I may think her eye's are beautiful. If that's true, I'll feel nervious, almost like my heart is melting. Or even like compairing ours souls where mine would be a drop of water before a giant ocean. Kind like a "I'm undeserving to look into something so beautiful. So I'll constantly break eye-contact and re-establish it over and over, she may think something's wrong or she has something on her face. Did that whole thing sound just as corny as it did in my head? |
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dizzywater
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 04, 2012
Posts: 194
Location: sitting by the computer
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| Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2012 1:10 pm Post subject: |
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Eye contact depends on a few things for me.
My tip is to look when you can, even just glances and PICK ONE EYE. Sounds strange, but it really worked for me. I used to look all over the face and people notice that, so now I only look in the left eye, always, then look away, then look back. It honestly seems more natural because you are seeming confident rather than nervously indecisive about where you look.
The other factors for me are;
First is how comfortable I feel with the person, huge difference in my ability depends on whether I feel comfortable or uncomfortable.
Second is who is talking, I can look in the eyes (well left eye) if I'm listening, especially if they look somewhere else. It can get too much if they are also making eye contact & I feel myself staring, but I don't think its very noticable to them.
If I'm talking I can't make eye contact and make sense at the same time, so I look up into the left eye at the END of each sentence, after the words are out. However if I'm talking about a special interest I forget eye contact, almost forget the other person is there once I get going, but that would have to be someone I'm really comfortable with to start with so they don't mind, I think. |
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mntn13
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 07, 2011
Posts: 1006
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| Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:28 pm Post subject: |
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There was a time when I could make fairly decent eye contact. But I don't do it well anymore.
Had to take an animal of mine to the vet today and I made myself look at people when they ask me questions, but it is extremely brief. ( I pace, too, because I'm nervous being around people; usually the only 'people' who feel comfortable with me are ... animals.) |
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